Disclaimer: Torchwood and Primeval belong to the BBC. The Skippy List isn't mine either, but you know what? I have bananas. And bananas are good!

This is an adaptation of the Skippy list to suit my needs. Most points on the list will have their own chapter unless I want to mash them together.

What Jack is No Longer Allowed To Do At Torchwood

Chapter Six

…

Ianto Note: Jack is not allowed to play "James Bond" with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer other than in the privacy of our own home.

…

Naked hide and seek. This was only one of many games Jack had invented in the throws of complete boredom. Ianto didn't generally complain about his boyfriends plans. On the contrary, he was usually very encouraging when the games were kept between the two. Their little secret. Something that they ddin't have to share with the rest of the team. Life outside of Torchwood.

So when Jack began to play their secret games with other members of the team, Ianto lost it.

It had started during the Jonah Bevin fiasco. Inviting Gwen to naked hide and seek. Though he had shrugged it off in front of the Welshwoman, he had given Jack hell in private. The captain's now irrational fear of police officers and their batons never failed to give Owen a laugh.

This however, was unforgivable.

It wasn't a dangerous day. No, miraculously the sun was out and shining, birds sang, and Tosh and Ianto had taken advantage of the day with lunch on the Plass. They were having a quiet laugh about past alien encounters when Ianto suddenly couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. All the blood had rushed south. Jack Harkness was striding towards them in a tightly fitted suit.

All eyes were on the dashing American as he drew closer; a man on a mission. Ianto knew he wasn't dreaming. If he had been, the Plass would have been empty and he would have been naked. But the proof was coming closer in broad daylight.

"Mr. Jones," he spoke once he made it to their table. His voice was low, and made Ianto do a double take. Scottish. Jack was speaking in a bloody Scottish accent.

"Jack, what are-"

Jack grabbed his hand and pulled the stunned Welshman to his feet. "I'm afraid you'll have to come with me."

Tosh rose from her seat timidly. "Jack? Are you all right?"

Without a word, Jack drew a neon-green gun with a safety tip from his jacket and fired at her forehead. Ianto didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed. Perfectly centered on Tosh's temple was a suction dart. But he had no time for questions as Jack was sprinting away like a mad man, dragging Ianto along with him.

The two men ran down to the pier then under the docks. Before Ianto could demand explanation, Jack had him pinned to a wooden beam. Hands groped his buttocks as Jack's tongue invaded him mouth, mapping the familiar territory. But as was the day's theme, Jack pulled away before Ianto could do anything.

"What the hell are you doing?" he panted.

There was no reply. Just Jack sinking to his knees. Undoing Ianto's belt buckle.

"Christ cariad, if you don't tell me what the fuck is wrong with you I swear to god I will put you on decaf for a year!"

All movement stopped dead. With a sigh of relief Ianto redid his buckle and pulled Jack to his feet.

"Now tell me, what is possible going through your head right now?"

Eat-shit grin. Beautiful, soft lips stretching over perfect white teeth. "Be my Bond-boy, Mr. Jones?"

Ianto smiled, undoing Jack's tie. "Only if you're my Bond-boy tonight, Mr. Harkness."

It's a wild update! Catch it before it disappears!

Wow, how long has it been for this chapter (and one that is far too short)? My apologies. I have a lot going on right now but I'm working on updating more!