Super update, guys! Five chapters, one day - including a new story - how exciting is that? I hope you like the different chapters, all of them are pretty exciting, if you ask me. This one is full of Edward/Vivienne cuteness and nice differences between Vivienne and Bella here.
Anyway, please be sure to check out my other chapters all edited by the oh-so-wonderful Angel of the Night Watchers who puts up with all my spelling, grammar, and silly plot holes.
Hope you enjoy!
When Edward actually cared about my sanity and kept the speed somewhat reasonable, I couldn't deny that he was a good driver. He was more cool, calm, and collected than I had been - but it might be because while I had had a demi-God staring through to my soul he just had...well, me.
He looked effortless and more carefree than I had ever seen him. He drove one handed, holding my hand on the seat - you could just imagine what I was thinking. Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes back to me - my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together. It was like a movie.
He had turned the radio to an oldies station, singing along with a song I'd never heard before and knowing every line. His singing voice was more than honey, it was like chocolate, honey, and molten sugar. It was better than anyone I'd heard on the radio and it was more entrancing than any show I had ever attended - which is saying something as I attended a school especially for this kind of thing.
"You like fifties music?" I asked. I take back my last statement, it was like an old fifties movie.
"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" he shuttered. "The eighties were bearable."
I raised an eyebrow. "Are you ever going to tell me how old you really are?"
"Does it matter much?"
"I had nine lives at the beginning, please don't make me wait through another one just to find out. I don't know how many I have left at this point." He chuckled and mused lightly to himself.
"I wonder if it will upset you," he wondered quietly, gazing into the sun. Seconds passed. He slowly looked into my eyes, seeming to forget the road for a time. Whatever he saw within them seemed to encourage him enough, but he didn't seem able to look at me when he said it. He turned back to the road, feigning concentration on the simple act of steering.
"I was born in Chicago in 1901." He paused, glancing at me through the corner of his eye. I made a face, to which he seemed automatically curious. "What are you thinking?"
"You missed the Victorian Era, it's the most beautiful one." I basically pouted, thinking of all the wonderful dresses I had seen, costumes I had been placed in. It was the most elegant age in my opinion - the time of corsets, bodices, and full shirts with rich colours.
"You mean the one where the streets littered with lepers and people with all kinds of diseases, children and family living in pure poverty forced to steal and later be executed just for a meal a week, and slavery of those who were fortunate enough not to be hung?" He asked judgmentally without a breath between sentences. I blushed, my face burning hot and relishing how cool his grasp on my hand was.
"That's the one." I acknowledged. He smiled a tiny smile.
"Carlisle found me in the hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish Influenza." I gasped, the idea of it probably almost as painful as the sickness itself. I remembered history - I loved history - and I knew what it had been. It was known as the blood plague - nurses wore rubber rain boots just to shift themselves through the hallways of hospitals. Blood poured out of each orifice, choked you in your sleep...
"I don't remember it well," he assured me as he saw my horror. "It was a very long time ago, and human memories fade. I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing. Not something you could forget."
"Do you remember your parents?" I asked with empathy.
"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me in all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."
"How'd he...you know, do it?"
A few seconds passed before he answered. He seemed to choose his words carefully. "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us...I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." He paused. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."
I could tell by the set of his jaw that it was all he would say about that. He didn't want me to guess about the Legend of Dracula and he didn't want me to question about his own process. To be honest, I was a little freaked out and I decided I didn't want to know right now, anyway.
"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though somehow her heart was still beating."
"So then you have to be dying to become..." I didn't like saying the word. It was too taboo. He seemed to appreciate it.
"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." The respect in his voice was always profound any time he spoke of Carlisle - but especially on this subject. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." He did not leave that subject to be explored either.
"Emmett and Rosalie?"
"Carlisle brought Rosalie into our family next. I didn't realize until much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him - he was careful with his thoughts around me. But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting - we were in Appalachia at the time - and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." He through a pointed glare in my direction and raised our hands, still folded together to brush my cheek with the back of his hand. I bit my lip.
"She made it, though," I encouraged, the double meaning not well hidden.
"Yes, she saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." He laughed.. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."
"What about Alice and Jasper?"
"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another..." he paused a moment and winced. "Family. A very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm of our kind."
"But you said you were the only one who could listen to people's thoughts!" I immediately began to worry that she had heard mine and in the end, he had known everything I ever thought.
"I am." He assured. "She knows other things. She sees things - things that might happen, things that are coming. But its very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." Another subject that seemed not to need to be elaborated on. So - the future changes? It was kind of nice to have something to believe in. Fate didn't exist. Another thing to mark off my list of things to deliberate during math class.
"So...she's a medium? What kind of things does she see?"
"She saw Jasper and knew what he was looking for him before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat that they may pose."
"So there are...a lot of you." I breathed.
"No. Not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who have given up hunting people," he thew a glance to me, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became to noticeable. Those of us who live...differently tend to band together."
"Which leaves the others to...?"
"They are Nomads, for the most pat. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."
"Ew. Why?" My bluntness surprised both of us. My eyes widened in embarrassment and he chuckled as he pulled into my driveway. It was very quiet and dark; there was no moon which would have set the stars ablaze, but we were out of the higher mountains now - there were clouds covering the sky, hiding the earlier stars I had seen all evening and blanketing the town in darkness.
"Did you not see me this afternoon?" he teased. "Do you think I could walk down the streets in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to get outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."
"I love the nighttime." I pouted defensively. He smiled. "So, is that where the legends came from?"
"Probably."
"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"
"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that someday she would become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."
I rubbed my temples. "So much information. I never pay this much attention in school."
"I'm honoured." He mocked with a dazzling grin. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."
As soon as it was said, my stomach growled louder than the lions on Discovery Channel. I blushed. "I'm good."
"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." I laughed, opening the car door and waiting to finish the thought for when he had opened my door for me. We meandered slowly towards my step - I was trying to buy all the time I could afford.
"Don't you remember what it's like? Miss it at all? I mean - you can't even remember chocolate?" My stomach hissed again, upset I was making fun of it for not being able to eat what I was describing. I tripped over the step only to have him touch my elbow to balance me.
"Sadly no." He chuckled. "You should get inside and have some."
"I want to stay here." I whispered.
"On your porch? This is not the most comfortable of places, Vivienne." He informed factually. I rolled my eyes.
"I mean I want to stay with you, big-head." Ah, so the nicknames began.
"Can't I come in?" My heart skipped a beat.
"You'd want to? I'm just making some leftovers from the fridge." I asked in surprise, finding it hard to picture the elegant Edward Cullen in such a plain, little house. He was more suited for a castle, or possibly near some golden gates. I think the closest ones were in England.
"Yes, if it's all right." I opened the door, fumbling with the keys and let both of us in. As the door began swinging open, he held it open for me. I smiled.
"How human."
"It's definitely resurfacing."
I walked toward my refrigerator, listening as he chuckled behind me the entire way -he must have noticed that I hadn't dared put on the lights to ruin the image of him being in my house. It was probably his abnormally strong worry that caused him to turn the lights on that were by the other side of the counter. I raised my eyebrows.
"How did you-"
"I was curious about you." I blinked.
"Did you...are you insinuating that you spied on me?" I asked in confusion. It was flattering and I felt myself blushing that I had asked it aloud - obviously I was not important enough for so much effort - and I would never mind were he in the house, he had no need to snoop. He didn't seem concerned.
"What else is there to do at night?"
I began walking back toward the fridge, biting my lip and looking at my feet. I heard the door open and close and by the time I had looked up, he had the lasagne from the night before on a plate. I took it from him with my eyes narrowed, pushing it into the microwave.
"So. How often?"
"Hmmm?" He asked, looking at me as if he didn't understand the question. I rolled my eyes.
"How often do you come here and watch the average life of an average girl?"
"You are hardly average," he argued with a crease in his brow. "Were you so average, I would not come here almost every night..."
"Every n-" I stopped myself, feeling like I was having a hard attack. "What are you talking about - what would you fi - why?"
"You're interesting when you sleep." He spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk. And sing. And giggle - it's the strangest thing..." he mused, as if he had forgotten I was there. "And sometimes, the times I worry about most, you sleep walk. But you mostly just talk." He smiled brightly, a glint in his eye that I immediately disliked.
"Oh, no!" I had known this for years. When I was twelve my Mom had taken me to the doctor because I had been having so much trouble sleeping and when I did sleep, I would wake up in places I didn't remember being. Once I was on the neighbours driveway. I'd woken up - as I always did - and had started screaming, waking half the neighbourhood.
The doctors had told me that I have sleep apnea because of my tonsils, that I would be able to sleep better when I got them out. After the event with the neighbours, we decided it was time. We had thought it would all go away when I got them out because I wouldn't be as exhausted, but it didn't. It just got worse. Something about having too few delta waves and too many alpha or beta waves...I don't really remember at this point. In the end, instead of waking up because I stopped breathing, I stayed asleep. It made it harder for them to find me in my sleep-hiding-places. It looked like Shawn had it too.
But talking? Oh God, Mom said that I could have conversations with her in my sleep. Full conversations! I would always throw things that wouldn't make sense which related it to my dreaming, like have a conversation surrounded by green cows, but they were always full sentences. I put my hand to my head, trying to remember every dream I had been having of Edward and what I could have said during them.
"Are you angry with me?" he asked quietly, having bent down to put himself in my line of vision from where I had zoned out in worry. I winced.
"Depends on if you're upset with me. What did I say to you?"
"Oh. So you know you have conversations." He said. I screamed in embarrassment - if he was informing me of it, that means he must have taken advantage of it. Oh God. He knew everything - he knew everything about anything I had ever thought about him. He had, in essence, read my mind against my will when I was too dazed to even know it was happening!
"Don't be upset!" he pleaded, taking my hands in his. "You miss Arie. You worry about her and you worry about Katie because you know you're the only good role model she has. When it rains, you fall asleep easier; but when it storms, you fall asleep smiling. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. You like animals, you want it to be warm so you can see all the animals." He looked at me intensely, trying to get me to understand. "I just wanted to know more about you - once the plow started, I couldn't just let it go without monitoring it."
"And there was nothing that made you want to stay and listen, in particular?" I asked accusingly. He knew what I was getting at and looked away from me.
"You did say my name," he admitted.
"A lot." I finished for him. If he could have blushed, I bet he would have because of that cute sheepish look on his face.
"How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"
"Oh my God!" He pulled me softly against his chest at my outburst and shushed me.
"Don't be self conscious." He whispered. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." I shook my head. "It was sweet. I couldn't leave."
"What else did you-" but as I was about to tear him a new one, we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the headlights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. I stiffened in his arms with my eyes wide.
"Should your father know I'm here?" he asked.
"Uh - no." I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "But I don't want you to leave. He can meet you-"
"Another time then..."
And I was alone. I seethed. It was unfair to leave me so distressed about what I had said while asleep and it was unfair for him to just leave my arms as if he were taking off shoes.
"Edward!" I hissed. "You'd better stay - I know you can hear me!"
I heard a ghostly chuckle that comforted me, but nothing else. The next sound I heard was Charlie's key in the door.
"Liv?"
"In here." I hoped he would not hear my frustration. I grabbed my dinner then sat at the table as he walked in - his footsteps much more loud than Edward's.
"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." He stepped on the heels of his boots to take them off, nodding towards the plate Edward had prepared for me. I nodded and took my food with me, scarfing it down as I microwaved the rest. It burnt the top of my mouth. I filled two glasses with milk as his lasagne was heating and gulped mine to put out the fire. As I set the glass down, I notice the milk shaking in my hand - nope. My hand shaking the milk.
"Thanks," he said as I placed his food on the table.
"How was you day?" I asked. The words were rushed - I just wanted to go to my room. Something told me I would be happier and have more appreciated company.
"Good. The fish were biting...how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?" he asked, shoving some food in his mouth. I tried to laugh at him but it was mechanical.
"Nope. I ended up going outside - it was so nice out." I ate three more bites. Dad nodded.
"It was a nice day," he agreed. It was a significantly noticeable understatement. Suddenly finishing my lasagne, I lifted my glass and chugged the last bit of milk.
"In a hurry?" Charlie was never observant - I wondered how obvious I was being.
"Yeah, I'm whooped. Headed to bed."
"Really? You looked kinda keyed up," he noted. Of course it was tonight that Charlie decided to be observant. I couldn't lie - I knew that - and so would he.
"Do I really?" I took my dishes to the sink, just to turn my back on him. I heard him grunt.
"It's a Saturday." Silence. "No plans?"
"It's the dance, remember? Everyone's out. And I just want to go to my room and stop thinking." He was suspicious but trying to play it cool.
"None of the boys in town you type, eh?" I turned around to face him, not believing my ears.
"Really, Dad? Does this seem comfortable ground before you decide to put all you weight on it?" I scolded, I watched as he blushed.
"Well, I was thinking maybe that Mike Newton...you said he was friendly."
"To me, friendly. To my good fiend Jessica? Basically a boyfriend. No way."
"Well, you're too good for all the guys here anyway. Wait 'til you get to college to start looking." It would be every father's dream that his daughters hormones would kick in when she was already gone. Too bad mine were currently doing rapid fire.
"I'm not agreeing to that," I sang as I headed up the stairs. He said a goodnight on my way up that I threw one back in turn. So - he'd come in and check on me tonight. He must have thought I was sneaking out...which I couldn't tell if it was more or less tempting now. I'd snuck out of my Mom's house but had never had reason to sneak out of here.
"Edward?" I whispered as I entered the darkness of my room. I stumbled towards the window, wondering if he was waiting outside.
"Yes?" He was laughing from behind me, so when I turned around I really hadn't expected to see him lain on my bed, smiling hugely. His hands were relaxed behind his head, his feet dangling off the end - sometimes I seemed to forget how tall he was, but he was relaxed and calm, the picture of ease.
"Hey!" I breathed, going towards him and standing at the edge of my bed. I glared at him.
"I'm sorry." He pressed his lips together to try and smother his laughter.
"Just give me a second to understand why you're so insensitive." I muttered, looking him up and down in accusation. He sat up slowly, so as to prove the point that if I didn't like it, it would not happen. He lightly touched my hand but I couldn't tell who he was trying to benefit with it - either way, I know that I liked it far more than I should have.
"Why don't you sit with me?" He suggested, pulling me closer. "Is this okay?"
"You tell me." I was worried about doing something stupid again, on top of that, I was worried that my heart was beating too loudly and embarrassing me without meaning to. I just couldn't help it - he was a new form of intoxication. We sat there for a moment in silence, listening to my heartbeat slow. I couldn't believe that Edward was in my house with my father just downstairs.
"Would you mind if I made myself look...decent?" I asked, suddenly feeling the effects of a windblown face and long hike in the woods. He laughed.
"If you insist. But don't make yourself look decent - that is a step down from the beautiful you are now."
"Stay." I ordered, knowing that hearing more of that was both what I wanted and what I dreaded.
"Yes, ma'am." He made a show of becoming a beautiful statue on my bed, the only thing moving were his eyes as he watched me cross the room to get pajamas and what few toiletries weren't already in the bathroom. I left the light off and slipped out.
I cold hear the sound of the TV from here but I made sure that I made more sound, just so Charlie wouldn't come up to bother me and to let him know that since I was showering, I obviously was not going out. I took a fast, hot shower, not giving it the time it needed to unknot my back. My shampoo and conditioner made my hair easier to weave my fingers through, though it was still nearly impossible. I brushed my teeth of the lasagne a little too viciously - just in case my mouth was needed for any more than smart-ass remarks.
I quickly contemplated going in to get my Victoria's Secret skimpy lingerie for under my real pajamas - again, as a precaution - that my friends had bought me as a joke for Christmas a few years back, but thought against it. Eagerness is apparently unattractive.
I rubbed the towel through my hair and yanked a brush through the dreadlock tangles. When it was smooth and somewhat straight, I conceded to putting on my pajamas. I shouted goodnight to Charlie from the top of the stairs, asking him to give me his towels because I had used the last two and would do a load in the morning - hopefully that would keep him from checking on me tonight.
Edward had not moved a millimeter, he was a perfect statue that Michelangelo would have ogled. I smiled, his lips twitched and ruined the illusion. His eyes, the only other thing that moved took in my damp hair and faded pajamas. "Nice."
I grimaced.
"No, it looks good on you."
"I'm sure I'm an image of beauty," I said sarcastically. "But at least now I don't look like I got caught in a windtunnel." I glared at him. "Thanks for that."
"What was all that for?" His eyes indicated where I had screamed from the landing.
"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out and being the rebel I ought to be."
"Oh." He contemplated that. "Why?"
"You're the mindreader. Apparently, I look a little overexcited."
He examined me, still across the room from me, before I automatically began to move forward, as if he had summoned me. "You look warm, actually."
I took my time to sit beside him and he sat up to be right by my side. He bent his face low and laid his cool cheek against my own. He hummed in happiness, sounding almost like the purr of a cat. It was very difficult to think and stay still when he was so close to me.
"It seems to be much easier for you to be so close now." I croaked out quietly.
"Does it seem that way to you?" he murmured, his nose glided over my jaw and made me shiver as he took his hand and pulled back my damp hair. I started trembling as he rested his lips next to the hollow beneath my ear.
"It did. I hope it is."
"Hmm." He said in confirmation. His fingers started to trace my collarbone and I was almost in shock - that dazed place that makes no sense because you can't believe what is or did happen.
"So...why...do you think?" I stumbled.
I felt the tremor of his breath on my neck as he laughed. "Mind over matter."
He placed a light kiss on my collar bone and I moved back. While I moved, he froze. I think I even noticed him stop breathing. We stared at each other cautiously for a second, waiting to see what was stronger and if I would be okay - or that's what I thought. His expression became puzzled.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Definitely not." I assured him. "You're driving me crazy."
He smiled triumphantly, trying hard not to sound pleased as he asked a simple, "really?"
"Would you like a parade?" I asked skeptically.
"I'm just pleasantly surprised," he clarified. "In the last hundred years or so," I couldn't tell if that was a joke or not. "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with...in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me that I'm good at it...at being with you..."
"You're good at everything." I mumbled. He shrugged, allowing that, and we both laughed in whispers.
"But how come it's suddenly so easy? This afternoon..."
"It's not easy," he sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still...undecided. I'm sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so. Forgive me."
"I disagree." I shook my head. "Nothing to forgive."
"Thank you." He smiled. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough..." He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. "And while there was still that possibility I might be...overcome," he breathed in the scent at my wrist and groaned. "I was...susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would...that I ever could..."
His struggle for words not only made him seem human, but made him seem closer to my level of emotion. It made my heart swell and I bit my lip. "So there isn't any chance that now you'd want to devour me?"
"Mind over matter," he repeated with an overjoyed smile.
"Well," I said happily. "That was easy."
"Ha!" He laughed, almost too loud but something told me he knew exactly how loud he could be. "Easy for you." He touched his fingertip to my nose and I giggled, little affections like that always got me good - any ex boyfriend knew it.
His face was very quickly pulled into seriousness.
"I'm trying," he whispered, pain etched into every syllable. "If it gets to be...too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." He frowned. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I am away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."
"You should just stay the night. For both our safety, I guess. Because I don't think I'm safe alone - look at how dark this room is and how many obstacles there are to fall over..." He laughed.
"That suits me. Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrist. His laugh was musical, reminding me of an orchestra as it tested it's tuning - one of my favourite sounds. He laughed more tonight than I had ever seen him in all the time I had spent with him multiplied in five.
"You're even more handsome when you laugh," I observed. "I think I'm possibly more attracted to you when you're happy - though I didn't think it could happen."
"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love and all that? It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"
"Completely different. Much stronger. Books have nothing on it - and I would know." We laughed, remembering how he had been amazed by my love of Jane Austen - God I hated her love stories and hated how much I adored reading them. Secretly, of course.
"For example," his words flowed swiftly now, "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, almost as much as you, I've seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believe I understood that one pretty clearly...but it shocked me..."
"You've been jealous? This doesn't have to do with me, right?"
"Do you remember that day Mike asked you to the dance?" My eyes widened, where was he going with this? It was the day he had started talking to me again, I remembered it quite clearly. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt - I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking. Why you refused him. Was it simply for your friends sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right not know either way - I tried not to even care. Then that line started forming..."
Edward even had the nerve to chuckle. I scowled at him. "I still owe you a good punch for Tyler."
"That wouldn't be wise." He smiled. "I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.
"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right - moral, ethical...and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years until you were gone, that one day you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.
"And then," he was whispering now. He looked at me so powerfully I didn't know how to take it. "As you were seeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly, and mumbled it more. You spoke of how you wanted me to come closer because you were too warm - and you were. You were sweating. So I touched you - just a finger under your jaw and..." He paused, very concentrated on something he was remembering. "The feeling that coursed though me was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."
He was suddenly silent, probably listening to my heartbeat, it was where he was looking. And I knew Edward wasn't one of those guys to openly stare at breasts.
"But jealousy," he continued. "That's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton..." he shook his head angrily and I groaned.
"Why can't you leave any conversations alone? You deserve that feeling! I should have known you'd listen."
"Of course."
"That made you jealous? Really?" I asked doubtfully. "I mean, it's Mike."
"I'm new at this," he amended. "You're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."
"But honestly, you're jealous of that after I hear that Rosalie - you know, the Goddess that you see every day - was meant for you? With or without Emmett, there is no competition. It's like running a race without legs or wheels or prostheses or ca-"
"There's no competition." He repeated, but his was final. His teeth gleamed at me and he drew my hands around his back, holding me tightly to his chest. I kept as still as I could, breathing with caution.
"I know." I said with a bitter tone. "That's the problem."
"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." He was thoughtful. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."
"Well, you got the short end of the stick." I wondered what it would be like if I could hear a heartbeat, I thought as I kept my head against chest. Is this really what had both separated us for so long and was the thing that made it so we can be together? "I only had to wait through some excruciating cold shoulders and glares."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. If you would like, you're right. I should make this harder for you, definitely." That smile was back as he freed one of his hands but still held both my wrists in the other - damn girly wrists! He stroked my damp hair softly, from the top of my head to where it hung low and off the pillow. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity...what's that worth?"
"I'm don't really feel deprived of anything - there is very little humanity in the 21st century."
"Not yet." His voice was full of ancient grief. But I could not see his face. I began to question, but his body became alert. He released my hands and with a blur, disappeared. "Lie down!"
I couldn't tell where he had spoken from, but he was very quiet and urgent so I rolled under my emerald comforter. I quickly went about balling up on my left side and into the fetal position - the only way I can fall asleep. I heard the door crack open and waited as Charlie peeked in to make sure I was exactly where I should be. I wanted to roll my eyes at him. I breathed evenly for the long moment and right as I was about to ham it up with some theatrics of my infamous sleep talking, I heard he door close.
Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, lips at my ear. "You really are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you."
"Katie's the actress. We used to make horror movies in our garage. I'm the..." I paused. "I'm the Vivienne."
He laughed, which sent my heart stuttering in my chest. It was almost painful how much I needed this time with him and it was amazing to think that there had been a time I had not had it. That there had been a time I hadn't realized he was in my room for all those hours - with me, but not me with him.
He began humming a melody that I didn't recognize, it was beautiful as he drenched it with his soft, honey tones. I looked up to him curiously, wondering the title and composer.
"Should I sing you to sleep?" He smiled.
"As if. You think I can sleep with you here?"
"You do it all the time."
"But now I know you're here. It may so happen that I never sleep again."
"You don't want to be like me," he gave a smile weighed with something I that I didn't quite understand. "You don't realize how much you love it, but you do." He chuckled. "You really love animals. Sleep brings it out."
"Oh hush."
"Well if you don't want to sleep right now, what would you like to do?"
"I am no good with decisions. You should make one for me." I prompted. He kept chuckling as he had been, but this time it was more noticeable through his chest.
"I couldn't do that." I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw. I sighed contentedly.
"This could do."
"Did you know you have a very humble, floral, earthy smell? Like roses and lilies. Lavender...but oddly at the same time some cinnamon and rosemary," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."
"I thought you were desensitized?"
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet." He whispered. Then he pulled himself away.
"I've decided what I want to do." I told him. "I want to hear more about you."
"Ask me anything."
"So, before you get upset that I'm asking please note I am really glad you do, but why would you bother holding back what you are in the first place? I mean, if it's in your nature to...to not resist, shouldn't you not resist? It's like resisting the urge to pee."
"I don't 'pee'."
"You don't have to make this complicated." I sighed. He hesitated.
"It's a good question and you are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder how we live. But you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." I lay unmoving, locked into silent awe.
"Did you fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.
"Of course not."
"Is that all you were curious about?"
I rolled my eyes. "Of course not."
"What else do you want to know?"
"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?"
I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory...he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life whee they are intensified - like our minds and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
"What about him?"
"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her...tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," he chuckled.
"Or her outrageous beauty even for your kinds' standards." I offered sarcastically.
"This is another option." He allowed. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his fist life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."
I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought. "So, where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, was there like...a start? A Dracula or anything?"
"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in some way as other species, predator and prey?"
"Pretty sure that if a lion were to try and turn me into a lion it wouldn't work."
"Fine, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on it's own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"I'm the baby seal aren't I?"
"Right." He laughed.
"At least I'm cute." He kissed the top of my head. I thought about turning around to kiss him, but he was so relaxed. And I knew I shouldn't make it any harder for him than it already was.
"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"
"Oh, just a billion or so."
"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next..." he reminded me. I smiled, euphoric that he saw it the way I did. That he wanted to see it as all those days. That I could see him tomorrow. That he wouldn't change his mind. That he wouldn't run away. That he wanted to commit to me in a way I had never deemed possible between us until today.
"You're not going to disappear with the day, right? You're not a dream even if you are mythical?"
"I won't leave you." The certainty in the promise reassured me.
"One more, then-" I yawned. "Just one."
"What is it?"
"C -" I paused. "Nope. I changed my mind."
"Liv, you know you can ask me anything." I groaned. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"Really? I'm glad. I can't seem to reel these things in." I looked up at him with a droopy glare. "Besides. You hear enough of my thoughts thanks to your late nights."
"Please?" I shook my head, trying to look away from his overly convincing eyes before I gave in. He was a cheat. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is." He threatened. "Please?"
"It's really stupid. I don't even know why I care..."
"You just lied to me."
I sighed. "Okay, is it honestly that noticeable?"
"When you lie? Yes." He said with a smirk.
"To everyone?" I asked through a yawn, because he could read minds and now that he knew basically everything there was to know about me. It seemed an unfair judgment.
"To the dust bunnies under your bed, as well." I glowered. He seemed to realize his spell was wearing off. Not that it ever was. So he tried again. "Please?"
"Okay, but I can't look at you." I determinedly looked away as he chuckled. "Okay...you said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...again...is that the same as marriage for humans?" He laughed in earnest now, understanding my methods.
"You're not supposed to laugh!" I accused
"Is that what you're getting at?" I crossed my arms - the effect was ruined as I yawned. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same, I told you most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."
"Such as?" But he avoided my question to ask his own.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well...no. No, not at all. No..." my lie gave me away. His face grew serious and I knew I was not going to get a "let's have a happily ever after" from him. Back to my books, then.
"I don't think that...that...would be possible...for us."
"Because of how I smell?" I instantly wondered about blood transfusions. Needles and the smell of blood were of no fear when it came to keeping or losing Edward Cullen.
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that were together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Vivienne, simply by accident." His voice was soft. He moved his hand to my cheek and I was glad simply because my blush was overheating me. "If I was too hasty...if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
I had nothing to say. I blinked back the sleep, trying to keep the conversation flowing - upsetting or not.
"Are you scared?"
"Not at all." It was not a lie, but the sorrow in it was clear.
"I'm sorry, Vivienne." He whispered. "I am curious now, though...Have you ever...?" He trailed off suggestively. I raised my eyebrows.
"Are you asking me if I have had sex?" If he could have blushed, he would have. I was getting to that drowsy state where nothing mattered, so I laid it outright for him. "I'm not necessarily the 'sex is for marriage' type girl, but I am the 'there is a right time' kind of girl. The last guy who tried to rush that time, got a nice visit to the hospital to redrop his testicle."
He laughed at me, loudly - but still with thought of Charlie. I looked at him seriously, trying to hypnotize and mesmerize him with my eyes, like I had seen him do so many time for me. It worked. He sat perfectly still, his breathing precise as if it were being measured. He seemed paralyzed. I was secretly quite pleased with myself.
"You do understand I have never, never felt this way for anyone else. Not even close. You do understand that, don't you?"
"I know." He whispered, his eyes still hypnotized. "It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."
"Funny story," I yawned, feeling so drowsy that I could hear my words slur. The trance broke as I leaned against his chest. "I don't really believe in love."
"You...don't?" The shock and disappointment were clear in his tone. It almost upset me just to hear how sad he seemed. I bit my lip.
"Not..really? Not like how it's described." I mumbled.
"Explain."
"I mean, love at first sight - getting to fall in love with someone and never have met them? That's just shallow. Or to love someone and never have the other person know, that's obsession. Endless love - that's what everyone says, but look at the divorce rate, the number of cheaters and liars. Unrequited love - if a feeling that powerful did exist, surely the other side has to feel it too. I've never seen any of it. Never seen someone willing to take a bullet, willing to walk the earth or give up their world just to make sure that person is in theirs." I smiled into his chest, fully delirious. "Except for you, o'course."
"Except for me." He repeated robotically.
"I mean, it's not like...your human instincts...you couldn't find me attractive after seeing your kind through all these years. Not like...like that."
"I may not be human, but I am a man." He assured me.
"I wish you were my man." I giggled.
"I am your man." He smiled. I hummed into his chest. "Would...would you like me to leave?"
"Please no." I whispered. He began humming that same tune and I felt myself jump off the diving board. I was treading water without a hope of staying afloat. I knew it. I could feel my body sinking into sleep as if I were taking my last breath of air before I fell into the sharp water that would eat me alive. His music was the only comfort, the only thing that kept me wanting to swim. The water was numbing.
"Vivienne?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you really believe it possible, after everything, that I don't genuinely love you?" His voice was quiet and strained. It made me wake up a little bit more, enough to realize what was said. I clung to him, wrapping my arms as tightly around him as I could, knowing I would not hurt him.
"Edward," I whispered his name like it was a prayer. The most special thing that I could say. The magic word that would make the door to all my dreams come true - it was the word of my dreams. He was the man of my dreams. But dreams were dreams - with love in them. Dreams made people lose perception of the world around them. 'Love' made people susceptible to all the bad things in life because no one really knew what to expect out of it. And why was that? Because it didn't exist. If love existed, people would be able to recount it, rename it, reinvent it so other people could know what to look for. Like symptoms to an illness.
"Edward if there was anyone in this world who could make me believe in love, it'd be you."
He kissed my temple. "I will."
I smiled, feeling myself stop treading. "I hope."
Well, a little twist there that wasn't in the original plot. Hopefully it will make things much more interesting :) Special thank you goes to:
Iavasgil: I'm so glad that you're liking the difference between Bella and Liv's personalities. I more meant that when he was doing the (slightly ridiculous) "You can't fight me off" and rips off a branch from the tree instead of being afraid her reaction was "You killed a tree. You jerk." I'm sorry if I didn't get that across enough. I was also very excited for the "you watch me sleep" part and I hope you enjoyed how I wrote that out. I hope you liked it and thank you so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it!
Angel of the Night Watchers: Wasn't the Harry Potter movie just fantastic? Every time Draco came on screen I won't deny that I swooned like a lovesick schoolgirl - which I guess I technically am, but the nerdiness was a little more prevalent. I'm hoping to see Abduction sometime this week, but my friend's dog just had puppies so she and I are making sure they're well looked after - so it all depends if I can find the time between writing and cooing the pups. Do I ever miss being in a relationship! Not that the last one I was in was any good - hence why I'm no longer in it - but I definitely miss out on all the perks such as critiquing as if we're pros. Anyway, thank you for being wonderful - hope you don't mind hearing it for every chapter :P
What did you guys think? Did you like it, hate it, leave me a review :)
-Egypt