Emiya Clan – Ouran 05
"Takeshi, how are things coming along with your Ashikabi?" Miya smiled as she spoke. It was the sort of smile she might wear when telling a particularly amusing joke.
Takeshi grunted in response.
Miya's smile didn't falter in the slightest at the brief response. "I see, well then what about those charming fellows you've decided to associate with?"
A short groan was his reply.
Again, her smile remained unchanged; it was also the sort of expression she'd wear after a satisfying day of chores. "By the way, I believe one of your friend's associates was spotted around the neighborhood. Takeshi, you should take the initiative and formally invite your friends over if they want to visit so badly."
There was another grunt, barely heard over the sound of displaced air and clashing steel.
Finally Miya frowned as she lowered her katana and posted her hands on her hips, "Really, Takeshi, it's very hard to have a conversation when you barely say more than one or two syllable sentences."
Finally free of his Mother's relentless assault, Takeshi collapsed to his knees, careful to keep his own blade in hand in case she decided to renew her attack. Even while bent over and gasping for breath, he made sure to keep an eye on her. She was back to wearing the same smile she always used when beating the living tar out of her son. "I wasn't exactly in a mood for conversation, Mother."
Miya tutted and sheathed her blade in a single, smooth motion. "I suppose this is a good stopping point as any." She walked towards the doorway at the end of the training hall, idly waving a hand at the bruises covering his arms and torso. "Have Chiho take a look at some of those and then meet me in the North Wing's living room. I'd like to hear how your day went today."
ooo
Freshly bathed – and bandaged – Takeshi found his Mother calmly sipping tea at the center of the room. He took a seat opposite hers and accepted a cup of his own, the warm tea spreading warmth through his body and relaxing his aching muscles. They remained quiet for several minutes, simply enjoying the calm and the tea.
"Nothing serious, I hope?" As always, Miya broke the silence first.
"No Mother, your control – as always – is perfect," Takeshi assured her. "You don't have to ask every day, I know my own limits."
Miya peered over her teacup with half-lidded eyes, "You can't expect me to not care for my own son's well-being. It's not like I enjoy inflicting such injuries on you."
Takeshi shrugged, "It's how I choose to train. Unless you'd rather I joined Father on one of his Apostle Hunts."
"I would be severely disappointed if you did so," Miya said. She sighed dramatically, "Now then, before I get too distracted, you were going to tell me about your day."
Takeshi frowned, "What, am I still a grade-schooler? No offense, Mother, but telling my parents the details of my school life is just... odd."
"I could ask one of your sisters to sit in on our conversations," Miya suggested sweetly.
"So, earlier in the week it was announced that we'd be having our Physical Examinations today," Takeshi said quickly. "Naturally, the Club decided it would be in their best interests to distract the student body somehow from finding out about Fujioka-san's real gender..."
...
...
A black-suited man wandered the street. He sported opaque sunglasses to match his slicked-back hair, moustache, and goatee. One of Kyouya Ootori's three personal guards, Aijima was the exact opposite for the definition of 'inconspicuous'. He adjusted his glasses in annoyance as made his way down the road. Kyouya-sama had tasked the three of them with locating his schoolmate's place of residence. Considering the lack of public information, he could understand the Young Master's curiosity, but he did have to wonder why he couldn't just simply ask the student for the information he wanted.
Tachibana had ruled that protecting Kyouya-sama took priority and had tasked himself with remaining on guard around the Young Master. Honda and Aijima had flipped a coin, a toss that he had lost, which resulted in him wandering down a random street in Tokyo canvassing random pedestrians for information. Kyouya-sama had provided him a photograph of a woman, he was to ask any locals in the area to see if they could identify her or point out where she lived. After more than two hours and countless bewildered bystanders, Aijima was ready to call it quits and let Honda try his luck the next day.
He checked his watch, One or two more people, then I'll report back. He lifted his head just as a smartly dressed woman turned the corner and headed his way. She seemed middle-aged, yet she still wore her dark hair in twin side-ponytails, a curiously childish style. He mentally shrugged as he flagged her down. "Excuse me Miss, if I could have a moment of your time."
The woman checked her own watch then adopted an impatient-looking stance. "If it's quick," she said.
"Thank you." For the umpteenth time that day, he opened the folder he was carrying around, displaying the picture and what little information Kyouya-sama had gathered on 'Sakura Emiya'. "I was wondering if you could tell me anything about this young lady here."
The woman arched an eyebrow at him and seemed to lean back slightly. Not for the first time, Aijima wished the Young Master had thought to find a trusted woman to do their information hunting with. Having a middle-aged man asking about a woman set off more than a few alarm bells in people's minds.
"Oh!" the brunette was saying. Her voice suddenly rose in pitch and she had shifted from her impatient posture to one like a school-girl eager to impress her teacher. "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I couldn't tell you anything about her. She does look like a good girl, though; like the type of person you'd want to have as your sister."
"Maybe," Aijima was taken aback by the sudden switch in her personality. He glanced briefly at the picture again and shrugged.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what you needed to know," she apologized brightly.
He closed the folder and bowed to her. "That's alright, Miss," he assured her. "Thank you for your time." He stepped past her and continued on his way, mentally shaking his head at the clearly bipolar woman clinging her childish memories.
It was well past the time most office workers returned home, and he'd already asked as many people as he could during that time. Now, the streets were almost empty of casual foot-traffic. He was about to turn around and head back to where he had parked his car, when he noticed a young man stepping out of the grocery store he was just passing. "Excuse me Sir, could I have a moment of your time, please?"
The young man had gold-blonde hair in a somewhat ragged cut and was dressed in a casual clothing, yet he seemed to stare down at Aijima with a look of utter disdain. "What business do you have with Me?" he demanded.
Aijima reflexively bowed at the tone of the man's voice. He was partially reminded of Yoshio-sama, the patriarch of the Ootori family, but then he realized that no high member of society would be caught dead around a neighborhood grocer with double armfuls of produce. He opened up his briefing folder and presented it to the golden-haired man, repeating his request.
For some reason this seemed to unhinge the man, who began ranting and raving about 'mongrels', and 'fakers', and 'lowly servants wasting the Golden King's valuable time'. He stormed past Aijima, his voice slowly fading with distance as the Ootori guard stood in place in confusion. Finally he shook his head, closed his folder, and spun around to search for his car.
Right, I've found the neighborhood of lunatics. I seriously doubt the woman Kyouya-sama is looking for would be found here...
...
...
"...and so, in the end, everything was resolved by simply allowing her to take her measurements in private." Takeshi shook his head. "What really gets me is that was the plan from the very beginning, but everybody let Suoh-kun think otherwise just to screw with him."
Miya was fingering the hilt of her sword. "Well, he did call you lot 'a bunch of homosexual side characters.' "
Takeshi eyed the sword warily, "That he did..."
Miya lifted her head and smiled, the air around her darkening ever so slightly. "Despite your Ashikabi's questionable taste in clothing, rest assured I do not think the same of you, my son."
"Uh, thanks, Mother... I think."
Miya unsheathed her blade and inspected the edge carefully. "I think I would like to meet Suoh-san one of these days."
"Um..."
He was saved as the door to the room burst open and a redhead dashed in. "Take-chan~" Karin brandished her MBiPAD happily. "Look at what I found~"
"Now's not the time, Karin," Takeshi began.
"Oh, what do we have here?" Miya said, sheathing her blade once again.
Karin bounced forward and laid her computer on the table triumphantly. "I found this on your Host Club's website," she said.
Takeshi and Miya both leaned forward to stare at the screen, which displayed the profile pages for the Host Club's members. Currently it was showing the profile for Haruhi Fujioka, bare-chested and very clearly bishounen.
"Takeshi," Miya's voice was as warm as ever, which contrasted with the sudden chill that ran through his spine. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"
"But... the report said... " Takeshi sputtered and looked towards Karin for backup. The smile on his sister's face did not reassure him. "Matsu-kaasan was the one... I mean, I've seen her without clothes on..."
"Oh?" The sound of steel running across steel filled the air.
Karin's grin grew wider, "You're not winning any points here, Take-chan."
Takeshi continued making noises that implied his brain was melting.
The redhead leaned forward to pick up her tablet. "Relax~ It's fake."
Takeshi looked up with a hopeful expression, "Really?" He noted his mother had returned to her original position, sword safely out of sight, looking as if she'd never moved in the first place.
Karin nodded confidently. "Oh yeah, This looks 'shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few 'shops in my time."
Takeshi blinked, "I thought you were banned from programs like that."
Karin's shoulders dropped in disappointment. "You're no fun, Take-chan."
"... What?"
ooo
"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, 'What is this?'"
The other Host Club members looked up in surprise as Takeshi stormed into the Third Music room.
"What is what?" Tamaki asked, blinking in confusion.
"I think he means, this," Kyouya said as he set his laptop down on the table in front of Tamaki. The screen was set to display the same website Takeshi had seen the previous night.
Tamaki grabbed at the sides of the computer, "What is this?"
"Waa~ Haru-chan is so cool!" Hani gushed.
". . ." Haruhi had a very... interesting expression as she stared at the screen.
"Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki turned to the only people in the room who hadn't reacted to the commotion. "I left you in charge of the Club's website because you said you'd do it seriously!"
""We are doing it seriously,"" they chimed together.
"Yeah, we spent a lot of hours putting that together to appease Haruhi's fanclub," Kaoru said.
"It's not like there's anything better to do," Hikaru added.
Takeshi walked over towards the two, his eyes hidden behind his suddenly reflective glasses. "And that means you think you can put up that... that..." Words failed him and he simply pointed towards the laptop, "that?"
The twins stared blankly at him for several moments. ""Yes?""
The very air seemed to darken around the him; Ominous Latin Chanting and the staccato clapping of a tsuzumi could be heard as It appeared. Tamaki quickly escaped to the side, rushing back to hide behind Kyouya.
"Reimagining one of our fellow hosts for your own twisted amusement," Takeshi said softly, reciting the aria for the Emiya Clan's most terrifying technique, "is forbidden."
It stared at the twins with twin pinpricks of light emerging from an infinite abyss. It cackled madly, a nightmarish grin that leeched all life from the air. It writhed in agony, nightmarish contortions that seemed to defy the laws of reality.
Hikaru and Kaoru clutched at each other, desperate for an escape of their own, though they were shocked witless and unable to form a single coherent thought between them.
As if driven by fate, or the terrible machinations of a higher power (a/n – mwahaha), the door to the clubroom suddenly flew open. Ouran's newest transfer student, a young first year girl with pink ribbons decorating her hair, stepped into the room and made a beeline for the group of Hosts carefully maintaining their distance from the other three. Her eyes lit up with recognition and she dived forward, her arms outstretched, "Kyouya-sama!"
Heads turned at the sudden entrance and shout, including – unfortunately – Takeshi's. The new student halted in mid leap, the sudden chill making her look around to seek out the source of the ominous dread she was feeling. Takeshi, still enraged by the Hitachiin twins' actions, had forgotten to release his technique. Just before she reached her beloved look-alike, Renge Houshakuji keeled over and passed out on the floor.
ooo
"Honestly," Haruhi said as she threw a spare blanket over the shivering twins. "I understand you wanted to give the girls something to look at, especially since they missed their chance during the physical examinations. But would it have killed you to ask first?"
"Can't sleep," Hikaru shivered, "clowns will eat me."
"Why would we have asked?" Kaoru said.
"Because I might not have wanted you to do it, had I known in advance."
"That's exactly why we didn't."
Haruhi sighed and looked over to where Tamaki and Kyouya were discussing the new arrival as she rested on another spare couch. Takeshi was being scolding by Honey and Mori, though Mori simply loomed over the other boy while Honey spelled out his points using Usa-chan. The overall effect seemed comical, but Takeshi seemed to be suitably chastened. She turned back towards the twins, Hikaru evidently having recovered and joining his brother in staring back at her. "Seriously, what am I to you two?"
""You have to ask?"" they said, in tandem. ""You're our 'toy'. ""
"A toy," she repeated blankly.
"You amuse us," Hikaru stated.
"You interest us," Kaoru chimed in.
""There aren't many other people we could say the same about.""
"What about Tamaki-sempai?"
"Tono? He's interesting as well, but he's become predictable." Hikaru shrugged. "Predictable people get boring after a while, no matter how interesting they are."
"That's why you're our current favorite Toy, Haruhi," Kaoru said, levering himself up into a sitting position again. "But, even you are getting used to the craziness around here. So we're losing interest fast."
"Trust us, you wouldn't like us when we're bored," Hikaru said with a grin as he sat up as well. "So, we find ourselves looking for something to do."
"Ne, Haruhi, can we come over to visit your place?" Kaoru asked.
"Absolutely not," Haruhi replied with a smile.
"You didn't even think about it!" Hikaru complained.
"Can we start spreading rumors that you're a girl, then?" Kaoru suggested.
"Don't make me call Takeshi-sempai back over here."
""We'll be good.""
ooo
"Sorry about that, Tamaki-kun," Takeshi rubbed his head nervously. "I shouldn't have let them get to me like that."
"Definitely not," Tamaki said grandly. "Especially when it involves one of our customers. Us Hosts are professionals, we must never let our internal disputes carry over into our interactions with our guests."
"I don't think I've ever seen this girl around before," Takeshi pointed out.
"Eh, neither have I," Tamaki admitted. He turned to look over his shoulder. "Kyouya?"
"Renge Houshakuji," Kyouya said as he flipped through a small notebook. "She's the daughter of one of my father's important clients, so I agree she should be treated with all due respect. I made a few inquiries, she's spent much of her life living in Paris, France."
Tamaki twitched, almost imperceptibly. It was doubtful anyone else would have noticed, but Kyouya knew Tamaki better than anyone. "Interesting," he said lightly. "I think this is an excellent opportunity for Haruhi to practice her skills by showing Houshakuji-san around the school."
"What, why me?" the girl called from across the room.
Sharp ears, Takeshi thought.
"Yes, why her?" Kyouya threw a glance at Takeshi. "I would have thought she would be Takeshi-sempai's responsibility, seeing as he was the reason she suffered her... anxiety attack."
Tamaki threw an arm around his friend and whispered very loudly. "Kyouya, this is an excellent opportunity for Haruhi to realize her feminine side! By having a close female friend, the gentle atmosphere that can only be possessed by the fairer sex will aid her and make her more conscious as a girl!"
Takeshi arched an eyebrow, "You want her in a dress that badly?"
"I can still hear you," Haruhi reminded them from across the room.
Tamaki rushed over to a nearby table and pulled out a large picture frame from beneath it. "It's not right!" he cried out. He displayed the poster-sized photograph of Haruhi from her middle-school days. "Otou-san would like to see you return to your days like this!"
"Since when did you become my 'dad'?" Haruhi returned. "And where did you get that picture from?"
Kyouya silently adjusted his glasses.
"Make friends with this girl and start wearing dresses again!" Tamaki pleaded.
"What about my debt?"
Tamaki froze in mid-reply. Kyouya took the opportunity to retrieve the portrait from his limp hands and return it to its hiding place. Just as he did so, the figure on the couch groaned and shifted. In less than a heartbeat, Tamaki was by her side, gently cradling her hands as she recovered. "O-hime-sama," he said softly. "Do not be afraid, we will take care of you."
Renge blinked as she took in the face before her, then she wrenched her hands from his grasp and shoved him to the side. "Don't touch me, you faker!" she shrieked.
Hoo-boy, Takeshi sighed and dropped his head into a waiting hand.
ooo
Hikaru and Kaoru grimaced slightly as they worked out the kinks in their limbs. Being scared stiff was not just a verbal phrase, it seemed, and having passed out in that state only made things worse.
"What are they yelling about now?" Hikaru said as he tilted his head this way and that.
Kaoru stared over the back of the couch for several moments. "There's some girl over there who just flattened Tono," he said. "Now she's fawning over Kyouya-sempai."
"So, nothing interesting?"
"Nope, not really."
"I heard something interesting," a low voice said from behind them.
The two of them jumped in surprise as they regarded the cloaked figure who'd suddenly appeared in their midst.
"I heard there was a student here who could summon the darkest of all curses on command," the intruder stated. "It is a power I am greatly interested in." He lifted one arm to display a rather cute cat-like hand puppet. The puppet's 'hands' wiggled.
"Beelzenef is interested as well," the figure concluded.
(a/n) – to the reviewer who wanted takeshi involved in a 'real duel'. there you go. :D
bit of a plotline snarl. in my attempt to avoid 'TheStationsofCanon', i wanted to gloss over several instances or deliberately take them out of order. the manga for ouran actually helps somewhat in this regard because for about 70 chapters, the story runs on 'Comicbook Time'. they have at least 2-3 summer vacations without any time passing. while i'm not really going to try to work out a timeline for this, i feel safe in being able to jump around a bit.
that said, i realized about halfway through i had several important side characters, and even some themes i had forgotten to insert. i'm a very lazy type of writer who doesn't use a beta, so i threw most of them in almost-last-minute, resulting in this mashup/mess you see here.
also letting you know, school starts this week so my update schedule (if i ever had one) will definitely drop. the 'serial' stuff like ouran will probably suffer the most. if i'm mostly working on school stuff i might get a random snippet that's suitable for F:SD (if anybody ever read those, *sob sob sob...*)