In This Life

Chapter 48

Getting Over Shocks and James Finally Gets A Clue

Remus tried to get his head into gear; he left without saying goodbye to either Severus or Sirius. He went back to the house, deciding to walk rather than apparate right in, he needed to think. He couldn't believe what had just been revealed to him, he couldn't believe his cub had tried to kill himself. He seemed so strong, so happy and full of life, he couldn't imagine him contemplating it never mind doing it. He understood with a startling clarity why Snape was there now. If the situations had been reversed, and he had found Harry it would have been Snape he went for too. Everyone knew Snape kept potions on his person all day every day. The Order had learned that very early on into the war, as he had given various people potions to help them. In fact he had saved a few of them, even if he acted like it was an inconvenience he still did it.

"Would you like a coffee Remus?" asked James quietly.

"Yes," said Remus slumping down his mind going overdrive.

James poured the drinks and gave one of them over to Remus, his mind was much like Remus' - going on overdrive. He couldn't believe what Dumbledore had said, or what his son had said in turn. To him there was a big difference between binding his son to Dumbledore, to get him to defeat Voldemort and killing people. He didn't believe killing people was 'for the greater good' and never would. What Dumbledore had suggested was way over the top. There had to be another way to Defeat Voldemort, he just wanted to go home now. He didn't even want to see Dumbledore or speak to him at all, ever. He also didn't want his son anywhere near Dumbledore; he had realized at that house his son had more respect for Dumbledore than him. It was a kick in the gut; he had allowed Dumbledore far too much time with his son. There was no way he would have said what he did otherwise, he was positive about that.

"Are you okay Remus?" asked James quietly, gone with the confident boisterous guy, instead there was a very insecure man asking his best friend a genuine question for the first time in years.

"No," admitted Remus looking as sick as he felt.

"Me either," admitted James, he needed to talk to someone, before his mind exploded with all this new information; he was trying and failing to process.

Remus stared at his friend and noticed the changes; he could smell the confusion, hurt, incredulity and anger wafting of him in waves. James hadn't been like that since Voldemort had attacked them. Since then all he had felt from his friend is smugness, pigheadedness, pride and love. Perhaps now his old friend was realizing what he was doing. Maybe James was coming back, realizing he wasn't invincible because his son had been the boy who lived.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Remus eventually.

"I just can't believe what Dumbledore said…" said James his voice choking at the name.

"Not any worse than permanently binding your son to a one hundred and seventy old man, Harry would be dead before he turned twenty, that is if he survived Voldemort with hardly any magic." said Remus emotionlessly. Permanently binding someone meant they died together, it was supposed to be a romantic notion. Unfortunately like good magic, there was also a bad side to it. The levitating spell could save someone or make someone fall to their death. The imperious curse can make someone do bad things, but also help them get over fears (which was why it was invented). Even the killing curse was first invented to be humane. For sick animals and humans, giving them a quick painless death if their condition was critical. It had been invented by a Medi-Wizard who had built the hospital St. Mungo's in fact.

James looked stricken at that, he hadn't thought about it that way. Sure he wanted Harry to defeat Voldemort, desperate for it, his world was in ciaos and people were dying. People he had grown up with, people his son was friends with and it were killing him.

"Would you bind Eric to Dumbledore for the greater good? I know you gave Harry away because you wanted only Eric, but he is your son, he looks like you for Merlin's sake James…I could forgive you for giving him up…but this…this isn't the James I knew. The James I knew was as light as a saint, even if you did prank people. He would never have given his son away never mind agree to this," said Remus shaking his head in disappointment.

"No I wouldn't," admitted James his eyes closed the full weight of what he had agreed to coming upon his shoulders.

"Indeed," said Remus simply.

"Merlin, Remus, what have I become?" whispered James hoarsely.

"Voldemort, his Death Eaters, Dark," said Remus honestly.

"I'm nothing like him!" snarled James angrily, slamming his hand on the table.

"No? Do you know Voldemort hasn't even done what Dumbledore was suggesting? He's also never permanently bound anyone to him, the Dark mark is not the same!" said Remus angrily when he saw James about to open his mouth to protest. "He's never, ever crossed the line and taken someone's magic away. If you do this…even contemplate it you are worse than him."

"I'm not!" squawked James angrily standing up towering over his friend rage flowing through him. He couldn't believe what Remus was thinking of him, had he been that bad his friend thought so low of him? He must have been and that was like a kick in the gut to the man.

"Well I'm glad because I'd hate to loose my friend…Harry doesn't deserve this," said Remus desperate for James to do the right thing by his son. "He's your son, for the first time in his life do right by him."

"What do you suggest I do?" asked James slumping back down on the chair his entire body suddenly unable to keep his weight.

"Go home, fight Voldemort ourselves instead of relying on a bloody prophecy! They aren't exact you know that, for all we know it's a different dark lord; it could be a vampire dark lord in twenty years time! For all we know it's already fulfilled he did temporary defeat him…maybe his part is already played!" snapped Remus, he realized how hard it was for Harry seeing them all there. He didn't want Harry to end up hurting himself again, so he was going to do his damn hardest to find a way to get them packing up for home.

"But Dumbledore thinks…" protested James at once.

"That we need to start being worse than Voldemort to win this war," said Remus immediately before he could finish his sentence.

"What if he is right about the prophecy though? What if only Harry can destroy Voldemort?" asked James feeling the world on his shoulder.

"Destiny has its own way, manipulating it and bending it to your will doesn't help. You learned that the hard way, you knew the prophecy before he attacked your home…you took every measure to prevent it but look what happened James? Destiny still happened leave him alone if Voldemort is meant to be destroyed by Harry…it will happen without your interference."

James gasped in shock; his brown eyes were huge as he stared into his best friends amber ones. He had never thought of it that way before, but it was true, despite the measures taken Voldemort had gotten into his home. He had almost killed his sons, or rather had almost killed Harry. He had many regrets, most were selfish really, but now…now he just wanted to go home and lick his wounds.

"Just get inside Eric, and stop complaining!" they heard Lily's voice as she came through the front door. Locking it after Eric was in, they didn't want any chance of anyone coming through that door especially with the magic they constantly cast.

"I've went shopping it should last us at least a week," said Lily, looking tired as she dumped the shopping on the kitchen sink. She wasn't used to having to buy small quantities of food. They usually went to the buy in bulk store in the magical world, which was all lightened down and Portkey'ed to your home.

"Pack up," said James standing up.

"What's wrong? Pack up what?" asked Lily.

"Were going home?" asked Eric staring at his father a puppy look on his face, he couldn't believe it his father was sending them home it was the best news he had heard in years.

"Pack up, we are going home, now no arguments." said James adamantly.

"Going!" said Eric quickly gathering everything he had brought with him quickly as he humanly could.

"You have everything packed I'll be back in ten minutes, Remus do me a favour? Pack my things for me? I need a word with my son." said James.

Remus smiled sadly and nodded his head in agreement. "Of course."

"You can stay if you want," said James, "I owe you that much."

"Thank you," said Remus softly.

"What's wrong with James?" asked Lily as soon as her husband apparated away.

"He's finally seen sense," said Remus, leaving Lily alone to chew on his words he used a spell to gather everything of James' into his chest. Shrinking things that were too big to fit in his trunk in the first place.

"What did you mean by that Remus?" demanded Lily once she came out of her stupor and went to find him.

"You will have to ask him, I'm not sure myself," fibbed Remus feeling elated by his success they were leaving.

Lily narrowed her eyes at Remus before huffing and leaving the room and packing herself. She didn't want to leave anything here, and she wasn't remaining without her son and husband. So if James was determined to go home, then she would follow him, perhaps Dumbledore had suggested it to give them an alibi.

James stared at Black manor feeling deeply upset and his head was spinning. Eventually though he got the courage to knock on the door. Taking a deep breath, he banged three times waiting, half of him hoped there wasn't an answer the other half wanted it over with.

"What do you want?" sneered Severus his lip curled in contempt.

"I'd like to see Harry please…privately," said James swallowing harshly against the need to say something back. He wouldn't get to see Harry if he started any of his crap with Snape he knew that.

Severus heard the knock and quickly got up to answer it, he had been in his office looking up information on potions. The Black manor had a potion lab to die for, and the best thing about it - it was all his. Nobody else liked Potions, well that was a lie, Draco and Harry liked it well enough. They only went down there to be taught, not that there was much else Severus could teach them anymore. Draco and Harry were too into their budding romances to spend any time in the Dungeons brewing potions.

"It's James Potter," said Edward, from where he was sitting, curled around Harry watching the TV. Harry had never been allowed to watch TV staying at Hilda and Isaac's and he was making up for lost time. Edward didn't care that he had seen most of them before, he was just glad to have his mate by his side. He was also deeply conflicted about what to do. Did he ask Harry to marry him very soon, or did he just wait until he knew Harry was ready for it. He was rather glad Harry was deeply engrossed in the TV and he didn't realize Edward was quieter than normal.

"What does he want?" asked Harry blinking in confusion.

"Well if you want to believe it he's coming to say sorry and goodbye," said Edward.

"Yeah right," snorted Harry choosing obviously not to believe it.

"He has been deeply shaken by what Eric and Dumbledore said, and Remus has surprisingly convinced him to leave you and the prophecy alone." said Edward.

"Does he feel different about me?" asked Harry staring down at his knee not sure what to feel.

"He's finally realized what he's been doing is wrong, and he's sorry for what he's been a part of, he's also doing the decent thing any father would do…he's leaving you alone." said Edward reluctantly and truthfully. He didn't like the thought of his mate being hurt, even if he insists he doesn't care. Edward knew, deep down, in hearts of hearts it was bound to hurt. They were his family, his biological family it was bound to hurt. Although Edward wished it was true what Harry said, he knew it wasn't. The thought of anyone of his family, doing such a thing was enough to make him hurt very badly. He didn't stop to think he knew his family, their habits everything about them. Harry knew nothing of them, and didn't want to. People that loved Harry had never been blood, and Harry knew blood wasn't always what it was made out to be. Just looking at the paper he knew that, mothers killing their children, fathers killing their wife's and children. No blood wasn't everything, and Harry was happy with how his life was. He cared very little about the Potters' and didn't wish to know them.

"Go and tell him its okay," said Harry wanting to get this over with.

"Are you sure?" asked Edward softly.

Harry nodded his head.

Edward nodded his own head, detaching himself from Harry regretfully. He loved touching Harry, skin on skin; he was so warm and made him warm too. Now he was cold again, he hated it. He knew he would have to get used to it, no doubt once Harry was turned he would no longer affect him that way. It made him want to pout like a little boy, but it was true. He loved the feeling of Harry touching him; it was like being submerged in a very hot bath. Or when he had been human anyway, the water always went cold when it touched them because they themselves were cold.

"It's alright," said Edward coming to the door and speaking directly to Snape ignoring James' completely.

Severus reluctantly opened the door further jerking his head to the side to indicate that Potter could come in. Backing away stopping himself touching the man, as if he was afraid to get any germs. He loathed James Potter with everything he had, ironically enough him and Sirius were very good friends now. After all those years of saying he hated Black the most.

"He's through there, don't try anything Potter or I'll kill you, Aurors or not." sneered Severus seriously.

James knew Snape didn't threaten for nothing, he always kept his promises. He had never truly been intimidated by Snape before, well, okay he had, but never really to this extent. Snape had never threatened to outright kill him before, and the fact that there was a vampire present didn't help matters. His heart thumping erratically he nodded, barely stopping himself gulping audibly. He became even wearier when he saw the wide smirk on the copper haired vampire's face. It was almost as if he found James' situation funny or knew what was going through his mind.

"Harry we will be in the next room okay?" said Severus, he knew Harry had agreed to this or Edward wouldn't have let James set foot into the house.

"Thanks Dad," said Harry for the first time, getting a good amount of enjoyment out of the flinch James Potter gave off. He hadn't done it because of James Potter, regardless of what everyone thought. He had done it because he wanted to; Severus had adopted him after all.

"You're welcome," smirked Severus his black eyes dancing with unhidden mirth as he left the room with Edward in a tow. Many things had changed since Severus had come to forks. He was no longer guarded, hidden away and sarcastic and caustic. It seemed not spying had done the man the world of good, and everyone could see it. A year or so ago, James wouldn't have got to see Severus' eyes dancing with mirth and happiness. He would have kept his happiness to himself, as if he was somehow scared it would be used against him. Hell he even tried to be amicable with the Muggles in town when he went shopping. For Severus Snape most would realize, that was a hell of an accomplishment. He hated Muggles, the only muggle he had known growing up were abusive bitter and twisted. Tobias Snape his father and of course Petunia Dursley.

"What do you want?" asked Harry immediately.

"I want to apologize…and let you know I'm leaving we wont be bothering you again," said James reluctantly. "There are so many things I should apologize for, I shouldn't have given you up I know that now…not just because of Voldemort…but because you are my blood. It's a good thing your grandparents weren't around, or I would have been disowned." he went towards the photo album and opened it up, to the page where James' parents were waving from the picture. He sat down next to his son for the first time, and he began talking once more.

"They had me late in life; your grandparents spoiled me rotten, and loved me very much. They would have loved you and Eric too; unfortunately they died before you were born. This picture was taken the day before I was born, my dad Harold had just taken time off from being an Auror and cooked his first meal for his wife, he made her sick he wasn't good at cooking." said James. "I just wished they had been around to stop me making the biggest mistake of my life. I grew up in that manor, until I went into hiding with you all…then we moved into the manor afterwards."

James flipped the pages until he came to one of the four of them, the happier times before everything became dark and screwed up. "This was you the day you were born, it was the proudest day of my life, I know it is hard to believe but I loved you both equally once upon a time." he said sadly. Flipping through the book once more, he gave a sad chuckle.

"This was you, the day you did your first known piece of accidental magic. You turned Sirius' hair neon green, you didn't like his animagus form or maybe it was animals. It wasn't just his animagus form that went green, his hair was green when he transformed back. He was so proud of you, I'm glad he found you and I'm glad you are happy. I know I can never get back what I lost, I won't try because I know it will be futile." a green dog wagging its tail was seen in the background, turning back into a man with green hair. A smug one year old giggling away was in the middle obviously the intended person for the photo.

"I am happy, happier than I have ever been in my life; you gave me the best adopted parents in the world twice. I can't hate you for that, but I can hate you for giving me up then coming back, expecting me to love you and come with you, to clean up after a mess not my making. Dumbledore created Voldemort, it's his responsibility not mine." said Harry honestly.

James should have been happy at that declaration, at least his son hadn't had a bad life. The knowledge that he had been happy with someone else surprisingly hurt like hell. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't been the one to make Harry happy, he was his son after all and he finally allowed himself to acknowledge that.

"Yes you can," whispered James hoarsely, stopping the tears coming with all his will. "Good luck Harry and I hope you continue to be happy and I hope the war does stay away from your doorstep."

"Me too," said Harry simply.

"Take care of yourself," said James closing the book, he looked conflicted for a few seconds. He nodded his head grimly, and brought his son into a hug, feeling as though he had been slapped when Harry didn't return the hug. Swallowing roughly he nodded his head and withdrew from his son. "Goodbye Harry." he said before apparating away.

James apparated back into the small house he had been living in, to find Lily and Eric ready to go. Just then Dumbledore popped into the house as well, his eyes widening when he saw what was happening. Dumbledore wasn't a stupid man he knew what was going on by the look on their faces.

"What's going on?" asked Dumbledore soothingly hoping to get to the bottom of it with them all still in Forks. The only reason he was allowed in America was because he was with the Potter's. Without them he would have to go home, or slip under the Ministry radar and do what he needed to do underground.

"We are going back home," said James emotionlessly.

"I've already alerted the Aurors you are going home," said Remus hiding his spiteful grin.

"You did what?" gaped Dumbledore, he was furious with that idiot. How could he go and alert the Ministry of America that the Potter's were going home. If he wanted to stay he truly was going to have to do everything underground, which meant with his magic cloaked and with his appearance changed so nobody recognized him. Which by the way was extremely difficult to do when you were cloaking your magic from detection. Not everyone could do it; it had to be done by someone extremely powerful.

"They told us they wanted notified the minute we were leaving," said James not liking Dumbledore picking on his best friend. Finally James Potter had his priority's straight and it was about time. "Are you staying Remus?"

"I am," said Remus nodding his head.

"Well give me a floo when you come back alright?" said James hugging his best friend before guiding his family to the floo and one by one they were all through the gait and back home. James making sure Dumbledore came as well, he wanted to threat left to his son.

Finally James allowed himself to love the son he had given up, and was giving up again once more.

I hope hope James' reactions and actions are realistic what do you think? will Dumbledore come back? or will it be Voldemort that comes and reeks havoc in Forks? killing people to get to Harry? who is the spy? who would you like to see arrested for betraying the light? remember it cannot be the potters unless Eric's post is getting intercepted or its someone eric is speaking too :) will edward ask harry to marry him? would you like to see a wedding ceramony soon? R&R PLEASE!

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