Everything We Are - Chapter 7

by Kadi

Rated: M

Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox, I'm only visiting for a time.

There were people in their house. It was full of officers, members of their own team, uniforms, and FBI. A mobile command center was setup outside. The MRI had been clean, with just a concussion, Sharon insisted that she be released from the hospital. The head laceration didn't require stitches, and so after pressuring the ER physicians into agreeing, she was released.

It had been hours. They knew only too well that the longer it took to find Ian, the least likely they were to do so. Their people were working out of the dining room. Buzz had several computers set up already. Footage had been downloaded and transferred to them via Traffic division and he was pouring over it, frame by frame, looking for any sign of Dunn.

Having strangers in their home was difficult. They were both private people, and there were those, people outside of Major Crimes, that would get a thrill out of the idea of seeing how the notorious Captain Raydor lived.

She was staying away from them as much as she could. Sharon had retreated to the back deck. The night was cool, with just a light breeze. The news helicopters had retreated, chased way by LAPD birds. With the setting of the sun, however, they wouldn't have had much luck getting a look at the house. Taylor was at least running interference with the press, keeping them away as much as possible, but it was difficult. With an LAPD Captain's child missing, kidnapped out of her own home, it became something of a story. Particularly when that Captain was in charge of LA's elite crime unit.

Rusty was staying close to her. The team wasn't allowing her to so much as glance at a piece of evidence, and that was frustrating as hell. Andy knew, because he was having the same issue. It hadn't stopped him, though. He knew that he was irritating the hell out of Buzz, if the biting sarcasm was any indication. When he got chased out of the dining room, yet again, Andy let himself out onto the deck.

He walked over to the glider that Sharon was seated on. Her legs were curled beneath her, and there was a cup of tea in her hands. The moment he was seated beside her, he held out his arm. Their eyes met and she leaned toward him. Andy curled his arm around her and drew her close. He kissed the top of her head. "There's no where in this city that he can go, that we aren't looking for him."

"I know," she murmured. "That's what frightens me." If he felt cornered, she feared he would ditch their son, and in what condition would he be? What would happen to him then?

"We'll find him first," Andy said, but he wasn't entirely sure that he believed it either. Experience was working against them in this instance. He felt her tremble and he took the tea out of her hand. "Hey kid, do me a favor?" He held it out for him. "This has gone cold. Maybe get her a fresh cup?"

Rusty looked between them. By now he could tell, quite easily, he was being gotten rid of. "Sure." He stood and reached for the cup. "The peppermint right," he asked.

"Yes," Sharon smiled gently. "Thank you honey." She waited for him to slip into the house and turned her face into Andy's shoulder. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can," he told her. "We have to, there's not a lot of choice in it." His hand moved slowly up and down her back. "We are going to find him," He wouldn't accept any less.

Sharon hummed. "If we don't?" She lifted her head, eyes pale with fear. "Is this the universe's way of righting itself? We were never supposed to have him, Andy. Is this the price that we pay for just how well everything went? My pregnancy was surprisingly easy, despite the complications at the end. Ian is healthy and normal, and that just doesn't happen at our age. None of this was ever supposed to happen. We knew how unbelievably ridiculous it was from the start. So is this all we get? Is this it?" She was terrified, and they'd gone well beyond unsettled. Her doubts were getting the better of her. She tried to ignore them, to outthink them, to put her logical thought processes back in order. It wasn't working. The harder she grasped at the cool, icy shield of indifference she had once cloaked herself in during her FID days, the farther away it seemed to slip. Her mind wouldn't stop rotating through every worst case scenario. It was replaying case after case that they'd dealt with involving missing children, some she'd heard about and others she became part of after joining Major Crimes. Trying to hold on to the Captain wasn't helping her in the least. It was only making it worse. She felt as though she were flailing, lost in a sea of doubt and fear, and in the end all she could think of was just how unlikely, how ridiculous all of this was. Her children were grown. This wasn't supposed to be happening... for so many reasons.

He couldn't take it. There was something inside of her that was already breaking. Andy drew her into his lap and curled his arms around her. "Listen to me," he said. "This isn't it. I'm not giving up, and neither are you. There is no power that either of us believe in that would give us this chance and then strip it away to rebalance the world." He cupped the side of her face, drew her gaze to his. "I love you," he said thickly. "It wasn't supposed to happen, you're right about that. From the very beginning all of this was unlikely as hell. You and me? Who would have predicted that? Yeah, you got pregnant Sharon, and that was just… Wildly unbelievable. It shouldn't've happened. God knows. But it did. This isn't how it ends." He shook his head. "We decided to do this… and hell, I know that people wonder what we were thinking. Sometime we both wonder the same damned thing. Maybe we just like long odds, or… we're old fashioned and set in our ways, hell, don't ask me. It worked. Beyond all reason, beyond sanity and any number of other things, it worked out. It's still working."

"Is it?" Sharon looked away from him. This fear was twisting her inside out. It was a visceral pain. It ran deep. It hurt to move, to breathe. "I wonder about that. If we're really doing him any favors. We're the wrong side of fifty, look at what we've been through recently." She stood, moving out of his lap and away from him. Sharon crossed the deck and stood against the railing. It overlooked the back yard. The lights in the pool were on, glowing warmly, casting the yard in shadows. "I've gotten complacent," she said quietly. "I relaxed my guard. I do things now in a way that I never would have dreamed thirty years ago. I approach this with the idea that I've done it all before. I can't remember if I locked the door, and it doesn't really matter, but I was only keeping half an eye on him. Children need to explore. We baby proofed the house and we tell ourselves that he needs to make a mess, and get into trouble, and make mistakes. It's how they learn, but thirty years ago I'd not have taken my eyes off of him." Her hands gripped the wooden rail tightly. She turned her face toward the night, let the cool breeze wash over her. She still felt stifled, as though she couldn't breathe. She drew a thin shallow breath. The pressure in her chest was almost too much. There was a churning in her stomach. "I almost lost Rusty because I was holding on too tightly," she said quietly, so much so that it was almost lost on the breeze. "I was so convinced that he had to be with me to be safe, that I stopped listening to my instincts. Maybe Daniel was right…" She said thickly. "The common denominator in all of this is me. Maybe I am just a dried up, manipulative old woman. Maybe it would be better for Ian if he went to Nicole and Jake," she whispered.

Andy gripped her arms so tightly when he turned her that he worried he might bruise her. He shook her lightly, until she looked up at him. What he saw in her eyes almost had him staggering backward. There was pain and fear, but there was part of her that was already grieving. Either because she believed they'd already lost him, or she was preparing herself for that. "Don't you give up," he growled. He gripped her upper arms tighter. "You've never given up on a damned thing in your life, Sharon, don't give up on our son. You've been fighting for him, and praying for him, and hoping for him since the day you found out you were pregnant. Don't stop now when he needs it. You didn't let Dunn win before, don't let him win this time either." Andy bent low, until his lips were brushing her ear. "This isn't you. Do not let them see you cowed."

She closed her eyes and nodded, even as he drew her closer, into the warm circle of his arms. Her fingers curled into his shirt and she fought to get closer, although it was physically impossible. She clung to him instead. "I can't breathe," she whispered. "They're all staring at me and I have nothing to give them. Everything I have is with him right now, and I just can't…" She shuddered violently in his arms. "I haven't given up, I just want him back, and I can't think of anything but what our own experience has taught us. I feel like I've just been so selfish. Who even am I anymore?" It wasn't only the situation, but herself that she was doubting. "What am I doing, Andy?"

Andy leaned back, he tipped her chin up. There was moisture in her eyes, but she wouldn't allow the tears to fall. Not while there were strangers in her house. He felt her tremble again and his arm curled more tightly around her. "You're the wicked witch of Major Crimes and you're going to keep your head held high. You're my wife, and you're Ian's mother." Andy dropped his forehead against hers. "You're going to get him back, and you're going to keep him. The hell with anyone who doesn't like it." He cupped the back of her head and kissed her, hard. "I know what you need." Andy took her hand and drew her with him into the house.

"Andy!" Her alarmed voice sounded behind him, but she let him pull her into the house.

He pulled her into the house behind him, they met Rusty coming to the door from the kitchen. Andy shook his head at the boy and walked through the living room. He stopped beside Sanchez and bent, whispering quietly and quickly in his ear.

Julio grinned. "Yes sir." Then he walked toward the front of the house and began herding people toward the door. "Out."

Andy looked at the others. "Listen up," he called. "We appreciate the help, but if you are not a member of Major Crimes, please leave."

"You heard him." Julio glared at a group of officers who had only gone back to what they were doing. "Everyone out."

"Come on," Andy tugged Sharon with him toward the stairs. He'd done his part, he'd leave Julio to clear the house out. She would breathe a lot easier once the strangers were confined to the yard and the command center. He pulled Sharon in front of him and maneuvered her up the stairs ahead of him, to the second floor of their home. They walked down the hall, and then he pushed her into Ian's room. It hadn't, thankfully, been touched. Tao and Buzz had checked it, along with their room, for evidence. Their LAPD counterparts had at least had the wherewithal to contain themselves to the first floor. Inside the room, Andy took the floppy, stuffed monkey off the bed and placed it in her hands. It had the effect that he expected it would. He folded her against him when she began to tremble and held on tightly. She wouldn't cry, he knew. That would come later, but she need some sort of release, something to cleanse her and bring back the woman they knew her to be. The strong, tough as nails Captain, and the terrifyingly brave mother that would take on the world if need be. "He wanted to break you," Andy said quietly. "Don't let him. Your one weakness might be your children, but there isn't a damned thing wrong with that."

"I wouldn't say it's the only one." She tipped her head back and looked up at him. She lifted a shaking hand to his face. Her fingers were light against his jaw. "I seem to have a pretty big weak spot when it comes to a certain Lieutenant I know."

"You don't say?" He slipped his hands beneath the curtain of her hair and held her head. Her eyes were clearing. The glassy-eyed grief, the near panic, it was beginning to fade. That didn't mean she wouldn't experience it again, it didn't mean that it was gone. She was getting a better handle on it, and that was all that he could really offer her at the moment. It was all that he could offer himself. He hoped to hell that he wasn't wrong. He couldn't stand the idea of propping her up just so that both of them could fall together. Andy needed to believe that they'd find him, that Ian would be home with them soon. He had to be right, otherwise, he didn't know how either of them would survive it.

"Mmhm." She curled a hand around his forearm, the other continued to hold the stuffed toy against her chest. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and exhaled slowly. "Yes. That Provenza… don't know what I would do without him."

Andy stared at her for several long moments, then he snorted. "There you are." He pulled her against him again, somewhat relieved. "I was really starting to worry, babe." He pressed a kiss to the uninjured side of her head and when her arm curled around his waist, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Don't give up on us," he whispered. "We ain't done yet."

"No," she whispered. "No we're not." Sharon turned her face into his neck and inhaled deeply. "I love you. Whatever else happens…"

"I know." He drew back, cupped her face in his large palms again. "I know," he said more pointedly. His lips were gentle against hers, despite the need, the desperation to hold her tightly and never let go.

"Mom."

Sharon turned. "Ricky." She moved away from her husband and into her son's embrace. "Hey baby." She held him tightly. "I'm so glad that you're here," she murmured.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. Richard didn't really know what to say. Rusty had told him where to find her. When he asked how she was, the kid just shrugged. He didn't know, Andy was handling it. The worry that was flowing off him in tangible waves had damned near floored the elder son when he realized they were directed toward his mother, and not the younger half-brother.

"Let's go downstairs," she said. Sharon curled an arm through his. "Have you heard from your sister?"

"There was a message on my phone when I landed at LAX," he replied. "She called from her layover in Denver. She'll be here in a couple of hours."

"I told you." Sharon shot a look at Andy.

"Yeah, I know," He sighed and shook his head. "Your kids are just like you, they drive me crazy when they don't listen to what I tell 'em to do."

Ricky snorted quietly. "Yeah, we like you too, Andy."

"Well," he said. "At least he's not calling me Lieutenant anymore…"

Sharon curled an arm around her son and leaned in to his side as they moved downstairs. She still held the stuffed toy in her other arm. She probably wouldn't be putting it down anytime soon, she knew. There was a part of her that still worried if she would hold her youngest in her arms again. They ached, just to hold him. Her fear wasn't gone, not in the least, and neither was the doubt. Maybe she could breathe again, at least for the moment. "Small steps, Andy. I told you that, one day soon my children will forgive you for providing the evidence that yes, their mother does have sex."

Ricky groaned. "You know, its times like these that I really feel sorry for Rusty. Really."

She looked back at him, and Andy saw that she hadn't fully recovered yet. She was putting on a good show, however. She was gathering the ends around herself and compartmentalizing in that way that only she could. It was enough for now he supposed. Rusty was waiting for them in the living room, he looked up, wide-eyed and expectant when they came down the stairs. Andy met his gaze and shrugged slightly. Then he nodded. He watched the kid relax, marginally. "Hey kid, let's see what we can find in the kitchen to eat. I'm starving." He wasn't. Andy wasn't even remotely hungry, and he doubted that Sharon was either, but it would give them something to do while they waited.

"Yeah okay," Rusty went with him into the kitchen. They left Sharon with Ricky. "Is she…"

"No." Andy opened the fridge with a sigh. "She's holding it together. It's all we can ask for."

"I guess." Rusty chewed his bottom lip. "Andy… are they going to find him?"

He looked over at the boy and felt like ten times a heel. "Yeah," he said. "They're going to find him." He'd been so focused on Sharon that he hadn't really thought about what the kid was going through. Not for a while at least. He reached over and cupped the back of Rusty's neck. The kid wasn't one for physical displays, but the touch seemed to help when he was like this. "It'll be okay, Rusty."

"What if it's not," he asked worriedly. "What if—"

"Rusty." Andy shook his head. "We can't think about that. Don't plan for the worst. You know better. She taught you better." He thought about it for a moment and let his hand fall to grip the kid's shoulder. "Don't let her see you worried, okay? You come to me, you go to Buzz. Or Julio, hell, even Provenza. I'll do the same, deal?"

Rusty stared back at him, then glanced into the living room. Sharon was seated on the sofa with Ricky. The pair of them were talking quietly. From the horrified look on his face, she was telling him what had happened, filling in the gaps. Rusty nodded slowly and looked back at the Lieutenant. "Yeah," he said. "Deal."

"Good." Andy nodded toward the fridge. "Now, explain for me, how Sharon can go to the market and buy a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries, and still there's not a damned thing to eat?"

He pressed his lips together and shrugged. "Because she doesn't buy junk?"

"That would be it." He heaved a sigh. He dug into his pocket for his wallet. Andy pulled out several bills and thrust them at him. "Go order Pizza, enough for the whole team."

"Ok." He took the money, but hesitated for a moment. "Um… yeah, okay." Rusty turned away, deciding it was best not to voice what he was about to say. Maybe he shouldn't tell them that it was okay with him if they did whatever they had to do with Daniel Dunn to get his brother back. He didn't imagine Sharon would be too happy hearing that… and he supposed Andy probably wouldn't either. Even if he was sure that he was thinking it. He'd tell Sanchez… he would understand. He'd get it, and it would be their little secret. "Veggie lovers for you and Sharon, and I'll go see what the others want." Rusty heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Meat lovers for Lieutenant Provenza and Amy, something with mushrooms for Lieutenant Tao, Cheese for Buzz, and Detective Sanchez will eat anything…" As he turned away, he shook his head. "Why am I asking? I'm like, their new favorite errand boy."

"Yes." Buzz walked through the kitchen to the water cooler in the corner to refill his bottle with water. "I can't begin to tell you just how wonderful that is."

Andy snorted quietly. "Anything?"

He sighed. "Not yet, Lieutenant. We're still looking. There's a whole lot of city out there."

He ground his teeth together. "Buzz, look, I get that we can't look at evidence. But it's just traffic footage. There shouldn't be any reason why Sharon and I couldn't help you wade through that. It might go a long way toward helping if we could feel like we were doing something."

Buzz seemed to waver for a moment, finally he relented. "Okay, but, only the traffic footage."

"Agreed!" Andy walked toward the dining room where the tech was set up. "We won't touch another damned thing."

"Sure you won't," Buzz rolled his eyes as he followed. "Why do I feel like those were famous last words…"

"Relax, Buzz," Andy told him. "We're only going to help a little."

"Sure you are…" He muttered. "That's what you always say."

"She needs to do something," Andy said more quietly. "She's going crazy, Buzz."

"I know," he said quietly. "Okay look…" Buzz began uploading several of the data files to the Captain's computer. "Just… if you find anything, tell me on which frame, and I'll pull it up on mine. No one really needs to know."

"You're a good man, Buzz." Andy took the computer after he was finished and carried it into the living room. It was no longer evidence, since Tao had already pulled everything off of it. "Sharon," he held it for her. "Buzz needs a hand looking through the traffic footage, you want to take these, and I'll take the others…"

She gazed up at him for a moment before silently nodded. "Of course." She accepted the computer and opened it. That man, she thought. He was giving her something else to focus on. He knew, he always knew. "Thank you."

Andy exchanged a look with Ricky before he nodded. "Don't thank me yet, there are a hell of a lot of files." He drew away a moment later to retrieve his own computer. At least now they were doing more than just waiting.