Uncanny Wonder Woman

Chapter 7: Triple Threat

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.

R-Man's Random Fact- Wonder Woman's creator, William Moulton Marston, also invented the lie detector.

Boston-

Donna Troy, Indigo, and Shift had all gone out to get some snack from the store, but had inadvertently become embroiled in a convenience store hold-up. Donna had managed to fend off one of the thugs, but now had to deal with the lead thug.

'You're gonna regret that, girlie.' The thug sneered as he aimed his gun at the young Amazon. 'You're dead meat!'

BLAM!

PWANG!

Donna easily deflected the bullet with her indestructible magical bracelets, just like those that Diana had.

'Now, how about we all sit down like nice patient people and wait for the police to come an pick you guys up, hmm?' Donna offered politely and sweetly.

'Gonna fill you fulla lead!' The lead thug snarled as he opened fire on Donna again.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

PWANG! PWANG! PWANG!

Donna easily deflected each and every one of the bullets.

'You are really trying my patience.' Donna sighed. 'I'm going to give you one final chance to surrender before I beat you unconscious and throw you out the window.'

Fresh out of bullets, the lead thug threw his useless gun to the ground and lashed out at Donna in an attempt to punch her in the face.

'You're dead meat, witch!' The thug snarled as he charged at Donna.

'So you keep on saying.' Donna commented as she quickly sidestepped the thug and used his own momentum to throw him into a refrigerator where the beer was kept.

Donna couldn't help but wince as she saw cans of delicious malt beverage fall onto the floor.

Unfortunately, the thug wasn't finished. he charged at Donna with a yell. The dark-haired Amazon stepped back and gave him a swift punch to the jaw. But the thug still wasn't down. Donna followed up with a punch to the face. Then another. And another.

POW! BIFF! KRACK!

Donna finished off with a kick to the thug's chest that, just as she had predicted, sent him crashing through the convenience store window in a hail of broken glass.

KEESH!

Once Donna was sure that the thug was down, she turned to the remaining thugs.

'Now, are you guys going to give up, or will I have to do to you as I did unto your leader?'

The rest of the thugs simply held their hands up in surrender without another word.

'Good boys.' Donna smiled. 'Now, I wonder where Indy and Shift got to?'

'Would you believe that we were making out behind the ice-cream?' Shift grinned innocently.

'I wouldn't put it past you.' Donna chuckled. 'But really, where were you?'

As if in reply, Indigo let two more thugs drop from the energy field that she was holding them in.

'We were... held up.' Indigo stated. 'These men learnt the folly of coming between me and my ice-cream.'

'The lady loves her dairy products.' Shift grinned.

'There will be plenty more time for ice-cream once the cops come to take these thugs away.' Donna stated. 'But in the meantime, I still have to choose what kind of chips to buy. Barbeque or regular...?'

Gotham City, meanwhile-

The ballroom of the Gotham Plaza Hotel should have been holding a big charity ball, but the party soon descended into chaos as a pair of villains attacked. The villains identified themselves as the Silver Swan and Cheetah. But this Cheetah wasn't Barbara Minerva, Diana's feline roommate. No, this Cheetah was male and apparently had a taste for raw human liver, if his rants were anything to go by.

Batman was taking on this new Cheetah, while Diana was taking on Silver Swan.

The Dark Knight was trying desperately to keep Cheetah's snapping jaws away from him.

'You know, I was looking forward to tasting the princess's liver, but I guess yours will have to do.' Cheetah growled hungrily. 'Mmm, the Dark Knight's liver. I can taste the juices already.'

Batman pushed the slathering feline creature away from him with a grunt. Cheetah collided with a table, nearly splitting it in two.

'Ooh. That almost hurt.' Cheetah shook his head. 'But don't think that you'll get another chance to hit me like that. This Cheetah plays for keeps!'

Batman launched his Bat-Grapple into the air and swung straight towards Cheetah, dropkicking the villain in the face.

'Is that so?' Batman asked his stunned opponent. 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe that I hit you again.'

'Rrrr...' Cheetah growled angrily. 'I'll tear your heart out.'

'You'll try.' Batman stated evenly.

Cheetah lashed out with his deadly claws, aiming to gut Batman right there and then, but Batman easily blocked them.

The Dark Knight then followed up with his own attacks. A quick jab to the stomach.

BIFF!

An elbow to the shoulder.

DUFF!

And finally, a nasty headbutt to the face.

KRACK!

Cheetah let out a final grunt as he fell to his knees.

'This isn't... over...'

Cheetah let out one last groan before falling flat on his face, unconscious.

Up above their heads, Diana was taking on Silver Swan.

'Who are you?' Diana demanded. 'And why have you attacked me?'

'If you think that I'm going to tell you my cunning plan so quickly, you've got another thing coming, princess.' Silver Swan smirked evilly. 'Now how about you show me some of that legendary Amazon training, huh?'

'As you wish.' Diana nodded, before flying at the winged villain, aiming for a punch.

Unfortunately, Silver Swan dodged the blow and raked her claws down Diana's back, eliciting a cry of pain from the Amazon.

'What's the matter, princess?' Silver Swan taunted. 'You getting slow in your old age? Come on, give me your best shot!'

'Why don't you give me your best shot?' Diana challenged. 'Seeing that you are so intent on fighting me.'

Silver Swan didn't say another word as she flew straight at Diana, her razor-sharp wings aiming for a deadly blow.

This time it was Diana's turn to dodge the attack. Unfortunately for Silver Swan, she collided with a wall and fell to the ground, crashing through a buffet table.

Diana landed back down on the ground, but instantly wished that she hadn't as a jolt of pain shot up through her back. Fortunately, Batman was there to help.

'Diana, are you okay?' Batman whispered concernedly.

'I... think so.' Diana winced. 'I shall be fine soon.'

'Silver swan's claws cut deep.' Batman stated as he examined the bloody scratches on Diana's back. 'Are you sure you don't want any medical assistance?'

'I'll be fine.' Diana waved off her friend's concern. 'All I need is some rest.'

And with that, Diana flew through the hole in the glass roof that Cheetah and Silver Swan had made on their way into the building.

Commissioner Gordon walked over from examining the unconscious villains to talk to Batman.

'And I thought you were supposed to be the aloof one.'

'Perhaps I'm a bad influence on her.' Batman responded.

Commissioner Gordon let out a slight chuckle.

'You know, for a minute there it almost sounded as if you made a joke. But that can't be right. Batman doesn't tell jokes.'

Commissioner Gordon then turned around, expecting Batman to have disappeared into the night as he usually does.

'You're... still here?'

'It would appear so.' Batman nodded.

'Okay, now I must be seeing things.' Commissioner Gordon removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'People would start to think that you're going soft.'

Commissioner Gordon put his glasses back on and breathed a sigh of belief to see that Batman had disappeared.

'That's more like it.' Gordon sighed in relief. 'To think that I started to believe the rumours that Batman had developed a sense of humour. Brrrr. Now that is scary.'

Back in Boston-

Back in a posh Boston restaurant known as Bertinelli's, the feline former villainess known as Cheetah and her date, the veteran Leaguer known as Wildcat, were taking on Cat-Man and his lackeys. The feline-themed Batman wannabe had been stupid enough to try and rob the rest of the customers at the restaurant. Cheetah had decided to take on Cat-Man's scantily-clad lackeys while Wildcat took on the villain himself.

Cheetah was piling into battle in a flurry of claws. She quickly swatted the gun out of one of the Kitten's hands and raked her claws on the bimbo's cheeks.

Kitten Number One, or Tabby as she was known, clutched at her wound with a hiss.

'Ahh! You'll pay for that!' Tabby hissed angrily. 'I'm gonna scratch your eyes out!'

'Bring it, bimbo!' Cheetah grinned eagerly. 'Better women have tried.'

Tabby charged at Cheetah with a hiss, her fingernails bared like claws. Cheetah ducked down and tripped Tabby with her tail, sending the redheaded henchwoman crashing into a table.

'Is that all you've got?' Cheetah taunted. 'C'mon pussycat, bring it o...'

CRASH!

Cheetah stumbled forward as Kitten Number Two, also known as Mittens, smashed a chair over her head.

'Okay, that was just rude!' Cheetah tutted as she rubbed the lump on the back of her head. 'Just let me ask you one thing... Have you had a nose-job?'

'No...' Mittens frowned. 'And I don't see what business it is of yours whether I've had a nose-job or not.'

CRACK!

Cheetah promptly punched Mittens in the face, breaking the bimbo's nose with a nasty crunch.

'Well, you'll certainly need a nose-job now.' Cheetah snickered.

Nearby, Wildcat was trading blows with Cat-Man.

Unfortunately for the veteran hero, Cat-Man wasn't as much of a pushover as he first thought. Cat-Man was quite deadly with those clawed brass knuckles of his. But even they couldn't save the villain from a butt-kicking at the hands of Wildcat.

Wildcat easily avoided his opponent's attacks.

'Are you gonna use them pig-stickers, or are ya just gonna prance around like a retarded fairy?' Wildcat asked as he punched Cat-Man in the gut.

DUFF!

'You keep on talking, hero.' Cat-Man sneered. 'I'll show you who the real leader of the pride is!'

'Oh, shut up.' Wildcat dealt Cat-Man one final punch, knocking the villain down to the floor.

POW!

'Well, that was a pretty unusual date...' Cheetah noted as she dragged the unconscious Kittens behind her. 'But not totally without fun. What do you say we do it again sometime?'

'You are one crazy lady, you know that?' Wildcat shook his head with a chuckle.

Cheetah matched her date's grin.

'Hey, I like having fun. What's not to like? Now, what do you say we get back to our date? I wanna sample this delicious pasta that you're always going on about.'

TBC...

Next: Diana's Bad Day

It isn't Diana's day. On top of having some unusual illness that causes her only to be sick in the mornings, she has to contend with the fact that Hippolyta has come to visit. And you thought that it would be easy being Wonder Woman...