A.N.- MariMagda, thank you so much for the review. I'm new to the fandom and very anxious so your kind review really helped me feel a lot more confident. Your English is fantastic and I'm happy that my attempt of symbolism translated across!

Once again Dean woke up in his un-made bed. The sky outside was grey. He could hear Lucifer, his neighbour's horrible dog, barking incessantly and the pigeons cooing.

Normally Dean would feel a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of another empty day, but strangely, this morning Dean wasn't experiencing it. This was because he had, for the first time in years, a goal.

He got out of bed almost immediately, showering and scrubbing his teeth and picking out some clean clothes. After the shame of yesterday he wanted to prove that he wasn't some filthy animal that needed pity. He then bounded downstairs and made a quick cup of tea. "Should I go to the pub?" he wondered idly before deciding against it (another first) because he wanted to catch Castiel before he began getting drunk and mean again.

Dean walked outside his hands deep in his coat pocket. The sky was still pretty dark and there was frost on the floor. He didn't feel cheerful but he did feel slightly lighter than normal, as though it were easier to breath and there was more buoyancy in his step.

"Hiya Dean!"

He turned to see young Adam bounding up to him, the action figure clenched tightly in his pale hands.

"Morning Adam."

"You're up early today Dean."

"I am? What time is it?"

"Eight O'clock."

Dean stopped and stared at Adam. Dean hadn't been up this early for years, not since he had a job at the local mechanics. "Really? Wow... say...the shops don't open till nine, do they?"

"Nope, where are you thinking of going?"

"To see a friend. He runs that charity shop on Holland Street." He looked at Adam's toy which was chewed and broken, and asked, "what happened to your action figure?"

"Lucifer got it," answered Adam sadly.

"I thought you never let go of your toy." Dean tried not to sound sneering as he said that, but he did think Adam was too old to be carrying around a toy like a comfort blanket. He secretly wasn't surprised the little boy seemed to have no friends, but as soon as he thought that he would always feel slightly guilty because Adam was a nice kid.

"My mom's boyfriend gave it to Lucifer as a joke. I didn't find it funny," the boy grumbled. There was a slight awkward silence before the child asked, "can I come with you to the shops please? I'll be good. I won't even talk if you like."

Dean sighed quietly and looked over to his neighbour's house. He didn't like Adam's mom and could never keep up with her various boyfriends and so he wasn't close to them. It made him uncomfortable to go somewhere with her child when they weren't on speaking terms. But at the same time he knew the boy didn't have much of a life.

"Alright," he said in a resigned voice, "you don't need to be quiet but if anyone asks you just chose to go to the shops and just happened to be walking the same time as me, ok?"

"Sure!" Adam practically skipped along Deans strides chatting the whole time about cartoons he had watched and the things he had learnt from school. It was weird, it was only a walk to the shops but the kid was acting like he was having the time of his life.

As expected most of shops were closed. Dean and Adam sat on a bench in the middle of the square of shops and waited. Dean wanted to go to Ellen's but he wasn't sure how well he would be received after the drama from yesterday. However, Ellen was on her death-bed, he owed it to her to be there. But then again Ellen's didn't open until ten, so he had time. After apologising to Castiel, he would go and apologise to Jo. He hated saying sorry but he really owed people this time and he knew it too. What he really needed was to get Jo a gift, something to prove how sorry he was. Flowers seemed stupid, and he wasn't going to buy her chocolates like a chump.

"Hey, Adam, if you made someone really upset, what would you get them to say sorry?"

The boy shuddered in the cold and snuggled up closer to Dean making the older man slightly uncomfortable. "Hmm...I don't know. I can't buy stuff for people 'cause I don't work. Mom's boyfriend says I'm a waste on society but he doesn't work either. Well he sells those plants he grows in the flat sometimes but... but anyway, sometimes I have to do stuff for my mom. Like I'll wash up the dishes or pour her vodka at her parties. Stuff like that, to show that I love her you know?"

Dean mulled it over. It would be better to do something for Jo. She always wanted him to give up the drink, which wasn't happening any time soon, so maybe something else? Maybe something for Ellen? But then, Ellen wanted what he could not give.

As Dean was lost in his own thoughts, Adam noticed a man in a brown overcoat limping to one of the shops.

"Hey Dean...is that your friend?"

He looked up to see Castiel pulling up the metal shutters of his shop. Dean froze in his seat, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Is that your friend Dean? What's his name? Should we call him Dean? Is that his shop? Dean? Dean?"

"Shut up Adam!" he barked noticing the boy flinch back before delving into silence.

He rubbed his hands over his face, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Here," Dean felt in his pocket for his last few notes of money. They were meant to be for the pub. He fingered them, wetting his lips and thinking of the drink, but feeling guilt push through his gut. The guilt won. "Take this money, go into the convenience store and get yourself a drink or some food, I need to talk to my friend alone for a bit."

"C-can I come back to you after?"

"Sure," Dean ruffled the kid's hair absent-mindedly, his eyes focusing on Castiel moving around slowly in his shop.

"Thanks Dean!" Adam leapt up and ran to the shop, feeling on top of the world. Dean felt the opposite, rising slowly from his bench and ambling over to Castiel's workplace.

The bell rang as he stepped inside nervously. Castiel was in the back, he could see the kitchen light was on.

Castiel poked his head out and scowled slightly. Dean tried to smile but found his facial muscles just couldn't do it anymore. When was the last time he smiled? He went and sat down beside the till.

"I've come to say sorry," he called. Castiel watched his with brilliant blue eyes that made Dean gulp.

Finally the man sighed and walked out into the shop, "so you're not going to insult me or just assume stuff about me again?"

"I'll try not to," was Dean's honest reply.

"Look I have my own problems ok?" Castiel began to complain when Dean noticed the limp and interrupted Castiel to enquire about it "It's nothing," the theist bit out, "just forget it. So do you want something or are you just here to dispel your own guilty feelings?"

"Yeah..." Dean struggled to think, "I erm, wanted to see if I could buy something for a friend."

Suddenly Adam ran into the shop grinning a chocolate bar in his hand. He passed Dean the last of his change, "I never stole any money Dean honest," the boy rambled on, "I even got the receipt so you can see."

Dean rolled his eyes and saw Castiel staring at him as if he were a monster. He blushed, oh great. "Adam it's alright, I said you could spend what you wanted." Ok that wasn't strictly true but he really didn't like the way Castiel seemed to think of him, "it's fine. If you have to do that with your mom or her boyfriend you don't with me ok?"

The boy nodded, pale blue eyes shining in wonder and happiness.

"Hello young man, and what's your name?" Castiel smiled down at the boy.

"I'm Adam," the boy stood up straighter as if Castiel was a teacher or a police officer, someone of authority.

"Well it's nice to meet you, I'm Mr. Novak." Castiel shook Adam's hand formally. "It's a bit early for chocolate. Would you like some toast and a hot drink?"

The boy gaped and nodded. Castiel left to get the food and Adam turned to dean and whispered, "your friend is nice Dean!"

"Dean," called Castiel, "would you like something to eat as well?"

"Really nice!" emphasised Adam.

"Erm, yeah thanks." Dean felt strange, the situation seemed weird, but he didn't know why exactly, and he didn't want it to end either. At the last moment he remembered Castiel was limping and in a rush to prove he was a decent guy he ran into the back kitchen to help Castiel carry all the food and drink. He saw Castiel with his back to him pouring a small amount of whiskey into one of the mugs. Well, Dean hadn't expected that.

"Making it an Irish?" he joked.

Castiel whirled around, his face burning and his mouth moving like a fish as he struggled to think of an excuse. Dean held up his hands, "hey I'm not one to judge, it's fine. Going by the way you're limping you could do with a sip of the good stuff."

Castiel visibly relaxed, looking up at Dean benevolently. Dean suddenly found his lips pulling into a shy smile, the first he could remember in a long time. He ducked away quickly, grabbing a tray and making his way on to the shop floor.

The three men ate slowly. Adam as usual filled the void of silence by happily chattering about various inconsequential things. It soon struck Dean that the kid was just happy to be listened to. Maybe that didn't happen too much at home. Soon the late winter sun began to rise and break through the clouds spilling pure white light on to the grey city streets. Dean watched the rays which reminded him of religious pictures about god's work on earth and suddenly had a hit of inspiration.

"Castiel, there is something you could do for me."

"What's that?"

"I have a friend...and she's really sick..."

xxXXxx

"Dean what the hell do you want?"

"Hey Jo," Dean smiled shyly, a smile which faded as Jo continued to scowl, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I really am. I'm not even here for a drink. (I don't have enough money left, he silently added in his thoughts), "I just want to do something for Ellen. My friend here," he turned away to reveal Castiel, looking uncomfortable, "he's a Christian, and I thought he might have some...you know...comforting words about...you know...the 'beyond' and all that."

Jo looked at Castiel. "You think you can help her out? She isn't religious you know."

Castiel nodded but said, "I can't promise anything, but I shall try to be a comfort."

"Well...alright, please come in. Dean I suppose you can as well, but we need to talk. My mom's in the back." Jo touched Castiel's sleeve gently and looked into his eyes, feeling her boundaries lowering automatically and feeling suddenly safe enough to say anything to this man, "she's near the end. I'm scared and so is she, please, she isn't a Christian, but...if you can say something...then...please, say that something."

Castiel nodded before going into the room and sitting beside the woman's bed. Dean watched from the doorway, Ellen looked like she had aged fifty years before her time, her hair was thin, her skin like paper and pale, her bones beginning to show though her thin body. He hated it.

Castiel took her hand into his own and watched as her eyes fluttered open.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Castiel. I am here to talk to you.

Ellen let out a tired, coarse chuckle before saying, "I thought you were an angel for a moment, isn't that silly? I'm not even religious."

"I don't think you have to be part of a religious organisation to have thoughts of a realm beyond death. I think that would be normal."

"Oh, god- if there is a god- wouldn't want me. My life has been full of troubles. And I'm not really a good person."

"You have a daughter. She seems good and strong." Ellen smiled and Castiel felt encouraged. "I think that even if there is nothing after death- even if the bible is wrong and religion really is just a way of stopping humans panicking over death- I think that despite all that we can know that a part of you will forever live on in your daughter, and in her children, and in her children's children. I know that might sound silly, but it's true. You carry your ancestors and your descendents carry you. In that sense you are immortal. And given the type of will and strength your daughter has, I'd say you have one hell of a legacy."

Ellen, mustering her strength bought her other hand over and placed it onto Castiel's. Dean suddenly felt intrusive, and so left them alone. He figured Cas was handling things.

He went over into the kitchen to see Jo wiping down some pint glasses. The pub was now open and a few folks were in already sipping, but it was mostly empty. Ash was guarding out front, making sure no one got up to funny business, but no one (other than Dean) ever dared to break the rules in Ellen's.

"Hey Jo," he sat down at the kitchen table. The tension in the air was thick. "Do you know what happened to those boys?" he asked, deciding that maybe facing the problem would be the best way of eliminating it.

"Two went to hospital," she answered, "you beat up some fifteen year olds Dean, congratulations. And the only reason your ass isn't in jail is because the boys didn't testify out of fear and no one in this pub rats out anyone else."

Dean sighed, not sure of what he could do. He bought Cas in the hopes of giving some peace to Ellen and in turn this could show Jo that he wasn't a total dick, but it was clear that it wasn't working.

"I know sorry isn't enough, but I don't know what to say."

Jo turned around and stared at him, as if trying to peel back the layers and stare deep into his soul. "You really know what you can do Dean? Really? The thing that I have been asking for for years. Stop the drinking, just stop."

"I can't just stop," he bit out, hating the words. He had denied his alcohol problem for years, but he knew, he always knew, he was addicted. "I can't. What would I do? Everything hurts! My dad is gone, my job is gone. I have no life, I have nothing Jo! I have nothing and the only thing that takes away that feeling of nothingness is the drink, the haze of being so drunk of my ass that I don't need to think anymore, I don't need to be aware. Jesus, I can't even sleep anymore without a drink first."

Jo bit her bottom lip before sitting down opposite him. "Have you," she began slowly, "thought of joining the AA or anyone like that?"

"I tried," he answered huskily, "but I'm too cynical and too grouchy. It didn't work for dad and I don't believe it'll work for me."

"Well could you try again, for my sake?" Dean looked up at her and saw e unshed tears in her eyes. Jo was tough but Dean had never wanted to see her weak or vulnerable. As a kid he'd beat the crap out of any guy who treated her badly. It stung to know that he was the one making her cry now.

He sighed shakily and looked out o the kitchen, through the corridor into the room where he saw Castiel talking to Ellen. Ellen was out of view but he could see Cas bathed in white light from the window, his quiet voice soothing.

He looked back to Jo and said, "alright, I'll try. I'll try again."

Jo smiled tightly before leaning forward to place a rough kiss on his forehead. For the first time Dean wondered if he could actually fix himself.

"Do you really believe in the Bible, Cas?" asked Ellen, her hand still on his, "don't think of me as a sick woman looking for easy answers, I already know that truly I don't believe in it, heck, I didn't even like the bible when I read it. I'm interested in you Cas, what do you believe, truly?"

"Well, there are times I struggle, times when I am angry with the Lord. I feel that he created this universe and therefore has ownership of it. So I think he should do more, I become angry, and I feel like he abandoned us. I feel sometimes, when I am angry, that the whole universe was God's experiment, and that it when it went wrong He just washed his hands of us."

"Then why are you a Christian?"

"Because I don't always feel that way. Sometimes I see children playing together, not noticing the differences between them, I see the thousands of stars in the night sky, I see a brilliant sunset stretching over this dark city and I suddenly feel that nothing that created this could be a malicious force, it can't be as human as we always see it. I think God is far wiser and far removed from us, something much bigger that we could ever grasp and that the Bible is metaphor, a metaphor just revealing something of that great being, put into human terms of jealousy and righteousness and law because that' all that we understand. Sort of like how time and space are too big for us to comprehend, too large for us to understand, so we break it down into numbers and measurements, because if we didn't, we'd go mad.

"It's in times like this, when I realise how small I am in the great scheme of things, it's in those times that I feel free, I feel invigorated, I feel hope and I even feel love for this Giant Force of Benevolence that I hope exists."

There was a small silence after that. They could hear the sounds of humanity from the bar, the whispered and tense conversation between Dean and Jo. They could hear beyond that to the birds and the wind outside.

Finally Ellen said, "I am still and atheist. Perhaps there is a great force, a god, and in some ways I hope there is, at least if it's something like what you describe. But now, listening to you speak, I can think of how intelligent and beautiful humans are, and that we humans are just a small part of the great beauty and wonder of this universe," he pressed her hand against his as hard as she could with her weak bones, "I realise now how lucky I am to have lived at all, to think about these things and to see the beauty of the universe, to be a part of this great thing. Thank you Castiel, I feel," she smiled warmly, "I feel at peace now. I feel like everything is ok. It's ok. I'm ok."

She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Cas placed a kiss on to her forehead. He opened up the curtains of her dark room revealing a tree still golden with the last amber leaves of autumn clinging onto its branches. He hoped that the image would comfort her when she awoke. He then crept softly out of her room.

Dean and Jo were in the kitchen holding hands. Cas wondered if there was a romance between them. He gulped and said, "your mother is asleep. She seems content. I hope I helped."

"Yeah, thanks Castiel," said Jo, looking at him and letting go of Dean's hands, "like I say she wasn't a Christian but they talk about these bed-side conversions, never thought my mom would be one, but the last thing I wanna do is judge."

"She hasn't converted," Cas answered, "I think she just wanted to discuss death, and life."

Jo nodded, but Cas didn't believe that she really understood. Maybe no one would, unless they were there themselves or had experienced something very similar.

"I should get back to my shop..."

Dean suddenly stood up, "sure, I'll walk you down. I'll see you later Jo."

"Bye Dean, see you... Castiel."