Chapter 2

It was an ultimate stare-down between the two as Benson waited for Mordecai to reply. But the problem was, was that Mordecai didn't know what to say. He was in shock for that matter and he was surprised that he could look his boss in the eye for that long without breaking contact once. Benson still stood in the doorway, the journal still lay open at Mordecai's feet, and the gumball machine hadn't taken a step to retrieve his inner most thoughts from the ground in front of his employee. He only lingered there, patiently waiting for a response, a "good news" response at that and Mordecai could tell; despite Bensons long term denial at his new found emotions, he had obviously come to accept them; for if he hadn't, he would be dead on the floor from sleep deprivation.

Mordecai's gaze flickered to the ground at the journal and he got a shock up his arm when he was reminded of what he had read. Now he had time for the news to sink it, frankly, it weirded him out. A lot. And the fact that the guy who had written all that stuff was standing just a few steps across from him made him almost want to drown. Why Benson had even bought the journal to work was the least of his worries. His main concern was how he was going to get out of this situation without making both of them feel like idiots. Mind you, Benson probably already felt like an idiot, no doubt about leaving an open journal on his desk with his door unlocked and an office completely empty. Mordecai shook his head. He shouldn't put all this emotion on Benson. It was partly his own fault too. For if he hadn't picked up the journal, they wouldn't be in this mess.

Finally, Mordecai came to conclusion: It was both their faults.

Slowly, he tore his eyes from the red cover and tilted his head back up, forcing himself to lock gazes with the man across from him, still planted in the doorway as if he were a statue. His stance had never broke and his expression hadn't wavered, since the time it took for Mordecai to think. Man, that was a long time.

Oh, right...he was waiting for an answer.

Mordecai kept drifting his gaze to the ceiling, anywhere but at his boss. The sun cast a shadow through the window and he shifted his eyes behind him to see the sun was setting below the horizon. From his field of vision, he could see Benson still looking at him. He wouldn't give up. He could easily grab the notebook, say goodbye to Mordecai and leave without a word, but no. He wanted an answer. And he wanted one before he had to leave for the night.

The blue jay let out a heavy sigh through his half open mouth like a smoker, just as the sun dropped behind the hill, leaving a few orange rays to shine outwards. He looked back at Benson and the gumball machines expression hadn't faltered, but this time, his arms were crossed. Strangely enough, he didn't question why Mordecai was taking so long to answer. Maybe he had been in this situation before in his college days. Or perhaps he had mentally put himself in the blue jays shoes (figuratively speaking) to see what it would be like in that position and from that, he got a pretty good idea of how Mordecai felt. Whatever it was, Benson still stood patient.

The clocked ticked on and on and as the minutes wore by, so did the embarrassment. No longer did embarrassment linger in the air. Foolishness on Bensons part took over and shame replaced for Mordecai. No matter how many times they tried to avoid looking at each other, they always found their eyes drifting over the others faces, trying to read their expressions from a distance.

Mordecai backed into the desk, the journal slipping from his feet and falling flat on the ground. "Do I what?"

Bensons expression changed in the blink of an eye. After minutes of waiting for an expected response, the sudden unexpected one left him in brief shock and he stayed still, his mind registering what he had just said and he forced himself to remember what he had written to answer his employees question.

With another blush starting to appear, Benson untangled his arms, raising his hands and twisting them around to try to get the words to form in his throat. "Do you...you know..." He offered, hoping Mordecai would remember and get the hint, but no. Either he knew and he was choosing to make Benson feel more like an idiot than he already did, just to punish him for the stupid thoughts he had written down in a $2 book or he truly didn't remember and he needed a little more push to get the memories flowing. Well, it had been ages since Mordecai had found the journal and neither of them expected the other to remember. Heck, Benson was surprised he could remember what he had written from so long ago. But that wasn't the point.

Mordecai bought his hands back and gripped the edge of the desk as if he were hanging on for dear life. He wanted to be anywhere but here, he thought, as he looked down at the carpet again. He did know what Benson was talking about; it had all come back to him in one stream. He regretted taking one step in the room and he kicked himself for his curiosity, his naivity and his stupidity in that situation. Why hadn't he just left? Why did he have to open the door and go up to the desk? Why, why, why? Mordecai breathed out through his nose. He closed his eyes, his head directed downward to the carpet. From here on out, he had no idea how to respond, for whatever he answered, the awkwardness would settle back and they would be there all night until either of them did something.

The thing that bothered Mordecai most of all was having to look Benson in the eye and give him a straight, flat out answer. Ok, Mordecai thought, list out the facts of the situation so far:

-Benson bought a journal to work

-He had written his inner most thoughts in it

-It had been left on his desk, opened, with the door unlocked

-And Mordecai had found it, his curiosity having got the best of him

-Now they were both stuck in a rutt till the heavy atmosphere left

Now for the big facts:

-Through all that reading, Mordecai had found out his boss was gay

-Benson had battled with denial of his emotions; he didn't want to like his employee

-Frankly, he didn't want to be gay, if you narrow it down

-Mordecai was completely weirded out from the situation, but he didn't want to make his boss feel more ridiculous than he probably already felt deep inside

This last fact made Mordecai's stomach churn. He wouldn't get fired, or yelled at, he knew that. He just wondered what would happen if Mordecai even said anything to Benson to break the silence or just to reply to his boss, or both.

Finally, Mordecai opened his eyes and, having counted the facts in his head, pushed them back for the meantime but they still lingered. And that's what he wanted as he lifted his head again, once again looking into Bensons eyes and with that done, he opened his mouth, speaking loud and clear to answer Bensons question.

"Yes, I do know."

Benson shut his mouth quick, his arms going back to folding themselves again. Like Mordecai had done, he glanced down at the carpet. "Oh."

Not what Mordecai was hoping for. It was like a conversation breaker. Great, now he had to think of a response to give him. And it couldn't be witty like "well?" No. That would dig him deeper in the hole. He had to think up something that would keep Benson talking and keep him thinking. One thing suddenly jabbed at his mind and his eyes widened slighlty. No. Not that. Getting yelled at was one thing. But breaking his heart? No. He couldn't do it.

He wanted to get out of this as soon as possible and to do that, he had to end it quickly, like killing an animal. Quick and painless. Except, this was going to painful. For Benson. Oh god, Mordecai felt sick looking at Benson again, just as the gumball machine rose his head again to look his way. But he didn't feel that way towards him. And he didn't even try to convince himself otherwise. Because as he let his eyes drift over Bensons expression, it hit him.

Benson already knew his answer.

Mordecai just wanted to drop. He hadn't wanted to hurt his boss in any way possible. But this...this had to sneak upon him. And by this, he meant Benson. Beneath the gumball machines facade of smiles and grins lay a dark, depressing side which soon would be reopened again at the one word answer spoken from the blue jay standing across from him. Mordecai saw it. He saw it the moment Benson caught him red handed. Except he hadn't wanted to see it. He had already had had enough of finding layers upon layers of Bensons past popping up around the park at certain moments and this just took the cake. A new secret had been found. By the one that he had been thinking about constantly, the one he had lost weight and sleep over, the one, hard working employee who always apologized, thanked, and complimented whenever possible. It was hard to believe, really. For both of them.