The Road to Middle-Earth
A fanfiction by MushrooomsPTook
Disclaimer: I own nothing. You might as well say it owns me!
A/N – I have no medical experience, nor have I treated any serious illnesses. Please do not follow this kind of advice when dealing with sicknesses and seek medical advice instead. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. This is merely just speculation and improvisation.
Chapter Fourteen: Cousins
I awoke to a dark room after an uncomfortable sleep, and my eyes seemed to be glued shut, so that it was very difficult to open them for a moment. When I did, all my surroundings seemed to be in disarray. Tom's bed was vacant, but an open jar of salve and some discarded bandages lay at the foot of the bed. Charming was no longer laying next to me, but there were stray feathers lying on my pillow. A tray of food had been laid down at the corner table, and by the door sat an empty chair. I felt suddenly cold as I realized that the biggest thing missing was my Alice. I gave a start, remembering all the events that had taken place so quickly within the last few days. I threw off my covers and rushed to the door, anxious to see my cousin.
A knock at the door stopped me suddenly and carefully I opened it. Bert smiled at me, though he looked very tired, and in his hands was a cup of coffee.
"Evenin', Miss Alayna," he greeted quietly. I said nothing, but looked past him anxiously at the closed door across the hallway. "Now, I know what yer thinkin', but ya need ta eat. You haven't eaten all day, ya know."
"All day? What do you mean?"
"Ya been asleep since this mornin'. I reckoned ye was quite exhausted from the activity, so I didn't bother wakin' ya."
"But Bert—I thought..." I sighed, giving up the argument for the moment. "Is she any better?"
Bert's face suddenly fell to a somber expression. "I wish I could say yes, Miss Alayna, but—"
I didn't bother waiting for him to finish his sentence, but pushed past him, pausing briefly, before opening the door to the next room. I walked into the sick environment slowly, taking in every detail carefully: William's open medical bag, the stained floorboards, the numerous recently emptied basins, the soiled sheets. Tom and Charming were huddled together on the other bed, Tom having wrapped his arms around Charming. They lifted their faces as soon as they saw me, pausing their mournful sobs momentarily to sniffle. Tom's eyes were red and a tear traced its way down his cheek. Moments later, the nurse came in with dark circles under her eyes. She was in a hurry as she entered the doorway, carrying a set of new sheets, panting and looking altogether exhausted. She halted when she saw me.
"Oh. Yer awake, Ma'am," she stuttered nervously, and then resumed her responsibilities, stripping the grimy bed, and hastily remaking it with the fresh sheets.
I grabbed her arm. "Where is she?"
The nurse took a breath and sighed. "The doctor's getting' her bathed. She just had another fit." The nurse studied my face before continuing hastily, "but don't ya fret, Ma'am. He's doin' everythin' he can."
I stiffened briefly but hurried down the hall before the nurse could stop me. As I entered the washroom, my nose took in a horrid smell of vomit and urine, and I immediately saw Alice slumped over in the basin. Her breathing was strained as she stooped over, unconscious, and her lips were blue. The doctor's sleeves were rolled up and he looked up at me, quite startled, especially when he saw my face pale.
He rose from his squatting position after examining my face. "Deep breaths, Alayna. She's—"
"What have you done to her!" I rushed toward my cousin's paralyzed body and lifted her out of the water. Her head rolled back against my shoulder and the labored breaths injected a new level of fear into my heart. Her hair looked black against her clammy forehead. "Alice! Speak to me."
The nurse rushed in, and together she and the doctor pried my limp cousin out of my arms, the doctor assuring me he would explain everything as soon as she was dried off and tucked in bed. As I followed the doctor back to the room, tears swelled in my eyes at the sight of Alice's body. She looked dead. Upon reaching the room, I pulled back the fresh sheets and helped to tuck in my cousin. I took a seat next to the bed, caressing her face and holding her hand, kissing it on occasion.
"Give us some privacy, won't ya, lads?" Tom and Charming lifted their heads as they realized the doctor was speaking to them. Wordlessly, Tom hopped off the bed and began limping out of the room with Charming tucked under his arm. They continued their sobs, and I knew something was wrong if William was allowing Tom to walk on his feet. "Alayna," began the doctor grimly, taking a seat across from me. "We've done all we could.
"What—what is that supposed to mean, you've done all you could?" William bit his lip. "Why is she getting worse?"
The doctor took my hands in his. "I don't want ya to go blamin' yerself. None o' this is yer fault. But ye've got ta understa—"
"Why is she getting worse!" I repeated.
William sighed. "Ye have to understand...The pois'n had been in her system fer two days...enough time fer it to do some damage. If she...if she survives, that damage will most likely be permanent."
1"What do you mean, if she survives? She will survive!" When the doctor didn't answer me, I felt a pit open in my stomach. "Doctor...?"
William exhaled and looked down at my hands. "Her body is shuttin' down, Alayna. Chances are..." He swallowed before meeting my gaze. "Chances are she won't make it throughout the night."
"No," I shook my head, trying to evade the tears and failing miserably. "No, you're wrong."
The nurse put a hand on my shoulder as the doctor went on. "I wish I was, but there's nothin' more I can do for ya."
I got up angrily. "Why are you saying that? Alice is not going to die! She will get better, you just haven't done your best."
William stayed seated but lifted his eyes apologetically. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?! If you were sorry, you'd do something! You're not sorry at all. You're just—you don't—She will get better, I don't care what you say!"
My face now hot with the threat of tears, I brushed past the doctor, hurrying out the door before my head exploded. I started down the hall in a fast pace that eventually ended up in a run. I had no idea where my feet were taking me, but I knew I had to get out, find somewhere to breathe. Bitter tears were streaming down my face and I ran faster, trying to escape the pain that trailed behind me.
After nearly stumbling down the stairs and entered the saloon, I shoved several people out of my way, and the ones who wisely cleared the path looked at me in concern, confusion, and disapproval. One particular person didn't budge when I headed straight for the door and I bumped right into him. He caught my arm before I could escape. "Alayna?" I wriggled my arm out of Bert's grasp, not daring to meet his eyes, and pushed past him, so that there was no longer anyone or anything between me and the cool air of outdoors. The noisiness of the hotel faded as I ran further into town, turning corners, rushing past the scattered groups of people, allowing my feet to eventually carry me into an abandoned carriage, where I collapsed. I wailed loudly, gripping the seat, and pouring out the unavoidable pain that had been suppressed. I cried Alice's name over and over until my tears had weakened me to the point that all that came out was gurgling. It was selfish, I knew, that I was carrying on so, trying to comfort myself instead of being with my dear cousin, but I couldn't bear the thought of going back and seeing her blue and unresponsive face. That wasn't my Alice, and I cried in an effort to bring forth a vision of the child I knew.
A pain in my thigh paused my howls, and I dug a hand in my pocket to discover the source. It was the key, its red gem was shining brightly under the moonlight. I squeezed it in my hand and traced my fingers along the intricate detail. I began whimpering again and I set my jaw, pulling back my hand to throw the key in no particular direction. It hit something with a "thunk" and bounced back to where it rested on the seat next to me. Finding that throwing it had provided little comfort, I lied back down and resumed my tears, hiccuping occasionally between sobs. I didn't hear the door open, nor was I surprised to feel a warm hand on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, dear," said Bert.
"It's not fair, Bert," I cried softly. "It's not fair. She's only a child."
Bert pried me up from the seat and pulled me into his arms, where I diminished after taking a deep breath. "I know. I know. Ye did all ya could."
"No, Bert, I didn't. How will I ever explain to—" The thought of James' and Rachel's faces threw me into another fit. Bert silently rubbed my back in circles and I wished myself dead. It would have been better for me to die than her.
Bert paused to reach a hand down to grasp the beautiful key. He silently tucked it in my fingers, whispering for me not to lose it. After I had spilled out everything that could be spilled, Bert took my hand and wordlessly led me back to the hotel. As I entered the forbidden room, William, the nurse, and Tom and Charming lifted their gazes at me. Tom limped to his feet and embraced me into a hug. His eyes were puffy but he had ceased crying.
I held my breath as I took in the sight of my little bump in the bed. She had become so frail and her face was swollen. I sat down next to her and lifted her cold fingers to my lips, kissing them.
"I'll send for the reverend in the mornin'," William said quietly. I nodded blankly. I knew, by the fact that his things had already been gathered, that he had no intention of staying any longer, and that the odds of survival were too slim to make another trip. He stood up, motioning to the nurse to follow. Before departing, he put a comforting hand on my shoulder and let it stay there for a few minutes. Then he squeezed it once and was gone.
"Come now," Bert said, clapping a hand on Tom's shoulder. "Let's give 'em some room." Tom looked over his shoulder briefly before he was ushered out the door, Bert closing it behind them.
A long time passed as I held Alice's hand in my own, gazing into the white face of my cousin. Goodbye had come so suddenly, and I wasn't sure how to respond to the silence. So I just sat there, letting the quiet atmosphere become a part of my soul. I pondered our relationship, the love that I carried for her, the love that I had always carried her, ever since I first laid eyes on the little bundle.
"Do you remember the first time I took you ice skating?" I held my breath, waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. A small smile played across my lips. "You were just a little thing. It was the first time you got to stand on frozen water, and you were so—" I stopped to chuckle. "You couldn't understand how that was possible. I told you to hold onto my hands and I would pull you after me. You were a little afraid at first, but I promised I wouldn't let go." I rubbed the child's motionless hand in circles. "I would never let go...not until you were ready. After we'd gone around once, you started giggling and asked me to pull you faster. Do you remember how it felt to slide across the ice, Alice? After a time, you told me to release you. You love it so much, but then...but then you fell, and you began crying. I felt miserable for letting you go when you weren't ready. I hugged you and kissed your head to help make it feel better. Do you know what you asked me? Alice?"
I gazed at the unconscious child, waiting, praying for her to open her eyes, to say something, anything, even yell at me for letting her go all those years ago. But there was no response, only silence. I crawled into the bed next to my cousin and wrapped my arms around her. She had become so cold, I felt the need to pull her close to my warmth of my body, wishing that was all that was needed to bring life back into her eyes. Her arms fell limply to her side as I embraced her, rocking her back and forth.
"Perhaps it wasn't time for me to let you go," I whispered. "But you're ready now, and I have to let you go, but I can't. I'm not ready." A tear trickled down my cheek and I closed my eyes tightly in an effort to silently say my goodbyes. It was so soon. "I'm not ready."
Next Chapter: Things take a turn for the better. :) Will be updated soon.
xXChaoticOrderXx – You do bring up a valid point. I will see what I can manage. ;)
B The Shadow Ninja Samurai – [Gollum voice]Patience, my love! Patience![/Gollum] The story isn't over yet. ;)
mwang – You won't be disappointed, I promise.
Calemireth – Don't worry. Things will look a bit better in the next chapter. She still needs to give Gandalf his staff, remember?
1Soundtrack Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Nicholas Hooper), "Farewell"