Uncanny Wonder Woman

Chapter 28: I Want Candy- Part 1

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC Comics.

'Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget.'- Shrek (Shrek 2)

Gotham Police Department HQ-

Harvey Bullock and Renée Montoya were walking down the corridor in the direction of Commissioner Gordon's office. Gordon wanted to introduce them to somebody that had been assigned to the Gotham PD to help investigate the appearance of the mysterious vigilante calling herself Batwoman.

'You got any idea who this new guy is?' Bullock asked his partner. 'Cuz I ain't got the foggiest.'

'You know as much as I do, Harv.' Montoya shrugged. 'I don't even know why somebody's been assigned to investigate this new Batwoman.'

'Maybe the feds want something with her.' Bullock suggested. 'Hell if I know what.'

Montoya knocked on the door of Commissioner Gordon's office and waited for permission to enter.

'Come on in, Montoya.' Gordon called from the other side of the door.

Montoya did as she was told and walked into the office, closing the door behind her. Upon entering the office she noticed that Gordon was standing with an official-looking woman with short blonde hair.

'Montoya, Bullock, this is Lieutenant Etta Candy.' Commissioner Gordon introduced his officers to the stranger. 'She's been assigned to investigate this new Batwoman.'

'Lieutenant Colonel, actually.' Etta pointed out. 'Formerly of the United States Air Force. Now I work for Military Intelligence.'

'Excuse me for being so bold, ma'am, but what does Military Intelligence want with Batwoman?' Montoya enquired.

'I'm afraid that information's classified, Detective.' Etta responded with a smile. 'If I told you I'd have to kill you.'

'What do you want us to do, Commish?' Bullock grunted, crossing his arms. 'Did you really call us here just to baby-sit?'

'Now Bullock, I know you're not happy about this, but my orders came from high up.' Gordon explained.

'I'm not saying that you have to like me, detective.' Etta said. 'But if you could help me in any way, it would make my stay here easier. Plus, the more you help me, the less time I'd spend here getting in the way, right?'

'Heh. You make a good point, lady… ma'am.' Bullock smiled before correcting himself.

'Please, don't bother with all that formal crap.' Etta told the dishevelled detective. 'Call me Etta, it is my name after all.'

'If that's all, Lieutenant Colonel?' Gordon asked. 'I have lots of work to get on with.'

'Sure thing, Commissioner.' Etta smiled as she stood up to leave. 'I'll get to work right away.'

Montoya and Bullock followed the blonde woman out of the office.

'Is there anywhere good to eat?' Etta asked the detectives as she began to walk down the corridor. 'I could kill some donuts.'

'You're my kind of lady, Lieutenant.' Bullock grinned.

'Lieutenant Colonel.' Montoya reminded her partner.

Bob's Donuts, later-

Montoya was sitting in the driver's seat of the car while she and Etta waited for Bullock to return with the donuts. Etta was sitting in the backseat.

'Don't take this personally, Etta…' Montoya said. 'But who did you piss off to get lumbered with a job in the Rotten Apple?'

'As a matter of fact I asked to be assigned this job.' Etta explained. 'I've always wanted to see for myself whether Gotham's reputation is really as bad as it's supposed to be.'

'What do you think of it so far?' Montoya enquired.

'Wait until I've met some of Gotham's more… colourful residents and I'll let you know.' Etta smiled slightly.

'You're never far away from a psycho causing trouble in Gotham.' Montoya sighed sadly. 'They usually do their thing right about the same time as when we're waiting for donuts.'

As if to prove Montoya's point alarm bells began to ring from several blocks away.

BLANGALANGALANG!

'Told you so.' Montoya grumbled as she started up the car and leant out the window to yell at Bullock.

'Come on, Harv! Get your butt into gear! Somebody's breaking into Gotham National! Again!'

The doors to Bob's Donuts swung open as Harvey Bullock ran out, his arms piled high with donuts and coffee.

'Geez, keep your hat on, Montoya.' Bullock grimaced as he handed the goods over to Etta and took his seat in the passenger's side. 'I wasn't gonna leave without the donuts, was I?'

'Glad to hear that you've got your priorities straight, Detective.' Etta smirked.

Gotham National Bank-

The Riddler purposefully strode towards the front desk.

'Ladies and gentlemen, there's no need to panic.' The villain told the cowering patrons. 'I'll leave as soon as I get what I want. Hopefully with a minimum of fuss.'

One of the Riddler's goons gawked at a bat-shaped shadow on the wall.

'Uh, boss…' The goon gulped. 'I think we got company.'

'Ah, well. That's to be expected.' The Riddler shrugged. 'It wouldn't be a proper bank robbery unless the dear old Batman made an appearance, would it?'

What looked to be the Dark Knight Detective leapt through the bank window and landed on top of one of the Riddler's goons.

CRASH!

'Ah, when is the Batman not the Batman?' The Riddler asked once he realised who it was that had interrupted the heist. 'When it is the Batwoman!'

'This heist is over, Riddler.' Batwoman said. 'Give up now while you still can.'

'Hmm, no. I don't think I will.' The Riddler shook his head. 'Boys, when is the Batwoman like a pencil? When she's full of lead!'

The goons did as they were told and opened fire on the female vigilante.

BRATTATTATTA!

Batwoman somersaulted out of the way and shot a rope around the wrist of one of the goons. She gave her end of the rope a tug, pulling the gun out of the goon's hand. She then spun the rope around her head like a lasso, throwing the goon into a nearby wall.

CRUNCH!

Batwoman leapt into the air and tossed a pair of Batarangs at two more of the goons, hitting their guns out of their hands before coming down to land on one of them. She leapt off that one and dealt the second thug a kick to the gut.

DUFF!

Soon Batwoman had dealt with all of the goons. All that there was left was the Riddler.

'All of your minions are down, Riddler.' Batwoman said as she strode toward the villain. 'It's over.'

Outside-

Montoya, Bullock, and Etta Candy pulled up just in time to see Batwoman escort a tied and bound Riddler out of the bank.

'Riddler me this, coppers.' The Riddler grinned widely when he saw the police surrounding the area. 'When is the Batwoman like a princess? When she's Wond…'

'Shut up and get in the van.' A police officer snapped as he bundled the Riddler into the back of a van that would take him back to Arkham Asylum. 'Thanks for the help, Batwoman.'

'It's my pleasure, Officer.' Batwoman smiled. 'It was all in a day's work.'

'Say, where's Batman?' The police officer enquired. 'You got him washing the dishes back at the Bat Cave?'

'Somebody has to do it.' Batwoman smiled as he held out her hand to shoot off a grappling hook to swing away.

'Excuse me, Batwoman…' Etta announced as she ran up to the vigilante. 'I need to talk to you.'

'It will have to be quick.' Batwoman answered. 'I still have much work to do, Miss…'

'Lieutenant Colonel Etta Candy.' Etta introduced herself as she showed Batwoman her badge. 'I'm with Military Intelligence. I've been assigned to assist the Gotham PD.'

'And what can I do to help you, Lieutenant Colonel?' Batwoman asked.

'Is there some place where we can talk in private?' Etta enquired. 'I'd rather not say in front of the police officers. Classified business.'

Princess Diana of Themyscira frowned behind her cowl. There was something about this Etta Candy that made her suspicious. What did somebody from Military Intelligence want with her?

TBC…

Next: I Want Candy- Part 2

What does Etta Candy want with Batwoman? Could she know that Batwoman and Wonder Woman are one and the same? Tune in next time to find out…