Chapter 9

I LOVED the ending of "iPear Store" (: Sam mentioned that they dated for a while... & how Freddie was STILL IN LOVE WITH HER. xD & Freddie mentioned that Sam has bad table manners, which means that he was thinking of when they were dating. Ahhh, my fangirl heart. :DDDDD

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Narrator's P.O.V.

(A/N Just a suggestion. Listen to "Cut" by Plumb while reading this. Optional: Type in Rainy Moon on Google and go on Rainy Mood while playing the song. If it ends too early, then put it on repeat. ALSO. If you don't think the song fits this chapter, then hit up some instrumental music that is fitting for the scene. Gothic music, perhaps?)

Freddie closed his locker with a loud slam. God, where is Sam nowadays? Freddie thought as he exited Ridgeway. "Freddie-boo! Wait up!" Carly's voice sounded from behind him.

"Carly, not now." Freddie said. Carly stopped in her tracks.

"Alright then." She said, flipping her hair and joining in with her other friends.

Freddie started running to Sam's house, thinking that something was really wrong with her since she hasn't been coming to school a lot lately. She already missed 3 days. She hasn't talked to him ever since the day when she told him to get out of her house. Freddie started to pick the lock to her door, knowing full well how because of the lessons she gave him a few years back.

Sam went to her room and sat on her bed. She noticed a small glare coming from her desk drawer, which was weird because it was getting dark. Sam got up, and went over to her desk drawer and opened it, looking at what laid upon her. She mindlessly reached out and grabbed the object, laying it on the palm of her hand. The cold yet warm feeling of holding it once again showered throughout her body. She walked over to her bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. A soul. A wandering soul. This is really who I am? She thought. She looked at her palm, where the razor blade was staying.

She lightly touched the silver blade, accidentally cutting her finger in the process. She could see herself in the reflective surface of the blade, which made her look at herself in the mirror in front of her.

I promised myself I wouldn't cut myself again. But… I have to. My only way of coping with pain. She took the razor blade from her palm, and placed the sharp end on her arm, pressing down hard. Pain washed through her, but she didn't care. She felt like some of the emotional pain inside her was finally washing out. And she loved it. The pain actually felt good. She felt relieved. A gush of blood appeared a moment later, and Sam slowly traced down her soft flesh, her cut around 3 inches. Blood was everywhere around her cut, and her skin around the cut started to rise a bit. She bit her lip, silently crying, and touched the cut on her arm. Her finger was stained with her blood. The red liquid dripped from her arm onto the ground.

"Shit." She muttered, tears flowing down her cheeks.

My life is ruined. No mom, no dad. At all. Melanie's somewhere else in the world. I'm alone. Fuck this. Tears fell down Sam's eyes, making its way to the ground. It dropped on her blood, mixing with clear and red liquids. Sam was putting most of her emotion out of cutting: the sadness, the anger, the happiness, the loneliness, everything.

She shook her head, more tears escaping her eyes. She touched the scars on her arm, and grabbed the razor blade again. She placed the blade on her skin, digging into it a little, but not actually cutting through her flesh. "Just one more…" Sam whispered, crying more and more now. "One… more…"

A strong arm wrapped around her small figure, while a hand wrapped around her wrist. "No." A low voice whispered in her ear.

Sam gasped and started sobbing. She dropped the bloody blade onto the sink, becoming fully aware of what she was doing. She turned to face Freddie and wrapped her arms around his torso, holding him tight. Freddie let go of her wrist and wrapped his arms fully around her. "No." He repeated. "I'm not letting you hurt yourself, Sam. Never."

Sam was sobbing into Freddie's shirt, and gripping handfuls of it. Blood stained his shirt on the side. "I'm sorry… I just… I can't." More tears escaped her eye, and Freddie held her to him tighter.

"Never do that again, Sam. Never again." Freddie whispered.

"I'll… try not to." Sam said into his shirt. She cried more loudly, and Freddie cupped her face with his hands.

"Shh… it's okay, Sam. It's over. " Freddie told her. He let go of her and took her arm, washing away the blood. Sam flinched a little when he started cleaning it. "It's fine, Sam. It's alright."

"It's not all right! It's…" Sam erupted in tears again, and hung her head down. Freddie wiped away the last bit of blood from her arm, and turned to face her. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her forehead. He wiped her warm tears away with his thumbs, and look at Sam dead straight in the eyes.

"Sam… it's fine, okay…?" Freddie whispered, gathering her into his arms again for another hug. He held her head to his chest, and an arm around her waist.

Freddie was actually surprised at how Sam was letting him handle her this way. The way Sam just gave in and letting him show her true self, which amazed Freddie. He's never seen her truly cry and let alone cut herself, but today changed everything. Sam broke, and Freddie had to fix her.

Freddie released her from his grip, and held her hand, leading her to her bedroom. He took her blanket, and wrapped it around Sam, then led her out her door. He walked her through the windy air, and to the dark corner at the right. He let her inside the self-built elevator, and climbed in beside her. He pulled on the ropes, which lifted them up and off the ground.

When they finally reached the top, Freddie took Sam in his arms again and led her out to the lumpy but soft mattress she laid there months ago. He sat her down, and looked out into the view. "Sam… I brought you here for a reason. You know why?"

By this time, Sam had already stopped crying, but her eyes were extremely red. "To take my mind off things…?" She sniffed.

"Yeah, so… could you… talk?" Freddie asked, wrapping an arm around her and bringing her closer to him.

Sam sighed, and hiccupped. "I just… don't like my life." Sam ran a hand through her hair. "She died, Freddie. She died." Sam stared straight into Freddie's eyes, her eyes starting to fill with tears again. "She died in Vegas. Someone shot her and she died. The very last time I ever seen her was… the day before she left the note. She left a note saying she'll be leaving for Vegas for a job. She said she'll miss me though, and she loves me. She said to take care of myself and she hoped she could be there to take care of me, but she can't. She didn't say why she can't, but if she could, she would." Sam took a deep breath and started talking again. "Then she died. She died and I never got to say goodbye. She was my only family that was there for me, Freddie, the only one!" Sam looked down. "And she's gone."

Sam shook her head. "She's gone."

"And… that explains why you did what you did." Freddie nodded once.

"Yeah, and I'm so sorry. I promised myself I'd never cut again, but… when I heard the news, I just… lost myself."

"Again?" Freddie questioned.

"Huh?"

"Again. You said you'd never cut again. What? Have you cut yourself before?"

Sam's eyes widened as she heard what she said when Freddie repeated it. She sighed and nodded her head. "Yes…"

"Why, Sam? Why did you cut yourself before everything?"

"Let's just say my dad wasn't the best dad in the world… but he got better."

Freddie held his arms out to her, offering a hug, as she started to cry again. Sam unwrapped the blanket from around her and spread it around her and Freddie, and Freddie took Sam back in his arms. "I guess that explains these…" Freddie folded her long sleeve up, and touched her scars on her arms. "And this…" He lifted her shirt up and stopped just below her breasts. He touched the scar that stretched across her stomach. Sam shivered under his touch as he touched her scars.

"Yeah…" She said, trying to calm down her tears.

Freddie hugged her tighter and whispered, "Shh… it's okay, Sam… I got you."

Sam continued to cry, while Freddie comforted her.

Sam was staring out into the beautiful city lights while crying and thinking… she was breaking into little weak pieces again.

We get to see some more, Seddie, yay. & poor Sam. D;
Wasn't the music very fitting to the scene? (: I think.
I'm sorry for the lack of detail and emotion that Sam was feeling, but I promise, you'll know more of that later.
Remember to follow me on Tumblr. c;

Review? Yes?

~miscellaneousmystery~