Dean woke up at 6 the next morning feeling miserable and unhappy. With the last night's events still fresh in his mind, he decided to dress up and leave for the hunt. Better to go off alone than face Sam and all the huge amount of hurt and hatred that came along with it. It was so much easier to breath without Sam being around. Sam being around meant a huge load of hurt and grief dumped on both their shoulders. This way both could breath easier. And it would be so much easier to hunt without having to watch out for a brother who could land himself into trouble anytime with his esp. stuff.

But Dean knew he was kidding himself whenever he thought such things about Sam. No matter what happened, he could never stop looking out for Sam. Never stop caring for him. Never stop protecting him. No matter how things were between them, Dean could never deny the fact that his heart still ached for the little boy Sam was before. It pained him to look at Sam like this. Yet it was Sam who made all these decisions. His very own brother. And if his own brother pushed him away and went against him, then Dean wasn't going to hang around to watch. If that's what Sammy wanted, then he got it. Maybe it was better to just leave while he had the chance. What was the point of staying around, in pain to watch Sam getting drunk on the hell bitch's essence and being robbed of his last shreds of humanity?

But what about his promise to his father? His father's last words still echoed in his mind to this date. Take care of Sammy. That's all Dean had been trying to do since he had come back from hell. But Sammy kept pushing him away making it as difficult as it could ever be. Anyways now was not the time to indulge in thoughts of the past. Hunt came first. Dean thought as he picked up his duffel and walked towards the door. Just then Dean heard his name being called and turned around to see Sam standing at the foot of the stairs his duffel in his hand.

"What are you doing up so early?" Dean asked

"What do you mean? I thought we were going on the hunt" Sam said

"Oh I don't know. I thought you must be really tired and hung-over after last night's little date cum drinking session with your girlfriend." Dean replied sarcastically.

"Dean at least listen to me what I have to say for what I did-"

"Sam I am seriously not in the mood to go for this discussion now. I don't know or care what you do anymore. You can go and suck her dry like a damn junkie for all I care because from where I see it-you are nothing more than a blood addict who once used to be my brother." At the end Dean's voice wavered and his voice sounded rougher than he had meant it to.

Sam choked back a sob at Dean's harsh words. No one understood him nowadays. He was all alone.

"Sam. There is something I don't get. Why do you still stay around me? You said yourself- I hold you back and I am weaker than you. So what I don't get is why you even bother to stay around n lie to me left and right about what you truly do? It obviously seems to take a lot of effort to stay together. So why don't you just forget all this and walk away?" Dean asked anger and hurt evident in his voice.

"Dean you're my brother." Sam said amidst a continuous stream of tears.

Dean snorted and looked away.

"What is going on here? You both are about as silent as a bunch of buffaloes." Said Bobby rolling his wheel chair towards them, stifling a yawn.

"Dean?" he asked

"Nothing" Dean replied "I was just on my way for the hunt." And with that Dean turned away.

Sam followed behind silently, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Dean sat in the impala's driving seat looking at a map. Sam walked towards shotgun when

Dean asked, "What are you doing? I thought I had made it clear that this was my solo hunt or did u miss out on the fact somehow?"

"Dean I thought we were over this last night. You are to take Sam with you or you won't move you ass from here at all." Said Bobby wheeling himself behind Sam, taking Sam's side again, blissfully unaware of last night's events.

"Bobby that was last night. Things have changed a lot. Haven't they Sam?" Dean asked

Sam suddenly seemed to find his feet far more interesting.

"Why? Overnight your brains got whitewashed or what? Dean doesn't start this again please. Talk sense boy. Its dangerous to go alone and you know it."

"Whatever. I still think Sam should stay here. I can go alone. Or if it's the matter about my safety, I am sure this case is a easy one or if you want I can call another hunter as backup" Dean huffed

Sam looked up at this and when his eyes met with Dean, for a moment all he could see was hurt and betrayal etched deeply. They stared into each others eyes briefly before Dean broke the contact and looked at the ground.

"Oh Kay lets see. Who would just happen to be a good hunter in the area other than you. Oh sorry lets see. That would be Sam" Bobby said

Dean sighed. It was just so useless to argue with Bobby. He was pig headed when it came to arguments...

"Whatever. Fine we are going." Dean said and opened the door to the driver's seat.

Sam climbed in the passenger seat and they drove off.

"Idjits" said Bobby softly as they drove away.

The ride was long and dull and was definitely not the best one either of them had had. The ride was uncomfortable and silence hung over the two of them. No music played in the stereo. Dean sat with hands clutching the steering wheel, looking straight ahead the entire time. Sam meanwhile sat in the shotgun, looking out of the window at the dull scenery passing by.

The need to make things better itched Sam. Thoughts flowed in and out of his head. His heart ached from last night's fight and this morning's discussion. Dean had made it clear that he didn't trust Sam anymore. The more Sam thought about it, this fact seemed to stand out against all other. It was as clear as day. And it hurt like a bitch. He knew he deserved all of it , Dean had every right to be mad at him and not to trust him anymore , hell he didn't trust himself anymore either , yet he couldn't help but think, was it so wrong to want to be loved again? Didn't he deserve even a piece of Dean's heart , a bit of his love and care? Was he such a screw up? His heart ached from the distance between them. He itched to hear Dean's voice full of love and humor. He wanted Dean's care and love so badly that it hurt not to have it anymore. He hadn't realized that things between them were so screwed up. The distance so wide that Sam felt that he could never cross it again. It was like trying to cover miles at a snail's speed. It seemed so impossible to get his brother's affection back. It simply hurt. Sam didn't realize when he accidently spoke his thoughts aloud.

"We used to be so close. We used to have each others backs. Why did it all have to get destroyed? I screwed up big time didn't I?"

Dean glanced at Sam, his eyes sad, his expression heartbroken.

Then Dean rearranged his features. It killed him to say such things to Sam but …..

"Sam. I am not in a mood now. I don't want to hear your voice. Please not now Sam."

Sam nodded his throat tight. His tears making it difficult to breathe. He nodded once more, not trusting his voice.

Sam closed his eyes. His head hurt, he felt weak and Dean had shut him out completely.

He felt miserable. He had no idea how to make this better. He hated feeling so confused and sad, so desperate for Dean's approval. He hadn't realized what he had done.

If only Dean took him back in again. If only Dean broke down those damn hardened walls that he had put around himself and let Sam back in. If only he found some way, just some possible desperate way to be loved again by Dean , he would go to the ends of the earth to find it. These were his last miserable thoughts before he succumbed into sleep.