Jane and Edward: Zombie and Monster Hunters

Chapter 6

The "Revenge" of the Vampire...and Edward gets a new hand

NOTE: I did not write Jane Eyre; this is out of love for the novel.

Edward Rochester scratched his head one morning while reading the paper. His wife Jane was knitting and Adele was busy playing with her younger half-brother, Henry, on the floor nearby. With every funny face Adele made, little 2-year-old Henry would giggle in delight. Adele, now fourteen, had just come home for the holidays from school and was hoping to garner favor with her father to attend the annual Winter Party held at Thornfield. However, Edward was somewhat wary, fearing that his now blossoming daughter would attract the wrong attention. He continued reading his paper, focusing his attention on a particular advertisement put in by a scientist who claimed he could create artificial limbs for those who have lost use of their biological ones.

"Jane," he said, pointing to the advertisement in the paper. "Look at this." Jane leaned in from her knitting to look. "There's a fellow in here that can create artificial limbs for those who have lost the ones they were born with. If I can get back my left hand, that would certainly make my life a whole lot easier."

"I'm not so sure," Jane said, putting down her knitting materials. "I see advertisements all the time for almost everything now, especially so-called doctors claiming laudanum is some sort of cure-all."

"Oh that's different, Jane. This is new and innovative. No one's ever tried to successfully recreate actual hands, legs, arms, fingers, and toes until now. Besides, laudanum is what probably made Bertha Mason's condition worse than it really was to begin with. Grace Poole would give her spoonfuls of that stuff on a daily basis thinking that it might calm her down."

Edward then turned his head to watch Henry "ride" Adele like a horse with Adele telling him that her back was starting to get tired.

"All right Henry," he said. "Be a good boy and let your sister rest. Adele, send for Henry's nanny, please."

"Yes Papa," Adele replied. She helped Henry down and before taking him to see his nanny, she turned to her father and said, "Will you still let me attend the Winter Ball, Papa?"

"I'm still thinking about it, my dear. I understand that it's in the next two days and you're quite eager to go but I do need time to mull it over."

Adele sighed briefly and led Henry out of the room by the hand. Edward resumed talking about this new limb-creating idea, hoping to sway Jane's cynical opinion.

"Think about it, Jane. I won't have to wear that silly hook anymore. I can finally have two opposing thumbs for once."

"I understand that, Edward, but..."

"Besides," he said, interrupting his wife as he leaned in closer to her. "If you're walking or lying next to me on my left side, we can finally hold hands." He smiled at Jane with a bit of a seductive look on his face, took his right hand in hers, held it, and kissed it. He then draped his arm over Jane's shoulders and still glancing at her seductively, said, "with a new hand, I would not only be able to hold your hand, but you as well." He leaned in and kissed her. "What do you think?"

Jane, now feeling a little flushed and somewhat pleasurable, replied, "Well, you've been able to hold me well enough with one hand."

"Well, that's certainly true but two would allow me to hold you closer." He winked at her and kissed her cheek.

Jane smiled at her husband, ran her finger playfully from the tip of his nose to the bottom of his chin and said, "Well, all right, if it makes you happy."

"Thank you, my little elf," said Edward with a smile. "I've always figured the magic of seduction would allow you to see my point of view." The two of them then started kissing passionately just as Mrs. Fairfax came in with some morning coffee.

"My goodness!" said Mrs. Fairfax.

"Oh, um, sorry," said Jane with a chuckle, pulling away from Edward. "We were just, um, talking."

"Yes," said Edward. "We were, um, talking about, uh, things."

"I see you two were doing more than just idle chit chat. Anyway, here is your coffee." She placed their drinks in front of them. Before leaving the room, Mrs. Fairfax said, "Besides, I don't really mind at all how many hands Mr. Rochester has."

Sometime later, Jane and Edward were on their way into town to see about this new artificial limb business. Jane was naturally a little nervous but Edward was incredibly eager, and somewhat giddy, to give science a chance to complete his missing body part, one that was lost in the fire at Thornfield. With his vision now restored, all he needed was a hand and five fingers to make himself feel whole again.

The carriage stopped at a small home that matched the address on the paper advertisement. Jane and Edward exited the carriage and approached the front door. Just as Edward raised his fist to knock, he heard footsteps and then heard the door opening. The two saw an old man with wiry gray hair and an undone cravat standing before them. The old man greeted them with a smile.

"Hello," he said. "My name is Dr. Erwin Sheffield, how do you do?"

"Well, hello Dr. Sheffield, my name is Jane, Jane Rochester and this is my husband..."

"Edward!" cried Dr. Sheffield. "Edward the Creature Killer of Thornfield and his wife, too! I was wondering when you two would come by!"

"Really?" asked Edward.

"Well, how can you hunt the undead with just one hand?"

"I have a hook on my left stump. See?" He showed Dr. Sheffield the hook and the stump which his left hand used to be.

"I see, I see. Well, don't just stand there, come in, come in!"

Both the Rochesters entered Dr. Sheffield's modest home. They were welcomed into his parlor where his wife, Madeline, graciously gave them some claret. The doctor pulled out some paper and a pen and prepared to take notes.

"So tell me," said Dr. Sheffield. "When did you lose your left hand?"

"Probably about four and a half years ago."

"So I see." The doctor pulled off Edward's hook and further examined Edward's stump. "How did you lose your left hand?"

"In a fire."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," said Edward. "I wish to not divulge any further details about the matter."

"All right then, that's fine," said Dr. Sheffield. "Now tell me which one of your hands is the dominate one."

"My right hand."

"All right. Now do you think that having a new left hand would make your life easier?"

Edward, growing tired of the questions, replied, "Yes, or otherwise I wouldn't be here."

"All right, then, let's get started." He led Jane and Edward into a makeshift laboratory filled with all sorts of machinery, chemicals, and animal specimens, which made the hair on Jane's neck stand on end. He then put Edward in a chair, strapped him in and inserted his left arm into a device of sorts. The doctor then went back towards a lever attached to the device.

"All right ladies and gentlemen," declared Dr. Sheffield. "Here it goes!" He then pulled the lever toward his body and lights atop the machine began to light up. Sweat poured from Edward's brow and down his face and neck while he bit down on his lower lip as the limb-making machine did its work.

Five minutes later, the Creature Killers were out of Dr. Sheffield's home and toward their carriage. While Jane was reading some legal waivers they had to sign prior to the procedure, Edward was touching and feeling his new left hand for the first time. The doctor's experiment was a success and Edward's left hand was made out of a special material that felt and resembled human flesh with pieces of steel acting as bones. Because of their fame as creature killers, Dr. Sheffield performed the procedure at no cost. In return, the Rochesters invited him and his wife to their annual Winter Party.

"See Jane, there was nothing to it." Edward constantly closed and opened his left hand and began to touch his right arm with it. "God has graciously given this man the talent and the knowledge to help those with missing limbs to live fulfilling lives. This is a miracle!" As they approached the carriage, Edward surprised his wife by picking her up and placing her in the carriage. "That was for when we first got married; I couldn't pick you up and carry you over the threshold." He climbed in the carriage on Jane's right side and took her hand in his new one. Jane responded by putting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm so happy for you," she said. "You're just like your old self again."

"Not quite. Prior to Bertha's death, I was a selfish fool. Now I'm slightly older and very much the wiser. Now that I'm in a wonderful mood, I think I'll allow Adele to attend the party." He kissed his wife's forehead as they took their carriage back home.

Adele was waiting in the parlor along with Henry and his nanny when Jane and Edward came home. The moment Jane closed the door behind them, she ran up to see her father's new artificial left hand and marveled at it. Little Henry Fairfax toddled over and his papa graciously picked him up with both hands and propped the little fellow upon his shoulders, and pranced about the room, much to Henry's delight. After Father and Son played briefly, he then gave Adele his blessing for her to attend the Winter Party.

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yes, I mean it. I feel that since you will be in our presence, you will be quite safe."

"Thank you Papa!" She gave her father a hug that nearly knocked him off of his feet and nearly squeezed the life out of him.

"You're welcome," squeaked Edward as he slowly peeled Adele away from his mid-section.

At the Winter Party, everyone was pleased to meet Edward as he showed off his new prosthetic limb. After fielding questions about the procedure, he then introduced his friends and family to Dr. Sheffield, who was then surrounded by people asking about everything from limb replacement to the addition of more limbs. While the doctor conversed with the guests, Edward introduced Adele to the rest of the party attendees. Her plain brown hair was now shining, her complexion fair, and her dress exquisite as Jane bought the gown and jewelry as a sort of an early Christmas gift. After living in near poverty in Paris, Adele was finally feeling good about herself as everyone marveled at how beautiful she was. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Jane and Edward mingled with their guests, Reverend St. John Rivers and his wife Cordelia were sharing the good news about expecting their first child, and Reverend Rivers' sisters showed off their new husbands.

Meanwhile, just outside Thornfield Hall in a stable, a group of Edward's foxhounds were all sound asleep in a group with the one exception being Demon, who seemed to sniff something out of the ordinary. He noticed some rustling in some nearby bushes and trotted off nearby to investigate. Putting his wet nose to the ground, he followed a scent trail into the bushes and was surprised by two sparkling eyes staring back into his. Immediately he barked a warning as he fled back to the safety of the stable. The incessant barking seemed to ward off the intruder in the bushes until one of Edward's groundskeepers came to see what was going on. When Demon barked in the direction of the stranger, the groundskeeper made his way into the bushes, only to be fatally attacked. Demon stared at the stranger with the blue eyes and growled, which served as a warning for the individual to back off.

Demon went back to the safety of the stable and started to paw at the back door, barking as loudly as he possibly could, all through the night. His nonstop vocalization went on deaf ears as most of the windows were kept shut from the night air. It wasn't until the next morning that Edward wondered where the groundskeeper was as he was the individual who walked Edward's foxhounds. He also noticed that Demon seemed tired and out of breath, as if he had been barking a great deal. Sensing something wasn't right, Edward sent his own dog, Pilot, to find anything suspicious. Almost immediately, Pilot was circling around a bush, barking and wagging his tail. Edward followed over and found the corpse of one his groundskeepers dead, complete with a pair of fang marks near his neck. His body was pale, lifeless, and drained of blood. Edward clasped his hand to his mouth and gasped. Overwhelmed, he stumbled over a few feet away and vomited. He then rushed back into his house and into the dining room where his wife Jane and children were breakfasting.

"Good morning, Darling," said Jane with little Henry sitting on her knee. "Would you like to have some eggs and toast?"

Edward said nothing but shook his head. His face was completely white, his complexion appeared to be lethargic in nature. He sat down, shaking as if he were cold, took his wife's hand in his and swallowed hard, tears welling up in his eyes. Jane quickly handed Henry to his nanny and told Adele that she would be speaking with her father in private. She then led Edward into his private study so the two of them could speak. With his lips still quivering, Edward spoke the word, "Dead."

"Dead, who's dead?"

"Mr. Roberts, one of the groundskeepers."

Jane put her hand to her mouth and gasped. "Oh my!" she cried. "He's worked at Thornfield for at least four and a half decades!"

"He's known me ever since I was born, Jane," he muttered, fighting the urge to cry as some men are wont to do. "I found him dead in some bushes nearby the stable. It appears that Demon had tried to bark for help but all the shutters were closed. Mr. Roberts probably found something in the bushes and it attacked him and killed him."

"Do you have any idea how he died?"

"The set of fang marks on his neck gives me the impression that a vampire has taken him, Jane." Edward couldn't bear it any longer and started sobbing loudly. Jane took him in her arms and allowed him to continue to cry on her shoulder. "This is not the way he shouldn't have gone, Jane. He was too good to be bitten by a blood-sucking scoundrel!" He continued to vent his grief on his wife's shoulder while she cradled him a little bit.

"We'll get to the bottom of this, Edward. We'll make sure that Mr. Roberts' death was not in vain."

Mr. Roberts' funeral was modest; those in attendance were Jane, Edward, and a few servants in Mr. Roberts' employ as well as his daughter and her husband. The inquest into his passing confirmed Edward's suspicions that it was the result of a vampire attack near Thornfield. Until further notice, Edward banned all travel at night near his home unless everyone rode in groups armed with rifles and shotguns. With Christmas just a week away, Edward took it upon himself to find the vampire and dispatch it before holiday activities were to commence. One morning, he noticed the door to the Rochester family mausoleum was slightly ajar. He pushed open the door but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

That night, Jane was getting ready to retire for the evening when she found her husband peering through the window with his spyglass.

"Do you see anything?" she asked.

"Well my little elf," he said. "Not much. This morning I noticed that the door to the family mausoleum was open somewhat, which is unusual but there's nothing out of place, nothing overturned, or anything of that sort. It's frustrating not to...oh my!"

Edward's eyes widened like dinner plates; he continually adjusted the focus on his spyglass and then thrust it into Jane's chest.

"Look!" he exclaimed. "Look near the mausoleum!"

Jane took the spyglass and looked through it. She could see a shadowy figure making its way out of the mausoleum. It managed to cross the road and over the fence into a neighbor's field where it appeared to have planted its fangs into the neck of a cow, sucking its blood completely and then maneuvering back into the mausoleum.

"Did you see that?" asked Edward, still wide-eyed.

"A vampire just sucked the blood out of Mr. O'Reilly's cow." exclaimed Jane.

"It appears that we now owe Mr. O'Reilly a replacement for one of his milking cows."

"Not just that, Edward but now we know why the door to the mausoleum was open. Someone that died in your family is a vampire."

"Well, who could it possibly be? I doubt it could be my mother or my father." Then Edward gulped and whispered a prayer, "Please God, not my father; anyone but him."

"Remember what happened in at your friend Gabriele's mansion?"

"What do you mean?"

"Someone who commits suicide has a great chance of becoming a vampire, Edward."

"None of my relations committed suicide." Then Edward paused. "Unless..."

"Bertha Mason!" exclaimed Jane. "She jumped off the roof when you were trying to save her in the fire!"

"Even in death, this woman makes my life miserable." He plopped down on their bed, holding his stomach. "Jane, I think I'm going to be violently ill..."

"You have nothing to worry about, Edward." She then held out a few fingers on her hand to illustrate a point. "First of all, she's still dead," Jane stated, pointing at one finger. "Second of all, your marital obligations ended the moment she committed suicide and thirdly," she said, raising her eyebrows at her husband. "Do you really think the church will recognize a 'marriage' between a mortal and a vampire?'"

Edward immediately wretched into a nearby chamber pot. "That's good to know," he muttered, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his nightshirt. "Darling, I apologize for that. I just don't want to go through the stress of that whole ordeal again."

"Or perhaps it was the pheasant you had for dinner this evening."

Ignoring his wife's comment, Edward said, "We need to get to the bottom of this. From what we've seen so far, Bertha is the only vampire on the premises, which makes it easier for us to dispatch her."

"We need to do something before someone or something else dies," said Jane. "It's almost Christmas and a vampire in the family mausoleum is the last thing I want to think about at the moment."

"We could go out right now, Darling," suggested Edward. "And take care of Bertha once and for all."

"Not tonight Edward. You got sick not too long ago."

"I'm fine now, Jane. It was the anxiety of seeing Bertha back from the dead. Besides, she now has blood on her hands as she killed one of my servants as well as Mr. O'Reilly's cow! I'll be damned if I don't do something soon!" He stood next to his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. "Jane, it's up to us to save Christmas here at Thornfield. We cannot allow Bertha to literally suck the life out of every living thing she comes in contact with."

"I'm really too tired to..."

Edward interrupted Jane. "Too tired to dispatch a vampire? Well, just now you said you wanted to be rid of the damned pest before Christmas. Jane Eyre Rochester, this is no time for procrastination!"

Jane sighed heavily. "Fine, Edward. I'll do it."

"Good. Now let's get changed and venture outside."

Sometime later, the Creature Killers of Thornfield along with Edward's dog, Pilot, trudged out to the mausoleum and found it closed shut. With his new hand, Edward pulled the mausoleum door with incredible ease. They ventured into the dark, dusty room, full of Edward's deceased family members and ancestors. Far in the back was Bertha Mason's stone coffin. Again, Edward's new hand was helpful in removing the top of the casket and the two of them found Bertha lying perfectly still, a set of fangs protruded from her lip as well as a ring of fresh blood surrounded her lips, proof that she had her fill of blood that night. Edward put a finger to his lips to signal for Jane to be quiet as he removed a wooden stake from inside his coat. His hands shook as he held the stake just above Bertha's heart. Just as he was about to take out his hammer and drive the wooden sliver into the vampire's heart, Bertha's eyes suddenly opened, her mouth opened just enough to bear her front teeth and fangs.

"My God, she's awake!" cried Edward.

Bertha hissed and grabbed Edward's wrists in an effort to pull him down into the coffin but he managed to break free. Dropping the wooden stake, Edward pulled out his pistol, aimed it at Bertha but she managed to wrest the firearm from him and aimed it at her attacker. This prompted Jane to pull out her own pistol and aim it at the vampire's forehead, but Bertha pulled the trigger, grazing Edward's left leg. Edward fell down, grabbed his injured limb and let out a stream of profanities. Just as Bertha the Vampire was getting ready to fire again, she felt a sharp pain in her neck as Jane had just shot her near her throat. Bertha grabbed her bleeding neck, screamed bloody murder and collapsed in her stone coffin. To make absolutely sure she was dead, Jane picked up the wooden stake and, with a hammer Edward had carried with him, drove the giant sliver into Bertha's chest. Bertha's body immediately eroded away, leaving nothing but her skeleton.

"Finally!" exclaimed Jane. "She put up quite a fight, Edward."

"Yes, she did," said Edward. "Now how am I going to get back inside with this devil of a flesh wound?" He had managed to stand up and apply his handkerchief to his leg, which was now covered in blood.

"Put your arm around my shoulders and I'll help you inside." Edward complied and the two of them slowly made their way back inside Thornfield.

"Thank you, Jane," said Edward as they walked inside. "You saved my life...again."

Jane smiled and kissed her husband's cheek. "Think nothing of it, Edward."

Christmas morning arrived at Thornfield Hall. The occasion called for a huge feast for friends and family. Edward was managing well with his leg despite having to walk with a cane. Everyone gathered before a huge turkey, held hands and said grace, thanking God for their food, their lives, and one less vampire in the neighborhood. After everyone's bellies were full of good cooking and libations, they chatted, sang, and some received gifts, especially Mr. O'Reilly when the Creature Killers gave him the money to purchase another cow to replace the one that had been killed by Bertha. When Jane was awaiting Edward's gift to her, he explained that he preferred to give her gift in private. When the guests left and both Adele and Henry were asleep, Edward led his wife into their bedchamber.

"Now close your eyes," he said.

"Oooh, this must be good, Edward," giggled Jane.

"It is and it is also important that you keep your eyes completely shut."

"All right." She closed her eyelids and covered them with her hands for good measure.

Edward then hobbled over to his night stand and pulled out a long jewelry case. He opened the case and pulled out a gold necklace with a ruby pendant.

"Jane dear, keep your eyes closed but put your hands to your side."

She complied and Edward draped the piece of jewelry around her neck.

"Keep your eyes closed," Edward said as he guided her to a mirror. "Now you may open your eyes."

Jane opened her eyes and gasped. "Edward! You didn't have to..."

"I had to, Jane. I was in town last week and saw it and I knew you would love it. It's simple, not too gaudy. In other words, it's just right for my little elf."

Jane beamed a smile at her husband. "Thank you my love." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Edward then stepped behind his wife and took her by the waist. "I'm glad you love it, Jane. Merry Christmas, my darling." He then held her close and kissed the nape of her neck.

"Oooh," said Jane. "You're making me blush!"

"Good." He then seductively whispered into her ear. "What do you say we get ready for bed?"

"I'd love to." Jane then turned around, untied her husband's cravat, and casually tossed it aside on the bed, along with his coat. She then looked into his eyes and said, "Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Merry Christmas, Jane," said Edward just before they shared a passionate kiss. Just as he was about to unbutton his vest, Edward heard a knock at their bedroom door. "Oh, what now?" he sighed. "Can't a man be intimate with his wife without interruption?" He hobbled over and answered the knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"It's me," answered Mrs. Fairfax. "Mr. O'Reilly is at the front door, saying he found a trapped zombie in his stable."

Edward sighed. "Wonderful," he said sarcastically. "So much for a romantic night with my wife."

The End