Year 5

(Lavender Brown)

"Oi, Brown!" Seamus' voice calls from one of the compartments on the Express. You almost don't recognize it, it's lower. "You ready for this year?"

You turn slowly and shoot him a catlike grin.

The Yule Ball changes things. You and Seamus are friends now.

It's not so surprising. You're not as different from his as you previously thought. Last year led to the discovery of a shared humor and dislike of schoolwork. The fact that you also find him attractive plays a part as well.

"More than you Seamus slacker Finnigan." You say. His head pokes farther out of the compartment door. You were looking for Parvati, and you know you can't sit with him because he must be with Dean. And Parvati would blatantly refuse sitting with him due to last year and the fact that Dean didn't ask Parvati to the Yule Ball.

"Thought my name was Flammable Finnigan?"

You giggle. "Fine. You can be Seamus slacker Flammable Finnigan."

"It's a bit long, don't you think?"

You shrug, but you love this back and forth you're having. His hair looks a bit shorter than it did last year. His eyes are the same, though.

"Come sit with me." He says. You're secretly taken aback and rather intrigued by his charming new voice and conversation, but you don't let your guard down.

"Can't. I'm looking for Parvati."

"She's probably just sitting with her sister! Come on, please?"

You enter his compartment, and Dean is nowhere to be found. You're pleased to discover that aside from his haircut and dropped voice, he looks taller as well, skin slightly tanned. His hair doesn't fall in his eyes anymore, which you almost miss, but now you can see those eyes clearly at all times.

"Where's Dean?"

"Dunno." He says.

"So, how was your summer?" You ask.

His face darkens a little. "Rubbish, actually. My mam almost didn't let me come back this year, 'cause of..." He motioned to the Daily Prophet sitting next to you on the seat, with Harry Potter on the front page.

You pick it up, having not been reading during the summer. Your father subscribes to the Prophet, but he has it sent to his office now. "Harry... Plotter?"

"Saying he made it all up, about You-Know-Who." Seamus says, staring down at the ground. His eyes are angry looking, and you don't like that.

"Well, you don't honestly believe this, do you?" You ask with a giggle, but his face doesn't change.

"My family does. Everyone's getting really scared, and -"

At that moment, Dean entered the compartment. "Hello Lavender."

You smile. "Hi Dean."

He stares at Seamus for a moment before turning back to you. "Er, Parvati's looking for you. Out in the hallway." He says.

You smile once more at Seamus before leaving the compartment, still a bit uneasy about Seamus' expression and this whole Harry Potter lying thing.

Seamus has a falling out with Harry, and it's safe to say that that creates a huge rift through the fifth year Gryffindors. You try to stay as out of it as you can you've got your own drama to tend to, what with Su Li wearing the same shoes as you, but it's unavoidable.

You believe Harry and what he said because... well, you saw Cedric Diggory with your own eyes. He was obviously dead, murdered. But Seamus is determined and won't be deterred from his opinions.

Though you stay friends with him and sometimes Dean, much to Parvati's dislike.

It's a little hard watching him flirt with other girls, but you bite your lip and convince yourself that you will not be made a fool of by acting jealous. It's a new thing you're trying.

"What do you call a magical flower with sharp teeth?"

"Fanged Geranium." He says confidently, throwing a balled up piece of parchment into the air and catching it with one hand. The two of you sit in the common room, studying for the OWLs. They're not for months, but you elect to start studying now. Specifically with Seamus.

"And they caused what Muggle war? and between who?"

He looks at you worriedly. "Ach... War of... some flower... um... War of The Daisies?"

You laugh loudly. "No, Finnigan, the War of the Roses. Do you remember who it was between?"

"Some bloody stuck-up gents in England, I dunno!" He says, rolling over to his original position and throwing the ball of parchment once more. "Can't we review something easier? Like... I dunno, Transfiguration?"

"You hate Transfiguration."

"Yeah, but it's all just spells and practical stuff. Herbology and History of Magic are all dates and names, and shite that doesn't matter." He says. You shake your head at him, even though you completely agree.

No boy has ever just wanted to be friends with you. Well, there was Dean, but that was simply because he so obviously fancied Parvati, and obviously you're going to be friends with the best friend of the girl you fancy. Or you thought that, until he didn't ask Parvati to the Yule Ball in time. But besides him, any boy that has ever been nice to you has always asked you for a date, or just a snog.

And why did fate make it so that the boy you wanted to date and snog just wanted to be friends?

There's an announcement that every fifth year student will have to have a meeting with their Head of house about their plans for the future.

Besides the OWLs in the near future and hopefully lining up a boyfriend for this year, you don't know what you want to do after Hogwarts. You think you'll just marry rich, like your mum, and spend your days looking beautiful and gardening and throwing parties and gossiping. You aren't worried.

"So, Hermione said that everyone was supposed to meet at Hogs Head." Parvati says.

"For what again?"

"I don't know, but Hogs Head is gross. Still, everyone's going..."

The two of you decide to check it out, especially since it's top secret, and you just love secrets.

Everyone shows up in this dingy, dirty room, and Hermione tells you all about what they want to do. Harry, teaching practical Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons because Umbridge won't teach them. Hermione says you all need them because You-Know-Who really is back and need to be prepared.

Everyone is obviously skeptical.

But after some talking, people start to nod their heads.

You think about it. It has never crossed your mind, doing something like this. It's so very brave and political and important, and secretive, but not in a gossipy secret-but-not-secret way. It's a chance to do something really great, something bigger than yourself.

Something in your heart ignites at the possibility. It's confusing, being excited about something that isn't about you.

But when the time comes, you sign your name right under Parvati's.

Almost everyone in Gryffindor joins.

Seamus doesn't.

It's obvious he feels left out, and you still try to speak to him about it. He won't change his mind, even if he does look forlornly as everyone sneaks out to the meetings.

You love being in the group.

Dumbledore's Army. You never thought yourself a warrior, and you still aren't really. You're just a teenage girl playing at imaginary wars. But you like the meetings, the whispers, the comradery. You learn spells you never even imagined yourself learning.

You feel strong. It's a new feeling, something big. But you like it.

The only problem is that it's creating a wall against you and Seamus. He talks to you less and less as the meetings wear on. You grow tired and fed up of seeing him actually going out on dates (only a few, but it might as well be millions). You go out on one, with a boy named Tony from the grade above.

He's sweet, with his straight-toothed smile and short, brown hair. He's muggleborn, and loves dogs.

But he doesn't make you laugh once.

There isn't a second date.

Winter break is dully ineventful. Your great aunt is staying with you, which makes your mum on edge. She drinks more frequently now, and only speaks in one-word sentences to you. Your father is also home more often, but when he speaks to you he feels like a stranger.

You wish you could get back to Hogwarts and Dumbledore's Army already.

The girls and you are sitting in the library, whispering and giggling about boys. It's hardly full, being a Thursday, and since you're not all in the same house, you took the opportunity.

"What about Seamus Finnigan?" Hannah Abott asks.

"Seamus Finnigan? Oh, he's fit." Marietta Edgecomb says, giggling. She turns the page in Witch Weekly, where the headline shouts "Up Close And Personal Interview With Stubby Boardman, Lead Singer of The Hobgoblins.

You remember how you heard Seamus remarking to Dean about Marietta Edgecomb in a tight dress.

Suddenly, you want to stab Marietta Edgecomb.

"Didn't you go to the Yule Ball with him, Lav?" Fay asks.

"As friends." You say, hating every syllable of the sentence. You hope it comes out casually. Everyone buys it.

But Parvati. Who looks at you pointedly, but says nothing.

"How about Dean Thomas?" You suggest meanly. Parvati glares at you, but you don't acknowledge her.

"Oh yes, he's definitely cute." says Fay. Hannah, Marietta, Cho and Patty all nod. Parvati purses her lips and goes back to this month's star chart, claiming that she thinks the alignment of Venus and Mars will bring confusion between love and hate.

He joins.

You feel your heart burst.

Watching him finally apologize to Harry, finally join the group, makes you so happy. While he practices spells, he sees you out of the corner of his eye and smiles.

You grin back, adjusting the bow in your hair.

You wonder if he might fancy you. He does all the things Witch Weekly says mean that a boy fancies you, like carrying your books to class or asking to study together. And he is kind to you.

But then you think that he's just trying to be a good friend, and he's one of those boys who's always overflowing with chivalry. If it had been any other boy, it would have been different. And you would have gone through the motions, the batting of eyelashes and giggling. You'd throw out your net and no doubt bait the boy. Then you'd trick him into asking you out (because sometimes they're just too nervous to ask consciously themselves). You'd have a great date and then some snogging, and he'd be yours to either reel in or toss back out.

But it's Seamus, and he's proving to be anything but the average fish.

You hate Professor Umbridge even more, if it was possible, when she fires Trelawney.

You cry and cry with Parvati, because Professor Trelawney was your favorite teacher. She was the only one who made you excited about any school subject, and she really was a seer and how dare Umbridge sack her!

Dumbledore cuts in, luckily, and makes sure that Umbridge doesn't banish her from the grounds, so she can still live at Hogwarts.

Firenze is a good teacher, but you still miss Professor Trelawney a lot.

Someone snitches on the DA.

And it's over. You don't know what you'll do now, but you have to go through with the punishment. You can't believe what's happening, there's got to be a way to stop it.

You wince and bite your lip as you're forced to write more on the paper and it transfers onto the back of your hand.

You look over to Seamus, who's next to you. His mouth is set into a straight line, and his face shows no reaction as his hand turns red and the words are scratched into him. He's so brave, you wish you were brave like him.

You want to scream. How can this be happening? How had you gotten yourself into this?

You vainly let a tear escape your eye.

After you're released, you want to run to Parvati, but for some reason you can't find her.

Someone grabs your wrist, though. It's Seamus.

He doesn't say anything. He just holds your hand, thumb ghosting over the fresh cuts of words on the back of your hand that burn like hell. He smiles a half smile, and it makes you believe everything might be ok.

The day of the OWLs you sit down next to Parvati, staring at the test that you're sure you're not going to ace. Though it doesn't really matter, you know your mum and dad won't care, and you really have no idea what you want to be when you grow up. Others, like Hermione Granger, are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

They're definitely hard. You don't know some of the answers, but you put down your best guess. You've got your lucky pink quill, you'll turn out alright.

You and Parvati actually sit with Dean and Seamus on the train ride home. It's awkward between your best friend and Dean, but she wants to prove that she can handle being around him. You spend the ride discussing trends with Parvati and rolling your eyes when Seamus and Dean start fighting about Quidditch again. It's fun, and everyone's feeling light after the OWLs are finally over.

When you get off the train, Parvati gives you a bone-crushing hug, and Dean a polite one-armed hug. The both of them start off through the crowd on the platform, Parvati walking seemingly coolly and unaffected in front of him.

You turn to Seamus, watching him watching you. The two of you are alone in a crowd, and all you can do is stare into his handsome greenish blue eyes.

And Merlin, he's looking at you in that way and you feel your heart speed up as he leans close to you.

And then he kisses you. Just like that. He presses his lips to yours and you feel so happy you could scream. Finally.

You forget that you're in a very public train platform full of parents and younger children.

The kiss is sweet and tentative, and tender. Starkly different from the usual hot and heavy kisses you've shared with all the others. His hands pull you possessively closer to him. You sigh softly, letting your fingers wind through his sand-colored, surprisingly soft hair.

He pulls away, staring at you tentatively. But then something changes in his face, and the biggest grin stretches over his face. For the first time when dealing with boys, you feel genuinely confused. He was going rogue, differing the normal dating boy-girl ritual. The kiss was a surprise, and you worry if you might've had breakfast breath, or that you forgot to put on that extra spritz of perfume today.

You see your dad standing behind him looking at you disapprovingly, and suddenly feel the need to flee. You leave Seamus standing there, in the same place he kissed you, taking off with your father.

He doesn't say anything, doesn't bring up the fact that he saw you kissing a boy, but you stubbornly hold onto the fact that he even gave any sort of attention to anything you've done.

(Seamus Finnigan)

You took the first compartment you saw, not having spotted Dean anywhere yet and wanting to get away from Mam. You feel low, and you exhaustedly throw down your things.

It's not until you see a familiar head of dark blond hair that your spirits lift.

"Oi, Brown!" You call impulsively after her down the hallway of the train. She stops. "You ready for this year?"

She turns slowly, dramatically, smiling at you in that sexy, feral way she always seems to do.

"More than you Seamus slacker Finnigan." She says, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She looks beautiful, standing with her hand on her hip, wearing signature pink.

"Thought my name was Flammable Finnigan?" You reply.

She giggles. "Fine. You can be Seamus slacker Flammable Finnigan."

"It's a bit long, don't you think?"

You ask her to come sit with you, and she does. She asks how your summer was.

You hesitate, but decide to tell her the truth.

"Rubbish, actually. My mam almost didn't let me come back this year, 'cause of..." You motion to the copy of the Daily Prophet that was previously being waved in front of your face by your mother.

She stares at it and reads the headline incredulously. "Harry... Plotter?"

"Saying he made it all up, about You-Know-Who."

"Well, you don't honestly believe this, do you?" She asks, lightly giggling.

You shift. "My family does. Everyone's getting really scared, and -"

But Dean finally opens the door to the compartment, flustered, saying, "Hello Lavender."

"Hi Dean."

He stares at you, asking with his eyes if you want him to bugger off, but you convey back that it's fine. "Er, Parvati's looking for you. Out in the hallway." Dean says.

She smiles at you, leaving quickly, but it isn't all the way genuine.

You turn over in bed again, making the old springs squeak.

Maybe you shouldn't have yelled at Harry.

Well, why shouldn't you have? It's because of his lying and stories that you had to beg your mam not to take you out of Hogwarts altogether! Bloody Harry Potter, he was probably lying to have more glory, it wasn't enough that he'd survived a bloody killing curse!

You block out the shouting and berating your mam gave you even as you walked through the wall to the platform, the tired and pained looks your dad gave you when you would fight back, the scared looks Fina gave you when you would storm upstairs, leaving your parents yelling after you.

It's all Harry's fault.

There's an announcement that every fifth year student will have to have a meeting with their Head of house about their plans for the future.

It's safe to say that half of the class promptly panics. Besides those that knows what they want, like Ernie MacMillan wishing to work at the Ministry, or Fay Dunbar babbling about Auror training.

"Where do you think you'll be headed after graduation?" You ask Dean as you walk to class.

"I think I'd like to go to art school." He says thoughtfully. "You?"

"I..." You, truthfully, have no idea. You think becoming an Auror sounds wicked, but somewhere down in you you know you want a job where you could spend time with your hopefully big family.

You angrily bat your book off the table, kicking your legs up to lean on the table in front of you. The only Gryffindors besides you in the common room are a few first years playing chess. They jump when the book hits the floor.

Everyone else is in Hogsmeade. Meeting with bloody Harry Potter.

Neville, Parvati, Lavender. Even Dean went.

You put your head down on the wood table, shutting your eyes tightly and balling up your fists. You wonder when everything got so complicated, and why you didn't have any warning.

The whole Lavender situation this year gets better and worse.

Better in the way that you two talk almost as much as you talk to Dean, you study with her, you make her laugh. She's... well, besides Dean, she's your best friend. Though it gets increasingly hard to think of her as a friend when she wears a button less buttoned on her school shirts than any of the other girls and she constantly smells delicious.

Worse in the way that you really just want to snog her senseless constantly, but don't. And in the way that her, along with Dean and all your other friends, have shacked up with Harry in a secret society that seems to meet almost every day. She tells you how you should give it a chance, maybe hear what Harry has to say, and you stubbornly change the subject.

You go on a few dates, mostly to try to distract yourself. And maybe it's a little to see if she gets jealous.

She doesn't, though.

But you do, especially when she goes out with that tosser Tony. Though it's only once and when you casually asked her about it she said he was a bore, but it still hurt seeing her all made up to go out with another bloke.

The sting of the Yule Ball and Ivan are still very present in your heart.

You read Harry's interview in the Quibbler.

Something changes. You tell him you're sorry, and that you believe him.

Winter break passes quickly, and before you know it, you're finally accompanying Dean to one of the infamous Dumbledore's Army meetings.

You find that you like it quite a bit. You actually manage to produce a full patronus, something that you hadn't even imagined in your dreams.

It's also worth it to see Lavender smile like that at you.

Before you know it, it's over.

Umbridge finds out about Dumbledore's Army, about everything. Next thing you know, you're sitting a large room with all the other members, watching the skin on the back of your hand being magically carved into by some invisible knife.

But you refuse to give any indication of pain. It would satisfy Umbridge far too much.

You sneak a peak at Lavender. She looks like she's trying very hard not to cry, stopping every two seconds to check her hand or look away. Suddenly, you feel enraged, like you could rip this whole room apart, like you could rip a whole world apart, because there was nothing you could do to stop her from feeling pain.

After finally, finally, finally it's over, you immediately follow Lavender. She runs out, no doubt looking around for Parvati. You grab her wrist, making her stop and turn to you. And her eyes are so hurt and you're so angry, you should have protected her from this. You don't know what to say, you've never been good with words, so you say nothing. You smile at her sadly, and letting your thumb ghost over the freshly-made cuts on the back of her hand.

You wish you could make it ok.

After that, you make a point to look out for her, make sure she's alright. You know she was cut up about Trelawney being sacked, but there's something else about her. You do stare at her in class sometimes, but not quite so close. Maybe at the flash of skin that showed when she sat down between her skirt and knee socks, maybe the way she sucked on the top of her quill... but this was different.

You don't think she's happy. She smiles, yeah, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes most of the time. Her conversations are standard, meticulously planned out to take about the same amount of time, giving and taking different details of personal life, before she would leave. When she walked alone in the hallway, though, her smile faded.

You asked her once if she was okay, and she only smiled and said, "Of course." and then changed the subject.

Your conversations remain light, joking, poking fun at one another. But sometimes they'll descend into something almost profound, like your recent shared hatred of "the system". It's all different and new for you, talking to her in a serious way you only ever speak to Dean in.

But you like it just the same.

The OWLs are stressful, to say the least. You think you'll barely scrape by, having only known the answers to around a eight-tenths of the questions. You know your mam will be furious if you fail, but your dad will just ruffle your hair and say that it was alright. At least, that was what would happen if it had been last year. You're not really sure of the relationship between you and your parents anymore. It's scary, and you push that thought out of your head.

You're overjoyed when testing is over, spending the rest of the day throwing around the Quaffle with Dean outside.

The year ends in a haze of heat, and it's a nice train ride home. Dean talks some, but is quiet because Parvati and Lavender sit with them. You know he's still a bit cut up about Parvati going with Harry to the Yule Ball last year, and Parvati doesn't seem to keen to talk to him either. So you talk to him mostly, but some to Lavender too. She looks sad to be going home, but keeps smiling.

Finally, when students exit the train cars and the platform fills with, "Mum! Dad!" and "Watch your step!" and "Has anyone seen a toad? I've lost it!", you prepare to say goodbye. Dean and Parvati quickly say their goodbyes, before Parvati walks away. Dean awkwardly follows, having to go that way anyway.

And there's a moment where it's just you and Lavender, and you're just simply looking at each other. A smile pulls at the corner of her perfect pink lips. She looks so beautiful, against the drab Kings Cross station of beige and grays.

And you just kiss her. You don't know why this moment, but you do, and it was impulsive. Thinking back on it, you can't understand if you had the courage to kiss her in the middle of a crowded train station that you couldn't just ask her to the Yule Ball last year. Her lips are soft, so soft, and she smells really girly, like a meadow full of flowers.

The kiss is sweet and tentative. Your hands pull her towards you and rest on her lower back, tickled by the ends of her long hair. And she's kissing you back and her fingers wind through your hair, and she sighs softly.

You feel like you're running out of air, you haven't ever kissed a girl for this long before. You pull away and take a breath, which comes out embarrassingly like a gasp.

She's standing there, lips a little redder than they were before, mouth a tiny bit open, eyes widened, staring at you confusedly.

You're grinning like an idiot.

Her gaze shifts to something behind you, and she runs away, leaving you with a quick, "Um, bye Seamus!"

You turn, bewilderedly, and see her talking to a posh-looking man, and he takes her trunk. They leave.

"Y'arite Shay?" Mam's voice asks behind you. The whole fam's here to pick you up, Maddy, Fina, Ferguson, and Dad. They look a bit fearful though, so you smile and say of course, and follow them on the way out of the station.

Though you can't help staring back hazily at the retreating figure of Lavender Brown.

A/N: Long chapter. I haven't updated in a while, but I finished this so I thought I'd throw this up. Please enjoy! Also, disclaimer, this might not be canon-compliant. I tried to be as accurate as possible, but I haven't read OotP in a year, so... yeah.

Please review!