Chapter 19
Nessie's point of view
So the cover story for Renée was that I was daddy's long lost cousin. We were going to do niece but I was a little too old for that now. It felt weird to call him by Edward instead of daddy. Renée was nice. A little scatterbrained but you could look past that. She made comments to Momma and Daddy-excuse me -Edward and Bella about having grandchildren. I couldn't help but bite back a laugh. She was about to be a great grandmother. I wonder if Momma will ever tell Renée the real story?
Rachel was doing a lot better. She was bummed out that this was Will's first Christmas and she couldn't enjoy it. So I asked if we could have a Christmas party, just to have everybody over so it would be memorable. They agreed but dared me to overdue it.
Alice got Rachel dressed up in which made Paul stammer and stumble. When it was my turn she dragged me away and put me in a black, knee length pencil skirt, a loose, white, button up blouse with a black vest that surprisingly went over my stomach. She added a black belt that hung off my hips and a diamond necklace to match the earrings she put in my ear. She let my bronze ringlets cascade down my back. Looking at myself in the mirror I looked fat.
"Jacob, how does she look?" Alice asked, prideful in her work.
"I look fat." I grumbled. It still hurt to talk or breathe but I had to hide it. I'll take it easy.
"You looked sexy." Jake smirked as he walked up to kiss me. I blushed, putting my hand on his bare stomach. It's snowing outside and he's walking around in shorts and no shirt.
"What? I just came out of the shower so I know I don't stink like your family." he joked. Alice slapped him on his shoulder hard and I giggled.
"Meaning you need to get a shirt on and act human. We've got Renée and I'm sure some of the younger wolves brought dates that don't know the whole vampire werewolf deal yet. You can't run around half naked." she growled. I put my hand over my mouth to hide another giggle.
"But wearing a shirt is aggravating." Jake complained like he was a little kid. "Besides, the hot, pregnant chick's afraid she'll loose me for someone who's older that four." I blushed while Alice smacked him again. "Ow! Will you stop that? Isn't this man abuse or something?"
"Not when you ask for it."
"Well, I get it enough from Nessie. Can't I report it or something?" Now that was a total lie which made me smack him.
"See what I mean!" Jake said to Alice.
"Poor baby…" she pretended to have fake sympathy.
We heard Momma and Renée walk up the stairs. "So is that the same Jacob that you told me about a few years ago?" Renée asked.
"Yeah. The same one." Momma answered.
"So when did Nessie and him get together?"
"Four years ago. Then Nessie came up pregnant." my mother explained. She gave like a quarter of the whole story. I was thankful for that.
"The Jacob you explained seemed like a mature young man? Now I get the impression he's a little on the immature side to be a father." I tried not to laugh no matter how bad it was true. Especially today. It was like Jake forgot about yesterday. He woke up, spun me around, kissed me, tried to distract me when I was doing things. A good but aggravating mood.
"Go get a shirt on." Alice quietly growled before Renée and Momma walked into the room.
"If that woman wants immature then I'll give it to her." All of a sudden as I heard Momma say that Jacob's always had that happy go lucky attitude, his lips locked onto mine. I was so shocked but didn't bother to pull away.
"I give up." Alice moaned and flopped on her bed. I was too dumbfounded to do anything except pull Jacob as close to me as I could.
"Jacob and Nessie!" Momma scolded as she walked into the room.
Jacob pulled away for the slightest bit and help up his finger. I continued to kiss him. "One minute, Bella. Kinda busy here." And with that he went back to kissing my lips.
"No. Now." Momma pulled us away but we fought against her hold Eventually she had to get in between us but Jacob reached across from her, grabbed my neck and brought my face to his to kiss me again.
"I don't think they're listening to you, sweetie." I heard my mother's mother say. Jake and I were to caught up in the moment to care.
"Renée, I hope that you have learned by now that you don't see one pair of lips without the other." Alice said as if she was bored.
"I think I already have." she answered, which made me blush. "I think I'll give you two time alone."
As Renée walked out, Momma slapped Jacob across the face. He rubbed his cheek and growled. I bit down a hiss at wanting to protect my mate.
"And I was stupid enough to take up for you, but you act like a kid!" Momma yelled at Jacob.
"Aww, come on, Bells. That was all Nessie. I was trying to pull away but she wouldn't let me." Jacob smirked.
"You weren't trying hard." Alice mumbled while I just glared at Jacob.
"How can I resist a beautiful, pregnant woman?" Jake smirked again, knowing he would make me blush. "Plus, all women love me. From young to old." This time Alice, Momma, and I punched him.
"Can't a man catch a break?" he thought to himself while I was pushing him out the door.
"Just go before you send me into labor." I pushed Jake out the door.
Before I could slam it in his face, he put his foot in between to stop it. "I'll go get a shirt so you can stop drooling over me."
I hissed at Jacob which only made him laugh even more. "I still think you look beautiful."
"Yeah…you look pretty hot yourself. Maybe you can go find a older woman that better suits you." I flirted back.
"Never. Older women are boring."
"You're crazy, Black."
"Blame love, baby, blame love." Jake smiled.
"Oh, I think I'll blame a lot of things. Now go." I commanded. He saluted me and walked down the hall.
"Where's that mood coming from?" Aunt Rosalie asked me as she came down the same direction Jake was going.
I shrugged. "He's been like that all morning. Could be holiday cheer for all I care." There wasn't a bit of telling where Jacob's good mood was coming from.
I walked over to the chaise lounge and plopped down with a sigh. I had no clue how I was going to take it easy when I have a mixture of human, vampire, and werewolf smell all in one big house.
"Are you going to be able to do this? You're still not out of the woods." Rosalie said. Her, Momma, and aunt Alice shared the same worried looked which made me doubt myself even more. I was doing this so we could have a memorable Christmas. Could it be so bad that it makes me weaker?
I turned my head so they couldn't see the doubt that was written all over my face. I looked out the window to find that it was actually snowing hard-not that it would have mattered when it melts when you touch it. It was still beautiful to look at. With the trees and the ground covered in a white blanket. I wondered how long it would last. The snow, the safe feeling I get when I'm with the ones I love, Jacob and I, my son and daughter? How long would all these good, amazing things last? All it took was Finn to come and now a new can of worms are opened up. What is something big was going to happen that we weren't prepared for?
"I'll be fine. If I feel tired I can go and lay down." I mumbled.
I wiggled up and started to walk out of the room when Momma stopped me. She had that same uncomfortable look on her face but it was also worry was written into it. "We're just worried about you and Jacob." she thought.
That sprung tears to my eyes. I could say that we were fine. We were fine on the outside. We just put on the mask and pretend everything is okay when it's not. On the inside is our doubts and secrets. I don't want us to settle for just good or great. I wanted something way more than amazing. I didn't want the feeling of this little bracelet on my wrist felt like a dead weight.
I walked quickly down the hall, desperately needing my safety blanket. My stomach hurt just like everything else. I looked hideous and fat. I wanted Jacob. I needed him.
Stupid pregnancy mood swings!
I walked in on Jacob slipping a shirt over his head. He looked up at me and smiled. "Couldn't stay away, could you?" he joked.
I smiled at his contagious good mood. I loved that about him. His attitude was like a cold. When you were with him, you were bound to get it I just hoped I would get it quicker than anybody else.
"I need to ask you something?" I showed him. I felt so stupid for bringing this up but I had too.
Jacob looked at me with a curious glance. "Go ahead."
I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. Breathing in his scent calmed my nerves. I needed to tell him how I think Kaleb was going to imprint on Grace. I just didn't want it to be now.
"We're okay, right?" I asked.
"Yeah…I guess." Jacob answered. "Why?"
I looked up at him. This was so stupid to ask. Especially when we've only been back together for three months. He'll laughed. He'll reject it. He'll think its stupid. There was a one in a million chance that he'll like the idea.
I got out of his hold and walked to the glass wall over looking outside. This was so stupid but I had to say it. "I promised to stay with you forever, didn't I?" I whispered.
"Yeah." Jacob answered with uncertainty. I said that before and broke it.
"Can you promise me the same thing."
"Of course." was all my Jake said. "Where are you getting at, Ness/"
I breathed deep and turned to look at Jacob. The contagious smile was gone. A new worried look was all across his face. Here we go…
I walked over to where he was and kissed him. He was cautious but he kissed me back anyway. "What is this about?" he thought, his lips never leaving mine.
I pulled away and put my hand on his cheek, looking into his dark, warm eyes. It was now or never.
"Marry me, Jacob. Marry me now. Right now. We can leave-or somebody is bound to know a minister. We can head to Vegas and get married. We can elope. Our families are here. That's all we need. Just say yes. Please…" I begged.
Jacob bit his lip and looked down. He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. He was wanting to say yes bet was worried. He wanted to get married when we were both ready. If we got married now, it would be easier on Sage and Grace. I was ready. Jacob wasn't.
"No." Jake answered, looking up at me.
"What?"
"No. I'm not going to marry you." Well, that was a big slap in the face. I could handle hearing it in his thoughts, but not when his voice is as emotional as a rock.
I swallowed back tears and nodded, about to walk out when Jake stopped me. "I said no because-"
"You don't have to explain."
"Because we're not ready. This isn't the perfect time to be married. It would make it a lot easier on our kids if we were all one big happy family, but we're not that. I-I just don't want to marry you. We have so much going on. We can wait a while, right?"
Meaning he was scared to marry me. He could have gotten his happy ending then it all became dark and gray. I knew it was too stupid to ask. I should have never thought of bringing it up. I should have known my new Jacob would be cautious and scared.
"Sure." I told him, trying to hide my disappointment.
"Ness, you've got to-"
"I understand." I whispered. "Merry Christmas." I added and walked out of the room. They say all good things must come to an end. I wonder how long till mine must come to an end.
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
After getting over that fact that Jacob rejected my proposal, we went back to being in a good mood. Everybody came over. We were all having a good times. I wasn't going to let what Jacob said cloud my time with family and friends, and it seems Jacob wasn't going to either. Jacob went back to his contagious good mood. Rachel even said Paul was in that same mood. I guess it was because just the day before their whole worlds could have disappeared.
While half the people whined and dined with holiday cheer, the pregnant chick ate. Rachel sat with me on the couch as both of us were to weak to stand for a long period of time. Rachel kept pointing at my stomach saying, "You see aunt Nessie's belly? She's carrying you cousins, and pretty soon they'll be here to play with you." Will would squeal as if he could understand what his mother was saying and was excited about it.
"Don't remind me." I muttered. Rachel laughed.
"Get use to it because in three more months, it'll happen."
I looked over to where Jacob was standing. Right now, it didn't look like he was ready. I wasn't. He was talking to Quil. Claire was trying to understand the conversation but had no clue what the men were talking about. So she just gave up.
Eventually the room became hot and stuffy and it crept up on me like somebody was choking me. The mixture of vampire, human, and werewolf made me sick. Thank God that the house was big enough to spread out or I would be screwed.
"So have you chosen any baby names." I heard Rachel ask as she snapped me back to the real world.
"They'll have to be a surprise." I smirked and Rachel gave a dramatic huff.
I got up to go get desert when Jacob came to my side. He wrapped his arms from behind me and laid them on my side. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked close to my neck.
"I feel fine." That was a total lie. I felt like I could collapse.
"Liar."
"Nope." I said, turning to him. "I'm taking it easy."
"I know when you lie, Nessie." Jake said. I took my finger and put it in my cake icing, wiping it on Jake's nose. I laughed at the face he made and walked off.
I noticed Renée and Phil was sitting at the dinning room table with Esme and Momma. Carlisle and Daddy were standing behind them. I decided to join in on the conversation and sat down with them. My faithful wolf sat next to me.
"Do you two always stay together?" Phil asked, joking.
"She's stuck with me, so yeah, pretty much." Jacob answered, smiling down at me.
"You could be less aggravating." Momma mumbled loudly, making a dig to Jacob's good mood.
"And where's the fun at that?" he smirked. I just rolled my eyes.
They talked while I ate. I was so tired and everybody noticed. Well, everybody that knew what happen. They wanted me and Rachel to go lay down and get some rest. Jacob didn't make me, so he let me lay my head on his shoulder while he took my hand and started swirling my bracelet around my wrist. Him and Phil started talking about cars which sparked Embry's interest in the conversation.
"Do you have any baby names picked out?" Renée asked. It seemed like the whole room had gone quiet, listening if they could get the same answer everybody else wanted.
I looked at Jacob to hide my blushing. If he was ready to tell them then I would be too. "We've got some, but they'll be a surprise." I said.
"Why?" Abby whined.
"Because we're that cruel." my Jacob said.
"We still have to get the nursery ready. Don't you think we kind of need to know." Alice pleaded. I don't see why they wanted to know when they probably already knew. Same thing with the pack. You can't keep a secret in a family this big.
I felt Jacob tense. He begged my family to stay until the twins were born for his sake. He already knew that they had to move back shortly after the babies were born. While I wanted to go with them, Jacob wanted to stay. It was already hard for him to juggle me, the pack, and the tribe. Especially since he lived in Forks. I kind of thought that we could move to La Push after Sage and Grace were born to help him out. I had no clue how he was going to handle all that and being a father. Adding along to being a college student; all his jobs were full time but he handles them all. It worried me how much he would push himself to fit all those things. Would he push himself to the max limit?
"Please!" Claire started to beg, coming to sit in Jake's lap. Kierra did the same to mine, but I had to hold onto her. I already felt like I was fat and this made it worse.
Everybody picked up on the chant. Even one year old Channing caught onto the word. I was about to say something when Kaleb walked into the room with Megan on his arm. Everybody was quiet while Abby and Karli gasped. Why would he come? Why would he bring her? Is he out to just hurt me? To make me want to hurt my mate?
Grace moved; and despite telling myself not to show a smiled, it cracked across my face. He shared the same one which earned the both of us a glare from Megan.
"Nessie, I see you've let yourself go since graduation." she smirked.
Jacob's hand wrapped tightly around my wrist so he wouldn't have a relapse of Jared and Kim's wedding. I rubbed my thumb across his hand, showing a gesture of calming him down, and smiled a fake small at the witch who tortured my high school years. "I guess you can say getting pregnant with twins by accident is letting yourself go. But hey, things happen."
Kaleb stirred uncomfortably and got the conversation off of the twins. "So…why was everybody begging?"
That made Jacob snap. "What are you doing here?" I put my hand on his chest to calm him.
Kaleb took a step back, showing that he didn't mean for a fight. "I just want to enjoy Christmas with my friends and family. No fights." he said. I believed him.
Jacob swallowed hard. He kept repeating a certain mantra in his head. "You have Nessie, humans, and kids here. Kill him later."
"I'm glad you came." A projection slipped out from underneath my grasp without me realizing it.
"Wouldn't miss it." he thought back, ignoring the fact that I wasn't planning on projecting him anything.
"Do you really want to know the baby names? You can't wait till March?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
They all said yes and I hesitated for dramatic affects. I looked to see how my Jacob was doing. I got my answer when all he did was shoot daggers at Kaleb.
"Don't do this." I begged him. Jacob took a deep breath and sat up straighter. He cleared his throat and kissed my temple.
"You do it." he thought to me. "If I say it, I might say something else that won't be pretty."
I looked at the room. They wanted to know. Well, most of them anyway. "We're going with Sage Edward and Grace Isabelle Black." I said.
The room erupted into cheers. Momma and Daddy smiled at me. It was kind of exciting for them. One, they just found out about their grandchildren's names would be. Two, because they are the namesakes too. Even Billy smiled when he heard his granddaughter's name. Grace. I was happy to know that I was able to put not only one grandma in her name but two. I'm glad that Jacob picked out Sage because he would need to be wise to live with this crazy family.
"I win!" Quil shouted, making me jump.
"For what?" I asked. I had a feeling I wouldn't like what I was about to hear.
"We kind of made a bet if the names were going to be a mouthful or not." Embry said, rubbing the back of his neck and knowing I wasn't going to like what he said next.
"You betted on my babies?" I asked angrily.
"Me and pretty much everybody else! I mean Jake even chipped in!" Embry said in his defense.
I forced down a growl at him and glared at Jacob. "That didn't even make it fair!"
"Technically, it kinda was. Since your two favorite uncles and your baby daddy knows you the best." Emmett said with a smirk, knowing that using that word would get under Jake's skin.
"So who all do you have to pay back." I asked Embry.
This time, Jacob started laughing. It caught me by surprise since he was in that mood where he wanted to kill Kaleb. "Just about everybody that knows you."
"Thank God Karli doesn't love me for money." Embry joked, pulling Karli closer to him.
After the announcement we all went back to mingling. I realized that I needed to get out of here. The room was getting crowded, the smell was getting worse, the wolves and my family were getting tenser and tenser, and I couldn't handle Megan's mouth one more second!
I slipped outside after letting Momma know that I was going to take a short walk. She didn't like the idea of me being by myself but I did it anyway without her approval. I guess I'm getting back to my old teenage ways. Funny, though, since I was close to becoming a mother.
I walked into the woods, breathing in the crisp winter air. The snow and the woods smelt wonderful mixed in together. I went ahead and took off my shoes and let the snow squish between my toes. My breath was visible but I didn't care. It was cold but I was perfectly fine.
I laid down on the ground, feeling the snow melt when my heat touched it. "Merry Christmas, my angels." I whispered to my belly. My hand grazed over my stomach and I felt them move. I couldn't help but laugh. I was so tired that I could fall asleep right here and now.
I decided to do something I only have did once, and that was because it was so draining. I wanted to read Sage and Grace's mind. I know with how weak we were it would be hard but I wanted to try.
I pressed my hands on my stomach, focusing all my energy on them. I closed my eyes and finally heard them. It was just images-like I do when I'm projecting instead of showing. I smiled slightly when I saw their pictures so I pressed harder. They like hearing my voice. They liked hearing Jacob's voice. Grace loved when Kaleb was around.
Super…
"Nessie?" I heard Kaleb's voice ask and my focus snapped.
I gasped for breath, now exhausted. "Yeah?" I answered as I rose up to a sitting position. Kaleb came over and sat down in front of me.
"What are you doing?"
"I needed fresh air."
"Shouldn't you be inside though?"
"Shouldn't you be trying to tell me to choose you and hate Jacob?"
Kaleb laughed. "Gave up." was all he mumbled.
I smiled, revealing my white, razor sharp teeth. "Good." I said, taking his hand. He immediately tensed up. "That means we can be friends again."
"I can't guarantee that but I'll try." I could tell he was uncomfortable but he ignored it. He seemed to be better at it than even Jake was. That was a huge shock.
I was too tired to show him anything (like words and all that good stuff) so I projected him walking in with Megan. How she was holding her head up high as she was hanging off his arm. How I was shocked and Jake was angry. I wondered when he started dating her.
"About a few days ago." he answered. "S'not something to be worried about right now-us eloping or anything. We're saving that spotlight for you and Jake." If only he would accept my proposal, we would be married right now.
It hit me then that he was really going to imprint on Grace. My beautiful daughter would be claimed before she even knew what love was. That's why nothing has happen yet with Megan and Kaleb. Because of my Grace Isabelle.
"Kabe…" I breathed. My eyes wanted to droop. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake.
"Ness? Do you need to go back?" Kaleb asked worried.
"No." I had to tell him before it all slipped away. "I know the reason why you love me. Why even when you avoid me you still come back around."
"What? Nessie, you're speaking out of your mind. I'm-"
"Just hear me out!" I shouted. "Call my crazy if you want too but you…I think you're going to imprint on Grace."
Kaleb let go of my hand and scooted away from me. "You mean…your daughter? Jake's daughter! Yeah! I'm going to call you crazy! Because it is!"
Kaleb got up and I scrambled after him. I projected how Jake felt to Momma. How he was with her all throughout her pregnancy because he couldn't leave. He couldn't stay away. Everything was complete when he was near. It felt complete now with Kaleb with me. Even when he was running away from me.
He stopped short and spun to look at me. He looked like he was being slapped in the face but he came back. He breathed heavy, his hands shook. He looked at my stomach. I had no clue if it was shock or was he glaring at it.
"Do you see what I mean?" I asked. Kaleb was shaking even worse but nodded. I took a few steps towards him but he staggered back, falling down in the snow. I stayed frozen when he growled.
"You're okay? With it I mean?" he choked out. Grace was happy. I projected to him how she loved having him near her. It made me feel what she was feeling She had no clue what he was but she just like having him around. Sage could care less.
"Do I have a choice?"
"Yes! Everybody does but me and your daughter! The one I love-that I'll spend the rest of my life with-is already picked out for me! I can't deny it and neither can she! I can't give her the life you and Jake want for her to have! Jake would kill me! And-and what happen between me and you…I mean, she's not even born yet!" Kaleb screamed. Tears fell down his face as he sat up, looking at me. "Does Jake know?"
Before I could say anything I heard a voice that made me jump. "I do now." Jacob said, coming up to us. His face showed no emotion but his thoughts were raging with betrayal, anger, and hurt. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm so stupid!
"Jake, I had no clue-" Kaleb said but Jacob cut him off.
"Show me." Jake commanded to me. I jumped and nodded, projecting the same thing I did with Kaleb. I even showed what his daughter's thoughts were. I thought he would be happy at least about that but he looked the complete opposite.
"No. No! Over my dead body will he imprint on my daughter! Don't we get a say in who she falls in love with?!" Jake shouted, getting close to the state Kaleb was in.
"Did Momma and Daddy?" I mumbled.
"That's different! I was Bella's best friend! This is completely different!"
"Maybe but I know you loved Momma too. Momma loved you back! Whenever she was pregnant was whenever my feelings started coming out! Same plot different story." I said.
"But that's my daughter he is going to hurt. She doesn't have a choice. She's already been claimed before she can even know what love is! I didn't want neither of them to be imprinted on! I don't want them to make the mistakes we make! No…I won't allow it!" I don't know what's the worst part for Jacob. His daughter won't have a choice in the most important decision in her life, Kaleb being the one to do the imprinting, or me hiding it from him and not telling him first.
"Jake, I didn't know. Nessie just told me-"
"Leave." Jake growled.
"No. Nessie's my friend and obviously I'm in this too." Kaleb said with determination. He's brave. A lot braver than I am at the moment.
"Watch it." Jake snapped. Both glared at each other and I got in the middle. They cannot fight. Not now. Not over me. Not over Grace. Not over anybody.
"Both of you stop it! You're brothers! You're in a pack! Don't do this! Don't fight!" I begged, tears falling down my face. "I could be wrong, and if this is what's going to happen I don't want it too. If all that's what you're going to do then I hope it never happens."
I looked at my two wolves. This wasn't going to be an argument over who was going to be the main man in my daughter's life. I wanted her to a choice in her life because that's what it was. If she wanted an imprinter than that was fine. If she didn't then it would be wonderful. I don't even want to think about Sage and Grace falling in love. Even when they weren't here yet, I still wanted them to be young.
"I hope so too." Kaleb whispered then took off.
As I watched him go I realized it was hurting and painful. Grace moved again. I wanted to shout to come back. No. I love Jacob. He was my mate. He was the father of my babies. I was his soul mate. I can't want Kaleb. I don't want Kaleb. It was simple as that.
I turned to look at my Jacob after he made a noise to let me know he was still here. "Jake-"
"When were you going to tell me?" he asked. I winced at the sound of his voice. I could clearly tell that I hurt him. I could feel it.
"Soon." I choked out.
"Don't you think I deserved to know before you just blurted it to somebody else?
Jake snapped. I could only nod to avoid the hurt in his eyes.
"How long have you known?"
"For a few months."
"And you couldn't trust me?"
Jacob was right even when I wanted to argue that he wasn't. I should have trusted him because he would be the only one who would listen to me. He would act like he thought I was right.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I should have told you. I was afraid-"
"That's no excuse though! You need to tell me things like this! That's one of the many reasons why I don't want to marry you! Why do you feel like you can't trust me?"
I couldn't help it. I tried to stand back but I needed him. I needed my safety blanket. So I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head in his chest. I expected him to wrap his arms around me too but he didn't. I was afraid he would leave me. Despite how stupid it sounded, I was afraid of him.
"I'm so sorry." I cried. "It was so stupid! I should have told you! I thought you would laugh in my face. I wanted to make sure I was right!"
"That still doesn't give me my answer."
I didn't come out with an answer because I didn't have one and I didn't want to lie to him. Maybe it's because I was so stupid and he was so amazing.
"Nessie?"
"Yes?"
"Do you really think Kaleb's going to imprint on Gracie?" he asked.
Jacob was desperately wanting me to say no but I couldn't. Part of me hoped I was wrong. I wanted my children to choose who they loved. Their parents didn't get the chance to choose who they wanted to love. We hoped our kids would at least have that. A choice. I was fine with them phasing. The more like Jacob they are, the happier I was. Less vampire blood running through their veins would protect them. At least I hoped it would.
"I don't know." was all I could figure out. Some would say I was only doing this just to cover up my mistakes. Some would believe me. Kaleb thought I was crazy. Maybe Jake thought the same thing. Maybe everybody was right. I was crazy.
"I don't want you to be right. I want my twins to have choices. I don't want them to be bound to a prison." Jacob told me, finally wrapping his arms around me.
"It's not like their going to fall in love the minute their born." I laughed, hoping he would see my joke. He did but never bothered to laugh.
"It's not just that." he said.
I knew what he meant even when he didn't say more than just that. I understand what he was trying to say. I felt it. I betrayed him with Kaleb. He doesn't want Kaleb around all the time. He doesn't want Grace to be bound to her mother's betrayal. I wasn't happy with Jacob loving my mother so I can only imagine how Grace would feel if she found out about our story. Even Sage would flip out. It would be so hard to explain that to them even when they were older. Like…a lot older.
"I know."
"How would you know when I haven't even told you?"
I let out a painful laugh. Here we are in a tense moment and he can make me laugh. "I know you." I flirted, poking his chest. Jacob tried not to smile but I could see the edges of his mouth pick up. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I should have told you even when I was trying to figure it out. I trust you, my Jacob. I…I don't think things through; and I knew you wouldn't react well. I trust you with my life."
Jacob could have kissed me. It would be so romantic if he did. A kiss in the snow-only it was melting when it touched us. It's been a year since my attack. Now I was pregnant. Funny how things can change so quick.
My Jacob smiled at me and kissed my forehead. It was obvious Jacob was still upset but he chose not to press it any further. It could be that he didn't he didn't want to end Christmas with us arguing. I was fine with it. I didn't want to fight tonight. Or any night but I knew we couldn't get that lucky.
"You know, it's been a year since I was attacked." I said as we stood in each other's arms.
"I was dreaming about your funeral right about now." Jacob said. Romantic, right?"
"And I was wanting to die. Funny how things work out, huh?"
"Yeah. We're both alive and several are dead. Scarlet's dead. Hailey's dead. Marcello's dead. Aspen's dead. Akken's with the Volturi. My mother's dead. Charlie's dead. Rebecca's dead. Joe's dead. Isaiah's dead. Why is everybody dead? I'm sick of death!"
Jacob really wanted to know why everybody we've cared about has died. I wished I could give him the answer but I didn't know myself. I personally wanted to know why so many people died at our hands.
I huffed. "Sometimes we just have to accept the things we can't explain."
I rubbed my stomach when I felt the twins move. This was an example. I couldn't explain if I was going to live or die when I didn't know. I didn't know if Sage and Grace would live, were normal, or would be a danger. I just have to accept that they were coming and I would love them no matter what they were.
I felt like I was in one of those dreams where it's the best dream of your life but you know you'll eventually have a nightmare. I had the perfect life-a dream. Amazing family, good friends, the most amazing guy that loves me, two amazing angels, but eventually it'll all be ripped away. I had a feeling that this would happen sooner than we've expected.
"Is it okay to say that my life is good but I don't feel safe in it?" my Jake asked.
I pressed closer to him. "I feel safe. I feel home." I did. Jacob was my home.
"I love you." he whispered. 'Bout time for a freaking romantic moment.
"More than your own life?"
"I love you, Gracie, and Sage more than my own life." Jake smiled and bent down to kiss my lips lightly. Again. It's about time!
We walked back to the party hand in hand. Jacob needed to phase but he said that he wanted to spend a few more hours with me. For once I didn't mind. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted him to stay. We would figure out what all laid ahead for us-including Kaleb and Grace. I just hope Jacob wouldn't do anything drastic until we figured out if I was actually right or not.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
I laid there that night listening to Jacob sleep. I decided to stay awake just to make sure he slept without any nightmares. Plus when your six months pregnant and have a gigantic stomach, you get uncomfortable. And I also had one baby that loved to keep me up. Shockingly, both were asleep like their daddy. Guess the three of them were wore out. I wanted to sleep but I just couldn't. I was wide awake.
I loved watching my Jacob sleep. He was so innocent that I couldn't look away for a single second. It was amazing how he had all these responsibilities but when he slept he was just Jacob. He's been so worried about being Chief, Alpha, boyfriend/baby daddy, and soon to be father. I could understand why he felt like he was being pulled into so many directions. He worried he put tear and be useless. He just wanted one moment to relax and sleeping was all he could get.
He slept so close to me. I guess all these weeks of sleeping off and on caught up with him. I was worried about his dreams. It's not like him to have nightmares that bad where he moans and shouts in his sleep. Could this mean something?
I pushed my worries away. I couldn't think that something will happen. We would be okay. My family, friends, my daughter and son, my Jacob. They would be safe. If I could make that happen then I would be okay if I died. I never realized until now that everything I have I could loose. When I left, I lost everything because I focused on one thing. One stupid unimportant thing.
I ran my hands through his beautiful hair. I ran my hands down to trace the lines of his face. He was so beautiful. He was mine. Sometimes I wish Jacob weren't as close as we are now just because I could hurt him. Everything depended on my choice of living or not. Jacob, me, Sage, and Grace were connected. I was Jacob's soul mate. If I die then he does too. Sage and Grace had some chance, but they would be left as orphans. I don't want that to happen. Yes. I had so much to live for. I had so much to fight for.
As I laid next to my love I understood how it would be for one of us if the other died. I knew if I went Jacob would give up. He might blame the twins maybe. He'll beg somebody to kill him. He said he couldn't loose me anymore. It never hit me until now that this could happen. Nobody would win. I can die giving birth and everybody would loose me. I understood why Jake was aggravated with me. I didn't see the possibility of this ending badly where that was all he could see. He swore I was his first priority. He now beating himself up because he's not forcing me to get rid of them.
I moved so that I was half way on top of him and bent down to kiss the spot on his bare chest where his heart was beating. I laid my ear over it and absently ran random circles on another spot. He never woke. He was dead to the world. So I let my mind wonder. I had no clue why Jacob wanted to put off about the whole Kaleb imprinting deal. He hated it. Kaleb hated it. I…understood. I was imprinted on and I turned out horrible. Grace was going to be better than me. Sage would be too. I don't want my children to make the mistakes I made. I want them to make normal mistakes. Like sneaking out and going to parties, giving us panic attacks when they come home early hours in the morning, get caught making out behind a school building…okay thinking about it I don't want them to make mistakes. At all.
But deep down I know Kaleb is going to imprint. I'm not happy about it but I couldn't stop it. Jacob was bound to try. I know it. Kaleb would attempt but he couldn't stay away forever. It would happen out of the blue.
Jacob sighed, wrapping his arm around me. At first I thought he was going to wake up but he only moved his head and went back to snoring. I smiled. He was so cute when he slept.
So many things were swarming around in my head. My brain was probably trying to do this just to keep me awake. First it was because of my little ninjas, now it was me. What's new? I'm worried about my babies, my family, my friends, the Volturi, Finn, Jacob and Kaleb! Can't I have our peaceful moment be now? Where I can be in Jacob's arms and we can sleep?
Jacob stirred and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, looking off, before turning to look at me. I was still on top of him so he only tightened his hold on me. He smiled in a half asleep state. I ran my hands through his hair and smiled back. He was too cute when he was half asleep. "Another dream?" I asked.
"How could I have one when I have my angel watching over me." he mumbled. I rolled my eyes but got off him, wincing in pain.
"I couldn't sleep." I showed him.
"The babies-"
I shook my head and projected how they were not the ones keeping me up. It was my own self. My brain was a Olympic marathon runner. I was thinking so much that it pushed my exhaustion away. Jacob. Kaleb. Sage. Grace. Me. My family. They were all battling out the spotlight on what I thought about more. It was driving me to insanity.
"You know, I can always give you a distraction." Jake thought, not able to speak due to his constant yawning. Not with that he's not.
I laughed and sat up, leaning against the bed frame. I grabbed my book and opened it up to where I left off. "I think I'll stick to reading."
"Fine. Stick with your boring book." Jacob grumbled and turned his back to me. I could only laugh. "Probably likes that stupid idiot who kills himself because he thinks his wife's dead more than she loves me."
I slapped Jacob with my book. He turned his head to give me his mischievous grin I loved so much. He had something up his sleeve. "I picture that stupid idiot as you!" I said.
Jacob turned and laid against me. He used an arm to hold his weight so he wouldn't crash on top of my stomach. His put his chin on my stomach lightly, still having that same grin on his face.
"How can I be the great Romeo?" he asked.
I took a few minutes to try and calm my pounding heart. "Because Romeo would rather die than be without Juliet-even if she really died." I pointed out. Jacob took the book out of my hands and threw it across the bed. He was tense and gritted his teeth. He was trying to ignore the itch there always was when he was around me.
"But I could picture you believing I was dead and go ahead and do the job. You are the daughter of Bella and Edward." I was. I thought Jacob was dead. He was. Maybe not to others but to me he was. I didn't bother asking how Jacob came back. I already planned out my suicide mission. Maybe I was Romeo after all.
"But Romeo loved Rosaline before he saw Juliet." was I said instead.
"Okay. Same story different plot." he smiled which made me nod and swallow back tears. He had to bring that up? I was already worried about Jacob and I, now I have to worry about that. Just my luck!
I put my hand on Jake's cheek but he shied away from it. I looked away to hide my hurt. "What are we going to do? Jacob, what if I'm right about this?" I showed him.
Jacob growled and shook his head. "It's not going to happen?" he said.
I looked at him. He could be saying it just as a argument but I didn't think so. What was he going to do?
I saw exactly what he was going to do and shook my head quickly. "You won't! You can't!" I shouted, shaking my head.
"It's the only way."
"By telling-No. Wait. Ordering Kaleb to stay away from me? That's not right! You said that you won't take away their will to choose! You've never tried to stop an imprint. How would you feel if Daddy stopped ours. Do you know how painfully it's going to be for him to stay away? Kaleb's heart is going to want to go one way and your gag order is going to force him to go another!"
I was so angry that I didn't realize that his lips were on mine. I tried to pull away but he was pulling me closer. Eventually he pulled away and rested his head on mine. His thoughts were battling over if I was right or not. Not only because of Kaleb but because he could also take charge over who I talked too. He didn't want to control my actions.
"Show me what the twins are thinking." Jacob asked. I hesitated but did it any way.
It was hard battling to read the babies thoughts and show Jacob. I hoped it would be easier after they were born. It was hard to focus on someone who isn't here, especially since they're inside you. Reading minds and projecting together is already hard enough, so imagine how hard it is to do that and read my twins mind.
I breathed hard as I finished. If I wasn't tired before, I definitely was now. I closed my eyes but felt Jacob put his hand on my stomach. "They likes hearing your voice, especially when you sing to them." Jacob muttered. "They like when I talk to them, and…Grace likes having Kaleb around."
"Isn't liking us a good thing?" I mumbled, completely non aware of Jacob growling when he found out that Grace liked having Kaleb around.
I closed my eyes as I listened to Jacob talk to Sage and Grace. I smiled when I felt them move as if they understood exactly understanding what he was saying. He's always said that I was first. Now he feels like he's letting me down by letting me keep them. Like he could do anything. I was having these babies whether he "approved" or not.
I was almost asleep when I heard Jacob telling the babies about their crazy their aunts and uncles were. How bad their vampire family stinks. He talked about how much he loved their mommy and how much we loved them. I finally drifted off as Jacob started to speak Quileute to them.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
My eyes fluttered open when the sun shone in my eyes. I felt that Jacob wasn't here. I should have known that. He's never here when I need him.
I swung my legs over the bed and got up way to quickly. Instead of sitting back down and getting my balance back, I walked down the hall unsteadily. I put a hand on the wall to keep myself from falling.
As I made it to the living room, my vision conglomerated. The vampire smell hit me before I could blink several times to get my vision back. I think I overdid it yesterday.
I leaned against the wall with a thud. I felt a baby move and then the other one. Boy were they awake. But right now all I wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and sleep.
"Renesmee?" Grandpa asked. The closer she came to me, the worse I got.
"Got up too quick." I showed her. My vision finally came back and I could clearly see her worried look.
Grandma shook her head and took my hand, leading me back to the bedroom. "More like you overdid it when we warned you not too." she said.
I ignored the dig. "Where's Jacob?" I asked.
As we made it to the bedroom, I willingly slipped down into the covers. "Where's Jacob?" I demanded.
"Finn came back again." was all my grandmother was going to say.
I panicked. Is that all that happened? "Can I at least go to the main house and wait for Jacob? What about Rachel? And Renée?"
"Shhhh…it's okay. Rosalie took Renéeand Phil to the airport before they suspected anything. You're mother wanted to be with youbut the others would need her shield. Leah is with Rachel." Emse answered. She put her hand softly on my stomach. I fought the urge to move away from her touch. Her smell was bad enough.
"Can I at least go to the main house?" I begged. I had no clue what Fin was doing back, but I wanted Jacob too.
"Maybe. After you get something to eat and more rest. You don't need-"
"I don't need to be around stress. Everybody's filled me up on that so I got it." I groaned.
"I'll go fix you something to eat. Do you think you'll be able to keep it down?" Grandma asked with a smile but I could clearly see the worry behind it.
"You're asking me if I'm saying no to food? Even if I couldn't I would still try." I laughed, trying to erase away some worry.
Esme laughed even when my joking wasn't helping. "That's our worry. You don't need to get any weaker." she got up and walked out the room.
I settled deeper in the covers, missing Jacob. He needed to be out there, but it also scared me. What if he got hurt again? Why did Finn come back? Why is Ian and Alexander allowing this? Is this karma?
Thirty minutes later I heard two heartbeats come down the hall followed by my grandmother. I saw Rachel holding William on her hip and sat up straighter. Grandma came in with a tray full with a healthy breakfast.
"Don't give me that look, Renesmee Cullen. You need your strength back." Grandma said, seeing my look.
I rolled my eyes but ate anyway. I took a sip of tea that Rachel said would help with the nausea. I asked Rachel was she was doing here and she said that Will wanted to have breakfast with his aunt Nessie. Eventually she took a plate and ate herself. She let me feed Will, and he was now playing against my stomach. Guess the three of us can relax together.
"Rach? Do you think their okay?" I asked, sipping on my tea. I just wish it would calm my nerves.
"I hope so." she whispered, smiling at her son who was holding my finger. "Esme said Finn was back."
I nodded. "I know I deserve a lot of things from a lot of people, but I know I don't deserve anything from him." I said. Rachel took my hand and gave me a small smile. "He scared me to death when he threw you against the car. I swore I thought you were dead. Paul would kill me."
A tear slipped down her cheek, "I never thought I would turn from big city college life to stay at home mom who's husband fights vampires." she laughed, brushing away the tears. "It kills me, Ness, to see him so torn. I'm so terrified that somebody's going to come get me and say that Paul was bit. Jake was bad enough."
I moved Will so I could hug his mom. It was something we were all worried about. Just now if something happen to my Jacob, I had to raise his two by myself. It would be painful and hard to move on. There wouldn't be another to replace him.
"Are you satisfied with the names?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.
"I loved them." she answered. Will was now playing with my locket and I trailed my finger against his arm.
"I'm glad you're mom's in this too." I showed her. Both loved it that I used Sarah's middle name. She told me Rebecca was off dibs.
My face fell when I went back on what happened after the announcement. Rachel asked what was wrong but I wouldn't answer so she shouted for Esme. She came rushing in, worried.
"I'm fine." I said. "Just thinking over something."
I decided not tell Rachel. Even though she forgave me she still wasn't over me hurting her little brother. I didn't want to ruin what we've built up again. So with one look at my grandmother, I shrugged and said it was just something stupid. Rachel went along with it but I don't think she believed me.
"You know, I think it's my turn to take you shopping. Not just Alice should have the opportunity." she laughed.
I rolled my eyes. I'm so done with shopping. "We haven't even talked about the nursery." I said.
"You've only got a few more months." Rachel warned. "Don't wait till the last minute like Paul and I did."
It hit me that we did only have a few more months left. And we weren't even ready. We haven't made plans where we were going to live. Sage and Grace have plenty of clothes and other stuff, but Jake and I haven't gotten them anything. No cribs, no nothing! That makes me even wonder how good of parents we'll be.
I took a deep breath. "I know, I know. Jacob and I have a lot to figure out." I tried to joke to calm me down a little.
Jacob was wanting to go to college. He's going over being scared and tell us. With him taking over the tribe business, it might be best if we move to the reservation. It was wearing him down with him living outside of Forks and going back and forth. Not physically but I knew it was killing him mentally to be away from me. It made me realize that, yeah, we're together, we've broken up, but even getting back together, we would figure out where we stand.
I felt my night owl finally wake up along with the other twin. I grabbed Rachel's hands and put them on my stomach so she could feel both of them. "Do you feel your niece and nephew?" I asked.
Rachel laughed. "I do." she smiled.
I bit my lip. I was going to be a mother and I wasn't even prepared. I could die and I would be okay with it. I just hoped that my Jacob would try and hold on for his children like I would if I lost him.
They say good things must come to an end. I have a feeling mine are quickly fading away and I clung to them like a child clinging to his blanket. I knew pretty soon all would be taken away from me…
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
I woke up to warm hands on my cheeks and a kiss to the forehead. I heard Rachel moan. I didn't even realize we had fallen asleep.
The first thing I smelt was vampire and I shot up, stumbling to the bathroom. I collapsed in front of the toilet and threw up, still half asleep. I swayed to one side and felt hands catch me and rubbed my back. The smell followed me which made me throw up again.
"Don't you think that being in the same room as her is making her sick?" I heard a voice snap. I was still asleep to not know who it was.
"She's my daughter." another voice snapped back.
I fell against a warn chest, not really woken up yet. I couldn't really. I was too tired. My dream scared me and hearing a baby cry was making it worse. I could feel the cold hands touch my face and the warm body hunch around me.
"She's been sick all day?" I heard my father ask.
"She was when she woke up this morning. It's been off and on." I heard my grandmother answer for me.
"All we did was talk and play with Will. She hasn't moved out of bed all day." Rachel said.
All I wanted to do was curl up against Jacob's warm, bare chest and go back to sleep. Just something pulled at my heart not too. Jacob.
"Jake…" I mumbled, feeling around for him. I couldn't open my eyes no matter what I did..
"I'm right here." he soothed, rubbing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Paul, tell Sam I'm not coming back."
Coming back? What did he mean? What happen?
"Jake, you need to be out there." Momma said.
"I'm also needed here." Jacob stated. "She's more important."
"And a pack member being bitten isn't? You understand the most what he's going through."
"Who's side are you on?"
What's going on? What happen? Who was bitten? Why can't I move my lips to ask? Or at least have enough energy to project.
"Should we call Carlisle? Why isn't she waking up? Nessie? Can you hear me?" I heard Jake's frantic voice say.
I forced my eyes to stay open and looked around. I still felt sleepy and sick. I could see my parents worried face. Alice, Rosalie and Emmett's. Rachel and Paul's. We were all crowded into the same room with a mixture of vampire, werewolf, worry, and agony. It was suffocating; but I had to find one face out of many. My Jacob.
I looked up at him. His eyes looked haunted, his features tired. Jacob's russet skin was pale, like he was sick or something. I hadn't seen him this pale since he was bit. His was more traumatized than near death.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
Jacob looked at me with his mouth slightly open, looking around the room. If I wasn't so tired, I would read his mind to get my answers.
Jacob picked me up and took me to the bedroom, laying me back down in the bed. He bent down to give me a good-bye kiss. I grabbed his arm before he could get up and glared at him. "What going on!" I demanded.
"You're making this so difficult." he thought.
"Why?" I had a feeling there was going to be more than one answer.
Everybody walked out the room-which I was silently thankful for-and left it just between me and Jake. I know they could hear us but it was still the fact that we had privacy.
I clumsily got in Jacob's lap. He was sitting on the side of the bed and I still had a room even with my stomach. Jacob tensed up but held me tight. Tighter than usual. Not the squeezing pain, but the type when he's scared and just won't admit it. The kind where all he needs right now is me.
I knew to start off with things light but I was in no mood to beat around the bush. I know that somebody got bit but I was too tired to read his mind to get my answer. "Who got bit?" I asked.
Jacob hesitated and gripped me tighter. "Kaleb." he whispered.
I went numb. Kaleb? Bit? Was he dead or alive? What happen to him? What did Finn do? Was Jacob okay?
I didn't want to shed tears but they fell down. Jacob was almost gone when I got to him. I fought to be with him. He died but fought back to stay with me. Grandpa and Daddy saw how much I needed him and made his heart beat again. Jacob saw the need to stay alive. All these memories came flooding back to me, making me upset. Add on the risk of Finn, Jacob possibly hurt, my crazy hormones, and trying to fight back tears.
"Is he okay?"
"A lot better than I was. Carlisle was able to get to him before the venom went anywhere." Jake said. That only made it worse.
"How?"
"With me, my bite mark was already healed. When I was fighting to be with you, it made my heart rate speed up and my blood pump faster. With Kaleb, Carlisle was able to get to him. No blood being pumped quick means no venom moving fast." he said.
"So he's okay?"
Jake nodded, subconsciously putting a hand on my stomach. I felt a baby move exactly where his hand was. "I guess so. The venom didn't go anywhere with him. Guess he learned from experience." Jacob talked as if he was far from the real world.
"Why to you look so…" I trailed, not knowing what to say.
"You even seen a traumatized wolf?"
"No."
"Well you're looking at one. Carlisle said it's how the venom messed up my brain. It kind of makes me feel like I'm insane or something."
HE ACTS LIKE THIS IS NOTHING!
"Finn?"
My Jacob swallowed hard. "Ness, I had to kill him. He threatened us, you, and then with Kaleb…"
I nodded. I could understand why. Jacob had so many to protect and he couldn't spare something dangerous to happen.
I looked down at my stomach. My babies. They weren't coming into the safe world like Jacob and I hoped for them to have. My personal opinion, I think they coming right into the heat of everything and I couldn't do anything about it except protect them with my life. Not even that would help!
Jacob had more to say so I let him. He put his chin on top of my head and brought me closer to him. "Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing."
"About…
"Being Alpha. I mean, Ness, I knew what Kaleb went through! I froze when he could have died! I could have waited long enough and he might have even been worse than me."
I made Jake look at me. "You're a great leader." I reassured.
"You should have seen him, Nessie! He begged for me to forgive him! About betraying me, for loving you, for…maybe imprinting on my daughter. Please tell me you're wrong about that! He doesn't want it. Me and you don't. Doesn't that mean something? None of want that to be thrown back in our faces; and how are we going to explain it to the twins when their older?!" I could hear the pleading in Jacob's voice. His thoughts replayed everything vividly. After Grandpa got the venom out, Kaleb still thought he was going to die. He begged Jake for forgiveness. Jacob doesn't know if he was ready to forgive Kaleb or not. He doubted the fact of forgiving me, which made me loose my grip on almost not sobbing.
I wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear but he spoke before I even could open my mouth. "Makes me wonder what decisions I'll make for my children. I don't want them to phase and be bound to a prison. I hope that the one quarter vampire is enough to stop him.
Jacob doubted us like I did, making me loose my strong face. I broke down, feeling guilty that I crying. He may think I'm crying over Kaleb. I hate crying. It's all I seem to do and it was driving me crazy.
I projected to Jacob how much I loved him, how much I was sorry, how he was going to be an amazing father, how he was an amazing leader. I felt guilty for the crying when he needed me more. I think this is why everybody wants me away from the stress because they know I can't handle it well.
"It's okay for you to cry, honey." Jacob gripped me tighter, rubbing small circles in my back which relaxed me some.
"You're so confusing." I breathed as a wave of sickness came over me. I think Jacob noticed it too because he started rubbing my back.
After a while, I got up and went to the closet to get dressed. Jacob needed to be back out there and I at least wanted to see if Kaleb was okay. If I can't just prove to Jacob that I was strong enough to go.
"Ness? What are you doing?" Jacob asked as I started going through what to wear.
"Getting dressed." I answered as if it was obvious. "I'm sure you don't want me to walk around in front of Kaleb in a short nightgown."
I started to get light headed and my stomach hurt. It worried me enough that the thought popped up in my head that maybe I should get somebody to call Grandpa. Jacob saw this and walked up to me, his tall, towering frame standing over me. "I don't see why because I'm not leaving." he stated.
"No."
"Yes."
I projected a strong image of him being out there. All he did was shake his head and rub the bridge of his nose. I felt him get aggravated and I didn't know if it was because he knew he was useless to say no to me or if he was aggravated at me. "I do." he breathed.
"And I'm coming with you!"
"You're not going anywhere except back to that bed." Jake growled, grabbing my arm and yanking me to him.
"I want to go with you." I whispered, loosing my fight. I wanted to be with Jacob. He needed me as much as I needed him.
I knew Jacob was torn like he always was. It killed me that I was going that to him. "You're not. You're tired, we'll want to run and phase as soon as you step into a room. You're physically and mentally not able to do it."
He was right. I was not able to do it. Hate filled inside me. I wanted to push him out the door. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I want to be with you." I pleaded again.
Jacob sucked in a breath and squeezed me tighter. "Why do you make this so hard?"
And that's when I realized something. My relationship with Jacob was not good. Not great. We were straining, barely holding on. I didn't want to settle for that.
I raised up on my toes, waiting for him to kiss me despite the pain I was having. He looked at me with those sad, dark eyes that caused pain in my chest. He's lost me so many times and he was terrified of loosing me again. So while he wavered through his mind over his doubts, I put my hand on his cheek and put my lips on his.
I deepened the kiss and Jacob let me. He's did this a few times I've realized. His hand locked around my waist and his other traveled to my neck to bring our heads together. It was hard imagining a life without my Jacob. I let him go and now I was barely holding on to keep him.
Jacob stopped and pulled away. "Please don't do this." he begged. "I promise that when you feel better and it's safer you can come you can see him. Just take it easy. Please. If you're not going to do it for me then at least do it for them."
Jacob motioned to my stomach, making me place a hand gently on it and nod. I would take it easy. Once I was better I would go see Kaleb. I would make things better with Jacob. We would start getting prepared as parents. Even though I had a few more months to go, I could still have these babies early. I had to get stronger. I'll do anything. I…really need to lay down right now.
I could feel myself sway and I gripped Jacob's arm to keep from falling to the ground. Pain hurt in my stomach and I prayed that it was from the injuries and not something else. It can't be something else. It can't be!
Jacob picked me up and shouted for my parents, laying back down in the bed. Momma and Daddy rushed in as Jacob took a protective seat next to me. "Forget it now. I'm not leaving her." he growled.
My father asked what was wrong and I showed him. He rubbed his head as if he had an extreme headache. "Bella, stay with Nessie while I go call Carlisle." Daddy told my mother then he turned to me. "Do you think you can handle the scent?" he asked me.
I nodded, terrified. I was barely holding on right now. What scared me the most was that Grandpa was being called. All it took was for him to say one word and everybody would turn on my babies. Including Jacob most definitely.
Jacob's hands were shaking as he gripped mine. He swallowed hard like he was choking so I put my hand on his chest to calm him. I turned back to my mother who had a worried look on her face. She's helped me and backed me up until now. Everybody has. My good, wonderful things were always fading away.
"I'm fine. I just overdid it." I reassured her. Momma tried to smile but couldn't. I didn't know if it was because of the shield that one of the babies has or the worry for her daughter. Or it could be that her eyes were as black as coal and my vampire turned sweet pregnant smell was getting to her.
"Why did Finn come back?" I whispered.
"You're half vampire. You should understand once a vampire has his eyes on a prey, he pursues it. He debated on killing you and going to the Volturi." my mother answered with a strained voice.
"Which we don't need." Jake added flatly.
It didn't take long for Grandpa to arrive and all the family filled the room. So that made me actually get on top of my Jacob and burry my head in his chest. He gripped my nightgown and refused to let it go. I could hear a deep growl rumble in his chest and knew he was going into full protector mode.
"Do not touch her." I heard Jacob growl to somebody. Probably Grandpa.
"How do you expect Carlisle to examine her when you don't want nobody touching her?" I heard Rosalie ask Jacob with a little bit of venom in her voice.
"Not when all of you are making her sick." he snapped back, making me jump.
"Well get use to it because we're not going anywhere." I could hear Jasper state. No. I don't want fighting. I'm too tired for that.
"Enough. Arguing isn't going to help Nessie. She needs rest and we're certainly not giving it to her with arguing." my mother hissed.
I could hear my grandfather's footsteps cross over to where I turned my head. I saw him crouch down with a face full of worry. He was going to take away my babies. I didn't need thoughts to prove that.
"You're not touching them." I showed him. "You're not hurting them."
"I just want to check to see if the three of you are okay."
"Promise?"
I could see how innocent I looked in his thoughts. A small smile slipped across his face. A smile where he was seeing my puckered lips, head halfway hiding in Jacob's chest, hair all over the place. It reminded him of when I was little. "I promise." he said.
I let him look at me and my stomach. He sighed when he found out that one of my already broken ribs was cracked. He would have to use a monitor to find out if the babies were okay. He said it would be best if I stayed a few nights in the main house. I groaned but agreed. Grandpa would be able to see if there was anymore dangers when we were in his office. Other than just that, he said I had grown slightly weaker. Rest and nutrition would help so he dared me to do more than walk a few feet. And that was if I had too.
After walking through the door of the big house, Jacob had a tense look. Before I could ask him what was wrong he said, "Why do you keep putting yourself in harms way? What did I do to deserve this? If this is a dream, please have somebody wake me up."
He wasn't angry. He never yelled. His voice never quivered. He didn't grip me tight. His tone was as if he was thinking out loud.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
Jacob rolled his eyes and set me down. "Stop apologizing." he told me. I at least thought it was worth a smile and then a light kiss on the lips but it never happen.
"Marry me then."
"No." this time Jacob snapped as if he was aggravated. "Do you want to know what I wished never happened?"
I shook my head no. Jacob's face showed no emotion and that scared me. "That I never asked you to go your prom and then that night would have never happen."
That was a big slap in the face but nothing compared me for what he said next. "Or better you. I wish I never took you on that date and we would have never gotten together. Or how about I wish I never walked down those stairs and imprinted on you."
Talk about a low blow. Karma sucks.
"You don't mean that."
Jacob put his hand on my cheek. He was about to say something but I cut him off. He meant it wholeheartedly. He didn't love me. He just never had the heart to tell me. This was all a waste. The begging, the kisses, the preparing. Just all one big, gigantic waste of both of our time. I should have known it would have never worked out.
"Don't. You meant it. If you want me to get rid of your kids then just leave because that won't happen. You'll be gone before they will be." I spat with enough venom in my voice. "Or if I'm so much of a bother to you, how about I just give up. Makes since to me."
Jacob took a step back until he hit against the wall and I got right in my face. Thank God my family thought it was best to make a quick hunting trip. I really don't want them to bother my already crumbling as we speak relationship.
Jacob seemed to ignore the fact that I made it known that his twins will be put first before him and caught on to the giving up. "But-but you have everything to fight for. The twins! Why…"
"I have them! You're the one that wishes we never happen. That they never happen! If you want that so bad I can easily get Grandpa to clear that off of your plate. Gotta make things easier for poor Jakey!" I shouted.
Jacob looked like I just slapped him in the face. I regretted it but he hurt me too. I didn't want to settle on us being "okay." But how could we rebuild something that was already crumbling away.
We wanted to touch each other, to at least say I'm sorry, but we didn't. Silence was our conversation. It was our apology. It was our kisses. It was our destruction. We didn't do anything and that was going to kill us. Him, me, Sage, Grace, and Kaleb. That was my worst fear.
I wrapped my arms around me as if I was cold and avoided Jacob's eyes. I run a high body temperature but it felt like I was freezing cold. The silence continued on, our silent words slicing into each other like knives. We wanted to say something but nothing was going to come out. I could say that it was my fault. I could say that it was his. Saying something would be better than the awkward silence that filled the gaps between us. It would have been better than a lie, to shut him out than hear he regretted loving me. It would have been better for us to break the steel cable that bound us together. Jacob could have the successful life he wanted with the hot, sexy, young girl hanging off his arm. He didn't have to be torn between what he wanted to do and what he needed to do. I would…I would have no clue what I would be. I guess just be the washed up baby mama.
Jacob regretted that precious moment between us. He regretted our out of the ordinary love. Our love where no matter what we always try to stay together. Where we cry over each other. Where we give the other way more than we could muster up. Where we abuse it. We were not home unless we were with each other. We weren't living unless we were standing side by side. We were just a lifeless body wondering around until we find each other.
Jacob thought I was going to die. Maybe I was. Seeing him loose faith was making me doubt too. I wanted him to regret it now so it would be easier when I'm gone. Where he wouldn't miss me and the pain wouldn't hurt as much.
I wanted to punch Jacob. To scream at him to leave. Bite him. Make him do anything so the connection would break. I wanted him to shout all those horrible things at me again. He was right. What did he do to deserve this?
I projected to Jacob that he should go check and see how Kaleb was. I wanted him gone because the swallowed back tears were about to flow. I understood why Jake kept saying no to marrying me. We weren't the typical happy love song, white veils, wedding vows, till death do us part type of couple. I loved that about us though. That we would never be normal.
"No." was all Jake said with no hint of emotion.
"Go check on your tribe."
"No." he said again.
"Then go check on your brothers. They're probably as much freaked out as you are."
"No."
"Go clear your head!"
"No!"
"Give me some space!"
"No!"
"THEN GO PLAN MY FREAKING FUNERAL IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME THAT MUCH!" I finally shouted, wincing. The tears collided everything together and I fell against the wall. I saw that Jacob was six inches away from me. Those six inches felt like six miles of horrible, uneven, unpaved roads that anybody would have trouble traveling across.
"DEFINITELY NO!" he shouted back.
"Jacob, just leave." I begged as the stupid tears fell.
"I don't want to leave us like this."
"You should have thought about that before you said anything."
"The only reason I said that was because you're in danger and I let it go on long enough. I don't want me to walk out and this be the last thing that was said between us. Something could happen and I would think it was because of what I said." Because it would be. I was hurt by him but so angry at him. I knew he didn't love me. I just hated the fact that he went as far as to say that he loved my babies.
Jacob put his hand on my wet cheek and I swatted it away. "I refuse to lie to you and say that this is not how I feel. I regret putting your life in danger. I'm your protector and my worst enemy that is stopping me from destroying that danger is you. I don't understand why.
I didn't answer so Jacob kept talking. "I don't want to leave and something happen to-" I suspected him to say you but he didn't, "one of us and you think I regret-"
"But you said you regret imprinting on me." I sobbed. I really hated how he made me feel so vulnerable.
"Because you're in danger. I'd go back and change anything to keep you safe." he told me. "Ness, you need to understand that I'm tired of wondering if you're going to run again, or if you love me or not. Or while I'm kissing you and I picture your lips on Kaleb's. I'm to the point of wondering if we really are soul mates."
Was he leaving me? It sure sounded like it. "If you want to go then just go."
"No-"
"I'm tired of fighting, Jacob! Between you and me! Between everybody! Maybe you're right. Maybe all this was a big mistake." I choked out.
Jacob crouched down in front of me. "Be the girl I fell in love with. Remind me how she use to be. All we're doing is running in circles and I don't want Sage and Grace to be in this."
Sadly, Jacob was right. To him, it felt like circles. To me it felt like a rollercoaster and I was begging to get off. I couldn't because it was just getting started. Jacob wanted us back to where we were before all this. Happy. Young, naïve, and in love. Now we've got to be adults and prepare for two babies that would only complicate things more.
I looked down at my stomach, instantly feeling guilty that I said that. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"What if I got bit again? Carlisle said it would do permanent damage to where I wouldn't be able to take care of you and the twins, or I could die. I don't want you there to suffer from that. Or Sage and Grace." Jacob said, finally showing emotion on his face. So this was what it was all about.
"Don't…" I begged, instantly knowing what he was going to do.
"I need to protect you."
"Don't…"
"I love you." Jacob kissed me on the forehead and got up. He walked to the stairs and hesitated, like leaving wasn't really what he wanted. All I had to do was say good-bye and he would go.
I knew he was just saying I love you out of habit so I decided to do the same thing. Cause pain to him like he did to me. "Come back to me." I rasped.
All Jacob did was smile. "Please." I begged.
I wanted to get up and run to him. I wanted to beg him to stay once he walked down those stairs. Why would he tell me this after six months? We've chosen names. We…we were getting ready to be parents. And he just put a smile on his face and pretended it all. He felt like this when I left him the day we were suppose to get married. I was one month pregnant. I left him like he just left me. Only he smiled at me while I did nothing but yell at him that I didn't want him anymore.
He regretted it. But everything? Does he regret the other precious moments where it was just me and him. The real world never existed. He said he wouldn't regret them if I was safe. When was I ever safe? My whole life I've heave people threatened because of me. That meant that he actually did regret it all. He's paid so much to be with me. I should give up something for him. That meant giving up my babies and I wasn't going to do that. That would be like ripping my heart out. If I didn't have Jacob at least I would have them. I would have somebody that said when they loved me, they actually meant it.
"Renesmee?" I heard my mother ask. I closed my eyes and help my breath to not smell her scent.
I didn't answer her. Only my head was with Jacob. Did he really say he regretted everything? Did he regret me? He growled that he regretted imprinting on me. That had to be something. But it was only because I wasn't safe. What's next?! He'll hop on a plane to God knows where and be gone for two and a half months?!
This was my payback, right? Jacob wasn't leaving me leaving me. He needed to just be out there with his brothers. He needs to check on Kaleb. He'll be back in a few hours, right? Right? He's not leaving me. He only wants to keep me safe. That's it.
I'm loosing it.
"Ness? What's wrong?" my father asked as everybody crouched in front of me.
A pain surged through my stomach and I curled up in a ball. "You should know." I snarled with out really meaning too.
Jacob and I were falling apart. There was going to be no recovery. I wanted him so desperately bad. So bad I could taste it. It was like I was reaching out to him and somebody was pushing him away.
The smell of vampire and blood overwhelmed me and I turned my head to puke. Why did they have to go hunting? Why can't I have one blissful moment where everything is going to be okay?