My 'Innocent' Life (Part 9)
Story #9: The Slash-Shipping Writer
AN: Parody title name of The Slash Slinging Slayer... or was it The Hash Singing Sprayer? Sand Signing- Never mind forget it.
Happy [Late] Halloween everybody, sorry it came this late :3
It was night time, and Allen Walker walked into his room to lie down on his bed so he could read a book that he just took from the library. He gets greeted by his little yellow bunny companion Timcampy, who just decided to float around and nudge/rub him on the cheek happily.
"Oh hi Timcampy, would you like to take a look at the book with me? It's allegedly about a young boy and his companion who apparently is his older brother and they go out and solve mysteries while trying to find their lost sister. Doesn't that sound interesting?" Timcampy hides under a pillow for no reason.
"Aw come on, you don't think it'll be good? It's because Lavi recommended this to me isn't it? You know I did hear him say that this would be an interesting book while I was looking for a book to read at the library, then again it's probably just like that other book where the main characters die, I really hate when that happens."
Allen decides to open up the book and read the first few pages of it for a short while.
Just then, Allen notices a small piece of paper fly under his door while hearing some footsteps slowly fading away. "Hope you read it!" The voice exclaimed and ran off.
"Huh, now I wonder who that could be..." Allen gets up from his bed and investigates the paper on the ground. It appears to be a note addressed to him. He rolls his eyes and happily takes the note and reads it just out of curiosity. "Well what do you know... it's from Lavi, what a shock?"
"Yo Allen-kun, if you are reading this, then good. If you're not Allen-chan then give this to Allen so he can come over to my room for a little... 'special meeting'. Uh, I meant to say that. Not really sure if she'll accept it though." So the letter says.
"Huh, it looks like there are some scribbles and markings that are on this, I'm sure he didn't really mean it saying that I was a girl, right Timcampy?"
The golem pet- companion sweat dropped.
"Ah whatever, I guess I'll go and check this out. Wanna come with?" The white haired boy asked his pal. It agreed and they went to go get the book, tidy up the room and head on out to Lavi's room that's just a few blocks [or doors] away.
.-.-.-.
Allen and Timcampy make it to Lavi's room minutes to spare; he reaches over to the door and proceeds to knock on it, but then noticed some snickering noise coming from the inside. He looks at Timcampy who just made a silent soft shrug. Allen shrugs also and then just knocks on the door a couple times. Someone then falls over and then goes over to open the door for them.
"Ah Allen-chan, you made it just in time!" Lavi greeted him happily. "And I see you've brought along Tim as well..."
"Yeah, it was just a nice offer and I didn't want him to get lonely if it was the case." Allen replied. "Hope you don't mind..."
"Of course not at all, come on in, but hurry and make sure no one else notices you!"
"Uh, ok?"
.-.-.-.
Lavi pulled them both inside his dormitory room place where they'll be holding this super special secret meeting thing that he had apparently set up for them all. It had purple curtains near the beds, which for some reason were pushed aside against the walls, a giant purple carpet centered in the middle of a small table, some candles, and some book with alchemy and magic symbols on them.
"Uh, Lavi what is with all this stuff around your room? Have you gotten too obsessed with purple lately?" Allen asked curiously.
"Nah, it's just for show, I couldn't find any other color to add in for the coolness and scary factor."
"Oh really, and what is it for?"
"You know, I'm surprised you didn't ask about that one first."
"Yeah but I was really curious about the... purple."
"Okay...?"
"So anyways, any reason you invited me here?"
"Why yes, please have a seat Allen-chan and Timcampy-chan and we shall begin our meeting."
"Uh, he can't sit, he floats remember?"
"Ah yeah. Now then, it's time we do something that has never been done before by anyone here..." Lavi turns out the lights and takes a flashlight and shines it on his face. "Shall we begin?"
"Wait shouldn't you light up the candles for the spiritual ceremony?"
"What have you been reading?"
"This book."
"I see, you still have it, stri-ku."
"Yes, I still do. And if that thing wasn't it then what is?"
"It is time... for us to tell some scary stories Allen-kun."
"But wait hasn't that been done before already?"
"Well it has, but not by anyone here. It is close to Halloween and I figure that we might as well tell some scary shit to keep the holiday lively. So, what'cha got? Any story that can be scary?"
"Does this book count?"
'Wait, is that a good thing? Should I be offended!?' "Uh... no, unless there is something really scary in there, like maybe death or something, then I wouldn't even consider—"
"Well there is this baby that disintegrates and melts people's skin and muscle with its own saliva, that's one thing..."
'Why did I show him that book again? And what page did he read to get to that part!?'"Well, how about we talk about scary stuff NOT related at all to books."
"Oh alright." Allen puts away the book for now.
Just then, the door from the back opened up and Kanda entered the room with a disgruntled look on his face. "Fuck my life."
"Ah, I see that you've made it Yu-chan!" Lavi smiled. "Welcome."
"Fuck you too." He turns to see Allen has shown up also. "Oh, what are you doing here Moyashi?"
"Uh, I could ask you the same thing. Did he invite you to come here?" Allen asked.
"Well, yeah, but only because the thing said they'll be free soba... I didn't come here for you or Lavi."
"Mm hmm, I can see that BaKanda."
"What did you just say?"
"Anyways, let us now being this adventure now that we've got everybody settled in." Lavi interrupted.
"Ne Lavi, you didn't invite everyone else? What about Komui, Crow, and Lenalee?"
"Crow's busy, Komui's not the type of guy who'd be into this stuff and the same goes for Lenalee... that and she's a girl."
"Well what's that supposed to mean?" Kanda said as he sat down on the floor away from the others.
"It's a boy's only thing, no girls allowed."
"When do we get the free soba?"
"In a minute Yu-Yu."
"I hate you."
"Hey ey, that's the spirit!"
"..."
"Sokay then, first off do any of you know what would make a good scary story?"
"Walking in on Chaoji changing his clothes in the bathroom."
"Whoa, I think you went overboard! No, I didn't mean that type of scary, I mean the ones where you can scared for life on a certain—"
"Like I said before, walking in on Chaoji—"
"Have you actually seen that happen before!?"
"No, but it would be kind of scary to see that happen..."
"Ugh... well since you guys don't have much experience yet—"
"I clearly do."
"Let me finish."
"Can I have free soba now?"
"No, not yet. Now as I was saying—"
"How about now?"
"You're doing this on purpose now aren't you?"
"Maybe."
"...anyways, I'll have to set an example of how to REALLY tell a scary story myself."
"Oh boy, what are you going to talk about?" Allen asked nicely with his eyes glistening in the wind.
"Well my friend, if you and your friend would be silent for a moment and actually listen, then I'll tell you..." Lavi moves in closer to the flashlight. "This is the story... of the Slash-Shipping Writer."
"Lame." Kanda bluntly stated.
"It all started one night, back then the crows howled into the evening moon..."
"Okay question, how do crows howl? Is this cause of black magic or some bullshit?"
"Yeah and why did you have to mention it being night twice?" Allen added.
"Please just let me continue, it's not worth questioning..." Lavi pleaded.
"Alright, fine."
"Anyways, a young man walked into a book shop, alone, and wanted to get something to take back home to read about. He looks around and sees a book centered on a love story between..."
"Huh, so back then there were love stories, good to know..."
"Won't you please be quiet Allen-chan?"
"Hey, nobody tells him to shut up except for me!" Kanda retorted.
Allen sweat dropped in response. "Uh, Kanda I—"
"Shut up Moyashi."
"Okay."
"...between a young-ish and old-ish couple falling in love." Lavi continued. "He thought it would be interesting so he went to go and check it out for the evening. After getting it he walks out and heads on home. Once there he starts to read it almost immediately and just then, he knew, if he could write such bullshit that was on there he could be well known and famous! So rushes out to get an ink and paper and jots down a story."
"But what about a quill? You can't write anything down without it, what did he just use his fingers or something?" Kanda interrupted again. "Sheesh, I sure fucking hope he washes his hands after doing something so dirty like that."
"That's what she—"
"Quiet and finish the god damn story already so I can have some soba!"
"He stares at some people holding hands and writes the story about certain people in relationships. The only catch is... after the book was written and published... those people died immediately after."
"What."
"Legend has it, that he has a curse in which whenever he writes a story about someone, they will die instantly. No one knows what the cause of it all is, but one thing for certain; it's all... a very big mystery." Lavi turns the light back on mainly because the flashlight was hurting his posture- or faces whichever one works.
"Really, so that's the story..."
"Yep, pretty spooky, huh?"
"Yeah, totally."
"Hey I have an idea, let's all make some shipping stories about us and see if any of us have a story book curse like the main lead!"
"Oh, so you mean you want to try and see if we're related to the guy in the fictionalized story?" Allen pondered.
"Precisely, so are you in?"
"I'm in! What about you Kanda?"
"Hell no." Kanda turned away.
"Aw come on, please?"
"I said no."
"If you're related to him you could write a story about Lavi and kill him off..."
"Where's the ink and pen?"
'So persistent, are we?' Lavi thought. "W-well, let's see if we can find some—"
Suddenly, a door bursts open, startling and interrupting the boys in the process. They turn to see that Lenalee is at the door. "Hey guys, what'cha doing?" She comes in asking.
"Hey what are you doing here and how did you get here?" Lavi asked confusingly.
"Uh... invitation? I heard from Kanda that you guys were having a scary story party in your room."
"You mean Yu told her about it!?"
"Quit calling me- oh I sound like a broken record here..." Kanda muttered.
"Anyways, there's no girls allowed so you shouldn't be here, girls don't like to be scarred by what were talking about ya know."
"Alright then, I guess I'll go... and I'll also mention this to my brother on how—"
"No wait stop right there, don't finish, you can stay if you want just please don't mention this to him!"
"Yatta!"
'Dang it what have I done?'
"Hmm, I can now see why you've tried to keep her out of this..." Kanda crossed his arms in full terms agreement.
"Shizukani!" Lavi retorted.
"So, what is this special club all about anyway?" Lenalee sat down with the others.
"It's about scaring other people by telling really spooky stories and such..."
"Oh, you mean like if there where some guy who walked in on—"
"They already mentioned Chaoji." Kanda interrupted.
"Actually, I was going to say walk in on you changing clothes and being horrified by it."
"Hey, that's actually not half bad!" Lavi chuckled.
"WHAT? Since when has anyone walked in on me? I'll kill all of you!" He yelled at them both.
"Well, Mr. Big shot; do you have anything that could scare us?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, let us hear it then."
"You are secretly a robot planned to eat all the females in the world, Lenalee is a demon hunter, Komui is a demon, Chaoji is gay, and Allen is actually a bean sprout."
"...Why am I not the demon hunter?" Lavi replied.
"That doesn't even seem like a scary story Kanda that sounds more like a bad comedian making up pointless shit in order to try and be funny... in other words, Lavi." Lenalee added.
"Hey I can be funny too ya know!"
"Well, the story can more scary than funny if you actually think about it... baka."
"Am I being ignored here?"
"Yes, yes you are baka usagi."
"Hey speaking which, haven't you guys noticed that Allen hasn't been talking all that much today?" Lenalee pointed out.
"Oh yeah, now that you mention it he didn't say much since we came here." Lavi replied. "Ne Allen, is there something on your mind?"
"Huh? Um, I just wanted to listen in on your conversations and stories that you guys were totally having, that's all..." Allen sighed.
"Is that so? You seem upset though, is it because of what they've said?" Lenalee asked.
"Hey don't get yourself out of it!" Kanda protested.
"Nah, it's fine, I'm just getting a little bit bored of it though." Allen replied.
"Ah really, well we haven't heard a god damn thing about you and your pathetic little story yet, so why don't you tell us MOYASHI!?"
"Kanda you're being ridiculous, why would an innocent kid like him know anything scary besides hanging out with you and Lavi?" Lenalee protested brutally honestly.
"How would you know, you barely interact with him all that much!"
"Are you jellying?"
"NO!"
"Don't talk back to me like that!"
"It's alright Lenalee, I got something rather juicy for them to tell..." Allen said.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Oh boy, I wonder what cute conclusion Moyashi will come up with?" Kanda mockingly shouted.
"Well you might be surprised." Allen began the story. "Well, there is this one guy..."
Time soon later passes on by as he tells them his own version of the story, as the gang gets slowly and slowly more distressed and anxious... by the time the story nearly ends they all pass out on the table and floor.
Allen and Timcampy look over to see the outcome. "Huh, would you look that at..." Allen said shockingly. "Hmm, maybe I really am the ancestor of that guy..." He pondered about it for a while... and then made a tiny smile. Timcampy slowly backed away.
AN: Hmm, I wonder what happened after that... the world may never know, that's your typical Halloween ending for ya :D