Chapter 9

Arthur's POV

He loves me…Arthur smiled at the realization. Even if he was depressed and the world still feels like it is crashing around him, maybe it could crash around the both of them.

"Arthur?" the Brit looked up to see a small, fiery, but shy Italian boy peering in from the doorframe.

"Lovino? What are you doing here?" He hadn't expected any visitors and when the wanker said "everyone" he figured that meant the Kirkland's and Alfred.

"I'm here with the Spanish Bastard as well as everyone else. Why the hell would you even think to do something so fucking stupid?" At this he sat up straight. Lovino's tone never changed, but it still frightened him in this topic. Still, the sassiness in Arthur's defense shown through.

"How can you possibly call it stupid when you did the same thing not even a year ago!" He tried not to raise his voice, but he felt scared. He felt like slowly everyone was creeping in on the world he had tried to keep secret for so long.

"Yeah, but I avoided any major veins and arteries, bastard." Arthur was reminded that when Antonio saved Lovino last year, sparking their relationship, Lovino had scars on his upper arms and knees. They were easy to hide and easy to blame on a simple fall, unlike a slit on the wrist.

"Look, Kiku wanted me to give you this." The Italian said, calming down. He handed over a leather bound book that felt chilled in the Brit's hands.

"My journal?" He asked. He really had completely forgot about it. He must've gone months without writing in it.

"Yeah, what the fuck is up with that though? You carried it through all of middle school and now high school acting like it is some sort of fucking treasure." Lovino and Arthur would sit next to each other in Algebra last year and the Italian was constantly interested in what was keeping Arthur so distracted.

"It helped to remind me that I'm not the only person suffering." Arthur murmured, flipping through the pages instinctively.

"What?" Lovino moved closer, overlooking the pages as they scattered by.

"Here," Arthur handed it to him, showing him a date from last year. "Remember when Elizaveta was struggling with transgender disorder?"

"She still is," Elizaveta has always struggled with her femininity. She had a break down in front of Feliciano, Gilbert, and Roderich. This was the event that caused Roderich to move forward and admit his love for her whether she was a he, or an it, or a gender-neutral chibi thing. Eventually Elizaveta told the story to the group and admitted that for now, she's just very confused.

"And when Feliciano nearly got hospitalized after being bullied?" Feli has a habit of getting picked on. He's just an easy target. Last year he got pushed down a flight of stairs, and somehow the bullies managed to get away unscathed by the authorities. Oh, don't worry; the group had their payback.

When someone messes with one of them, they mess with all of them.

"That should've never fucking happened."

"Or when you…" Arthur flipped to another page, showing Lovino the notes he took on his health declination.

"Don't start my story dammit." Lovino said, closing the book.

"How did you stop?"

"Truth be told, I still haven't. It's gotten better but-" Arthur looked up to the boy, thinking that if he and Alfred were to end up together, how different were they from Lovino and Toni?

"But Antonio-"

"Knows that I still struggle. I tried to explain it to the asshole. Having someone there is nice to keep you from going too far, it does help and that person will make things better. However, if the problem is just too fucking deep, you're not going to be able to stop just because they tell you too. I go to the tomato bastard every time it happens, which is not too often now." Lovino looked to the floor, getting lost in a mix of shame and thought.

"And he tells you to stop?" Arthur asked

"No, he asks me what happened, and then we sit and talk about it for hours on end, most of the time until I fall asleep in his arms…damn sneaky bastard." Arthur couldn't tell from the angle, but he thought Lovino was smiling at the thought.

"That sounds sweet, Lovino." Arthur smiled imagining that comfort with Alfred.

"Wake up, Arthur. It's not a fucking fairytale. Alfred isn't going to fix all of your problems because your problems are internally you." The smile was gone and Lovino was in his face. There was no sarcasm or a fake plethora of words. He just spoke with the most honest and genuine warning Arthur had ever heard.

"Thank you," He said, fighting back the urge to cry once more. Lovino moved back, giving the boy some air. He turned around to leave, muttering as he left.

"Good luck in the hospital…It's not as bad as you think." He winked before finally closing the door.

"Thanks, wait what?"

Alfred came back eventually from the bathroom and talked to Arthur all through the night. Mainly Alfred did all of the talking, discussing the elements of coffee and what makes each cup different. Then, talking to him about how he has always wanted to work in NYC so that during Christmas Time he could answer the phone with "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

Arthur noticed throughout the constant chatter, that something seemed off about Alfred. His smile was plastered on differently and his eyes seemed watered down, not so pure and concentrated like normal. He tried to put it off as nothing in order to enjoy the fact that he was in Alfred's arms and that Alfred was his.

The next morning, Arthur woke up alone. He cursed Alfred for a second, feeling extremely lonely until he saw a note in the shape of an airplane next to his bed. He opened it up to see Alfred's flimsy chicken scratch across the paper.

I'll always be by your side, don't forget that. I'll see you very soon.

I love you

-Alfred

With the note in hand, Arthur felt empowered enough to get up and get ready to leave for the G8 Mental Institution. It was in a wealthy suburb of NYC and from the outside looked like a fun little hotel. Arthur tried not to get his hopes up. He's seen Terminator(Alfred forced him to watch it when they were kids) and honestly he hoped it was the complete opposite.

He also hoped and wished for Alfred to show up right now. He needed him. He hadn't heard a word from him since the note this morning, which was odd. Either way, he said good-bye to Carlin and Francis, who drove him up here, and started to walk through the seemingly normal doors. He approached a regular receptionist sipping coffee and working diligently.

"Um hello, I'm Arthur Kirkland?" He spoke softly as to not want to disturb her.

"Hello, Arthur, welcome!" She got up and registered him and then proceeded to send him with a psychiatrist looking person who took away any seemingly sharp objects that could be used for suicide. Arthur thought of a million other ways he could if he actually wanted to, but still gave over the things without a fight. The person then proceeded to take him down to his room and then to the common area. When the man finally left, Arthur wandered around a bit, looking through the areas he was allowed to.

He didn't see too many patients until he found a group of them huddled around another honey-blonde that stood out with a genuine laugh you would never think to hear in a mental hospital. Arthur looked once more into a pair of beautiful blue eyes and found himself melting into the floor at the sight.

"Alfred?"