Forever Ours

by RoseGold25

More struggles are up ahead for Jacob and Nessie. And the struggles are enough for the two to throw in the towel and call it quits. Can they save what has been broken? By the looks of it, forever does seems hard to reach. Like always there is many many things that try to tear them apart. Can Nessie and Jacob save what has been destroyed and handle the danger that comes their way?

12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Jacob's point of view

So many things were running around in my head. It felt like my brain was a gold medal sprinter on steroids. So if you ask, of course I haven't gotten anywhere with Renesmee. If you want to count her wanting to take things slow-or drooling over me and trying to hide it-as something then good job. You're a lot smarter than I am.

I'm still confused. She avoids my "touchy" questions. Nessie thinks I'm bipolar when she's the one who's had mood swings more now that she's pregnant. She beats around the bush! I'm scared to ask her if I'm really the father or not.

Let's just wrap up a long story and say that it's…aggravating.

For starters, I've been here for almost two days and I feel like I'm running in circles. That bad thing? I'm chasing after Nessie when I'm the one who should be controlling the chasing. I was the one betrayed. I was the one who was cheated on. I was the one who was lied too! And I was the one that she shouted at me that we were a mistake! Shouldn't I be the one who needs the apology? I've did my begging. It's her turn now.

And I have no clue where that came from. Maybe I am bipolar.

Today was still Nessie's birthday. I had a few hours left at trying too…I don't even know what I'm trying to do now. I think after I thought Nessie was trying to drown herself, everything is catapulting downhill. If we both wanted to save whatever we have, it'll take both of us to lay down our armor. Nessie's being the stubborn one. Not me.

What's knew.

I tried not to think about Nessie's pregnancy but I failed. I mean, I always said I wanted to have kids with her. I accepted the fact that there was a one in a million chance that it would actually happen. I guess I missed that when you say "one in a million" you forget that you have that one-percent chance of horrible luck to slap you in the face then laugh when you've found out that you were wrong.

There was so many things wrong about this! For starters it's the fact that even though Renesmee is three months pregnant, it had a gift! Maybe even two. Call me crazy, but I believe somehow it can stop a gift. (Yes that includes phasing. Even though I would count mine as a curse.) But what could be second gift? Loosing your memory like Nessie does. Like I've realized I've did I don't know. I just hoped that Nessie wasn't fading away right in front of me. She only forgets when she's scared or in distress. Maybe it could be that.

Second, it could kill her! She can't hardly keep anything down. She can't handle being around blood. We don't know what it was! I have to think about my tribe-what it brings them. Nessie has to worry what it brings to her family. Those Italian bloodsuckers want power and revenge too much, and we were going to bring a child into that mess! They could take it or kill it! How do I know if the thing is a baby or a monster that's going to take away everything I love and care about.

Also, there could be a chance that I am not the father. It could be his. He probably wouldn't be the best father in the world. Look at his past. His mother died, his father shuts out from the world. I know, I know. When my mother died, my dad took it hard. But he didn't leave. But sometimes the kid makes the same mistakes the parents made. I guess that counts when you dad possibly cheated on your dead mother close to when your mom found out she was pregnant with you, and one of you're best friend's could be your half brother.

Yeah, mine did that.

And last but not least, what if it was mine? Edward would kill me. He told that if I got her pregnant before we were married, he would kill me, bring me back to life, and then kill me again. We're not married-not even close to it. I don't even know what we are. I guess I need to start picking out my coffin then. Only to be brought back to life then killed again of course.

What would her family think? What would mine think? Nessie probably isn't the favorite person they would want to see right now. I'm probably not going the Cullens after we tell them. What would I do? What would Nessie do?

One part of me was telling me to bold and phase. It could be the baby doing that. I still have the same choking, painful, sickening, uncomfortable feeling every time I'm with Nessie. But my need to be the nice guy is getting stronger. It's lessening up to being tolerable. Just right now with only phasing for a few minutes, fighting with Nessie, being near Nessie, I'm really loosing my brink on humanity.

And possibly my sanity since we're on the subject.

Another part of me was wanting to hope on that boat and head straight back to La Push. Not because of the baby but because I really didn't want to be rejected again. I wouldn't be able to live with it. I wanted to go because Nessie might feel she has to let me stay. Of course the only reason could be because I am the father. I didn't want to get burned again. It's not something I enjoy very much. Especially when I get snapped at for trying to help. I know the whole pregnancy thing sucks for her, but does she have to push me away when I'm actually trying? At least I'm doing that. It's the total opposite of what she's doing! I am here because I want to be. Did I know Nessie was pregnant? Heck no! If I knew then I would have begged her stay even more. I would have tied her down until she came to the right state of her mind! I don't think that prove that I have to be here?

Yes, I am aggravated beyond belief. Renesmee is avoiding my questions and pushing me away. I should leave. But it was so hard not too. Her presence alone is like being on a buzz. I should leave before I've had too much but I can't seem to get enough. I was the idiot who always like playing with fire. Even my mother warned me never to play with it That's the stakes, but I've always went back for more. She's a drug I couldn't put away. Friends, family, rehab, or prison wasn't going to do the case. I was away from it but now I've relapsed.

The other part-the imprint part or just being nice-told me to be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day even though my Rome needed to be. We were on a dead line and Nessie kept trying to push it back. She's getting use to it too. She's probably learned to become more independent. She's use to being alone. I mean, what, it's been two and a half months since she's been gone. Renesmee was use to me giving in to whatever she wanted.

I just didn't know what part was going to win.

Nessie looks different. She's still drop dead gorgeous, but something was off. She felt a lot better after she ate and gotten something in her system. She still gets sick but less than every two minutes. Nessie's just…different. She still has that feisty attitude, but there was something else there. She shows more fright whenever she's scared-and she's mostly scared of me. I don't know if it's because she's pregnant or our time apart. There are just things that are off about her.

Bella said to take as long as we need, but I think the fact that Nessie is carrying some unknown creature is acceptable excuse that we kinda need to speed things up. I just have figure how to get her to come with me without her running off.

I looked at Renesmee. I could see her though the open French doors that she was taking pictures of the beach and of the sunset. She was amazing when it came to photography. I never understood why she wanted to be a doctor when she loved doing that. She would be amazing with anything she set her mind too. Just right now she had a road block to stop her-and me.

I was going to ask her that question I've been holding back. Well, one of many but this is the one I really needed to know.

I walked outside and sat down on of the one chairs. I ran my hands through my now short hair and smooth shave face, trying to find the courage. It was amazing how this girl in front of me could be terrified and mad at me then ask me to do something next. It was aggravating. But it also gave me hope that she was coming around. And then it lead me back to being confused.

Renesmee turned and smiled meekly at me. Friends. Friends. We're friends. I can ask her this, can't I?

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I was afraid, terrified, anxious all at the same time. I could say it wrong. My tone could be wrong. She won't answer. I might hear something I didn't want to hear. A whole lot of things could go wrong!

Stop! This is the reason why you're here. To get the answers that you've needed. You've done you're begging. It's her turn to explain things to me.

I'm an idiot.

Nessie looked at me with concern that was written all over her face. Good. She's worried about something. Something about me. Or she was thinking how crazy I was because she could hear my monologue. I didn't know if the concern was real or not.

"Cat got your tongue?" she showed, laughing at her comment.

"Why Kaleb?" I blurted. "Why did you go to Kaleb instead of me? Why didn't you tell me that you had feelings for him? What did Kaleb do to make you feel something that I didn't make you feel? You didn't trust me?"

You think I put it right?

I could tell that I took Nessie by surprise because she just looked at me with shock. Then she looked down at her stomach-probably to avoid my eyes with out showing that she was avoiding me. "I dunno." she mumbled.

"Well you need to find out!" I snapped.

I rolled my hands into fist to control the anger. This was a blessing and a curse. If I got mad when Ness was near, I wouldn't to worry about her getting hurt. I wouldn't have to worry about anybody getting hurt.

The bad things? Its painful if I don't get away. Its painful because I know it is right there but my body won't let me phase. It's like I'm wrapped up in a barrier that's holding the wolf in me back. The pain is bad enough to send me to my knees. It makes me feel like I'm about to throw up. It makes me angrier than I already am. I'm so angry that all I see is red.

And that's what I'm afraid of is getting to that point of no return. The rage takes over my mind. It's like I have an outer body experience. I'll go mad on anybody. Luckily I've been able to control it. Barely. But I don't know how much I'll be able to hold onto this control if Nessie keeps things the same. I might hurt her when I don't want too. I might hurt anybody.

What about the guys? What if they get past the point of no return and hurt somebody? It'll kill them as much as much as it would me if I got past that point. And what about the new ones? They control is already unpredictable. What if this…this feeling makes them worse. What? Am I going to have to imprison them to their wolf bodies just because we can't afford to do anything stupid?

"How do you expect me to think when you're yelling at me!" Nessie shouted.

Why does she have to beat around the bush?

The feeling got worse. I bit back a growl and clenched my teeth. I will be okay. I will be okay. I…will not be okay.

I realized I was right in front of her. She wasn't looking at me. Our breathing was quick and heavy, both full emotion. "I need to know why you chose Kaleb over me?" I growled.

A tear slipped down Renesmee's cheek and she looked at me, her chocolate brown eyes filled with more tears. "I don't know." she whispered.

Nessie dreamt that I hurt her. She might be right if I don't get control over this anytime soon. I felt like this was my first few months as a wolf. Unpredictable. Angry. Confused. Take that and times it by ten.

"Answer me." I demanded, wrapping my hands around her forearms to make her look at me. And to hold me back up because of the pain.

"Jake…you're hurting me." Nessie begged but I never let go.

"Can't you just answer this one question without trying to run? I'm getting extremely close to being done, Renesmee Cullen. I'm to the point where I just to wipe my hands and be done! If you can't give me answers then I might as well pack my bags and get on the next flight to Washington. I don't have to be here. I'm done with this!"

Maybe some of what I said was a lie. Maybe I haven't left because of the imprint. It may have brought us together and we're stuck with each other. We still have choices though. I never realized that until I imprinted on her. She's made her choices. She loved Kaleb.

It's my turn now.

"If you want to go then go. I have no right to stop you."

Right now all I could see was red. All my anger was directed to her. Phasing was so close to my skin. It hurt so bad that it brought tears to my eyes. I was sick to my stomach. My vision was hazy and my knees were weak, making me want to drop into the sand. I wanted to scream in aggravation, hurt, and pain. Right now my actions were not guaranteed.

"I was stupid okay?! I'm a major idiot! I didn't tell you because I…"

"Because you didn't trust me!" I finished for her.

Before I knew it, she was projecting me images I've already seen though Kaleb's mind. Nessie was aggravated I was that I was hiding away from her. She ended up at Kaleb's house. They talked, she cried, they kissed. Nessie felt horrible but kept going back to him for more. She kept stabbing that stupid knife into my heart. She felt horrible that she was hiding it from me. She didn't want me to start something. She cowered away and ran because she was afraid of what I would say. Kaleb never made her feel anything special. She swore she loved me.

Now I'm not so sure.

"Then tell me why you left then?" I questioned. "Why couldn't you trust me? I would have understood?"

It was so hard to keep standing. I knew if I didn't get away soon enough things would go badly.

Maybe I did have to leave? These bits and pieces weren't helping. It was going to kill me but maybe that was what had to be done.

"How much of a chance is that thing inside you Kaleb's?" I asked, motioning to her stomach.

Nessie put her hands on her stomach as if she was trying to protect the creature inside her. "It is yours. I promise you, Jacob, that it is."

"How?"

"Because I have that gut feeling that it is. The time adds up."

"You've made wrong choices before. What's different with this one?"

I could tell that was like a big slap in the face for her. My heart twisted at saying it, but I was having one of those out of body, rage moments.

I knew that if I walked away, it would kill me. Walking away would destroy me. I know the others don't understand why I still loved Nessie even after she did wrong. It was going to be hard to get to the forgiveness but I…I just can't walk away. Then that would put me no better than what Nessie did. Nessie needs to put up her white flag now.

All of a sudden I yanked her hard to me, crashing my lips onto hers. It felt wrong but also felt needed. It might help her. It wont' help me. I can tell you that now. I'll die. But at least I'll die happy. When you're on a high, you eventually have to crash and burn.

I figured she would push me away but she didn't. She dropped her camera and started kissing me more than I was her. My hand went to her back to pull her as close to me as I could get, while my other hand locked around her neck so she wouldn't pull away. She owes me this much.

Nessie's hands traveled to my hair, trying to get closer to me. She was kissing me rough, but I was a lot rougher than that. I didn't want her to pull away. Friends can kiss, right?

But not this good.

I picked her up so that we were the same height. She tried to move but I wouldn't let her. Nessie tried to push me back but I wrapped my arms around her body so that she stuck in my embrace. I may have taken my anger out on her. She was kissing me back though so I didn't care.

My lips traveled from her lips to her neck. I noticed vaguely that she kept trying to move but I wasn't allowing it. There was at some point when she moved that I actually growled at her.

"Jaocb, stop." she begged but I didn't listen to her, only kissing her lips again.

"Jake, please, stop. You're hurting me." Nessie projected.

She showed me images that I was handling her to extreme. I was taking my anger out on her. Like I said: no guarantees. After that kiss though, I felt invincible. I can handle anything!

I was still holding Nessie and she still had her hand on my chest. The spot right above my quick beating heart. Her lips were still inches from mine and oh so tempting to kiss again. I gave a chaste, soft peck on the lips to see how much I could push my luck.

Yeah…I was definitely going to crash and burn.

"This is not taking it slow." she breathed.

I wanted to say that I was sorry, but i come to realize it I wasn't. "Wow…" was all I could say.

I didn't want Renesmee to push me away anymore. I was tired of it. She loved me. She wanted me to stay with her. She needed me as much as I needed her. We may drive each other crazy, but isn't that what it's all about?

"Can you answer my question now?"

I hoped she would. I've hoped a lot of things would work out in my favor. I hoped that somehow my mother would come out of her accident alive even when the doctors told my dad she was dead. I hoped that even after we buried her she would walk through my room after I've had a bad dream and run her hands through my hair to calm me down and get me back to sleep. I hoped Bella would have been mine even when I knew I was going to be told no. I hoped she would stay alive during her pregnancy with Nessie. I hoped to have a happy, long life with Nessie. I hoped she was going to be safe. I hoped she would live.

Now it all seemed to be crashing down after she shook her head no

I dropped her to her feet, not bothering to hide my hurt and disappoint. My heart dropped all the way to my feet. I love her-or I think I do-but she drives me insane.

Renesmee picked up her camera and slowly walked back to house. She moved slow like her bones were of an old lady's. It looked like she was stiff or in pain and was trying to hide it. It made me wonder how bad I hurt her or not.

"So you're just going to walk away?" I asked.

Nessie spun around and glared at. "I need time, Jacob!" she told me.

"You've had two and a half months to figure it out! No wait! You've had four years to see if you want anything to do with me." I said. I was angry, confused. It was like I couldn't figure out what I wanted to feel. "You put me through hell these past few months. If you wanted a life without me so bad you should have let me die that day! I'd rather take death than go through you telling me you don't want me!"

I had no clue where that came from. I'm shocked I even said it. I just hope it doesn't backfire. "I've did my begging, Renesmee! You know how bad it was for me to be away from you? It killed me. You know you love me. You just won't admit it. You'll admit where you are with Kaleb but you won't with me? You'll cry over him but then push me away when I try to help. Who was there with you all this time?! It wasn't him! I was there, Renesmee! The day you were born, when the Volturi came, when you were attacked, when you felt you were a monster, when you had bad dreams. I listened to your worries, laughed at your arguments. I'm holding you while you cough and gag. I wake you up if you had a bad dream!

"I gave you everything, Renesmee! I gave up everything to be with you! And all you do is push me away? I thought it was my fault that you left. I felt like I was the reason. I wondered if I said all the right things! Told you were beautiful enough! I tried, Nessie, and I guess all my attempts were failures! If you say you love me then you should prove it. I've did mine. You should be able to answer why you left. You should be able to tell me why you chose Kaleb over me! You should be able to tell me every piece of information I want!

"If you want time, Renesmee, then I'll give you time. If you can't figure out if you're going to push me away or not then I am gone! We can go back to whatever crappy life we've had before. Just like you said. We can be as if we didn't happen. Isn't that what you wanted?!"

I have no clue how I am saying this to her. How am I going to back up my word if this all gets thrown back up in my face?

Nessie's face went blank and get eyes focused on mine. I was about to ask what was wrong when I saw memories flash before my eyes. I was engulfed in them. I wasn't on the beach anymore. I was in those painful memories that haunted me. The ones where she left, the one where I found out about Nessie and Kaleb, how I destroyed everything, my attitude, how I wanted death to come quick and easy, my hatred to almost everything, my depression. Every little memory that I had when Nessie was gone. I never gave up on her. But where's the stopping point?

They were painful to remember but think Nessie took it harder. She shook all over and fell to the ground. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was freezing cold. I could hear her teeth chatter. I stayed where I was. Why should I help her when all she was going to do was push me away?

I swallowed hard after she was done. Nessie took down the barrier and a whole flood of thoughts came and smacked her in the face. Maybe leaving was the right thing for us. Maybe I should just go.

"You told me that you would never leave me!"

"You told me the same thing and looked what happen."

"You said you would never tell me to have a nice life!"

"Sometimes things change. You should know that out of all of us."

Nessie breathed deep. "How long do I have?"

How long did she have? How long can I give my dad and sister to plan my funeral? "Till midnight." I answered. That'll me time to come up with a plan and then tell them good-bye when I get home.

Nessie looked at me with disbelief. I was shocked too. Midnight? Am I really me? Did I sell my soul or something? Do I not have a filter on my mouth? "If you said you loved me then you should be able to tell me right now."

There I go again. Shut up, Jacob. Shut up! This is all going to backfire right in my face!

Nessie nodded. "You're right." was all she said.

With saying that she got up and walked in the house, closing the doors and drawing the curtain. I had no clue if that was good or bad. I laid my cards out the table. It was her turn to play now.

I need to phase. The guys were probably worried. Might as well kill two or three birds with one stone.

I stripped off my shorts and ran though the jungle. I felt weird phasing in a jungle. Doesn't hurt to try new things, right?

The heat quickly took over and my two legs became four. And a load of questions running around in my head to match my own.

"Is it true?"

"How's paradise?"

"You enjoying retirement?"

"Why did you go to her?"

"Why did you let Nessie talk you into quitting?"

Retirement? Quitting? Where did this come from?

They asked several more questions until I told them to shut it. I had so many things going around in my head already. I didn't need there help to add more.

They saw what went on here and started pounding me with more questions. As I figured they would say that the baby was a danger-or could be.

"One question at a time!" I ordered.

"So she is pregnant?" Quil asked.

"She is." I answered.

"Is it normal? It could be a danger-" Sam started but I cut him off. I already thought of it.

"I don't know. We haven't talk much about it. We're still trying to figure out…things." I snapped then eventually gave up. I noticed Kaleb was missing. I didn't press it. I didn't care about him. He could do whatever he wanted.

"Are you really going to be able to walk away?" Leah asked. I could see the pain as she kept thinking about Nessie being pregnant. She was slightly jealous. I just tuned her out.

"If I do go ahead and get your funeral clothes ready." I joked but they didn't see where it was funny. I didn't blame them. I couldn't. If something happen to me and I was unable to lead them, the whole pack could fall. They didn't understand why I wanted Nessie to want me back.

"Who's the father of the little monster?" Paul asked. For some reason that struck a nerve with me.

"I am." I blurted but they saw my doubt.

"Even if you weren't the father, you would still be the father. Kaleb quit." Kyle said. It was confusing but understanding at the same time.

I was the argument he had with his brother but it was none of my business. Just…my nosiness got in the way. "He quit?"

"Yeah. He's going all human now. He said that if you were gonna back out on us then that gave him an excuse too." Me? Quit?

"I'm not quitting. I'm Alpha, remember? I can't quit phasing,"

I saw they were confused. "But the leech said…" Leah trailed, confused. She went through them chasing a vampire. It said one thing and they instantly believed him. It just kept building up and then they let him get away.

His face looked familiar. We saw him when Nessie and I went to Spain. The leech that ran to the Volturi after Nessie was attacked! His name was…Akken!

THEY LET HIM GO!

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LET THAT HAPPEN! I CAN'T TAKE ONE DAY OFF? DO I HAVE TO BE THERE THE WHOLE TIME TO HOLD YOUR HANDS AND MAKE SURE YOU DO WHAT YOU'RE BORN TO DO SO NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS?!" I shouted. One, a leech was on our land. Two, he wanted to kill Nessie. Three, he was apart of the Volturi-and they wanted to kill everybody! I have every right to be angry. I thought I could trust them to keep things ran okay while I was away.

"Maybe if you were here instead of on vacation we might have got him. You still have responsibilities." Paul spat.

Something hit me like cold water. I did have responsibilities back home. If I came back with Nessie, there was a high chance that I would have to go back and forth. Maybe the Cullens will move back to Forks just for a little while. It might be easy on me for a little while. But I knew eventually everything will catch up and my hands will be tied. I'll be torn as Chief and Alpha, being for Nessie (if I get lucky), and quite possibly being a dad. How could I handle all three.

"Okay, here's the deal. Kaleb can do anything he wants. If he feels the need to quit then that is his choice. All of you know when it is your time to stop phasing. I'm not stopping you. I'm not quitting and I don't plan on it. Nessie hasn't even brought up me quitting. She would never. I'll call the Cullens about the leech and see if they know anything about it" I stated. "Any more questions?"

"Aren't you somewhere in South America?" Jared asked.

"Off the coast of Brazil." I answered.

"Didn't Alice say that the bloodsucker that helped Scarlet was somewhere near there?"

That made me stop and think. A few weeks before my coming here I talked to the Cullens. Bella said Alice saw Marcello in South America, possibly near Brazil, but the vision was blurry. Hopefully he already passed and was torturing another's life.

"Is there anything else?"

"We're changing the Council meeting since our Chief isn't there." I was really getting tired of Paul's comments. He was probably just doing it to get on my nerves.

"Don't start." I growled.

None of them were happy about all of this. They accepted the fact that Nessie was my imprint. Right now our relationship is in limbo, and Nessie pushing me away isn't going to get her brownie points. They can respect and understand but they don't have to be happy about it every moment. Just because we imprint we still have our choices. Everybody has one. I mean, for instance, I wasn't happy about Paul imprinting on my older sister. I actually thought she could do better than that.

"Touché." Paul said when he picked up on my dig.

"It's true."

We all slipped into silence, thinking about all the same thing. What all this led up to? Akken showing up, Marcello, Nessie, I, and the baby. We had no clue how to play the pieces of the game.

"So this thing…it already has a gift." Kyle asked. Leah then phased. Guessed it hurt to much.

"I think so."

"If you get that feeling that remind me to stay away from it." Quil joked. Again, for some reason that struck the wrong nerve.

They saw how forgetful Nessie's was starting to become. I figured that could possibly a gift. I knew the barrier, shield like thing was. Just Nessie was the only one who could use hers. She also had shield penetration and just didn't know it. Because nobody ever told her.

"So its already strong?" What was it with people trying to aggravate me.

"I don't know! For God knows how many times I've said it! I do not know what in the world that this thing is! All I know right now is that Nessie says I'm the father! She's sick all the time. She can't hunt. That is all I know so shut up and stop asking me." I shouted, past the point of aggravation.

"Do you us want to say anything-to anybody." Sam asked.

Did I? I didn't plan on saying anything until now, but the feeling got the best of me. I knew Nessie would be upset that they are not able to see the proof that the thing inside her was safe. She would want to tell them face to face. We needed time to figure this out before anybody else stuck their nose in it.

"No. Don't say anything. Not yet anyway." I huffed.

The pack filled me in on what I had missed. Seth and Embry were still hurting over Abby and Karli. I debated over if I should tell Nessie. She should know. She would feel horrible.

If I'm able to tell her anything anymore.

I was tired. Even though I was now with Nessie and could sleep, it was light. I needed to check on her.

"He isn't going anywhere. Especially after your "kiss." Jared joked. I rolled my eyes even though he was probably right.

Okay, just one tiny glance to see if I didn't hurt Nessie then I'll be back out here. Simple as that. I can handle that. I was still on a high from that kiss so I should be okay. I can use that as an excuse.

I phased back to man and then ran to the beach, putting my shorts on. I walked into the house finding it quiet. All I could hear was Nessie's hard breathing and her quick heartbeat.

I walked into the living room and found her passed out on the couch, snoring away. She had a plate on the table and a almost empty bag of chips. I guess the girl was going to eat for two-or three. I think she could eat almost as me as me, and I'm a bottomless pit. Nessie had a trash can near her head. It made me doubt if she really kept down something this time.

But what caught me eye was the bruises on her arms. They were shaped as a big, gigantic hand was holding onto her arms. That was me! I held her way too hard. I moved her hair to inspect more. I saw a bruise on the back of her neck. I realized she had bruises on the back of her thighs too. I knew I was a little rough with her. I took my anger out on her. I just didn't know I was that mad and was that rough. I'm going to have to find a way to get control over that.

Nessie turned and moaned. You could see the discomfort was written all over her face. She was either having a bad dream or she needed to stretch out. My first instinct was to let her know I was here but I didn't. I told her she had till midnight. I guess I might as well pack because it doesn't look like she's doing much thinking.

But did it hurt to be there for just for those five hours. To enjoy the last five hours of my sanity before loosing it. This was like somebody telling me to say my last good-byes before they blow my brains out. Isn't that the risk I took when I came here?

Screw it. I'll enjoy the last five hours. They guys can say I told you so, the Cullens could kill me, Renesmee could hate me, but I didn't care. I'll pay for it soon enough.

I huffed and picked her up. Nessie jumped and tried to move out of my arms, still asleep. "Shhh, Nessie, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe." I soothed, figuring she was having another dream like last night.

Nessie relaxed, only snuggling deeper into my arm. I hoped I would get more times like these. Carrying her off to bed, telling her everything was okay even though it wasn't. I didn't want to walk away. I couldn't do that. I don't know how I'll be able too.

As I carried her to her room, Nessie's arms were locked around me neck. She was crying. I wanted to wake her up but decided against it. I could only hope she would figure out everything all this in her sleep in five hours.

I pulled back the covers and attempted to set her in the bed but her arms only tightened around me neck. She was making this extremely hard on me. I wondered maybe this would work out in my way.

I wish she would open up with me. Why does she always push me away? She said she was protecting me, but from what?

I tried to move her again but she tightened even more. She is making this rough for the both of us. This is killing me as much as the pain of not phasing. I want to be mad at her but one move and I couldn't be.

"I'll be right down the hall." I whispered. I wondered if Nessie really knew what was going on or was she just dreaming. My luck, I'd go with the dreaming ordeal.

"No." she moaned, still asleep. "Don't…"

Maybe Renesmee was actually thinking about what I said. Maybe I won't have to leave. Maybe love is letting me get hopeful and then in five hours will kick me and yell sucker. I mean I do have a sticky note on my back saying "Kick me! I'm stupid!"

I sat down on the bed and Nessie curled up in my arms even more. The uncomfortable feeling was there but I ignored it. Why would she push me away but then want me? She wants me now. It all doesn't make sence!

I looked down at Nessie, who was slightly snoring. She was out and she talks in her sleep when she is out. Her hand was pressed on her stomach slightly, making me wonder if she was actually going to keep this…baby. I could picture as a mother. She was good with kids. Several people have said she would be a good mother. I have even said it. Just I never thought we'd have one this quick, out of wedlock, when we're not even together, or we don't know what it is. It could possibly be my child; but I've got others I have to think about. Other's depend on me to protect them. The Cullens would say that they have to protect Renesmee. And, sadly, Nessie would argue that she was a grown woman.

We're also brining this unknown creature into a war. The Volturi are either going to kill it or want it-probably the latter. If they ever found out which is what I hoped wouldn't happen. But we did bring it into a whole bunch of other stress.

What if it wasn't mine? I had the right to doubt, didn't I? The thing would need a father, though, if it didn't kill Nessie first. That was my worry. I could be watching the love of my life fade away slowly before my eyes. Kaleb ran off so that proves he never loved Nessie. He would never be a good father. He would flip if something went wrong.

I noticed Nessie had her face squashed in my chest. Why does she do that? Its like every time she gets sick that happens. Or lets just say that's the only time she lets me near her. Oh yeah, the kiss. I wasn't going to forget about that.

I heard Nessie's phone vibrate on the bedside table. I reached across to get it, not sure if I should answer or now. Would the sleeping beauty in my arms be mad? Oh well because I was doing it anyway.

I gently laid Nessie and the bed, who wasn't going to wake up for anything, and walked out the room to answer. "Hello?" I asked.

"Jake?" I heard a voice that always got on my nerves.

Alice.

"Yeah?" I answered wairly.

"What are you doing answering Nessie's phone?" she said, not hiding her suspicion.

"Is there something wrong with me being a nice guy and answering a girl's phone for her while she was busy?" Yeah, busy sleeping.

"No. It's just I figured…"

"That I would be on a plane back to the reservation. Wow, Alice, ye of little faith." What? I'm nervous. Wait…did I just say ye?

"Well…maybe. You know how Nessie is."

I didn't answer at first, only rolling my eyes. Eventually I knew I had to say something. "It's a little more complicated than what you're thinking." was all I said. Not to mention Nessie's pregnant. That's the whole complication! And the reason why I was too scared to say anything.

"I'm sorry; but how was her birthday?" Alice asked. For some reason I had a gut feeling that there was more behind the subject change than just curiosity.

"Um…okay I guess." I answered. I had no clue what else to say. "Are you calling just to wish her a happy birthday?" I really hoped I could get off this phone quick. I was afraid that my worry about Nessie's pregnancy would be coming out about pretty soon.

"Partially. We've been calling her all day but she won't pick up." Alice stated. I felt a twinge of guilt for that. "I was mainly calling to talk to you."

Oh boy? Has she seen anything? "To me?"

"Remember when I had the vision of Marcello being in South America?"

"Yeah."

"Well I had a vision of him in Brazil." Alice eventually said.

I swallowed hard. What if he gets to us and I can't phase? "Was…is it a clear path?"

"It was hazy, of course, but when I tried to look around you and Ness I couldn't see anything.

"Anything?"

"It was like something was blocking my vision. Everything was black. I couldn't see anything past you or her." she said. Probably because there's, oh I don't know, another freaky creature is inside Nessie that she can't see.

I was worried before with the leech getting to Nessie. Now I'm even more afraid. Now I'm even more afraid. I can't take him on single handedly with this feeling that Nessis's kid puts off. Nessie's not going to be able to help me in her condition. I've never fought human. I wouldn't be able to hold myself up to fight. I would have to phase fist when I wasn't near Nessie and wait. We'll be screwed before we even know what's going on.

"So you think we should just stay here for a few days?" I suggested.

"Yeah, just until we get there." Alice answered. I really regret answering. I went ahead and told the guys but that wasn't by choice. Nessie's family is going to kill me just to bring me back to life to torture me more.

"Um…uh…I mean if he's in Brazil he probably thinks I'm with her. He-he might not even know she's here. I-uh-I'm sure it'll be fine." I tried to say as calmly as I could when I could picture them coming here and seeing their Renesmee pregnant. The pack would just call me stupid. The Cullens were another story.

"Yeah but it would be better if we were there-"

"I'll bring her there." I said almost before Alice could finish. I really didn't want to say Nessie was pregnant.

"If I'm right don't you think it's safer to keep Nessie in hiding?"

Oh, she needed to hide alright. She needed to hide that baby bump that sticks out like a sore thumb.

"Um…yeah." I agreed.

"And we want to see her too."

"Uh…"was all I could muster up to say.

"Is something wrong?"

"No!" I said quickly. Yeah…that won't raise and questions. In my dreams! "Why would you think something was wrong?"

"You're acting weird." Won't be the first time somebody's called me weird. I mean, I have been called worse.

Stay calm, Stay calm. Keep you're mouth shut. "Alice, my brains out of whack because of a leech that tried to kill me and I just saw the girl left on the day we were suppose to get married. I'm a little shaken up." I lied and I hoped it was good enough. "I'll have her call you and the rest when she wakes. Then we'll decide what to do then." I added just for safety measures.

"Well, wake her up now." Can't the vamp take a hint?

"You really think I'm going to wake her up after she's had a rough night. I mean for some moving stone creature, I wouldn't have figured you would be brain dead." I joked. "Didn't Bella explain all this to you?"

I had a gut feeling Bella knew Nessie was pregnant. It was just how she worded that Nessie needed me. I thought she was just buffing but I've learned to respect the unexpected.

No pun intended.

"Watch it, Black." Alice growled.

I had no clue what else to say so I just hung up. I was about to blurt it out. It was right on my tongue. Nessie was going to have to tell them. It was her job since she was carrying the kid and that was her family. I was chickening out.

I walked back to Nessie's room to put a trash can by her head. She was sprawled out, hand cradling her stomach. I had a deep feeling she was going to want to keep it.

I sat the trash on the side of the bed and kissed her forehead. She can drive me to insanity but I wanted to love her. There was just something there that made her lovable but also drove you insane. You instantly had to love her. I know it wasn't the imprinting. Everybody fell in love with her…except a few.

I looked at Nessie's small-but not small enough-stomach. I felt like I should do something. Touch it, kiss it like I just did its mother. Don't fathers do that? Paul and Sam did it when Rachel and Emily were pregnant. They couldn't hardly keep their hands of the "bump."

But they had normal kids. They were married-well…Rachel and Paul got married when she didn't know it. At least they were together though. I had no clue where Nessie and I were. I told Nessie that if she couldn't answer my questions I was gone. I had no clue if she was thinking about this or not.

My stomach growled so I went to the kitchen to get food. If Nessie hasn't eaten it all that is. She told me she hasn't been eating much because she can't keep it down. To me I think once she started back she couldn't stop. And it's not nibbling. She's eating as much as I am. And that's a lot. I think if she had the chance she would eat more than me.

I found what I guessed was what Nessie snacked on while waiting on her meal to be cooked. Pickles, peanut butter, chips, chocolate, fruit, and other stuff. I laughed to myself. She probably ate all of it and didn't save me any. Which I didn't mind. I just found it funny that somebody is extremely picky when it comes to human food, will eat anything in sight. I know the kid will at least have the wolf diet:

Being a bottomless pit.

I opened the fridge to find a little leftovers from what Nessie left behind. I heated it up in the microwave then dug in. I was left to letting my mind wander. Do I say in case Nessie needs me? Or do I go back out, phase, and prove my point. I can explore this island. It seems nice; but being in the same place Nessie was conceived is a little creepy. Plus, her being here pregnant seemed a little ironic.

How could this happen? Renesmee had a small chance of this happening. All it takes is that one tiny chance to happen and it did. But why can it happen when we're together? Why did Nessie have to be pregnant with my child, when she just stabbed a knife in my chest a thousand times. She's pushing me around. She is making me feel like I'm running around in circles. The secrets are getting old, the pushing away is getting beyond aggravation. I'm just…tired.

Retirement would be nice. A vacation would be nice. One where I can sit back and just relax. I knew being Alpha was hard. Chief was hard. Going through the pain of loosing Nessie was rough. Kaleb was hard. Now handling with Nessie and her pregnancy is extremely exhausting.

I was just tired of it all. Of everything. I wanted to take a dip in the ocean and never resurface. I can't die easily. If I let Marcello kill me, Nessie would be there to watch. She would try to save me if she cared about me enough. Call me depressed. I am way beyond that. I've been burned, and rejected so many times and I still can't walk away! I'm tired of my life being so complicated! Maybe I am ready to throw in the towel? Do we all feel this way? Are we all just tired enough to give up?

Maybe I'm suicidal. Maybe I'm just crazy and haven't fully healed. Wait. I know I haven't. I was getting better when Nessie was around but once she left, I lost it. I don't think I'll ever be back to the same person I was.

I was in paradise. But why do I feel like I'm in some horrible place?

I pushed my plate back in disgust. I'm going to be pulled in so many directions and I don't even have the chance to look at which way I needed to lean. I have Nessie, the pack, the tribe, evil bloodsucking demons, the Cullens, the baby all pulling me in different directions. I feel like I want to scream at them that I'm not strong as I once way. I'm weaker thanks to all them. I'm broken down. I just want to get away! Can't I be the bad guy just for one single time in my life and think about myself? Kaleb's doing it, I'm sure the pack's doing it, the Cullens have did it, and Nessie have obviously thought about herself. So why can't it be my turn? Why can't I say screw my responsibilities for a little while and just be me. Jacob Black. The Jacob Black that was a carefree teenager I was before I phased.

I abruptly got up and ran as fast as I could, letting the heat flow through my body. I phased mid stride and pushed faster. I want to from all of this but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't get rid of my problems like I use too. I can't run and hide like Kaleb or Nessie. Everything is like a string that is tied to my legs and follow me wherever I go. I can't dump them in the trash. Especially when one's a steel cable.

"Jake?" Quil asked, seeing my thoughts.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted. "For once just shut up and leave me alone!"

I've broken down before. I thought I've gotten better when I was with Nessie. But since I've been here I've accomplished nothing. Completely nothing! It was the complete opposite of what I wanted. Nessie's going to just run again when I fall back in love! She won't open up to me! She's going to die! I said walking away would kill me but maybe staying here would. I should have never came! I've came when I knew I shouldn't have!

"Calm down, man. You're just stressed. Go get some rest." my friend said, trying to get me to calm down. This is what happens when I take on so much.

"How can I calm down when all of you expect me to know everything!" I yelled.

I stopped and let out a howl. The others whined, feeling what I feel.

And that is what I did for several hours. Eventually some of the other's joined in. If Nessie didn't hear me she either didn't care or she's sacked out cold.

Quil was right. I was tired. Not physically tired. I was just sick of everything. I said I would lay down my armor willingly. I didn't have the will to fight anymore.

I took off again and ran faster than I did before. Pretty soon I saw the edge of a waterfall but didn't plan on stopping. Unfortunately the guys thought I was suicidal. They something small like this wouldn't kill me.

"Jake, no-" somebody said but I didn't get to finish the hearing the statement. I phased back to man right at the edge, diving into the dark, crystal water. It felt good to have and adrenaline rush and have the water splash on my face.

I let myself sink, holding my breath. I could sit on the bottom for days and be comfortable. Quite relaxing, huh?

After clearing my head for a while, not getting my relaxing moment, something inside me changed. My heart twisted. I felt like I was in pain. I felt this burning sensation like I was being scratched hard in the shoulder.

Something was wrong.

I quickly swam to find something to at least get a grip and climb up. It won't take me long. When I started climbing, my vision went black. All of a sudden I started to see broken glass. I heard Nessie's scream and a vampire's growl.

I saw Marcello right above me. "Where's your mutt now, huh? He ran off. Probably didn't want to be dragged down by a weak, pregnant woman. Luckily you'll die before he can get you." Nessie projected what Marcello said. I had no clue how she was projecting to me this far. I didn't care. Nessie believed I wouldn't save her. I had to prove her wrong.

I phased right when Nessie projected me the last image. I didn't care if the guys saw it or not. I ran blindly, trying to focus on what she showed me.

She showed me the evil look on Marcello's face as he kissed her neck. She shivered. Her stomach hurt; and that was all but I knew that there was more. She thought she was going to die. That I actually did leave. She was hurt, guilt ridden, and that's why she wasn't fighting.

"Or it could be because she has a child to protect." Paul said. I growled at him. Nessie would fight to live. She would fight to protect our child.

"You gotta stay focused, Chief. You don't have us to help and-" Sam started but I cut him off.

"You act like I've never did this or something."

"Remember what happen last time you knew Nessie was in danger. You fought alone and got sloppy. Don't focus on her until-"

"Afterwards. I get it."

I let my instinct kick in. This is what I was born to do. I was born to kill these demons. I had it running though my blood. My ancestors did it. They passed it onto me. I'm in this position because of something I can't explain. I was born to lead. I was born to save lives.

And nothing was going to stop me.