Hello there guys! So I know it has been a while since I've updated, but at least now you have a cute fluff chapter to make up for it. I'm really sorry for the delay, I hope to never make you wait so long again, but thank you for holding on to hope! I've noticed a lot of people are putting this on their story alerts and favourite stories so thank you so much for looking out for it!
A very special thank you goes out to the original author, Steph Meyer, sorry for bashing Bella and some of your ideas this is just a fantasy. Also a marvelous thank you to my Beta Angel of the Night Watchers who sticks by me at all times :)
Enjoy!
Chapter Thirteen - Confessions
I marveled at Edward in the sunlight. It was shocking. So shocking that my body couldn't get used to the sight, as if this was the first unbelievable thing that I had known about him - as if it weren't real at all. His skin, which was pretty much white other than the faint flush from his hunting trip the day before, literally sparkled in front of my eyes. Thousands of little stars were embedded into his skin as if he were the sky. Edward literally and figuratively blinded me with the beauty of it. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his arms bare. His eyes were closed as if he were asleep, but I knew that he was listening. Listening to my reactions, my movements, my breath and possibly, thanks to my new suspicions, my heart.
I should have known he could become even more beautiful than I had already seen him, but it had seemed so impossible. But there he was, a perfect statue relaxing in the grass, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like blazing super-novas.
Now and then his lips would move, so quickly that it looked as if they were almost trembling, but when I later asked he said that he was singing to himself - too low for me to hear.
I enjoyed the sun as well, but the air was still too humid that it made the meadow sticky. I would have liked to lie back with him and let the sun warm my face, getting darker like he had told me I so easily became, but I couldn't tear my eyes from him. I stayed curled up with my chin on my knees, enjoying the gentle wind that tangled my hair and swayed around his motionless form.
The meadow was suddenly unnoticeable.
I slowly scooted closer to him, so slowly it could have possibly taken an hour, but when I finally had gotten close enough I saw his chest stop moving. His lips stopped trembling. He just waited, his eyes closed, anticipating my next move. He was too beautiful to be real and I found that just to make sure, I reached out one finger and stroked the back of his shimmering hand, where it lay within my reach.
I marveled in the texture - satin smooth, cool as ice, hard as marble. I kept my hand there and was pretty sure that what I began doing was something very close to petting him, like I used to pet my cat. When I looked up at him, his eyes were open and he was watching me. I liked the butterscotch tinge of his iris', lighter today after his hunt. His quick smile turned up at the corners.
"I don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could see the tension in his muscles.
"Does a firefly?" I asked, not expecting an answer. He smiled wider, his teeth flashing in the sun and I was happy to feel his muscles relax more. I inched closer again, stretched out my whole hand and traced the contours of his forearm with my fingertips. I saw that my fingers trembled, and knew it wouldn't escape his notice.
"Do you mind?" I asked, for he had closed his eyes again.
"No. You can't imagine how that feels." I bit my lip to hold back a grin.
"May-" I took a breath, angry with myself because I fumbled. "May I lay down beside you?"
"You can't imagine how much I would enjoy that." He said in the same, relaxed tone that he had spoken in before. I slowly lowered myself to the grass beside him, but kept touching his arms, glad that he enjoyed it. I trailed my nails lightly over the perfect muscles of his arm, followed the faint pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow. I took a moment and reached to flip his hand over; realizing what I wanted, he flipped his palm up in one of those blindingly fast, disconcerting movements of his. It startled me and he must have felt my body stiffen.
"Sorry," he murmured. I looked up to see his eyes close again. "It's too easy to be myself with you."
"Good." I played with his hand, watching how it twinkled, I held it closer to my face, examining closer but couldn't see where the actual twinkling was coming from - not from the pores, not from sparkly objects on his skin - I even wanted to try and cast the glow onto my face. I had to put his hand down because of the overwhelming urge.
"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching me, suddenly intent. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."
"You know, I always feel that way. I could write you a guide, if you want."
"It's a hard life," he agreed with a hint of regret in his tone. "But you didn't tell me."
"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking..."
"And?" He asked, knowing the meaning for my hesitation.
"I was hoping that I'd never wake up. That I shouldn't be afraid of a fantasy - it's not a nightmare."
"I don't want you to be afraid. This isn't a dream. Nevertheless a bad one." I knew he was telling me that there was nothing to fear, that he was in control of himself. It made me frown more.
"That's not quite what I meant - you know that one's kind of lost on me."
He moved so quickly that I barely caught the movement as he half-sat, propping his head on his arm and keeping his palm in my hand. His angel face was looming over mine. I might have - should have - flinched away from his unexpected closeness. But I was unable to move. Or breathe.
"What are you afraid of, then?"
But with the overwhelming smell of his cool, sweet breath and his aroma that made my mouth water - I couldn't concentrate enough to make words. I turned into a more primal being and instinctively, I leaned closer towards him...
Then he was gone. His palm out of my hand, my eyes too slow to focus on his figure until he had stopped twenty feet away from me on the edge of the meadow - under a huge fir tree. His eyes were dark in the shadow, his expression unreadable and I took a shocked breath.
"Edward I..."
"Give me a moment." He called, loud enough so that I could hear him. I didn't move.
"Edward-"
"Vivienne, please, I need a moment."
After thirty long seconds, he began to slowly walk back. He stopped several feet away and sank to the ground as gracefully as a leaf in the autumn. He crossed his legs, his eyes boring into mine. He took two deep breaths and smiled in apology.
"I am so very sorry." He hesitated.
"No. I am. That was so...stupid. I should have known you wouldn't want t-"
"Wouldn't want?" He asked in shock. He shook his head quickly, minutely. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"
"...No. Not at all." My heart was pumping with self-admonishing humiliation. He heard it. The realization hit me as he grinned wryly, nothing comical in the stretch of lips over his teeth, but rather the same emotion that was making my heart pound in my chest...and his ears.
"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" Suddenly he was rushing away from me, so fast that I didn't see it until he was back where we had started. Where had he gone in that half a second? Across the meadow and back? Around the meadow?
"As if you could outrun me," he laughed bitterly. He looked around for his next display. Reaching up with one hand, I heard a deafening crack as he ripped a two-foot-thick branch from the trunk of the spruce. I winced. I actually flinched as he threw it effortlessly to the side, shattering it against another tree which trembled against the momentum.
He was in front of me again, standing two feet away, still as stone.
"As if you could fight me off." He said quietly, noticeably more gentle now that he was so close. But that was not reason to accept what was happening. I'd never been more frightened of him - I'd never been entirely frightened of him at all. But I was not used to the real Edward. The one with no boundaries or limitations.
"Edward," I whispered, so quietly no one else, not even if they were standing closer than he was, could have heard me. "You're scaring me."
His face flickered from sadness to worry. "Don't be afraid," he whispered, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive. "I promise..." He hesitated. "I give you my word, I will not hurt you." He seemed more concerned with convincing himself.
"You're being stupid." My voice was trembling now and he leaned down towards me, trying to give the look of being less intimidating, smaller, weaker. But the damage was done.
"Stupid?" He asked. "Don't be afraid." He moved so slow.
"Stupid. I knew all that...I don't know why you have to be so destructive to prove a point. I don't know why you want me to be scared. I understand. I get it. I get you. There isn't any more to it."
"Please forgive me," the apology was formal but I could hear him pleading. It made me want to forgive him immediately thanks to his proper sentence structure. "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behaviour now."
He waited, but I couldn't speak.
"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." He smiled.
"You killed a tree." He looked at me in shock for a moment, not quite understanding what I was referring to, before he burst into laughter.
"That is what upset you?"
"For all you know, I could spend my nights hugging trees."
"I know that isn't the case." His smile as dazzling. "So, where were we before I behaved so rudely?" he asked in the gentle cadences of an earlier century.
"No fair." I accused. "You're speaking in older fashions on purpose - just 'cause you know how it makes you even more appealing. Not that it seems any more possible..." I frowned, taking his hand and tracing it again. "We were talking about what scared me."
"Oh." He frowned too. "Well?" I looked down at his hand and doodled aimlessly against his skin, trying to consciously avoid hearts and cupid's arrows. Seconds ticked by.
"How easily frustrated I am," he sighed, knowingly. I looked into his eyes, looking at him and his beauty before I shook my head solemnly. "Tell me, please."
"Well...I mean, it's obvious that I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid I'd like to more than I should. Much more." I couldn't look in his eyes for it and stayed to his beautiful, radiant hands.
"Yes." He agreed slowly. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's not really in your best interest. I should have left long ago. I should leave now...but I don't know if I can."
"Don't you dare." I hissed, but the oomph of a threat was nowhere in my voice. "I would never forgive you. I just said I want you here."
"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry, I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."
"Dieu merci." I sighed, thanking the stars that he couldn't - because it was mutual. Because there was nothing that I wanted more than to have him and keep him...forever.
"Don't be!" He withdrew his hand, slowly as not to scare me again. His voice was angry again and I felt my neck spasm from another one of his whiplash mood swings. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
His mood shifted again as he smiled at me, trying hard not to be condescending. Which, in my mind made it more condescending. I frowned.
"How do I explain? And without frightening you again...hmmm." Without seeming to think about it, he placed his hand back in mine and without thinking about it, I held it within mine, playing pictures on it like an instrument. He looked at our hands.
"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." He sighed. "You know how everyone enjoys different flavours? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry."
"I like orange sorbet. And that is morbid."
He smiled. "Sorry about the food analogy - I couldn't think of any other way to explain. You see, every person smells different, has a different essence - you mentioned it the day of blood sampling." I shivered. "I was shocked to say the least, so maybe you will understand. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, were he a well-recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac - then filled the room with it's warm aroma - how do you think he would fare then?"
"He'd go insane?"
"Maybe. Perhaps that isn't the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy." I looked to him with sceptical eyes. "Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."
"So I'm your band of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood. He caught on and smiled, lifting my spirits.
"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."
"And here I was, thinking you were the bad influence." He chuckled. "So...does that happen often?"
"I spoke to my brothers about it." He looked through the treetops to find his answer. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hadn't had time to grow sensitive to the difference in smell, in flavour." He glanced at me. "Sorry."
"Don't worry about offending me. You won't. This is part of you, so I want to understand. If you have to use metaphors of dying baby goats, do it."
"You really like goats and sheep." He observed, then smiled. When he looked up to the sky, his face dimmed again. "Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meat. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."
"And for you?"
"Never." The word hung in the air and made me shiver, he watched me warily.
"What did Emmett do?" I asked quietly. His face grew dark and his hand clenched into a fist inside of mine. He looked past me as if remembering the conversation. I answered for him. "So...he killed them."
His eyes looked into mine again, broken by the confession that he had not even made. His expression was wistful and pleading. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"
"Do you think some jump?" I asked before I could stop myself, narrowing my eyes at him. "I mean - I don't think that Emmett did or anything. Or that you would, but do you honestly think there's no hope?"
"No, no!" He was instantly disgusted with the thought. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't..." he left the sentence hanging with his eyes finishing the burning message.
"Well, why shouldn't you? Emmett doesn't regret it, I'd bet."
"No. Its different for us." He explained, his hand slightly grasping mine. I felt my cheeks flush as I looked down to his hand holding mine, softly. "Emmett...these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as...practiced, as careful, as he is now."
He watched me intently and I swallowed.
"So let's say if we met in a dark alley..."
"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and-" he stopped abruptly, looking away from me. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."
He glanced at me grimly, both of us lost in our memories of that horrible day. "You must have thought I was possessed."
"I just thought you were a jerk." I answered honestly. "I couldn't understand how you'd hate me when I hadn't said a word to you..."
"I didn't. To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin...I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought each of them back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." He looked at me then, with a look of pain. "You would have come."
"You wouldn't have had to say anything and I would have." I agreed.
He frowned down at my hands, releasing me from he force of his stare. "Then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there - in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there - so easily dealt with."
That last bit upset me. It's not like I didn't know he was capable of such damage, but I didn't like hearing things like that about someone as innocent as poor Ms. Cope. I was glad I wasn't the reason she had died.
"But I resisted." He continued. "I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home - I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong - and then I went straight to Carlisle at the hospital to tell him I was leaving."
I blinked. "I thought you just ditched."
"No. I traded cars with him - he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare go home to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary...
"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances...but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl," he grinned at me, "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back..."
"How'd you stop the cravings then?" Cravings seemed like the best term to use, even if disturbing.
"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it. It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures-"
"Like being an eavesdropper." I taunted. "Creep."
"I listened to your words in Jessica's mind," he admitted. "Her mind isn't very original and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating.
"I wanted you to forget my behaviour of that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any other person. I was eager, actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting. I found my attention caught up in your expressions - you have such vibrant expressions - and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again...
"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we were." I frowned, looking down at his hand in my own, trying to find some sort of way to take comfort in that. He bent his face down until he caught my eyes again. "But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was 'not her'."
He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized confession. I listened eagerly, not quite so patient as I had known him to be. Especially now. I knew I should have been terrified, probably told him that I no longer felt safe and I wanted him to take me home and then go back to Alaska...but it would never happen.
"What were you thinking in the hospital?"
His eyes flashed up to mine. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power - you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched as the word slipped out and he lightly stroked my hand, just a few times to show me that he was still tender even through his upsetting story.
"It had the opposite effect." He informed quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suspected that now was the time...it was the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." He grimaced when he said her name. I couldn't see why - I adored her for it. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay."
"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you, I did my very best to stay as far away from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair...it hit me as hard as the first day." His eyes were tender when they met mine. Quite a surprise. "And for that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all the first moment, than if now, here - with no worries and nothing to stop me - I were to hurt you."
I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"
"Vivienne." He said my name very carefully, adding the accent which made my name mean so much to him. "Alive." He mumbled again, translating my name into English. My name was suddenly much more ironic and meaningful now. "I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold...to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flush of intuition in our eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."
My head was spinning now - how had this come out of the conversation about how he wanted to cause my impending death? He waited for my reaction, even though I was back to studying our hands. But I could feel his smouldering eyes on me, like I had so many times before. I didn't really know how to answer without sounding like some obsessive school-girl, which realistically was what I was. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my courage as he waited, looking much more patiently than I must have been.
"You already know how I feel." I smirked. "Even with your mind reading malfunction. I mean, I'm here aren't I? That pretty much means I would rather die than stay away from you." His hand twitched. "Makes me an idiot."
"You are an idiot." He agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, mine in shock. How many times had he insulted my intelligence now? There was a moment of my insult sinking in before I began to laugh, too.
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..." he murmured. I looked away.
The L-word. The dreaded L-word which always changed everything and always moulded things into something worse. Nothing lasted long after it was said, nothing stayed the same. Everything took a turn down a darker road or towards a broken bridge - and I was not one for leaps of faith to see if I could jump to the other side of it. I had never seen real love - not with any of my boyfriends, not with my Mom and Dad, not with anything. I 'loved' my siblings, but I really think that my love between them, Arie, my friends - it was just misnamed. Because it wasn't the same as the love you saw in movies. It was something truer to myself. Something that didn't change me.
Love was supposed to change people. Give them a strength they didn't have before. Give them something that they didn't have - and though I did feel like I had everything with Edward around, I couldn't say it. I couldn't change what I had so I could hope for something more. Because I wouldn't get more. I would get less. And I would be left heartbroken, or worse...
"What a stupid lamb." I finally sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment. Then, he turned to me and smiled. I smiled back.
"So. Tell me what I did wrong. Why you ran away." His smile faded.
"You know it wasn't-"
"Don't give me that. I need to start learning what I can and cannot do. This," I stroked his hand again. "Seems to be alright."
He smiled again."You didn't do anything wrong, Liv. It was my fault."
"If we're going to make this work, I need to know how I can help so as to make things easy."
"Well..." he contemplated slowly. "It was just how close you were." I winced. That was all I wanted to do. It was not what I wanted to hear. "Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness...I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." He stopped, worrying that he had upset me. I raised my eyebrows.
"Okay. Turtle necks in spring. Check." He laughed, which made me smile.
"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."
He raised his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck. I sat very still, the chill of his touch a warning - a warning telling me to be terrified. But there was no fear in me. Instead I felt my heartrate pick up.
"See?" His voice was husky. I bit my lip. "Perfectly fine."
But was it? My blood was racing and I wished that I knew how to control that. Like people can for a lie detector. I knew I was making things more difficult and I thought about apologizing because I knew that he could hear my heart slapping my ribs.
"That blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured. He gently freed his other hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. I closed my eyes as he held my face between his cool hands, leveling out the temperature of my blush with his icy grasp. It was nice. Like when you put a cool cloth to calm a fever.
"Be very still," he whispered, as if I was not frozen already.
Slowly, I smelt as he came closer towards me, his breath stronger on my face and then my chin, then on my neck. I tried to stay calm. I couldn't tell if I was afraid or if I was excited - but my heart was pounding. Damnit, why couldn't I calm down for his sake?
Then, gently but surprisingly, he rested his cold cheek against the hallow of my throat, which was suddenly more sensitive than it had ever been in my life. I was solid as I could be, trying to hold back breath, pulse, and tremours just with my mind - I failed. I listened to the sound of his breathing, smelt his bronze hair which could not be compared to anything I had ever smelt.
With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck, making me shiver. His breath caught and I whispered an apology. He responded by shifting his hands to my shoulders and drifting his face to the left, his nose skimming my collar bone. I shivered again. His face pressed against my chest and for a moment I expected him to move again.
But he didn't.
"Ah," he sighed, almost reminiscently. I opened my eyes and tilted my head slightly, but closed my eyes again and bit my lips as I realized he was listening to my heart beating - furiously. It picked up faster with the realization.
"Vivienne," Something told me he wasn't just saying my name, but the meaning of it. We sat there without moving for a long while, possibly hours. Eventually, my pulse slowed to a normal rate as both of us grew accustomed to the position we had found ourselves. He didn't speak again as he held me, I knew any movement could be too much for him to handle. My life could even end so quickly that I didn't notice. Then he would feel horrible. But he was touching me. Breathing me in. Living with me as he absorbed my heartbeat through his skin.
Then, too soon, he let go of me. When we looked at each other, though my heartbeat was slow, I was suddenly out of breath. His eyes were peaceful.
"It won't be so hard again," he assured me.
"How hard was it this time?"
"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"
"Oh, it was just a slice of heaven, no big deal." He smiled.
"You know what I mean." He took my hand and held it against his cheek. "Here. Do you feel how warm it is?"
It almost was warm. His skin had lost it's icyness and had gone to a humans that had been with cold sweat - but he was not sweaty. He was unnaturally soft. But I was touching him again and suddenly, it was all I wanted to do. I bit my lip as the idea hit me.
"Don't move," I whispered. No one could be still like Edward. His closed eyes and stillness made him look like a statue that Michaelangelo would have felt envy over. I smiled softly as I gazed upon him - so beautiful.
I moved more slowly than he did, because I knew there was much more chance that I'd go out of his control than he would have gone out of his own. I caressed his cheek, delicately stroked his eyelid, the purple shadow under his eye. I traced the shape of his perfect, sharp nose, his strong cheekbones which traveled down to his strong jaw. He was so strong and solid, everywhere...except for his lips. His lips held an innocence and vulnerability, a softness and sweetness that only his eyes held when he looked at me. I touched them, biting my lip anxiously. His lips parted under my hand and I could feel his cool breath on my fingertips. I took in my own shaky breath, which he mimicked less than a second later. I wanted to lean in, inhale the scent of him. So I dropped my hand and leaned away, not wanting to push him too far.
He opened his eyes, a longing in them that I had never seen within him before. It was not the primal need for my life that I had seen, but the primal need for me. It made me freeze, hoping he would use the urge and follow its signals. He did not. I needed to start expecting that.
"I wish," he whispered raspily. "I wish you could feel the...complexity...the confusion...I feel. That you could understand."
He raised his hand to my hair then carefully brushed it across my face.
"I have time to listen."
"I don't think I can explain even with an eternity to do so. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger - the thirst - that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely." He smiled.
"That is speculation, sir." He laughed at me, taking his fingers and touching my lips as I giggled. I stopped immediately, calming myself for him.
"But..." he paused, his eyes intently watching my lip. I was nervous that it would begin to quiver. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."
"I may understand that better than you think."
"I am not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"
"Never. I think it's just you."
"Oh." He seemed disappointed a moment and I realized what he thought I meant. "I don't know how to be close to you," he admitted. "That's the problem. That I don't know if I can. That must be why it's me."
"No! I mean, I think it's just because of you. You do this to me. Only you." I warned him with my eyes as I leaned towards him and placed my cheek against his chest. It was hard as stone, cold even through his shirt. But muscular. Scultpted. Real. I could hear his breath swirling under my ear...and nothing else.
"This is enough for me." I sighed, closing my eyes and melting into his chill. In a very human move, he put his arms around me and pressed his face into my hair. My heartrate jumped and I didn't dare move for a few minutes until he adjusted to it.
"I think you're underestimating yourself. You're doing wonderfully."
"I have human instincts - they may be buried deep, but they're there."
We sat like that for another immeasurable moment; I wondered if he could be as hesitant to move as I was, if he really did care for me enough that he thought the L-word was the only true way to express his emotions. Part of me hoped that it was true, as much as I hated the term. Another part of me wished for more - a word or a meaning that was as rare and ethereal as he was. The chances were slim.
But I could now see the light fading, the shadows of the forest beginning to touch us, I sighed.
"You have to go." He whispered.
"So you lied." I accused playfully. "You can read my mind."
"It's getting clearer." I could hear the smile in his voice. He took my shouolders and I looked into his face, hoping he would take the opportunities he missed - stop getting your hopes up, Vivienne. You're ridiculous.
"Can I show you something?" He was suddenly excited. I looked at him suspiciously, the mood change and glimmer in his eye was not comforting.
"Depends, does it have anything to do with dismemberment, needles, or barbies?"
"No," he laughed at me. "I'll show you how I travel in the forest. Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile so beautiful that my heart nearly stopped.
"I'm just going to take a swing in the dark and assume you don't mean you'll turn into a bat?"
He laughed loud. A purely jubilant sound - it was uplifting. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"
"Uh...you didn't answer..."
"Come on, my inept adventurer, climb on my back."
"You're kidding," I began but he seemed to mean it as he reached for me. My heart reacted; even though he couldn't read my brain like the other people littering the world, my pulse must have given everything away for him. He proceeded to sling me onto his back, with very little effort - for either of us. I clamped my arms and legs tightly around him, not really worried about choking him anymore. He was so stonelike that I felt unstable and like I would possibly fall off if he let go of me.
"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," I warned.
"Hah!" he snorted, I could almost hear his eyes rolling, which made me scowl. He was in higher spirits than I had ever seen him. It made me blush into his neck as I leaned as much of my body as I could against him. He startled me by grabbing my hand and gently pressing my palm to his face. I heard him inhale.
"Easier all the time," he muttered, with a smile. He took the time to look back at me and winked.
Then he was off. If I had ever feared death in his presence before that moment, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. He was streaking through the dark, avoiding obstacles like trees and underbrush I could barely see as if he were a bullet streaking over them. I couldn't tell if his feet were evening touching the ground because the ride was so smooth, but the trees were flying by lethally, each just waiting for their chance to decapitate me.
All I could hope was that if that happened he already had a place planned to hide my body.
Then, almost faster than I could believe, the torture was over. We had hiked hours this morning to reach Edward's meadow, and now in a matter of minutes we were back. My homely truck had never looked more comfortable, slow, and safe.
"Exhilarating, isn't it?" He asked excitedly, waiting for me to cimb off. I couldn't. I clutched to him, still expecting a tree branch to try and work as a machete. "Vivienne?"
"I think you killed me accidentally," I squeaked.
"Oh, sorry," He waited for me to get down.
"I don't want to move. I'm afraid I'll feel what has to be broken bones and bloody gashes and...and..." I couldn't say death, because I didn't want to insult him. He chuckled quietly, gently unloosening my strangle-hold on his neck. I melted into him - wise tactic. He pulled me around to face him, cradling me in his arms like a small child. He held me a moment, a small smile on his face before he set me own.
"How do you feel?"
"I think it can only be compared to what a trauma patient in the hospital must feel after a car accident."
"Put our head between your knees." He suggested, looking a little more worried than he had a moment before. I tried that and it helped a little as I breathed in and out. I did that until my stomach settled itself back into where it should be - your stomach being at the back of your throat was not a pleasant feeling.
"I guess that wasn't the best idea," he mused somewhat disappointed.
"A little warning, next time." I concurred. I lifted my head to look at him, only to see his face light up as he began to laugh at me.
"Hah! You're as white as a ghost - no, you're as white as me!"
"You're funny," I mumbled sarcastically. I groaned. "I should have closed my eyes."
"Remember that next time."
"Yeah, next time," I agreed with a grumble. He laughed, mood still radiant. "You're a show off."
"Open your eyes, Liv." Of course I obeyed him. His face was very close to mine and I breathed in, bathing myself in his smell. I was frozen. Maybe that was part of his cool vampire powers - that his smell worked as a paralysis, he seemed to leave me fumbling to move, breathe, or speak all the time. It wasn't impossible, considering everything else I'd seen from his twinkly reality.
"I was thinking, while I was running..." he paused.
"Funny, what happened seemed completely thoughtless."
"Silly, Liv," he chided. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about anyway."
"You're still showing off."
He smiled at me. "No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."
He took my face in his hands again, stunning me into silence. There were no witty comments or awkward conjunctions. He hesitated - not like a man would hesitate before he kissed a woman, he was not gauging my reaction. He had no need to, my heart was stuttering it's own reply that I am sure the entire world could hear, vampire or no. Instead Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his instincts.
Then, his cold, surprisingly soft lips pressed very softly onto my own.
It was perfect, he had judged it well, but I was a factor he had not anticipated. Blood boiled under my skin and my breath came out in a wild gasp. I pulled him towards me, trying to pour weeks of my emotion into his lips. I was more than momentarily disappointed as I felt him turn into unresponsive stone under my hands.
"Oh my God," I whispered as I let go of him, realizing what I had done. I backed away from him, crawling like a crab as far as I could get in that ten seconds. "I'm so sorry."
His eyes were wild, his jaw clenched in acute restraint. He looked like an angel in a graveyard, watching over someone who shouldn't have been there - and for once, I realized what he meant. What he meant about killing me. The simple image had brought it a lot more clearly to my heart than all his explanations.
Then, slowly, the excitement and hunger in his eyes calmed down. They faded into the gentleness I had grown to appreciate. Then, he smiled a surprisingly impish grin.
"There." He was pleased with himself. I was surprised.
"Are you okay?"
He laughed aloud. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."
"I'm glad one of us can say it." He was on his feet with his hand outstretched to my own before I could fathom that he had moved at all.
"You are only human, after all." He smirked, raising a taunting eyebrow. I failed to see the humour behind what he meant.
"Evidently." My voice as acerbic. I took his hand needing the support and the knowledge he wasn't upset with me.
"Are you still faint from the run? Or as it my kissing expertise?" How lighthearted, how human he seemed as he laughed now, his seraphic face untroubled. He was a different Edward than the one I had known. And I felt all the more smitten by him. It would cause me physical pain for any sort of separation now.
"Columns A and B." I rolled my eyes, trying to ease my embarrassment.
"Maybe you should let me drive."
"You're just full of wise-cracks today, aren't you?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I can drive better than you on your best day," he teased. I narrowed my eyes, so he quickly amended with, "you have much slower reflexes."
"Well, that's obvious now, but I don't think my stomach or my truck could handle any more of the experience I just had."
"Some trust please, Vivienne." He seemed to like to say my name, and I didn't mind. I liked him saying my name more that I would care to admit. My hand was in my pocket, curled tightly around my truck key. I raised an eyebrow and shook my head with a tight grin.
"In your dreams." He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. I started to step around him to go to the drivers side. But apparently it was now a game between the two of us and the car key because his arm created a trap around my waist and held me back.
"Vivienne, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you cant even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I could hardly think around his incredibly sweet scent. I took a breath of him and hid it so that it looked like it was just to speak.
"Drunk?"
"You're intoxicated by my very presence." he was grinning that playful smirk of his.
"I could say the same." I challenged. I held the key high and dropped it into his hand. He smiled brightly at me. "My truck is a senior citizen. Treat him even more gently than a human you run through the forest with."
"You were surprisingly sensible." He smirked.
"What? Was I wrong?" I asked, slightly stung. "Are you not affected by me at all?"
Again his features transformed, his expression soft and warm. It took him a long time to answer, he simply bent his face low and brushed his lips against my jaw from ear chin. Back and forth and back and forth, hypnotizing me by the movement. My eyes had closed at the wonderful, cool sensation.
"Regardless," he murmured against my neck. "I have better reflexes."
What did you think? I love that little moment at the end, I always feel all giddy and warm when I read it. Anyway, thank you for reading and waiting for me. I love you all!
Mass amounts of love go out to my reviewers:
Iavasgil: Thank you for reviewing, yet again. I hope you liked this chapter, I tried to stay true to the cuteness but add some of Vivienne's sass in :)
Angel of the Night Watchers: I've sadly heard that Abduction isn't that great, which sucks, but I'd love to see it to support him anyway. I will have to take a look at those stories, I think I have heard of The Omega, but I rarely read twilight fanfictions anymore - I'm back into my Harry Potter craze. Anyway, thanks for doing this again, as always. You're fantastic.
Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967: I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well, thank you for reviewing!
I love my reviewers, guys. Please, please, please REVIEW!
-Egypt