Chapter 44:
The next morning, I got up (I won't say woke up, because if I slept, it wasn't much) at the crack of dawn - before it, actually. Everybody else was sleeping, and I crept out of the cavern and started to climb the mountain.
I climbed to an outcropping of rock and clung to it, staring at the sky.
It was still an inky blue, gorgeous and terrifying at the same time. I clutched the mountain rock tighter, for if I had let go at that moment, I would have flown off to the heavens to join the stars as they winked out. And the sky became, in the east, a very light grey, which slowly spread west. Tendrils of light slowly but surely pierced the sky from the east. The few high clouds became orange on their east sides and a deep, purply grey on the other.
Then the sun finally came up, turning the sky bright orange in the furthest east and sending long, seeking rays of gold into the west.
It was huge, burning disk, slowly rising above the horizon line, moving inexorably west where it would end the day. Its blinding light turned the sky from orange to pink and the fluffy clouds to a pinkish-purple all over.
It was possibly the most gorgeous thing ever.
With a sigh, I pushed myself off of the ledge and climbed back down to the cavern.
Later that day there was noise of yelling and screaming and fighting outside the mountain's walls, and I shivered as Balin went over to Thorin to have a conference. I cast an eye over my things - violin and knapsack still high, out of the way. Moonshadow still in hawk form with Rory in my knapsack. I had instructed Rory to stay in my bag during the battle, which he was only too happy to do, but Moonshadow insisted upon perching on my shoulder at least until the battle began.
Kili walked over to me, lookin determined. "Freya, I think we need to talk."
"About what?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.
"I think you should stay here," he said quickly, looking at his feet. "For the battle. If we fight. When we fight," he corrected himself, remembering my words from the night before.
I stared at him for a good thirty seconds, dumbstruck. "I'm not staying here while you guys fight!" I replied incredulously. "No way. No way."
"Freya! You have to stay. You will stay," Kili told me, his eyes finally snapping up to meet my gaze. He looked desperate, but I didn't care.
"No!" I snarled. "I am not staying behind! I'm just as good at fighting, if not better than you guys, so please don't coddle me. I killed Smaug! I killed the Dragon that this whole quest was about!" I shouted, waving Glitterthorn in the general direction of the Lake. "I may be a woman, but I am not weak."
"I know you're not weak, Freya, I just -"
"No. And that is final," I growled. I turned and stalked over to a place further down the wall from him, quite hurt.
A few minutes passed, and I let my guard relax slightly. Kili took this as a sign that he could reapproach me.
He came over, looking wary. "Freya -"
"I don't want to talk to you," I said without preamble as he neared me, my arms crossed as I leaned my shoulder against the rock behind me.
"Won't you at least listen?" he asked, stopping a little ways away.
"No," I replied truthfully. "You need to listen. You can't tell me what to do, Kili. I can't even believe -" I broke off, frustrated. "I can't believe that even after our conversation in Laketown, you still think you can control me. I'm not a puppet! You're not my puppet-master! Kili, I honestly love you with all my heart, but you have got to start trusting me to make the right decisions."
I hurled the words at him, hoping they actually hit him. He winced as if they were actual blows.
"I'm not around for you to control. I want to do my own thing. You told me that I did that, as Tralique! I drove you crazy because I listened to nobody. Not one single person, if I didn't want to. Did I ever tell you that on Earth, my mother wanted me to go into the army? Even there, I could kick some ass. But I said no. You know why? Because I can't follow orders! In a military setting, you follow the orders of your commanding officer, no questions asked. Even if the orders are, 'Go get yourself killed over on that field with explosives under it,' you do it! If I were in the army, I would have to be a commanding officer myself, otherwise I would be court-martialled for insubordination. So you see? I simply can't follow orders. So don't even try!"
I made to storm over to Moonshadow, but Kili grabbed my arm as I tried to pass him. "Freya - I'm sorry. It's just..." He fidgeted, and I stared at him. "I - I'm really protective, okay? I can't help it, sometimes, when you do something that seems like it's about to get you killed," he said, emphasizing the word. Such a worried child, terrified that I would die.
I glared at him. "You need to start trusting me that I actually know what I'm doing. I actually understand exactly what's going on, and I trust my magic. I know that almost whatever I do that's stupid, or what you do, I can fix it." On impulse, I walked up to him so I was within an inch of him and put my hand on the side of his face. "You've got to trust me," I whispered.
He sighed. "I do, Freya. I just don't trust myself."
My head jerked up as Thorin and Balin dispersed. All of the dwarves watched Thorin with bated breath until he spoke deeply: "We fight."
There was a brief pause, and then all of us scrambled for weapons before ran to the front gate.
Outside it was melee - the Orcs and Wargs were attacking anything that wasn't them, and the humans and elves were just crumbling.
I glanced at Thorin, who was sizing up the Orcs and Wargs, as if deciding whether to actually join the defence of the mountain.
Then he raised his sword and started running down the mountain yelling, "For Erebor!"
With a grin, I unsheathed my swords and lifted them above my head, streaming down the mountain with the other dwarves, yelling.
From the other side of our allies came an even louder yelling, and an entire army of dwarves pounded into the battle.
"Dain!" yelled Thorin joyfully.
And so a long, wearing battle began. I killed Orc after Orc, fighting to keep Kili in sight at all times and finally, after a long time of twisting and ducking around potential opponents, I lost him. I growled in frustration and savagely dispatched the four Orcs in front of me.
I spun and caught sight of something horrible, with a lurch through the pit of my stomach. There were Fili and Kili fighting in front of Thorin, who was leaning against the rock face, with blood soaking his entire side, like he'd tried to hold a sword between his arm and chest and cut himself horribly in the process.
My dream had come true.
And on we go, to Battle.