Dean had been restless the entire night. The image of Sam crying refused to budge from his mind leaving him feeling partially guilty and partially justified. If he would have had known that Sam was eavesdropping at the moment, he never would have opened up and said all of that stuff. Great! So now he had once more revealed his innermost thoughts and feelings only for them to be heard by Sam. Now once again they might be used against him. Dean hated feeling so vulnerable and weak. So now Sam had heard everything and had shed tears over it.

Why did it have to hurt so bad to be around Sam now? His whole time in hell he had wanted nothing but to be back with Sam and now he couldn't wait to walk away and ignore him. Dean agreed that they both had changed after the horrible experience and he didn't expect everything to go back to as it was but he could help but hope to see at least a glimmer of old times back in them. Before the siren, things were better. Maybe coming apart but at least their relationship was way better before than now. Now Dean couldn't possibly hope to believe even one word that Sam said.

Before he had trusted his brother, thought not entirely but somewhat he had had trust in his brother, but that trust was long gone now. After all the times Sam had lied and sneaked around behind his back doing things that Dean was terrified of , things that their father had taught them to fight against , Sam couldn't possibly expect Dean to take him back like nothing had ever happened. Maybe Sam did deserve all this. But then Sam was his brother also and whatever happens you could not abandon family, so Dean couldn't leave his brother to his own mechanics either.

Now Dean was confused, tired of it all. All the lies and the betrayals were taking a toll on him. Not to mention the oh-so-frequent nightmares he had about hell wearied him out. If Dean had a chance, he would gladly escape it all. Getting away from all of it would be like a miracle.

Sam was at fault. For ignoring Dean's dying wish. For going against everything they had ever believed in. for doing dark things. For believing in Ruby, trusting her so much, for replacing Dean with her. For lying all this time. For saying all those hurtful things that had been etched permanently in Dean's mind forever. For betraying him over and over again till Dean was so out of it that he couldn't possibly hope to believe a single word is brother said to him. For everything between them.

Dean's thoughts were interrupted when he heard Sam screaming from the upstairs bedroom. Sam was shouting out his name. Dean sighed; Sam must have had another nightmare. Sam's shriek and sound of his sobbing had Dean rushing upstairs in an instant.

Sam saw his bedroom door flung open and Dean rushed in with his arms out open coming to comfort him. Seeing Dean sound and alive, calmed Sam down and his sobs turned into whimpers. Dean saw Sammy sobbing uncontrollably and he rushed forward to sweep Sam into his arms and comfort him like he used to do before. Wave after wave of nostalgia swept over him.

As he went forward towards Sam with his arms open, he realized that Sam looked very vulnerable at the moment. Everything since his return from hell came rushing back into his mind. His mind hardened. He went back from the protective elder brother to the miserable man he had become in these past few days. The words, the memories, everything came back.

It was then Dean realized that Sam wouldn't like to be hugged or comforted at the moment. Sam had changed now and hugging Sam would probably be the last thing Sam would want him to do after everything that had happened. Sam was now changed and was stronger than Dean for Dean to comfort him. Hugging would probably make things worse for them. Seeing sam cry like this tore at dean's heart but he could not do anything about it. It made him all the more did not want to reminisce about old times and hope that Sammy would come back to him. Hugging Sam would just inflate this hope in Dean's heart and remind him about all the hurt and misery. So Dean let his hands drop down to his side casually.

But Sam was his brother after all, so nevertheless Dean walked over to Sam and said, "You okay?"

Sam saw it all. When Dean first came in, his eyes were filled with nothing but concern and love for Sam. He was about to come and comfort him. Sam looked at Dean hopefully that maybe Dean would comfort him at the moment just like old times. A memory of an 8 year old Sam crying after having a nightmare and a 12 year old Dean hugging and comforting him wove in through Sam's mind.

He waited for Dean to come up to him and hug him and assure him that everything would be okay but no such thing happened. Sam saw Dean's eyes. Something in them changed. One moment there was nothing but concern and love in them , next moment there was a flash of hurt in Dean's eyes and the very next second Dean's eyes closed up and the walls were back.

Dean always had built walls around himself making himself look stronger and invulnerable. There was a time when only Sam could bring down those walls but now Sam's sobbing didn't ever create a fissure in those walls. Dean's hands dropped back to his side awkwardly. Seeing Dean unaffected even by his tears and unwilling to comfort him had Sam burst into a fresh round of tears. Had they become in such a helluva condition that not even seeing Sam weeping had an affect on Dean. Had he screwed everything up so badly that Dean's heart had practically turned into a stone when concerning Sam? This helped his waterworks escalate and the sobs racked his entire frame. When exactly had life become so screwed up? Sam thought.

Now Sam couldn't even bear to look into Dean's eyes. If he would look all he would see was emotionless pits with no love or any emotion for Sam at all. Sam didn't think he could bear to see that. So Sam kept his head low and when Dean came up to him and asked him if he was okay, Sam didn't bother raising his head. Keeping his head low, Sam carefully nodded making sure Dean didn't see his face and realize the pain he had caused Sam by not comforting him like before. This wasn't his brother. The brother he knew would have immediately known what was wrong by looking at him. This stone cold brother was not the one whom he had looked up to all his life.

Just then Dean said, "Well it's almost 7 and I am making breakfast so if you want you can shower and come down to eat." With that Dean exited the room.

Sam sat in the bed for a min or two with his head in his hands. His tears had finally stopped, now that his tear jerker brother was out of the room. The nightmare was still vivid in his mind. Sam felt miserable as he thought about past times. Nostalgia didn't take him anywhere. All it did was to increase the dull throbbing ache in his head. Sam felt as though he had spent all his time knocking on a door that once used to open but was now permanently rusted shut.

Sam disentangled himself from the blankets and walked to his duffel. In the duffel, he reached his hand towards the corner and took out the amulet that had once belonged to Dean. Staring at it made Sam feel remorseful and full of self pity. Dean didn't want him around anymore. The only person who he had thought loved him the most now loved him the least. A fresh round of tears fell as past memories flashed through his head at lightning fast rate. More tears dripped down his cheeks. Rubbing at his eyes, carefully collecting himself, Sam picked up a fresh change of clothes and walked to the bathroom.

Half hour later, Sam walked downstairs to breakfast.

At the table he found Bobby sitting alone eating bacon and eggs.

"Where is Dean?" Sam asked as he sat down across Bobby at the table.

"Out" Bobby replied in his gruff voice "working on his car"

The rest of the food was consumed in silence as Sam and Bobby sat lost in their own thoughts the whole time. Bobby cleared his throat and Sam was knocked out of his thoughts.

"I am going to the library. You want anything else boy?" Bobby asked him

Sam shook his head and Bobby wheeled himself to the library. Just then Sam's cell phone chose to ring. Looking at the caller id Sam saw that it was Ruby calling. Sam glanced around once to see if either Bobby or Dean were around and quickly answered the phone.

"Ruby. What are you calling for?" Sam asked annoyed by the fact that she had called when he had clearly told her to stay low for some time so he could sort things out with Dean.

"Wow. Whats got your boxers in a knot?" came back from the other line

"I thought I had asked you not to call" Sam huffed

"Yeah well whateva. I got a new lead on Lilith. So I was thinking that it has been a long time since we have practiced. So how bout tonight?

"Ruby you know that I can't. I need to sort things out with Dean first then we can do all the practice there is to do."

"Oh yeah well I am sure you can sort things out when Dean's back burning away in hell when Lilith claims him back. You can sort things later. Lilith comes first. This could be our only chance."

This tensed Sam. And a hiss of anger escaped his mouth.

"I recall you saying that the last time too and the time before that also. There might be other chances to come but I am not giving up on Dean for now. Just a few more days then we'll see"

"Sam don't start that argu-" Ruby replied

"I'll call you later" Sam quickly cut her off and shut the phone on seeing Dean enter the room.

Dean entered the room and saw Sam cut off the phone on seeing him. Dean went over to the kitchen, picked a glass of water and said, "Oh that's fine. You don't need to stop talking to your girlfriend .I am just drinking water and then I'll be out of your hair. You can then discuss your dates in peace."

"Dean it wasn't her-"Sam shouted out

But by then Dean had left the room. Great. So now Dean had heard him talking to Ruby and had been hurt. Sam sighed out loud in frustration. Everything was so messed up. He sighed.