Last time: Dean is an alcoholic spiralling out of control. He attacks a group of teenage boys in a pub that belongs to his surrogate family, Ellen and Jo. This prompts Jo to ask Dean to start attending the AA together. Dean has also made a tenuous friendship with charity shop owner and Christian Castiel Novak, who is trapped in an abusive relationship with his wife Lilith. Dean has also become friendly with a little boy called Adam, who lives with his negligent mother. Dean went to his local youth centre to get info on the AA meetings, but there meets a woman called Peggy who reveals that he has a brother and uncle that he never knew about. Unfortunately she does not know where they live. Distraught and confused, Dean leaves his home and heads to the shops...

He needed a drink. He needed a drink so badly he felt as if he would die unless he got one soon. All day he had been quietly dealing with withdrawal symptoms, the pain and shakes and headaches, but now, with the added pressure and shock, he knew that he could not handle it any more.

He burst into a pub and counted his change. It was enough for a cheap beer. He ordered it a drained the mug almost instantly.

'One day,' he thought bitterly, 'I lasted without a drink for one day.'

He had spent all his change, Adam had spent most of what he had before, and now what he had had left had gone on that one beer, so for the rest of the morning Dean had to go through the shame of ambling about the pub sneakily drinking half glasses of forgotten drinks as he found them.

One even had a cigarette butt in it, but he drank it anyway.

By lunchtime he had drunk enough to be quietly buzzed. He sat on a stool at the bar, laughing quietly at his own stupid jokes, ignoring everyone around him. Seeing a beer at his side he grabbed it and began drinking without a thought. A man beside him gasped "what the hell? What are you doing?"

Dean looked up with heavy lidded eyes, "sorry," he slurred, "is this yours?"

"It was you fucking pissed twat. You owe me another drink." The man leaned down menacingly, his other mates crowding around Dean all with angry expressions and crossed arms.

Dean snorted with laughter, it took a lot more than that to intimidate him. "I'm drunk and I'm broke," he announced, "so even if you search my pockets you'll see have no money. Too bad mate." He lifted the man's glass in a 'cheers' gesture, before taking a gulp of it. The man instantly swung, punching Dean in the face and sending him sprawling off his stool.

The rest of the thugs joined in, piling on top of dean like it was a game of British Bulldog and for a while Dean's world was one of pain and grunts and sweat and misery. He hit out wildly before he felt the weight being lifted off him and himself being dragged across the floor. He tried to open his eyes but blood gushed into them.

"Don't bother coming back here!" he heard a man's voice- which he recognised as the Pub Owner, "every time you come here there's problems. I know you're a local at Ellens, go back there! We don't want you here!"

Dean lay still for a long time, even after he heard the man walk away.

He just imagined how it looked, a drunk man lying on the street, covered in blood, in broad daylight. It was shameful, he should have at least had the decency to do this at night.

"Dean?"

His eyes shot open and he sat up rigidly, causing the whole world to tilt horribly and him to gag.

"Dean?" Cas was alarmed now. He sat by the drunk and wrapped an arm around him. With his free hand he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the drying blood from off Dean's eyes.

"They shouldn't have left you out here like this," he said, feeling angry with the people in the pub and the many more who had probably passed Dean in the street as he'd laid there. "Come on, once you're ready I'll take you to the shop."

Dean shuffled up closer to Cas, snuggling his face into the side of Cas's neck. Cas blushed horribly as warmth pooled in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to pull away but he knew Dean was too drunk and would fall.

"Let's stay still for a while," slurred Dean, "please just stay with me for a bit."

Cas tapped Dean's head awkwardly, "ok...ok...we can do that." He slowly stopped tapping and began to stroke instead, feeling Dean's short brown hair between his fingers.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" asked Cas after a number of minutes.

"Because..." whispered Dean, "because...I'm lost...and lonely... and sad all the time."

Cas gulped and wrapped his arm around the other man more tightly.

"I'm sorry," he said, but Dean was fast asleep.

xxXXxx

By the late afternoon, Castiel was sitting in his shop feeling awful. He poured a shot of whiskey into his tea and gulped it down, feeling the merciful burn in his throat and the delicious fuzzy feeling in his brain. God he needed it, he needed the support, it made him feel like it was ok, like he could get past this.

He had been fifteen when he had met Lilith. She had been two years older and extremely popular in school. She was bright, vivacious and fun. She was intelligent, she knew her mind and where she wanted to go. It made her a little ruthless in some ways, but Castiel had respected that. He loved her because she was everything he wasn't, she had all the qualities he wished he could have. As the years had gone by, he felt increasingly incompetent, that he couldn't match up to her, that she was so much better than he was. He had tried, by God he had tried to be the best he could for her, but noting he ever did was good enough.

Lilith stayed with him because she loved him, she said, that despite his many flaws and his pathetic nature, she loved him. She wanted to make him a better person, but his failings frustrated her. It was his fault that she was a monster. He was making her that way by being so stupid all the time.

Cas clasped his hands together and prayed quietly, "Dear Lord, please help me get better. Please, please help me become a better husband. I am failing so badly...I want to be a good man for Lilith...please, please God if you have any mercy, let something good happen...help me!"

At that moment, Dean suddenly awoke with an unattractive snort. He had been sleeping in a sort of makeshift bed Cas had frantically made up in the store room. Dean looked around at the various tatty blankets he had been cocooned in. His tongue felt like a rug and he imagined that he didn't look or smell too good either.

'Great,' he thought, 'Cas always has to see me at my worst, doesn't he?'

He climbed out of the store room and looked over at the dark-haired owner, who was watching him with curious eyes. Dean glanced away, he couldn't handle Cas's stare.

"You Ok Cas?" he asked, "you look pretty bad. Probably not worse than me..."

"Yes, I am ok," he smiled, "and you're fine Dean."

"How did you get me here?" Dean's memory was in bits and pieces. He dimply remembered the fight, that Cas had arrived and a few snapshots of Cas attempting to drag Dean through the streets.

"I'm stronger than I look," Cas answered, whilst thinking of his aching shoulders. Lilith had hurt him last night and dragging around dean had made them worse, but he didn't want Dean to think he was weak, and so lied. "Go to bathroom Dean, and wash up. You'll feel a lot better. I'll go make us something warm to drink and maybe some toast."

Minutes later, the pair were sitting on the old couch that Cas could never sell sipping very sweet tea. It was around two in the afternoon, and whilst Dean had been unconscious Cas had served a total of one customer.

"So," Cas began slowly, knowing that Dean was temperamental, "was it something in particular that sent you on a binge this morning?"

Dean's jaw worked for a moment before he said, "I just found out that I might have a little brother."

"How?"

Dean relayed the story Peggy had given to him, Cas watching with wide blue eyes. When Dean had finished he immediately asked if Dean was going to search for the missing family members.

"Your mother too may be alive and well," said Cas.

Dean shrugged, feeling and looking ill as his body shuddered from the lack of alcohol, "if she is then clearly she doesn't care about me. She never kept in touch, she never came back for me, hell, she never even took me with her when she ran away. Peggy said that she had post-natal depression, that means it's my fault doesn't it? I made her sick."

"I'm not sure on things like that, but I don't think it's the child's fault if the mother gets depressed," answered Cas seriously.

"Sure it is, everyone is just too polite to say otherwise."

Castiel frowned slightly, disagreeing, but decided to do some research later before saying anything else to Dean about it. "So you will just leave it for now?"

"I can't see what good it would do, me going over and causing problems for everyone. I just hope my brother, wherever he is, is ok."

"Maybe you should find him to make sure."

"I'd be an awful brother, trust me, I'm too selfish to look out for anyone else."

"I don't think that's true Dean," Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, his gaze heavy, prompting Dean to wanting to look away but being unable to do so, "I can see how you care about Ellen and her welfare, how you care about little Adam even though he's almost a stranger, and I can tell that you loved your parents by the way that you talk. You feel guilty all the time, and people only can feel that way if they have a strong empathy and love in their hearts. You love so much it's hurting you."

"Maybe I should learn to love less," choked out Dean with what should have been a scoff but instead sounded more like a stifled sob. He blushed slightly, feeling embarrassed and pathetic in front of Cas who was so strong.

"No," Cas ignored the sob, "you just need to love someone passionately who can love you back in the same way."

There was a pause as they looked at one another. Cas felt the blood rushing in his ears. It was so quiet and so hot all of a sudden. He didn't understand it. It was like the air had suddenly become thick, and his skin began to feel prickly. Dean became aware again of how much his head was pounding and how shaky his body felt. It was likely the withdrawal symptoms again, but to get them so soon?

"Who would love me?" he whispered, feeling heady and strange. His voice came out hoarse. He gulped, trying to wet his throat.

There was a few beats before Cas could find the strength to say, "lots of people would love you Dean," he lifted his curiously heavy arm and just touched Dean's shoulder, a shooting electric feeling suddenly sparking between them, "lots of people would be lucky to have you."

Cas smiled and looked at Dean, feeling light-headed, before the smile was suddenly wiped from his face and he stood up quickly. Dean frowned, not understanding the sudden change.

"If you do decide to look for them," he said, all business again and the previous intimacy shattered, "you should ask Ellen. She was close to your family."

"Yeah I guess, Cas, are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine, absolutely fine Dean. Never better."

"Right, well," Dean stood, suddenly knowing that Cas didn't want him there, "thanks for looking after me Cas. Others wouldn't have done that for me." He paused before hesitantly pulling Cas into a hug. He was thin, thinner than he looked. He smelt nice, like clean cotton. Dean smiled softly and tightened the hug, enjoying it, even as he recognised that Cas had not only not returned the hug but was tensing slightly.

Finally, he released Cas and asked if he could perhaps return.

"Of course," grinned Cas with such sincerity that Dean felt happiness blooming in his chest.

"Thanks, I'm gonna turn my life around Cas," Dean announced, a full grin on his face that hadn't been there for years, "me and Jo are going to AA together. I'm going to be a new man. I'll make you proud."

Cas chuckled and waved Dean goodbye.

Watching him leave from his shop doorway, Cas thought about his feelings.

He would need to pray some more.

A.N.- I apologise that this took so long to up-date.