Emiya Clan – Ouran 07

Takeshi didn't think too deeply into the verbal sparring between the brothers. Fights happened all the time between his siblings, but rarely had it permanently affected relations in the family. While they did tend to quickly escalate until physical blows were traded, such duels were easily resolved with the victor – or victors;his siblings tended to gang up on each other at times – often having won the argument itself. More often than not, the disputes that resulted in bitter feuds that could last for weeks were generally between the grownups.

So, having cleared the argument from his mind, Takeshi settled in for lunch the next day with his usual routine. Weeks ago he had found the perfect location: an outdoor bench in the shade, protected from the wind by the buildings around him. He brought with him a hand-made bento made by Father, or Mother, or Gil-ojisan, or Sakura-kaasan – whoever happened to wake up first and declare the Main Kitchen their domain – and the notes for the afternoon classes in his hand. Smart as he was, Takeshi had no illusions about his standings compared to the rest of the school; in fact Honey, Mori, Kyouya, and even Tamaki had better scores than he did at their grade levels. Judging by her current performance, Haruhi also seemed poised to challenge Kyouya's own first-year records. So, chopsticks in one hand and a well-organized notebook in the other, he settled in for another peaceful lunch-study period.

"Takeshi-kun!"

Of course the very act of thinking about it just begged the world to invoke Murphy's Law. Takeshi sighed as a plush bunny was shoved in front of his face. "Yes, Hani-kun?" he asked as he looked into the blonde's worried face.

"Hika-chan and Kao-chan are fighting in the dining hall!" Honey replied. "They still haven't made up!"

Even after having the whole night to sort it out? "I see," he said as he reluctantly packed up his bento and school bag. There was no real point in arguing with Honey, so he might as well save some time in the hopes he could continue afterwards. "So why did you come to get me?"

"Because they're one of us," Honey said confidently. "Takashi went to get Tama-chan and Kyo-chan. C'mon! They're in the cafeteria!" He bounced down the hallway, Takeshi following at a brisk walk. They had barely gone ten meters when Honey, in the middle of one of his hop-skip-leaps that he liked to move around with, accidentally flung Usa-chan to the ground ahead of him, where a female student along the same path tripped over it.

"Ah! Sorry!" he said as he skidded to a stop. "Are you okay?"

Takeshi frowned as he reached them, the girl was dressed in a first-year's uniform, her long black hair was draped over her face. Takeshi shrugged and continued walking past them. This was Honey's problem to deal with. "You said they were in the dining hall?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah!" Honey confirmed. He turned back to the student to offer a hand, "Ne, you're not hurt are you?"

Whatever the girl's reply was, if she ever made one, was lost as Takeshi reached the main building's side entrance and stepped through the door.

ooo

"I'm not going to say it," Takeshi said. "Even though I really, really want to..."

He stood in disbelief at the sight of the Hitachiin brothers both standing in the cafeteria line. Apparently in their desire to avoid comparisons with each other, they were trying to order completely different meal sets from the servers.

""Set A meal for me."" They glared at each other as they realized they had ordered identically.

""Scratch that, give me the Set B,"" they simultaneously corrected. They both narrowed their eyes back at each other.

Haruhi walked up to him as the two continued requesting more and more outlandish orders. "They've been like this all day," she answered his 'unspoken' question with a weary sigh. "They were also answering the questions in class at the same time, then retaliated by pulling pranks on each other. It really made me wish I wasn't seated in between them... "

"I see," Takeshi said. "And the hair?"

""Set B appetizer with the Set D salad combo. Hold the sauce and replace it with the Set A topping!"" Hot-pink hair stood on end as one of the twins glared at his opposite. The other's neon-blue hair was similarly raised in annoyance. ""And the Set A soft drink with the Set E tea! Argh... stop copying me!""

"To avoid being mistaken for the other, apparently." Haruhi set her mouth into a thin line. "They were also attacking each other in the hallways, but the other always managed to avoid it, so some random student passing by would get hit."

Takeshi's glare hardened as Mori arrived with Tamaki and Kyouya in tow. The blonde immediately tore into the two, berating them for sullying the reputation of the Host Club and all but ordering them to stand down. Honey had arrived at that point, trying to make peace his own way, which naturally involved cake. Unsurprisingly, he got side-tracked by the pastry himself, resulting in Mori quickly pulling him away from the twins, leaving them in a worse mood than they already were in.

"Well, it looks like it's dying down so I should settle in for my own lunch," his prospective Ashikabi was saying. She sighed, "I was looking forward to a quiet time to review my homework too... "

Takeshi didn't respond, but his eyes betrayed his surprise at their parallel thought process. He spun around to find his own table, only to find a grinning cloaked figure blocking his way.

"Takeshi Emiya-kun, I've heard so much about you," the other student said as he waved his hand puppet in greeting. "I don't think we've been properly introduced, I am Umehito Nekozawa, a third-year student like yourself, and President of the Black Magic Club."

"Ah," Takeshi nodded. "Tamaki-kun has mentioned you on occasion, he has told us quite a bit, actually. Mostly how you seem to have cursed him for several days on end after he accidentally stepped on your puppet here."

Despite being unable to see the upper part of his face, hidden as it was by the light-blocking cloak he wore, Takeshi had the distinct impression Nekozawa's expression had darkened. "Beelzenef is certainly a powerful patron of the Nekozawa family," he said silkily. "Suoh-kun certainly brought a horrible curse upon himself with that act."

Takeshi nodded noncommitally. Throughout Tamaki's account of the terrible curse that had been placed upon him, Kyouya had pointed out the various circumstances his classmate was attributing to the supposed curse. Tamaki had been convinced he had been bewitched into being unable to read the exam given that day, nor able to recognize any of his classmates. Kyouya had explained that Tamaki – being distraught at the mere idea of being cursed – had accidentally wandered into a third-year Greek Language class in the middle of their own test. There was always the possibility that Nekozawa really could influence coincidence to that degree, but it was far more likely Tamaki had overreacted and that the student in front of him was just an occult-obsessed youth.

"Speaking of curses, I have heard interesting things about Emiya-kun," Nekozawa continued. "A man capable of casting terrifying curses with but a glance, such an ability would be well suited for our club. Would you like to join us? We can offer you the use of powerful artifacts once you are a member."

Takeshi's voice noticeably cooled, "Artifacts?" Had he underestimated this student? Some of his Father's freelance work for the Mage's Association often involved tracking down cursed objects – long created by Dead Apostles and having somehow made their way into unprepared human hands – and either destroying them outright or retrieving them for proper containment. If Nekozawa's Black Magic Club had somehow gotten a hold of one of these, then he was a very dangerous threat to the peace of this school, or even the surrounding city.

"Yes, powerful totems such as... this!" Nekozawa pulled a hand out of his sleeves to display a wooden carving shaped very similarly to the Beelzenef doll on his hand, right down to the goofy eyes. "This is a powerful cursed item, if you write the name of a person on the back, it becomes linked to the soul of your victim and curses them, dooming them to a life of misfortune and misery!"

...Or the President of the Black Magic Club was every bit the goofball his own club's president was, and just as harmless. It did make him wonder if Nekozawa's supposed light-sensitivity was real or part of his act, however.

"Nekozawa-kun," Takeshi said evasively, "unfortunately I do not possess any 'curses' that you would find suitable for your purposes. The alleged technique you attribute to me is nothing more than a harmless glare backed up by some fighting intent."

The hooded student frowned, "Fighting intent?"

Takeshi nodded, "You seem to be familiar with the members of the Host Club. Tell me, have you ever had the misfortune of being present when Hani-kun is being woken from one of his naps?"

Nekozawa shivered, giving Takeshi all the answer he needed. "Ah, yes, I see your point. But is that really true? Even given that experience for comparison, anecdotal evidence suggests yours is much more–"

"Fighting intent," Takeshi repeated stubbornly. He noticed Haruhi had been joined at her table by Hikaru and Kaoru, and now both of them were arguing with her sandwiched between them. "I'm sorry, we'll have to continue this later," he said as he pushed his way past the hooded figure.

He noticed Tamaki was yelling at the twins again, this time it was something about Haruhi's own homemade bento compared to the twins' gourmet meals. He reached the table just in time to see Kaoru throw his soup at Hikaru. His twin promptly grabbed hold of Tamaki's uniform, yanking the hapless blonde forward in time for him to take the flying dish to the face. Hikaru narrowed his eyes as he pushed Tamaki away, then grabbed his salad bowl and chucked it at his brother.

In moments, a full-fledged food-fight was on as the two brothers grabbed anything and everything in reach to hurl at the other. Food, dishes, silverwear, furniture, even Honey's Usa-chan somehow got mixed with the rest of the ammunition. Takeshi blinked with the sudden realization that both boys were apparently much stronger than they appeared, a fact that was proven seconds later as Honey himself got caught and thrown through the air as he tried to retrieve his plushie.

Takeshi sighed and absent-mindedly snatched a wayward knife out of the air before it could hit him in the head.

ooo

After school, during the hours the Host Club would normally be in session, the door was locked and a sign was in place to let their customers know not to expect any activities for the day. Inside, all of the Hosts with the exception of the twins were seated around a long conference table. With more than half their number involved in the food fight, they had been held back after school to clean up the mess that had been made of the dining hall. All of them were exhausted, though Kyouya still presented an immaculate image as he used a hand calculator and typed a few notes into his laptop.

"If this continues, we'll have to withdraw the 'Brotherly-Love' package from our offered courses; that will definitely reduce our designation requests by the customers." Kyouya pulled off his glasses to wipe them with a handkerchief. He closed his eyes with a sigh and cracked one back open, "Haruhi, don't feel bad about this development."

Haruhi lifted her head from where she had it resting in her arms, "Hm?"

He smiled as he replaced his glasses, "Even if this whole situation was touched off by your thoughtless comparison between the two, I assure you that I do not blame you in the slightest."

Takeshi saw Haruhi pale as she stared at the Shadow King, though he couldn't blame her. That smile could possibly give Chiho a run for her money. "I take it this doesn't happen often," he commented.

"No," Honey said quietly. "I've known Hika-chan and Kao-chan since kindergarten. Even back then, they were always playing alone by themselves. I don't think I've ever seen them fight with each other, not even once."

"It's true," Tamaki confirmed. "I only met them when they were still in middle school, but they were always the odd ones out. Their world basically just consisted of themselves." He chuckled, "I suppose this fight is actually good for them. They're expressing themselves, which means they're slowly coming out of their shells. Their world view is expanding."

"So we just leave them alone?" Takeshi asked.

"Yes, I think that would be the best," replied the taller blonde.

"I don't know..." Haruhi had a fist pressed to her mouth. "If this is their first serious fight with each other, then we probably should intervene, and fast."

"What do you mean?" Kyouya looked up from his computer.

"If they've never had a real fight, then they probably don't know when it's time to cut their losses and call a truce. They don't know how far is too far, and they might say or do something which can't be easily forgiven." Haruhi had a determined expression on her face as she looked each of the other Hosts in the eye. "Somebody should tell them to quit."

Takeshi opened his mouth to contradict her, but then closed it as he thought her argument through. In his experience, very few of the children in his family had serious fights with each other, but when he thought about it, most of that may had been due to growing up in a household where Gilgamesh was a dominant authority figure. Uncle Gil provided a common enemy to band against for pretty much... everybody. Since Gil treated the entire household equally – albeit equally bad – most of the children in the Clan had grown up with fairly thick skins. It almost became tradition of sorts, Gil would traumatize the younger children until they either learned to ignore it, or banded together to strike back.

For Hikaru and Kaoru, assuming they were as prank-happy and condescending as children as they were now, Takeshi could easily imagine them driving their own relatives into insanity. Heck, Riko and Karin managed to pull that off even with the Clan already wise to their natures. However, assuming the Hitachiins didn't have their own constant authority figure to knock them down a few pegs, he could see how they had grown up with an 'Us vs. the World' sort of mentality.

"So, where are they now?" he asked. The other five Hosts turned to look at him and a small part of him was very pleased to note his potential Ashikabi had a thankful smile on her face for backing up her suggestion.

Almost as if that had been a signal, the doors to the club room burst open and the two individuals in question chased each other inside. Each carried an armful of various rubbish and started throwing them at each other almost as soon as they had crossed the threshold.

"Hikaru, Kaoru!" Tamaki barked out. "This bickering is pointless, stop troubling everybody with your childish antics!" He quickly turned towards Haruhi, his eyes like a puppy looking to his master to see if his trick had been well received. His face fell as their response sounded from behind him.

"We're troubling everybody?" Hikaru scoffed. "We are troubling everybody? If anybody is troubled it's me. I'm the one who has to share the same face with Kaoru over there!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" his twin snarled.

"It means that I'm sick and tired of people mistaking me for you!" Hikaru glared. "Truth be told, this is all your fault! I absolutely hate you most of all!"

Kaoru's eyes widened. "That's my line," he hissed. "I'm sick of always being compared to you! Look at this," he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small wooden figurine.

Takeshi dropped his face into his hand.

"I bought this from Nekozawa-sempai, a Beelzenef cursed doll!" Kaoru brandished the grinning cat figurine and whipped out a permanent marker. He started scribbling across its back, "I'm writing your name on this thing's back, Hikaru."

Hikaru flinched, his eyes wide with disbelief.

Haruhi's head was lowered, Takeshi could barely make out her low voice. "Hey now, that's going too far... "

The pen clattered to the ground, Kaoru raising the figurine triumphantly. "Now you're cursed to suffer a lifetime of misfortune and sorrow!"

A chair crashed to the floor. Takeshi and the others looked over, but Haruhi was already in motion, dashing over to the twins and bringing a fist to crash down on both of their heads. She quickly snatched the figurine out of Kaoru's hands. "Knock it off!" she shouted. "Don't bring something this dangerous into a stupid quarrel! You're both at fault here, but dragging the people who care about you into it is even worse!"

The twins stared at her with wide eyes as she lectured them.

"I agree with Haruhi-san," Takeshi said, walking up to her in a show of solidarity. "Siblings shouldn't be fighting over something like this, and any disputes within a family shouldn't spill over to outsiders."

"So, apologize to everyone, right now," she demanded. "You guys wanted to visit my house? Well I can tell you straight up that if you don't make up this instant, you two will never set foot in my home in this lifetime."

They stared at the two for a long few moments. Their vulnerable expressions slightly unnerved Takeshi, it just wasn't what he had come to expect from them.

""Then... ""

He blinked, was that a grin on their faces? He shivered again for an entirely different reason.

""So, if we do make up, we can come over to your homes for a visit?"" They leaned forward and dropped companionable arms around both students' shoulders.

"Wait, what?" Haruhi blinked. She looked down at her hand, still holding the Beelzenef figurine, and flipped it around. The word 'blank' was written on the back, effectively voiding out whatever curse there might have been.

Takeshi's face went ashen. "Homes?" Plural? He suddenly noticed a small booklet in Hikaru's pocket and pulled it out. Hikaru let him, following the motion with amused eyes. The notebook was titled 'Script'.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru suddenly wailed and grabbed his twin., "I'm so sorry! Even though I was following the script we wrote, those words I said were really too much! I'm not fit to be your brother!"

"Don't say that," Kaoru tearfully embraced his brother. "If anything, I was the one worried what would happen if I hurt you, Hikaru!"

"Kaoru, I swear I'll never leave you alone, never again!"

"Hikaru!"

Haruhi, Takeshi, and the rest of the Hosts were completely speechless. Kyouya was scribbling notes onto his clipboard.

"Now that was a proper script fit for the Hitachiin twins!" Hikaru proclaimed proudly.

"Much better than that simple trash Otaku-chan wrote," Kaoru added smugly, "Wouldn't you say?"

We've been had! Haruhi and Takeshi both thought in horror.

""Ne, Kyouya-sempai,"" the twins spun around as a single unit. ""We got permission to visit Emiya-sempai and Haruhi's houses, what do you say?""

"Excellent work," the Shadow King adjusted his glasses. "As a reward, I've decided not to penalize you for today's lost earnings."

"You knew about this?" Takeshi exclaimed, aghast.

"No," Kyouya admitted, "it was a rather convincing performance. However, I am not the type of person to pass up an opportunity, nor one to be stingy with rewarding a task I wished to have completed."

Takeshi twitched and took several long steps away from Haruhi. His mind had just suffered extreme shock and he was now in no condition to ignore the pounding headache brought on by his lapse in control. These two... he thought darkly. These two could give my sisters a run for their money. They... they're Devils. He suddenly blinked as he realized what he had just agreed to.

Visit my house?

His headache spiked at the thought and he passed out.

ooo

The next day, everything was back to normal. Hikaru and Kaoru were – unfortunately – back to their normal selves, entertaining their customers with their favorite game.

""Which one of us is Hikaru~?"" they proclaimed in a sing-song tone.

...Except the two of them hadn't even returned their hair back to their normal colors. From his own table, Takeshi shook his head as he returned his attention to his own groupies.

"um... Hikaru is the one with the pink hair, right?" one of the girls timidly asked.

""We have a winner!"" they cried. The girls all squealed happily.

"Even though you two have made up, I suppose it takes a while for the hair dye to wash out," mused one of the girls.

"Even so, it makes it much easier to tell them apart," said another.

"Eh? You two switched?" Haruhi paused as she walked past. "Kaoru, why do you have pink hair now?"

"Ehh? Is that true?" one of the girls wailed.

"Haruhi-kun really knows them well," said another shocked customer.

"". . ."" Both the twins and Takeshi stared as Haruhi spun on her heel with a smile and resumed heading for the bar to fetch drinks for her customers.

"Takeshi-kun?"

He shook his head as smiled at the girls sitting across from him. He made banal, flowery conversation with his guest, but his mind was elsewhere. Tamaki had said their world was small. He, himself, had assumed the twins carried an 'Us vs. Them' sort of mentality. Judging by how the two were continuing to stare at their fellow Host even as their clients tried to regain their attention, he wondered if it hadn't evolved into 'Us plus Haruhi Fujioka'.

Suddenly he saw the idea flipped, he had been seeing the school – as well as much of the surrounding city – in terms of 'The Clan vs Everyone Else'. They weren't fellow magi or half-aliens. They were not ready to know his true level of ability or his goals in life. They were not fit to know the truth of his family. Haruhi was not a friend, but a 'prospective Ashikabi'. He liked to think he was more emotionally balanced, but was he any better off than those two?

It... it was something he would have to think about.