Uncanny Wonder Woman

Chapter 6: Holy Hairballs, Cat-Man!

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.

Somewhere in Boston-

Bertinelli's was one of the most exclusive Italian restaurants in Boston. Only the most famous, and most rich people went there. This was no problem for somebody like Wildcat, however. Whereas he was only a minor member of the Justice League, Wildcat had saved the restaurant's owner from gangsters trying to beat him up for protection money. The owner was extremely grateful, and whenever Wildcat visited the restaurant, he was always given priority seating.

'The perks of being a hero, huh?' The reformed feline villain known as Cheetah smiled as she looked around at the swanky clientele. 'I never thought that I'd ever visit a place like this. Not since... y'know...'

Ted Grant looked around at the concerned patrons sitting nearby. Cheetah had indeed been a villain, and the other patrons seemed mighty suspicious.

'What do we care what these schmucks think of us?' Ted shrugged. 'We've got as much a right to come here as they do.'

'But none of these people have been wanted criminals...' Cheetah whispered in response. 'I kind of doubt that anybody here has the Injustice Gang's number on speed-dial.'

'You really don't know about Bertinelli's do ya?' Ted smirked slightly. 'Have ya ever met that Huntress chick?'

'Can't say that I have.' Cheetah shook her head. 'Diana's mentioned her a few times though. Why do you ask?'

Ted leant in closer so the other patrons couldn't hear what they were saying.

'Rumour has it that Huntress' father used to be a top mob boss. Until he was killed, that is. The family restaurant got passed onto his brother.'

Cheetah nodded thoughtfully.

'I knew I saw the Question skulking around in the garbage outside. D'you think I should go say hi?'

'And miss yer dinner?' Ted shook his head. 'You ain't lived until ya tried Bertinelli's pasta.'

Unfortunately, the pair never had a chance to sample the delicacies of Bertinelli's, as nearby gunfire caused several patrons so scream in fear and duck down underneath their tables.

A red-and-orange figure strode through the chaos. He looked just like Batman, except for the aforementioned colour change, and his costume had a more feline theme. Oh, and the fact that two scantily-clad women dressed like cats were standing next to him with submachine guns.

'Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Cat-Man. I am afraid that I will have to interrupt your evening's entertainment, as I intend to liberate you all of your jewellery, credit cards, and miscellaneous shiny things. I don't want any trouble, so don't even try anything. My two lovely assistants, the Kittens, will not hesitate to turn you into kitty litter. Now, on to the business at hand. If you will all kindly empty your belongings into the bags provided, then my assistants and I will be on our way...'

Unseen to Cat-Man and his two assistants, Ted and Cheetah had snuck away during the initial fracas. They needed to get suited up for action.

'Are you really sure that colour scheme's right for you?' Cheetah tutted as she leant against a pillar and admired her claws. 'Cuz it just screams tasteless idiot.'

Cat-Man turned to his assistants and began to bark orders.

'Kittens, kill her! And bring me her pelt! I always wanted a cheetah-skin rug.'

'Not if I've got anything to do with it, bub...' Wildcat smirked as he popped up beside Cheetah. 'What would Batman say if he saw you, huh? Ya look like a cheap rip-off!'

'Nice of you to join us...' Cheetah smirked. 'D'you wanna take the Dork Knight wannabe while I take the bimbos?'

'It would be my pleasure. B.' Wildcat matched her smirk as he cracked his knuckles in anticipation. 'I hope ya can tell the time, cuz it's time for a whuppin', Wildcat style!'

Gotham City, meanwhile-

The ballroom of the Gotham City Plaza Hotel was a hive of activity. There was a charity ball on, and Wonder Woman was the extra-special guests. of course, Bruce Wayne was there. He was another one of the A-List guests in attendance.

Bruce was presently showing Diana around. Introducing her to the other guests and the like.

'And this is Commissioner James Gordon...' Bruce introduced Diana to a grey-haired man with glasses and a moustache.

'It is an honour to meet you, Commissioner.' Diana smiled kindly, shaking her hand. 'I have heard so much about you.'

'Which is funny...' Gordon replied. 'Because Batman has never mentioned you.'

Diana looked out the corner of her eye at Bruce. She so did love teasing him when he was in his civilian identity.

'Well, you know how Batman is with his secrets.' Diana commented. 'I find it quite infuriating sometimes.'

Unfortunately, Diana's meet-and-greet was cut short as two figures smashed through the roof, making guests run screaming. One was a feline male who looked just like Cheetah, but... male. The second figure was a woman with curly brown hair. She was dressed in a silver one-piece costume with razor-sharp clawed gloves and wings that held her aloft in the sky.

'Wonder Woman, prepare to die!' The silver-clad female sneered.

'Dibs on her liver!' The feline male growled, his tail twitching impatiently. 'Nothing pleases me more than tasting a nice piece of fresh liver. I wonder what yours will taste like, Princess?'

'Just who are you people?' Diana narrowed her eyes in anger.

'Oh, how rude of me.' The silver-clad female tutted. 'I'm Silver Swan, and my feline companion is Cheetah. Well, not the Cheetah you know. He's new It really doesn't matter. We're here to kill you now.'

Boston-

Back in Boston, Donna was showing Indigo and Shift around the city. They had just stopped off at a convenience store to grab a few bits-and-bobs before they returned home.

Donna picked up a bag of potato chips. Then she put it back and picked up a different brand. Then she put that bag back, and picked up the first lot.

'Barbeque or regular? Barbeque or regular? Barbeque or regular?'

Indigo popped her head around the corner of the aisle. She had several cartons of ice-cream in her arms. The young android had a holographic disguise on, to hide her purple skin. Presently she looked like a normal blonde girl.

'Donna, may we purchase these?'

Donna stared blankly at the sight of her android friend with ice-cream cartons piled up in her hands.

'Indy... How many cartons of ice-cream have you got there?'

'Five, I think...' Indigo answered. 'Would you believe that they were on special offer?'

'Put them back..' Donna sighed. 'We have plenty of ice-cream back home.'

Indigo hung her head in shame.

'Very well...'

Donna then returned to her potato chip dilemma.

'Barbeque or regular? Barbeque or regu...'

Donna's voice trailed off as she heard sounds of a struggle near the store's entrance. Donna took a careful peek around the corner of the aisle and saw several masked men pointing weapons at one of the cashiers. The other customers were gathered in one corner, where two more masked thugs kept them from causing any fuss.

Fortunately, Donna couldn't see Indigo or Shift amongst them, so they must have been elsewhere in the store.

Donna was about to sneak off to find her friends, when she heard the click of somebody loading a gun.

'Don't try anything stupid, babe...' A thug in a Batman mask warned her. 'Unless you wanna lose that pretty little head of yours...'

Donna held her hands up in the air, but she couldn't help but smile.

'You really have no idea who am I, do you?'

'You'll be dead if you don't do as I say!' The thug hissed impatiently. 'Now, get in the corner!'

Donna seemed to be relenting to the thug's wishes, but soon showed her true colours as she spun around and kicked the gun out of the thug's hand.

'Oh, you're dead meat, witch!' The thug sneered as he pulled out a flick knife. 'I'm gonna carve you up good!'

'No, I don't think you will.' Donna retorted as she grabbed the thug's wrist and gave it a sharp twist, making him drop the knife with a light howl of pain. 'Now, have you got any other weapons hidden in there, or will I have to search you?'

'Ahh! Witch!' The thug hissed through gritted teeth. 'I'll kill ya...!'

Donna sighed heavily.

'Bored now.'

Back around the corner with the rest of the thugs, they heard the sound of a scream followed by something being thrown through the convenience store window.

'The Hell...?'

'Ricky's in trouble! We better go get him!'

'Sorry to disappoint you guys, but Ricky is presently lying unconscious outside amidst the rest of your fellow scumbags.' Donna commented as she stepped up to the thugs.

The lead thug pointed his gun right at Donna's face.

'Oh, you're gonna regret that, girly...' He sneered. 'You're dead meat...'

BLAM!

TBC...

Next: Triple Threat

Will Donna be alright? Did that thug really shoot her in the face? Tune in next time to find out...