AFTERMATH

Chapter 5

"Horatio…" The detective regarded his friend with a mixture of sympathy and caution. "I know all about your breast-beating and soul-searching. I've seen it so many times…" He held up a finger to stop Horatio's protest. "However, it's how you are. I've said I'll listen, and I will. But be warned - I'm no counsellor. You're not going to get any touchy-feely stuff, or a pat on the head."

Horatio laughed. "Wouldn't expect it, Frank. And wouldn't know what to do with it if I got it. You're going to tell me to pull myself together… 'Get a grip, man!'" He delivered a perfect imitation of the Texan's accent.

"Not that harsh, Horatio… I can see you're going through it a bit."

"Does it show?"

"To everyone else? I doubt it. Most people think you're the toughest thing on two legs. Physically and mentally. And you are - you've been through a hell of a lot, I know that. This time… well, you can't really hide the physical side, I grant you… but the rest? You don't give a lot away."

"But you can see right through me…"

The detective shrugged. "We go back a long way."

Horatio was silent for a while, then he murmured, "I don't know why I can't shake this… I just seemed to do so much wrong… And, God, I was so arrogant."

"How d'you mean? Thinking you could handle it?"

"Thinking there was nothing to handle! Ignoring your concerns. So, a silly girl fancied me… I never took it seriously, you know…"

"Well, to be honest, it didn't look that serious."

"You thought it was."

"I thought it was something that could get awkward, is all. I never thought she'd try to hurt you. And, be fair to yourself - what could you have done differently?"

"I had enough warnings. That first gift. Your suspicions. Eric's comments about her. I should have stepped in there and then. Instead…" He looked down at his hands, not meeting Frank's eyes. "I think I was flattered."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"I saw you when that photo came out. You were pleased. More than happy at the thought of a fan club. Am I wrong?"

"Am I that vain?"

"I think you probably are. You've always had your vanities… Look at the way you dress… The shades… The whole man-in-black thing, your image. The reason it doesn't actually matter is that you've got the balls to back it up. It isn't just image."

"Wow… You don't dress it up, do you, Frank…"

"I warned you I wouldn't. Shall we change the subject?"

"No, I think I probably need to hear this."

"Well, I think it colored your judgment. Yes, you probably should have nipped it in the bud. Instead of which, it all went out of control. A situation got away from you, and we all know how you hate that."

"Vain, and a control-freak, eh?" But he was smiling.

"Look, I'm not making light of what happened. Hell, she nearly killed my best friend… I'm trying to understand what's upsetting you so much. Because I don't think it's the physical assault - horrible as it must have been." He looked at him. "Out of curiosity, did you realise what had happened?"

"Frank, all I remember was lying on the floor of the interrogation room, and thinking, 'what a stupid place to die.' They told me in hospital that I'd been poisoned, but it still didn't click until you told me. See? I just never took her seriously…"

"So you lost control of a situation… And it turned nasty."

"I suppose it's as well it was me. It could have been one of the others."

"And if it had been, you would have done something sooner. You may be careless with yourself - you always have been - but I just can't imagine you ignoring a threat to anyone else."

"So I need to get a grip?"

"Yeah, you do."

Horatio laughed, while Frank just shook his head, smiling.

At last, Horatio murmured, "It must be my age… Flattered by the attention…"

"It'll always be there, you know… The public attention on you. I mean, it's partly the job - you're head of one of the best crime labs in the country… But it's also you… They'll always get you in front of the camera or in the paper, if they can. God knows, your ego doesn't need any boosting from me, but you're good-looking and charismatic…"

"Why, Frank… I didn't know you cared." If there was an odd hint in Horatio's voice, Frank failed to hear it.

"I'm trying to be serious here. I'm not blind to what you are, and, for the record, I'd much rather be me than you. I'm just a simple cop. What I'm trying to say is that you're open to all sorts of things you'd probably rather not be, and that you wouldn't be if you were a junior lab rat. Like crazy people. You maybe need to be more alert to it. What you don't need is to keep beating yourself up about missing one."

Horatio was silent. Silent for so long, that Frank began to realise he'd offended him.

"Horatio? Sorry, I told you I'd be useless at this… You wanted to talk, and I've been doing all the talking."

"Not useless, Frank. Rather blunt, maybe…"

"You angry?"

"No… No, of course not. Actually, you've probably put your finger on it. I lost control of a situation. I was flattered by a young woman's attention, and my better judgment vanished." He shrugged. "Not much else to say really…"

"You are angry…"

"Well, I'm apparently vain, a control-freak and an egotist… And that's from a friend. Can't say I'm ecstatic…"

Frank stood up and turned away, muttering, "Damn it… Damn it!"

Horatio stood up as well. "Let's get back, shall we?" He said no more about driving, and instead got back in the passenger seat. Frank got silently into the driving seat and started the engine.

They drove back in total silence, Horatio gazing out of the window, while Frank struggled to think of something to say that wouldn't make things worse. He realised he'd gone further than he should have, even with a close friend. Particularly with a close friend… He knew he hadn't said anything he didn't believe was true; probably nothing that Horatio didn't already know, but… well, it might have been best left unsaid… Meaning to help the man, he'd clearly offended him instead. Intending to offer support to a man struggling with perceived failure, he had launched into a list of his character flaws. Some friend…

At the lab, he said, "Talk later?" but got a non-committal grunt in reply.

Horatio made for his office, nursing a stomach ache and a fiercely bad mood. Frank continued down the corridor, silently cursing his own big mouth.