Trifecta

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

A/N: This is an emotional chapter, and maybe a tad inspired by Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man". Enjoy

Chapter 9 (Be a Simple Man)

"You understand why she's so hesitant?" Freddie watched his mom twirl her spaghetti on her fork and lifted it up, hovering it away from her lip. "She's known you for a very long time, which means she's seen you fawn over a variety of girls, not just her best friend."

"You think she's afraid I'll cheat on her?"

"I think to her, there's a very real possibility that you're not ready for a serious relationship like she might need, and you might decide after a certain amount of time that she's not right for you and dump her for somebody else. The problem of fidelity is always an issue, and it's difficult when you live a thousand miles away from somebody to trust them to be faithful. That's more true when fidelity has already been an issue."

He moved his hand to his chest and shook his head. "I've never cheated on anyone." Marissa slipped her fork into her mouth and closed her eyes. As she removed it, her eyelids parted and she glanced to the glass of water.

"What is one glass of wine, Freddie dear?"

"You're dying."

"So let your mother enjoy her dinner while she has opportunity." Marissa took a deep breath and leaned back in the wooden chair. She swept her hair from her face and looked to Freddie as though peering through him. "Understanding a woman is a difficult thing, Freddie. While you may never have actively cheated on her-and you do know Sam was cheated on-you went between her and Carly. You gave Sam her first kiss, while continuing your crush on Carly. You then proceeded to date her, and-"

"I know what happened. Carly said something, so I had a talk with Sam…we ended the relationship."

"To you, to probably most men, it seems innocent enough. To a woman, you just stabbed her in the heart. Why?" Freddie rolled his eyes and looked to the side, struggling with the guilt over an answer he already had two years to mull over.

"I didn't think to try and work on the relationship with Sam, and let something Carly said or did or whatever…influence me. Sam's best friend and the girl that I'd constantly obsessed with for so many years."

"And what happened after that? Don't forget I was standing right there when those elevator doors opened."

"I started making out with her after we broke up…" It felt like he was on trial with his mother, but she was right to bring this up. To make him think. This showed him it was necessary for him to not pressure Sam. If anything would happen, it would happen when she was ready. "Then when Carly left, I spoke with Sam on the phone and asked if she wanted to go out again. She sounded surprised."

"You can figure out why. You didn't have to cheat on her to have an affair that would crush her. You just had to end a relationship based on the words said by the very person you spent so long pining after. Before you even had a chance to take that relationship out of the honeymoon phase, you were done."

"Honeymoon phase, mom? I thought that was just something people said."

"You want to be a big time investigator like your father, you should know the truth to that by now. The 'honeymoon phase' is just the point of a relationship-the beginning-where one person can see no fault of the other person. It's the point of a relationship that exists that gives birth to the phrase 'love is blind'. It is also the immature point."

"The mature point is?"

"When you open your eyes, see that the other person is not perfect, but you love them despite their flaws. You also don't let other people have a say in a relationship between two people. That means that even back when I didn't care for her, you should not let me influence who you date and certainly not Carly-even if she is a close friend. A love is between two, not three-not four, just you and the other person. Make decisions together, accept each other, grow together and love one another. Honeymoon phase exists because lovers need to be blind at first…"

Freddie's body relaxed and he stared down at his plate of spaghetti with an unfocused gaze. "I was unfair to her. She could do better than me, couldn't she?"

"I wouldn't put yourself down like that, but if she chooses to get back together with you, then you understand that she chose to do that on her own free will."

"Yes. So what do you think I should do?"

"You've already told her how you feel, agreed not to push any further. That's the good, mature thing to do. It's easy to want her to be with you, and it's easy to want to persist. Some girls like a man who persists, others do not. In this case you've put the ball in her court, so leave it at that."

"Do you think it would be too much for me to go to the University of California?"

"In Los Angeles?" Marissa raised an eyebrow and glanced to her plate as she twirled her spaghetti on her fork. "Go to whatever college you want. If it's there, great. If it's in New York, that is fine too."

"I want to go there." It wasn't solely for Sam that he wanted to attend, but she did play a factor. That said, he also wanted to make sure she would be okay with it, and she already told him it wouldn't matter to her. "I don't want to leave you behind though, not if you're sick."

Marissa reached over and cupped her hand over his. "Do not worry about me, Freddie." He pulled his hand away when she gave him a sad smile. "You need to live your life. You've been wanting your own life, independence, for so long. You've never been one to stay in one place, just like your dad, you need to expand."

"But-"

"Wherever life leads you, I'll always be with you." His heart broke and he pulled his hand beneath the table in an attempt to disguise his trembling. "I'm going to let them hospitalize me, and I don't want you restricting yourself here because of me. I just want you to be happy, and the best way to make me happy is for you to follow your dreams, your heart. I don't want to die knowing you were worried about me and not living your life because of me."

"How will I know they're looking after you? How will I know they're not just neglecting you?"

"Freddie, the doctors and nurses there are people who I work with. People who have known me for years. They are the most professional, caring staff there is." She smiled at him and winked. "I'll be taken care of. You need to move on, to grow, and you're not going to do that by fussing over your mother."

"I guess."

"Well. That, and no woman wants a man that's still attached to his mother. The fact that you already have an overbearing single mother is a strike against you." He winced as she laughed. "It's time for you to put your big boy pants on and grow up." He sank in his seat as his mother laughed again. "Oh that sounds just like what those two girls have been telling you. I tell you, dying gives you a whole new perspective on life…"

"How can you handle it so…so well?"

"Because I've been a depressed lunatic all my life, Freddie. I don't want to die with a scowl permanently etched on my face." Freddie's stomach tightened and he reached for his fork.

"I feel like I've just pushed you away all my life, and now you're going to…" His voice cracked and his eyes. "I'm sorry for brushing you off so much. I know you tried your best, I just thought you were so overbearing."

"Freddie." He looked up as his mother pulled his hands forward and clasped them together inside her own. "No matter what, I'll always love you, and you'll always be my son. What do I want most of all? To see you happy, to see you moving on…Take Samantha for instance, if you and her were to get together, why would that make me happy? Because I know, no matter what, you're going to live your life with somebody else. I'll always be with you, and I know that if you do your best to push yourself ahead in life, you will live a long and happy life. Knowing that would put a smile on my face, it would make me as proud of you as I am at this very minute."

"You should be here though, physically. I've pushed you away for so long that it isn't fair-"

"Who can blame you?" She curved the corner of her lip up and a trembling sensation wracked his body. It amazed him that in the face of death, his mother could have developed such a wit. She raised a finger and looked him square in the eyes. "Don't you blame yourself. Don't you ever blame yourself, you are not responsible for your momma. I can laugh, I can enjoy myself because I know what's coming. I can choose to mull over it or I can enjoy my last moments…knowing that you will be okay. There's not a thing we can do to change what's going to happen."

"I know." His hands closed and he fought back his tears, clenching his teeth as his chest trembled. "I just wish-"

"Wishing won't do any good." Marissa leaned over and gently kissed his forehead. He breathed in slowly and turned his eyes up to her. "Just promise me, promise me you'll live your life."

"I don't know what to do, though."

"Survive. That's all that's expected. Go out into the world and live. Fall in love, get a career, start a family and raise your children with love and respect. Grow old with someone, have grandchildren, and when you're an old man-make sure you've lived your life without regrets. Make sure you've seen the world, make sure you've gone on adventures, done all the things you've wanted to. Aim for your dreams, accomplish your goals, raise a happy family, and then let go. When you let go, do so knowing you're happy, knowing that your children will move on to do the same…"

"And you? Mom you're dying at-"

"I'm almost sixty, Freddie." Marissa reached up and smoothed his hair back with her fingers. "You and your older brother share a lot of the same problems, both of you were premature." He furrowed his brow and glanced down at his plate.

"It's been a long time since you brought him up." Joshua passed away a year before Freddie was born, though, so he never brought him up. Like Freddie, he had a weak immune system, but he never grew out of it. Pneumonia ended up taking his life when he was ten.

"I've had a lot of problems in my lifetime, and I've seen a lot of miscarried births. You're a fighter, a survivor. I'd like to think that I had a hand at doing that, being so overprotective, but I think Carly and Sam played more of a role than I did."

"Why?"

"Because they're the ones that got you out in the world, the ones that made you build yourself up. You're a strong man, Freddie, and I have every bit of faith in you. I die knowing that you outlived any and all possible siblings, I die knowing that I won't bury another person I love." He looked in her moist eyes and attempted a mournful smile.

"You used to hate Carly, to hate Sam. Now I want to be with Sam, and you don't complain?"

"Just the thought of you with any woman makes me happy. If it's Sam, I'm okay with that because I know you're with someone that makes you happy. Find a woman, and you'll find love, and when you find that you'll start to be happy. I want nothing more than to know you'll be happy in life after I die…"

His tears broke through and he bowed his head, trembling as they burned his cheeks. Speaking was hard enough, but now he couldn't muster a single word. Marissa rose up and walked over to him. She placed an arm around him, hugging him close. "I love you, Freddie."

"Love you too…mom."

"I'm proud of you, I'll always be proud of you." She kissed the top of his head and hugged him close. "Always."

Well there you have it, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Do tell, and prepare for the next.