CHAPTER 22

SAIA'S POV:

Why do they haunt me? I can hear their voices. The twins, Boo Ki, my mother, Ji-Hoo... I pull my consciousness away from them in pain. It hurts. I love them…all of them. What have I done to deserve this torment? Death is not what I expected it to be. Because they won't let me go, am I destined to live in this void? It's empty. There is nothing except ghosts from my life. Every time the voices try to come near, I desperately pull away. I except my fate. My body is dead. Why won't they just let me go?

It's strange though. Things are quiet now but something is different. I feel strangely warm. But how is this possible? I can feel myself take a breath... I can feel my heartbeat... Is this real? I focus on taking a breath and I can feel my body as I slowly open my eyes. My eyes lock with Boo Ki's and I see the shock on her face.

"Saia?" she says. "You're awake! How are you feeling?"

Is this a dream? It can't be real, can it? My right arm is secured tightly against my body. I can't move it. My left arm feels heavy and sluggish. As I glance down I see the twins asleep on either side of me and I reach down to touch Hye Sun's hair. Woo Bin and Boo Ki lift the twins up off the bed as I look around. My mother is asleep in a chair on my left but looking to my right, I see Ji-Hoo's head beside my shoulder.

"I should wake him up." Woo Bin says but Boo Ki stops him.

"Let her do it."

I struggle to turn on my side so that I can look at him better. If this is only a dream, if this isn't real, I don't want to wake up. He's here beside me… That's all I want.

I lift my weak hand to touch his face and I am awed by how warm it feels in my hand. He stirs at my touch and opens his heavy eyes as he turns his head to look at me. His eyes widen in surprise. Giving him a weak smile, I cup his cheek in my hand.

"Hey." I whisper but to my horror his eyes fill with tears. Even as he blinks them back, one manages to escape and roll down his cheek. Placing his hand over mine on his cheek, he leans forward and presses his forehead against mine.

"God, I've missed you." he whispers hoarsely.

I ache for all the pain I've caused him. Perhaps the void is better after all.

(^_^)

WOO BIN'S POV:

"Has she said anything?" Yi Jung asks me.

"No. Not since she first woke up. Not to any of us anyway. Boo Ki is pretty scared. She doesn't know what to do."

"What do the doctor's say?" Jun Pyo asks.

"Whatever reason she has for not speaking, it's purely her choice. Physically she's fine."

"But psychologically speaking she is probably a mess after everything that bastard put her through." Yi Jung sighs.

"Well, whatever her problem is, she should be nicer to Ji-Hoo. He hasn't been himself since this whole mess started." Jun Pyo says defensively.

Shaking my head at Jun Pyo's once again messed up logic I debate on whether or not to tell them the latest news.

"…The police have linked Su-Jeong to the Han River killings."

"Are you serious?" Yi Jung says is disgust. "What a sick son-of-a-bitch. That bastard has killed a lot of people. Serena did everyone a favor."

Nodding, I reach inside my pocket for my ringing phone and I answer it. "Jae Kyung."

"Woo Bin-ah. Saia's going to be discharged today. Did you want to come see her?"

"Sure. I'm with Yi Jung and Jun Pyo. I'll tell them and head over there."

"Great! Bye!"

As I hang up, I see Yi Jung and Jun Pyo looking at me strangely.

"What?" I ask.

"You sure do have a weird relationship with her."

"Ya! What do you see in that monkey anyway?" Jun Pyo asks.

"We understand each other…" I hedge.

"Meaning what, exactly?" Yi Jung asks suspiciously.

"Meaning she wants me at the hospital right now, so that's where I'm going."

(^_^)

JI-HOO'S POV:

She's awake but she isn't the same. It's as if the life has gone out of her. Her smiles are weak and don't reach her eyes. She keeps her distance from all of us when she can and she hasn't said anything since she woke up. It's only been a couple of days. I can be patient. I can wait for her. Just don't shut me out. my heart pleads. She's been waking up from bad dreams and clinging to her mother in comfort but not me. I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. She looks at me as if she doesn't believe that I exist, as if I'm not real. How do I reassure her when every time I touch her she jumps in surprise?

She's being discharged today. I want her to stay with me and I can take care of her wounds. Boo Ki and I decided it would be best if she stays at my house along with the twins, Serena, and her husband. Serena has grown fond of the twins and is looking into adopting them. Their Aunt hasn't objected to it. Having all these people stay in my house will be a new experience for me. I've never had this many people stay there before.

Right now I am waiting for Saia to finish changing in the restroom. Everyone else has suspiciously disappeared so that I can take her home by myself. She comes out with the nurse that was helping her dress because of her shoulder. The nurse helps her pull her long hair up into a ponytail with a rubber band before Saia approaches me. Sitting on her bed, I take her good hand in mine and she jumps at my touch. Pulling her closer, she won't look me in the eye. Her eyes wander everywhere else and she swallows hard. Cupping her chin with my other hand, I force her to look at me.

"I'm not mad at you. I hope you know that. I'm only angry at Su-Jeong for what he made you do and what he did to you." Her eyes widen and I pull her into a hug. "I love you so much." Her hand hesitantly slides to my waist and fists in my shirt, her forehead resting on my chest. I swallow my frustration at the distance she still keeps between us and pull away. "Ready to go?"

Nodding, she steps away from me to grab her purse. She follows me down the hallway and into the elevator in complete silence. Once in the elevator, I feel her hand slip into mine and my heart jumps into my throat. Looking down at her, she still won't look at me but she laces her fingers through mine and it's enough. Giving her hand a small squeeze, we exit the elevator and I suddenly feel a million times lighter.

(^_^)

It's a strange feeling coming home from work to a house full of people. Is this what being in a family feels like? The past week has been a learning experience for me. Serena's smiling face always welcomes me home, asking if I ate, how my day was, and insisting I call her Eomma. Her husband Scott had to go back to the States yesterday.

Saia still hasn't said anything to anyone, even when Boo Ki, the F4, and all their girls are here. She plays silently with the twins, blocking everyone else out. Her nightmares still continue and I find myself leaving my bedroom door open to listen for her. She doesn't sleep with me but in a guest room so I strain my ears to listen for any sign of distress. Even so, Serena usually gets to her first because she is closer.

It's late and I can't sleep. Heading back to my room after getting a bottle of water, I quietly move towards her door, listening for signs that she is sleeping peacefully.

"Ji-Hoo?" I turn around to see Serena watching me. She smiles and waves me towards the twin's room. I follow her and when she opens the door, I see Saia asleep besides them. "I was worried about her too. She hasn't been sleeping very well. When I checked her room and she wasn't there, this is where I found her."She whispers to me. "We should move her."

Nodding, I reach down and pick her up. Heading back towards Saia's room, Serena stops me. "You should take her to your room instead." I look down at Serena in surprise and she smiles at me. "You will be able to sleep better and even though she tries not to show it right now, she needs you too."

Holding her a little tighter to me, I carry her back to my room and lay her down on my bed. Serena kisses her on the forehead and turns back to me. "She mumbles your name in her sleep. I don't know what is going on in her head right now but keep being patient Ji-Hoo. She will come back to you. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight." Serena surprises me again as she kisses my cheek and quietly closes my door behind her. Crawling in beside Saia I watch her sleep and deeply breathe in her scent. It feels so good to have her close to me again. As I start to doze off I feel her snuggle close to me, burying her face in my chest.

"Ji-Hoo-ah…" she breathes. My heart skips a beat and I wrap my arm around her, burying my face in her hair.

"I'm here." I tell her before I finally drift off into a deep sleep.

(^_^)

Knowing what an early bird she is, I'm surprised that I'm awake before her but waking up with her still asleep in my arms is heaven. She looks so peaceful. I can almost imagine that the weeks without her never happened. She stirs and opens her sleepy eyes to look at me. I can't hold back my grin at the shock on her face. I playfully run my index finger down her nose.

"Good morning beautiful."

She quickly sits up and looks awkwardly around me. Her bright pink cheeks make me chuckle and I sit up to kiss her lightly on top of her head. She looks so adorable…

"Hungry? I'll make you breakfast."

She gives me a small smile and nods her head. I roll out of bed and take her hand to lead her into the kitchen. This is going to be a great day. I can feel it.

(^_^)

SAIA'S POV:

Waking up next to Ji-Hoo had been a shock but nice. I didn't have any nightmares last night either. He makes me pancakes for breakfast but playfully wipes flour on my face in the process. I know he is happy that I slept next to him even though I don't know how I got there. I can feel myself trying to open up to him. I'm still afraid though. What if I did really die at the bottom of that lake and this is all just an illusion? And what if this is real? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like I'm walking in a haze? I'm so confused.

Everything's easier with the twins. They don't expect me to say anything. They just want my attention. I can do that. Then I can block out everything else. The jumbled images of my life confuse me. I remember everything. I just don't know what order they should be in. Boo Ki and the others look at me as if they expect me to magically go back to the way I was. My mother just wants me to talk to her and Ji-Hoo… He just wants me close.

Boo Ki, the F4, and their girls are all here right now and the wall of voices is deafening. The twins are going with my mom to the US in a few hours and I guess I'm going back to my apartment with Boo Ki. It's not fair that my brother, sister, and mother are leaving me behind.

My arm and shoulder are healing fast so I should start practicing ballet again soon before I join the SBC in the fall. I still have a couple of months. It should be plenty of time to get ready. Life goes on right? Then why do I feel like I'm stuck, like I can't go forward or backward?

I sit on the floor and watch the twins draw different animals as the other adults talk to each other. They have all been polite and say hello to me but I'm grateful that they leave me alone tonight. Everyone starts to leave and the voices thankfully start to die down. I know I should feel more as my mom and siblings say goodbye but all I feel is numb. Didn't I already say goodbye at the bottom of the lake?

Ji-Hoo is still outside with my mom when Boo Ki also decides to leave. I go to grab my things but she stops me.

"Saia, stay with Ji-Hoo tonight. Okay? If you still want to come home tomorrow, I'll come get you but he needs you right now and you need him."

I nod at her request as she hugs me and turns to say goodbye to Ji-Hoo. He seems sad at first till he realizes I'm not going with her. I still can't bring myself to really look at him. I don't know why.

It's quiet now that everyone is gone and I am grateful for it. Following him into the living room, he sits down to finish his tea and leans his head back on the sofa while I sit in the chair next to him. It doesn't take long before I hear his steady breathing that tells me he's asleep. It gives me the chance to study him for the first time without being caught.

I watch his dreaming face, studying his full lips and well sculpted nose. But when I look at his closed eyes, something inside of me clicks and falls into place. The haze in my mind suddenly seems to clear. It's him! It really is him! I move to sit down next to him and he stirs. He lifts his head to look at me and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck until my head is on his shoulder. I can feel his heart speed up along with mine as he returns my embrace. This is real! I am really here! I'm in his arms! I grip him tightly as reality begins to crash down on me.

"Saia?" He asks as he sits up, still holding me.

"Oh god, Ji-Hoo…" I gasp. "I thought I would never see you again." All the pain and grief of the past month hits me in a wave. And I sob heartbrokenly in his arms, holding on to him for dear life until I'm exhausted.

A/N: I hope that Saia's confusion isn't too confusing to read. Lol. Sometimes what makes sense to me might not make sense to others. ^^ Anyway, to my fantastic readers: Thank you so much! You are all amazing! ^_^