Chapter Ten: Making Amends
Dean and Sam stayed at the hospital for as long as they could. The elder Winchester flipped through magazines as his younger sibling lay curled up next to their surrogate father.
Dean didn't mind though. If being with Bobby made Sam feel safe than he wasn't going to tell his brother the nurses probably wouldn't like him lying on the bed.
He just wished Sam felt he was safe with him.
Eventually the Winchesters were forced to leave- reluctantly- when visiting hours came to an end.
"We'll come back tomorrow, Sammy," Dean assured his brother but the look on the boy's face as they walked out of Bobby's room damn near killed him.
I'm not going to hurt you, Sammy, Dean thought and squeezed his brother's hand gently as they made their way down the hallway.
W
Sam was very quiet on the ride back to the Salvage Yard. Dean didn't say anything for fear of being rejected.
Instead he turned on the radio.
SPN
Sam ran up the staircase and slammed the door to his bedroom. He shoved the plate- which still had the now stale sandwich on it- onto the floor where it smashed and climbed onto the bed, pulling the covers over his head.
He closed his eyes tightly and listened for the sound of footsteps, certain that Dean was going to follow him.
Sam was sure his brother was going to hurt him, blame him for Bobby's heart attack.
He hadn't wanted to leave the hospital but he knew he had to; it was policy that visitors had to leave at night, but had been afraid to make a scene. Dean would really be mad at him then.
Sam's heart nearly stopped when he heard a rapping sound on the bedroom door. He bit his lip and held his breath, terrified.
But Dean didn't come into the room.
He knocked once more before Sam heard his footsteps moving away.
SPN
Dean's shoulders slumped dejectedly as he walked down the stairs.
He should have known Sam wouldn't miraculously come around and trust him again.
It still hurt though, to think that his brother was frightened of him.
Making his way to the kitchen, Dean grabbed a beer from the refrigerator- certain that Bobby wouldn't miss it- and sat down at the table.
He didn't know what to do. Sam wouldn't talk to him, didn't want anything to do with him and Dean was afraid that if he tried to engage his brother he'd only come on too forceful and his sibling would shut him out further.
Baby steps, Dean.
The young man sat up so suddenly he nearly spilt his beer.
Bobby's voice had been so clear in his head that it seemed as though he were standing right behind Dean.
Just to be sure, the teen glanced over his shoulder and saw that he was alone.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Dean sighed and took a drink of his beer.
W
Dean trudged up the stairs. It was late and he was exhausted. He had stayed up, drinking too many of Bobby's beers and thinking about his baby brother.
He knew that he shouldn't sleep in the guest bedroom with his brother so he planned on staying in the veteran hunter's room for the night, certain that Bobby wouldn't mind.
Dean came to a halt at the top of the staircase and was staring sadly at the closed guest bedroom's door when he suddenly heard the sounds of crying coming from within.
"Sammy?" Dean muttered and moved forward, thinking only of comforting his brother.
The room was dark but Dean didn't bother turning on the light. Instead, he found his way easily enough to the side of his brother's bed. The light coming in from the hallway illuminated the fourteen-year old. Sam's face was scrunched up, his head moving from side to side.
"Sammy," the eighteen-year old murmured and reached out, laying a gentle hand on his sibling's brow.
Sam didn't wake but he quieted.
"It's okay, Sammy," Dean whispered, "It was just a nightmare."
Before he even knew what he was doing, Dean climbed up onto the bed and gathered his brother into his arms, just like he used to do when Sam had been a toddler.
The boy did wake up and pushed himself away from Dean.
The older brother saw Sam eyeing him warily.
"You were having a bad dream," Dean told him lamely, feeling like an idiot.
The younger brother said nothing.
"Sam, I-" Dean began but then stopped.
Sam didn't want to hear what he had to say. Sam was scared of him, hated him. It would be best if Dean just left now.
"I- I'll go now," Dean stood and left the room, closing the door behind him.
SPN
Sam startled Bobby by throwing his arms around the man's neck and hugging him tightly.
The grizzled hunter looked up questioningly at Dean but the older brother just shrugged.
"Quit stranglin' me, Son," Bobby chortled, "You want these doctors to keep me longer?"
The fourteen-year old stepped back and glanced down at his shoes so that Bobby's nurse could push the wheelchair he was sitting in, out of the room.
"Now, you remember what Dr. Carter said about eating healthy and exercise, Mr. Singer?" the nurse asked and Bobby nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I remember."
He saw the woman look at Dean, "Make sure he does what he's supposed to."
"I don't need a pup telling me what to do," Bobby grumbled but he didn't really mean it.
"C'mon Uncle Bobby," Dean said as the nurse pushed the chair out through the sliding doors, "Let's get you home. There's a nice cold glass of carrot juice waiting for you."
Sam followed right beside Bobby's wheelchair, not letting the older man out of his sight. The gash on his chin and the cut on his lip were both healing, now scabbing over, but he was still too jumpy to have injured himself during soccer practice.
The nurse stopped the wheelchair and set the brakes right in front of the Impala. She reached out to help Bobby stand up but he waved her away.
Dean unlocked the passenger door and held it open fro the older hunter.
Sam scrambled into the backseat, sitting right behind Bobby.
"Everybody ready?" Dean asked, glancing at his two passengers, smiling though the expression did not meet his eyes.
Bobby nodded. Sam didn't react.
The classic car's engine rumbled to life and Dean pulled out of the hospital's parking lot, heading straight to the Salvage Yard.
SPN
Bobby was back!
Sam couldn't be happier. He'd been so afraid these past two days when he had Dean hadn't been visiting the grizzled hunter at the hospital. Left alone with his brother at the Salvage Yard, Sam was certain Dean would turn on him at any second.
Waking up in Dean's grip that first night had terrified Sam more than he showed. He had grown to be an extremely light sleeper with his father, waking up if John so much as snored a little too loudly.
But opening his eyes to find Dean holding onto him, Sam had been sure his brother was going to hurt him.
Instead, Sam had been able to escape his brother's grasp and Dean had left. For a long while, Sam had thought Dean would return and beat him but it hadn't happened.
That did nothing to ease Sam's mind though. Sometimes John pretended everything was alright and that he loved Sam as he waited for the perfect moment to strike.
But now Sam didn't have to be so afraid.
Bobby was home and he'd keep Sam safe.
W
Sam wanted to stay by Bobby's side, he really did, but Dean was there too and Sam was afraid of him.
As the grizzled hunter and the eighteen-year old retired to the kitchen, Sam went upstairs. He crept into the guest bedroom and curled into a corner.
W
Sam looked up when the door to the motel room opened and John stepped inside.
The boy's heart began to beat fast as the scent of take-out food filled the air, a white paper bag in John's hand.
Sam was starving.
John had gone on a hunt and hadn't left anything to eat. Sam had been too scared to leave the room, even though there was a vending machine close to the Office. Besides, Sam didn't have any money and if anyone caught him stealing from the machine…
The fourteen-year old couldn't take his eyes from the bag in his father's fist. Saliva gushed into his mouth and his stomach growled loudly.
John didn't even look at him as he sat down at the room's small table and pulled out the familiar red and white box for a McDonald's Big Mac. The father set the box on the table and reached into the bag again, pulling out a second one. Next came an extra large cup of fries.
Sam began to creep forward, very slowly, eyes glued to the food packages on the table.
John opened the Big Mac box and took the burger out. His eyes met Sam's and he took a large bite of the hamburger.
The father glanced down at the unopened second Big Mac box.
"You think this is for you?" he asked and Sam nodded.
John smiled.
"Why? You've done nothing to deserve it. I've been out hunting and you've been lazing around this room for three days."
Sam froze and stared at his father in shock.
He was so hungry.
"Please…" Sam begged, "…Sir."
John shook his head.
"Get out of my sight before you make me angry."
Sam felt tears well up in his eyes. He knew he'd be punished if he persisted but the food was just too tempting.
"I… I've been good," he tried, "Please… Dad…"
John set the Big Mac down and stood up. Sam cringed.
"How about I give you a knuckle sandwich?" the man threated and Sam backed away, whimpering.
The boy retreated to the far corner of the room where he curled up and watched John enjoying his dinner.
SPN
"I don't think Sam's ever going to look at me the same way again," Dean lamented to Bobby.
"That's 'cause yer an idjit."
The eighteen-year old scowled before frowning sadly.
"I just wish I could make Sam understand that I'm not going to hurt him," he said.
Bobby sighed, "You fucked up, Son. Badly. But like I've told ya before, this is going to heal but it needs time to do so. Sam ain't gonna warm up to you in one week."
"I know!" Dean snapped, "You don't have to keep reminding me!"
Bobby glowered at him, "Don't you take that tone with me."
Dean glanced down, chastised, "Sorry."
"I know you want to make things right with yer brother but you need to be patient and keep from making it worse."
Dean looked up at Bobby.
"Just how do I do that?"
SPN
A knock on the bedroom door startled Sam.
He looked up warily and heard Dean speak from the hallway.
"Bobby's ordering us pizza," he called, his voice slightly muffled, "You still like veggies on yours?"
Sam frowned. Why would Dean ask what he liked on his pizza? Why would he care?
Cautiously, Sam stood up.
"Sam?" Dean called, "Are you awake?"
"Y-Yeah, Dean, sorry," the fourteen-year old stammered.
Please don't hurt me.
"You want pepperoni or anything?" Dean asked, "Or just vegetables?"
"V-Veggies?" Sam said nervously.
"Perfect," Dean replied, "I'll let Bobby know."
Sam listened as his brother walked down the steps, his footfalls fading as he reached the main floor of the house.
SPN
"How'd it go?" Bobby asked as Dean entered the kitchen.
"He wants veggies," Dean told him.
Bobby nodded, "At least he's talking to you."
"Yeah," Dean muttered, trying to be happy for that small step of progress.
W
"Sammy?" Dean called from the other side of the bedroom door, "Pizza's here."
Bobby had suggested that although they have Sam come down to the kitchen to get his food, he should be allowed to leave if he wanted.
Dean wanted to sit with his brother but Bobby's idea had won out.
Both he and Bobby had already taken slices of their own pizza- Canadian- and sat their plates on the table before Dean had gone upstairs to let Sam know the food had arrived.
Dean waited for a moment before he called his brother's name again. Lifting his hand to knock on the door, Dean startled when it opened and Sam stared back at him.
"Pizza's here," Dean repeated.
"Okay," Sam answered quietly and looked away.
Dean watched as his sibling cringed as he moved past him and headed down the hallway towards the stairs.
Sighing, he followed Sam at a distance.
SPN
Sam peeked into the kitchen and saw Bobby sitting at the table, eating a slice of pizza.
"Hey there, Son," the grizzled hunter said and smiled, setting his piece of pizza onto his plate.
"You've got a whole pizza to yourself."
Sam's eyes widened. An entire pizza just for him?!
"C'mon in here and have a slice," Bobby said.
The fourteen-year old crept into the kitchen, encouraged by the grizzled hunter and stared at the veggie pizza Bobby had bought for him.
The man offered him a plate but Sam ignored it, holding the slice of pizza in his hand instead.
Sam peered over his shoulder as Dean walked into the kitchen, nervously.
"You don't have to leave," the eighteen-year old said as Sam began backing away.
Sam looked at Bobby and then at Dean.
He didn't want to leave but he didn't want to stay. Sam backed up to the doorway of the kitchen and sat down. He leaned his back against the doorframe and began to eat his pizza.
"Are you okay there, Sammy?" Dean asked and Sam nodded without looking at him.
SPN
At least Sam wasn't running away from him. That was a start.
Baby steps, as Bobby had said.
And Dean didn't press Sam into eating pizza at the kitchen table like a normal person. He let it go and said nothing about Sam sitting in the doorway.
After dinner, Sam and Dean and Bobby watched a movie in the living room. Albeit Sam only moved to the bottom step of the staircase and wasn't actually in the living room, Dean didn't mind.
Sam was slowly- very slowly- getting used to being around Dean.
The eighteen-year old was sure that if he made any sudden moved or raised his voice- even in happiness- he'd scare Sam and it'd be two steps back.
Dean caught Bobby's eye and the grizzled hunter gave him a thumbs up.
The journey to begin making amends was starting and Dean couldn't wait for the day when Sam would see him as his big brother again.
Author's Note:
Chapter title comes from a G. Love & Special Sauce song of the same name.
Thanks to sarah, kasey, ncsupnatfan, Jkf340, Souldarkalone, mandancie, BruisedBloodyBroken, SPN Mum, Frakking Toasters, SamDeanLover28, BranchSuper, Mistycat, and tracyeubanks1 for reviewing.
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