Chapter 33:

Once back in the kitchen, I pulled Kili into the next room. "What -" he began, before I pulled his face down to mine and captured his lips in a fierce kiss. He returned the pressure, squeezing me between his body and the wall. Which was how I liked it. With him not being so gentle as to make like he was in complete control, but not hard enough so that it hurt.

Finally, I came up for air, one of my hands fisted in his shirt and the other tangled in his hair, and one of his pressed into my back and the other knotted in my hair. "What was that about?" he gasped, leaning his forehead against mine.

I leaned into his head's pressure, feeling the flush of his skin against my own. "Making a point," I replied with a wicked grin.

I felt rather than saw him raise an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Thorin," I said, as if that explained everything.

"What about him?"

I sighed deeply. "He asked if I love you."

I felt him go rigid. "What did you say?"

I jerked my head away from his, reluctantly removing my hands from their places as he did the same. I carefully maintained the distance between our bodies, though, not willing to let go of the warmth just yet. "The truth," I said quietly.

He swallowed. "Which is -"

I rolled my eyes. "That I love you, Kili, more than anyone I have ever -" I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Of course I love you. I've loved you since the beginning of this ridiculous quest, and before, which you know. You're everything I've ever wanted, needed, dreamed about, you're the other half of me, Kili, and you still want to know if I love you?" I stared straight up at him, my blue eyes meeting his brown with an intense gaze. "Of course I love you," I reiterated, my voice dropping to a whisper.

The look in his eyes could have frightened me, but given the fact that a huge, fire-breathing dragon waited for us in a mountain not to far away, it didn't.

And then, suddenly, his mouth was against mine, pressing me against the wall again, and suddenly his tongue had burst between my lips and was exploring my mouth. I coiled my tongue against his, feeling the heat of his mouth -

And then suddenly we broke apart again, both of my hands fisted in his shirt this time and both of his behind my head. I swallowed and leaned my forehead against his shoulder, my breathing uneven and shallow. "Kili -"

He let go. I was so surprised, I froze. Then he backed up, and I almost fell forward. I looked up at his face and saw something I had rarely seen in it.

Fear.

Then he was running, running up the stairs away from me, and all I could do was lean against the wall and think. What was he afraid of?

Then it hit me. He was afraid of what he'd done. He'd felt something, and I happened to know what it was, and he was scared of how far he'd go before he could stop himself, scared of what his uncle would say and think.

I sighed again, rubbing my hand over my forehead and pushed myself off the wall with a groan. And slowly, I followed Kili up the stairs.

I found an empty bedroom (one that most likely belonged to one of Bard's daughters, who currently resided in the kitchen) and I eased the door open. He was sitting like a scared child, his knees up to his chin, rocking slowly back and forth.

"Hey," I whispered.

He jerked slightly.

"Come on, Kili, you're going to be fine. Why are you so scared? It's not as if that's not normal."

We both knew what I was talking about, but he flinched like I had mentioned something cursed, something that should never come out of one's mouth. He swallowed, and then he said, "Freya, dwarves don't do that."

For a moment, I was confused. "Dwarves don't kiss?"

A dry chuckle escaped him. "No," he said, finally giving me his full attention as he stood up, closing the door behind me. "Dwarves -"

"Don't you tell me they don't have sex, because then, where would baby dwarves come from? They don't just spring out of the ground, you know. That's a myth." I crossed my arms and gave him a look that plainly said, Don't you dare make up something that stupid.

He chuckled again. "Freya, of course dwarves have sex. You're right, then where would little dwarves come from? My point is, that -" And suddenly, he stopped talking again. It was like he could get just far enough, then the words stuck in his throat, and he had to let me play a guessing game.

I sighed heavily. "Let me guess. Yeh have to get married first."

He glanced away for a second, at the window for some reason. "Yeah."

I grabbed his shoulder and turned him so he faced me. "Are. You. Insane? There's a giant fucking dragon waiting for us in that mountain, okay, and more danger afterwards that I can't tell you about, and you're telling me that we have to get married before you'll stop running off like a scared kid whenever we kiss like normal people?"

He flinched. "No.."

"Then what -"

"Freya." I stopped talking, stopped moving, at the tone in his voice. "There can be love without sex."

"There is love without sex, that's what we have now, you clotpole!" I snapped.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Freya - you can't ask me to do this," he said quietly.

"I'm not," I replied in an equally quiet voice. "I'm asking you to stop being afraid of what you feel. I know we can't have sex - Thorin'll kill me, he's expressly told me not to - but that's not what I want from you, okay, I'm not some dumb monkey who wants only sex. I want you, Kili, just you. And I'll take you how I can get you, because I don't think we have a lot of time."

He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. "That makes sense," he conceded.

"Of course it does," I said with a cheeky grin. "I know everything."

He laughed outright, then, and wrapped me up in a hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head (which still came just beneath his chin) and said, "Come on. We've only got a little while here."

I groaned. "I want to get out of here."

"What? And continue towards that dragon?" asked Kili in mock surprise.

"Yeah, I want to get it over with," I sniggered into his jacket.

He smirked. "Yeah, sure." He sobered up quickly. "Just don't - make sure you don't die."

"I could ask the same of you."

"It's a deal," he said firmly. "I won't die if you won't, and vice versa."

"Works for me."

"It better."

"It does."

"Good."

And so we left the room together, feeling for once that things had been sorted out pretty well.

Woot. This is basically the original chapter with slight modifications. Next one will be towards DoS, though.