Chapter 20
Jacob's point of view
Sometimes I am an idiot. Not just one small thing. A stupid, idiotic, moronic, jerk. I tell Nessie I regret imprinting on her-but it was only because she wasn't safe. That's basically telling her I hated her because I loved her. What type of idiot does that?
Oh wait. Nessie and I.
Was I breaking up with her? I…I don't know. She said if I was going to give up she would too. Why should I put myself in pain's way again only to loose her again? She keeps trying these small suicide missions that I just don't know. If I loose her again then there is no hope of a recovery for me. I don't want to loose her! How can she be so selfish to do that?! To Sage and to Grace? To me and our families?! Does she realize that it's her I'll loose? It's her that'll kill me! If it's some cruel joke she wants to play on me then I hope it ends soon.
I took a deep breath and walked through Kaleb's door. Even though the venom didn't kill him like it did me, I still gave him a few days rest. The first thought that went through his mind was when I stepped in to save him the last time. I wish I did this time. I cowered away, going through my own death experience. I didn't want to go through that again. I would die right away. Kaleb was lucky. He stopped while I kept going.
He begged for my forgiveness. About being a jerk, sneaking around with Nessie, lying and betraying me, for claiming my daughter. He didn't want the imprint to happen as much as I didn't want it too. That meant me, Nessie, Kaleb, and sadly Grace would be bound to that betrayal. I wanted to forget about that and I didn't want my son and daughter knowing it either. I hope Nessie's wrong. She has been before.
"Ah, there's Alpha Almighty." I heard Kaleb say as I walked into his bedroom. I guess he learned from my mistakes and was milking it.
I've hated Kaleb since I found out about him and Nessie. I've dreamed of him dying. Just I pictured it would be me doing the killing. I just…didn't plan on it being by a vampire that Nessie takes up for.
"You know, the venom didn't mess with your legs." I joked half heartedly. I needed to be with my pack. I knew that. I knew I needed to catch the council meeting I really didn't want to go too. I had my responsibilities but all I wanted to do was be with Nessie. I told her I didn't want to leave things between us rough. She was growing weak and something could go wrong. Something could easily happen to me; and now she thinks that I don't love her. I should have said I would always come back to her instead of just walking away.
"I've learned from you to milk it. It's rare I get a few days off." Kaleb answered.
"It's rare you work at all." Sam joked.
I got a gut feeling by the look Kaleb gave everybody that he wanted to talk to me. Great. I need another reminder of how I left things with Nessie. How I've ignored her phone calls and text messages. But it also reminded me of what she did to me. The running, the ignoring, the not explaining. Maybe karma smacked her in the face. Maybe she wasn't my soul mate.
I can't think that. I imprinted on her. I say I regret it but it happen. I just don't know why. Why did I imprint on the Bella's daughter? Why did I imprint on half of my natural enemy? Why did I imprint on her when I wanted to kill her so badly? Why did she make me her mate? Its…confusing!
"Hello? Earth to Jake! How's Nessie?" I heard Kaleb say.
"Huh?" I jumped, snapping back into the harsh, real world.
"How's Ness? She must have been pretty freaked out with it all." Kaleb said.
I stopped short. I could act like everything was okay between us or I could tell the truth and say I walked out on her like she did on me. "She wanted to come and see you but…" I trailed.
"You told her not to come and see me." He's good.
What could I say? He didn't know the full story and I didn't plan on telling him. I still didn't trust him even after I told him he had my forgiveness. I didn't know if forgive him or not. Thinking about it, I don't know if I even forgive Nessie. Every time I kiss her, I can picture Kaleb's lips on hers. Kaleb's hand on her gigantic stomach. Nessie and Kaleb choosing the baby names and I know it wouldn't be Sage Edward and Grace Isabelle Black. I could picture him there instead of me. And I don't like it.
"She got tired. We both thought it would be best to see you in a few days." I lied. Kaleb snorted. I doubt he believed me.
"You didn't allow her." he grumbled. Then he went silent. Thinking meant a lot of questions which meant for uncomfortable situations. "How is she? Really?"
I took a deep breath. "She's weak. The babies are weak. She won't take it easy to get stronger. If Carlisle had to deliver now then nobody would make it out alive."
"So she's dying."
I swallowed hard. It didn't hit me now that she was. That she wanted too. She saw I was giving up and she was going to do it too. I loved Sage and Grace. I saw that she was going to put them first. She needed too. She needs to live for them, not for me.
Kaleb took my silence as an answer and changed it to another subject. "You know Kyle cancelled the wedding?"
"What's new?" I rolled my eyes but being nosy got in the way. "Why?"
"Be weird if they got married and then I imprinted on your daughter. I mean, you and Leah are step brother and sister." he answered.
How many people believed Kaleb would imprint on my daughter? How many people knew already and didn't tell me when I found out that I was going to have a daughter? How many people knew way before I found out Nessie was pregnant with my twins?
I did not want that to happen. I didn't want Sage and Grace to phase, imprint, or be imprinted on. I wanted them to be normal-human even. I didn't want my son to be heartbroken because he was rejected by his imprint. I didn't that the boy, who my girlfriend cheated on me with, having his hands all over my daughter's body. They were my kids! My son and daughter. I hoped Nessie was wrong. I wanted them to have the choice we never had.
"It's not going to happen. You're brother's an idiot. You won't imprint on my daughter!" I snapped. What if I was wrong? What if Nessie was right? I could see some of the similarities but not that much. Bella loved me but she was in love with Edward. Nessie loves Kaleb but she's in love with me. Or so she says she is. You can love someone without being romantically linked to them. I love Bella but not romantically. Plus Grace liked having Kaleb around like Nessie did with me. But he was the smart one and stayed away. I wasn't.
"Jake, I'm sorry but I really don't want it to happen. I don't want to be bound by one of the hugest mistakes of my life. I know I'm probably hurting Nessie but it seems like it's the only way." Kaleb pleaded. "I…"
I didn't bother making him finish. I don't know why I came. I should be with Nessie. I should be phasing. I…I don't know what I'm suppose to do. Hide under a rock until March twenty-second?
"Doesn't matter." I mumbled, clenching my hands into fist.
"I…can I have permission to see Nessie." I head Kaleb ask.
"No." I said before I fully understood what he was saying.
"I want to see her before I leave."
Oh so he was running again? Great. He's going to hurt Nessie over and over again. Like Nessie's going to hurt me.
I didn't realize why I was leaving until Kaleb said that. "What? No! You're not saying good-bye! You'll hurt her!" I shouted. "You're just trying to take her away from me!"
Kaleb got up and growled. "No. I'm not trying to do that. I'm leaving so I don't hurt Nessie! I'm trying to stop something that neither of us want! I just feel like…"
"You have to be around her." I finished. Oh God! He was! He was going to imprint on my daughter! If she doesn't kill her mother first.
"Can I?" Kaleb asked again.
I hardly registered so I just nodded. I fell in love with Nessie. I fell in love with my twins. But they could be the reason why I would loose everything if Nessie died. I'm so mad at her but I also love her. Is this a love/hate relationship?
I'm pathetic!
So many things ran though my head as I just walked. Kaleb. Nessie. Finn. Volturi. I lied to Nessie. How can I be a leader when I freeze up? One of the lives I'm suppose to be responsible was attacked and I did nothing about it! Why was I stupid enough to tell Renesmee I regretted imprinting on her when it was the best thing that has happen to me? I let my shock and anger get in the way. I loved Renesmee. I loved Sage and Grace. They were apart of Nessie. I've had three months with them. I talk to them. They liked hearing my voice. How can I be away from them if I break up with Nessie. They need a father. Nessie needed somebody who would be her strong spot. I was. My mistake was letting my doubt show. That wasn't going to help the both of us. People have doubted her since the beginning. This was her opportunity to prove to herself that she was strong. That she was sorry. But what she did…I can't easily forgive.
I realized I made it to the beach. I have no clue why I walked here. I was so sick of it. I'm so sick of this place. Nothing ever changes. It's all the same no matter how much I close my eyes and pretend to be somewhere else. I didn't want to go to the council meeting. I wanted to be there with the one person that I felt could actually understand me. And I have a feeling we've screwed that up.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
I laid my head back against the tree, letting the Elders talk. Everybody spoke in Quileute except for me. I didn't speak at all. Them speaking in Quileute reminded me of Nessie and how she loved hearing it. It's been forty-eight freakin' hours since I walked away from Nessie. I wanted to be with her. I just couldn't get brave enough to do it.
Life really does suck.
"Jake! Jacob! Son!" I could hear my father say but I ignored him.
Just when I snapped back into reality I felt a hard punch smack me in the face. I could feel bone crush and then blood poor. Great. A broken nose for my crappy fast healing to take care of. This just makes my day.
I jumped up. "Who in the hell did that!" I growled. I looked at each one of my brother's faces, wanting to see who had the balls to punch their Alpha in the face. I saw that Paul's face was dramatically nonchalant. Guilty.
"Really, Paul? This just makes my day so much better!" I sarcastically said.
"Glad to know I helped." he grinned with a big, enthusiastic smile. "Plus that was payback for four years ago."
"I though marrying my sister was payback." I mumbled, making sure he heard it. He growled at me which made me smirk. I leaned back against the tree and set my nose so it wouldn't heal crookedly.
"Alright, you two. Jake, you're Alpha. Maybe you should pay attention to the meeting and not Nessie." my father chuckled and I glared at him. I'm loosing her and he's laughing about it!
"Did poor Jakey-wakey get into a fight with his baby mama?" Oliver joked. Ohhhhhh, the kid has guts.
I balled up a fistful of dirt, glaring at him, and started grinding it. I had to keep myself occupied while the others glared at him. One, he brought up the fight. Two, he used the nickname I really hated. Three, baby mama! Did everybody think we just shacked up and I got her pregnant?!
Wait…don't answer that.
"Really! You idiot! You had to go there!" Embry yelled to Oliver.
Don't explode. Do not explode.
"Well…"
"No freaking duh we had a fight! A huge one! One where I basically said that I didn't love her! Then she says that she's tired of fighting! She can die! Can we please get off of my sucky life and got back to…oh I don't know, protecting the tribe!"
My father sighed, shaking his head, but continued. He shouldn't be talking. He has no right to judge. He won't say anything on the fact of if Embry is my half brother or not. He could have possibly cheated on my dead mother and had a baby with another woman.
I made note to start adding my points to the meetings just to get my mind off of things. It was hard when all I wanted to do was apologize to Nessie. I had to make things at least decent with her. I was in love with her. Things were hard right now. That doesn't mean we don't give up, right? We keep walking and stumbling until we find a light to where we can see where we're going. Even when we get to that point we'll still stumble and fall.
I tell Nessie no to marrying her not because I didn't want too. Trust me, I wanted to do a lot of things and marrying Renesmee Cullen was on top of that list. But we were far from ready. I was scared. The last time I was engaged to her it took me two and a half months to get her back. I don't want her to run off with my son and daughter. I'll run after her this time and no words could stop me from doing so.
As my dad was saying something important, I cut in. "How many of you knew Kaleb was going to imprint on Gracie?"
"Gracie?" I heard a recent phased kid ask. His age scared me. A lot.
"Jake's nickname for his daughter." Sam answered. He knew. He's known for a while.
"I thought you wanted to worry about the, I don't know…the tribe?" Paul smirked. He's really pushing it.
I stood up and threw the fistful of dirt in his face. "I think we all get the point. Now how many of you knew?" I ordered.
I saw just about every hand raise up-including my father's. Did this really have to happen?
"Really! None of you ever thought about telling me? Didn't even think about saying, "Hey, Jake. Kaleb's going to imprint on your daughter!" I spat.
"We kinda figured it would be obvious. I mean, you were once in a love triangle." I pointed you.
I rubbed my eyes just to keep my anger now. "But…" I trailed. I figured out that I was about to say I would never hurt Edward like Kaleb hurt me but I wanted too.
"Don't say you did not want Bella. You even went as far as kissing." Seth pointed out.
"I…"
"Whoa. Jake's at loss for words." Embry joked, nudging me.
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing could change the fact that it was true. I was in love with Bella. I wanted to hurt Edwardbeyond possible. I wanted to kill him beyond just ripping him to shreds. He has felt the pain I'm feeling now. They had me there.
I crouched down and put my head in my hands, letting out a growl. We were all bound to this! Me, Nessie, Sage, Grace, Kaleb, the Cullens, my family. This was a big mess we were in! I was letting my son and daughter into this mess! I loved Nessie but how could I keep her alive? How could I prove that I don't regret her. I don't regret Sage and Gracie. I regret the pain but not them.
I've mostly felt what Renesmee felt since I last saw her. The pain, the hurt and yearning, and then eventually relaxation. This time the pain in my chest was worst than the fogginess that drifted in my mind. The pain was so bad it sent me down from my crouched position to my knees. The steel cable pulled painfully at my chest.
Nessie needed me.
"Jake?" my father wheeled over to me, sounding worried.
"Nessie…"I breathed. I got up and dashed away. They called after me but I didn't stop. I quickly tied my shorts to my ankle and let the heat overpower me. Before I knew it, my two legs because four. I saw Kaleb's mind before anybody else's. What was he doing here?
"Are you trying to kill her?!" he shouted.
That left me confused. What was he talking about? "No! Never! What were you doing talking to Nessie?"
That's when he threw everything at me. Kaleb decided that technically since I didn't order him not to see Nessie, that now was his only chance. He felt like she should go. Like he has to protect something. When he walked into her bedroom, Grace moved. But what killed me was seeing Nessie through Kaleb's eyes and feelings of how weak and fragile Nessie looked. The tear stained, puffy red eyes that had dark circles underneath from the lack of hunting.
Nessie showed Kaleb what had happen. Me leaving killed her. She thought that I was actually leaving her like she did me. She wanted me back. She wanted to do anything for me to come back. Nessie felt that since I gave up things to be with her, she needed to give up at least one thing. Somehow she got it stuck in her head that she should give up motherhood.
Renesmee spoke to Carlisle about it. He said that aborting them could change things. He just didn't know if it was for the better or worse. She wasn't strong enough to do live through it; and Carlisle figured out the true reason.
Carlisle went through it anyway, knowing Nessie would back out. He made it seems so that all Nessie had to do was one look at the twins and she would back out. And that's exactly what she did. She went into a full blown panic attack. She couldn't calm down so Carlisle had to sedate her. No wonder why my mind was so foggy.
I finally let out a whine and the others that phased did too. Why can't I do one single thing right?
"She's still alive, huh?" Seth asked.
"She's not going to die!" I shouted, speeding up to the Cullens. I didn't mean to yell at him, and hoped he would understand, but Nessie was more important to me. I needed to get to her.
"You don't know that. Something could go wrong. Remember Emily-" Sam said but I cut him off.
"I know. I was there to order you back you wouldn't kill the doctor." I breathed. I really didn't need to hear things going wrong when Nessie went into labor this March.
"So how are you going to handle your pain? Uselessly drowning your sorrows like Kyle or lashing out like Leah?" Embry joked which only made Seth and Kaleb growl.
I ignored them. Might as well play nice with Kaleb. I was worried about his little sister. Not him. "Where would Kierra stay when you leave?" I asked. Plus I was just nosy.
"I haven't figured that out yet." Kaleb said. Figures. "I might stay around until my brother and Leah do their whole kissy, kissy make up crap."
"And to think this is all because of Jake's kid." Brady laughed.
I couldn't pay them no mind. All I thought of was my Renesmee. My connection with her. All that I said made her believe I didn't love her! That crazy woman held my life in her hands! I may be scared but I loved her. We were one of a kind. You can't get a relationship like we have. I needed her. She needed me.
I swore I would put her first. I'm not and I didn't. Right now I just need her alive. I didn't want to settle on good, not great. We had to make our relationship stronger if we're going to have these two strong creatures. We needed to prepare for them. I had to man up and decide where do I put my family. Do we move with the Cullens? Do we stay in Forks and move into the big house? Could I find a house in La Push real fast so my girlfriend, son, and daughter can call home? Or do I pick up my family and drag them to whatever college I choose? If I could even go. I couldn't see how I can manage all this while being there for my family. I say it's hard now but I haven't seen hard yet.
The big, white mansion eventually came to view and a mixture of dread, pain, and anticipation hit me hard. Why am I doing this? Why am I going back to my deathbed? Why do I keep going back if I know she's going to die? Why would I want to go back to that pain? Why can't I look after myself just for one moment?
Because I'm a leader, a protector, and a father. I'm tied down but I know I can find balance. It's hard for Sam and Paul but they do it. When they needed to be with their wives, they felt like they should be with the pack. When they were with the pack, they wanted to be with Emily and Rachel. I don't see how all of us do it. We want to be with our girls but we also want to do what we were born to do.
I took a deep breath and phased, putting on my shorts, and sprinted to the house. I could have went through the window-it would have been a lot quicker-but I figured it would be more polite if I faced her family first.
I saw her family's stares. Well, only a few. But I didn't care. Nessie was up those stairs. I had to see her. I had to let her know that I wasn't going to leave her. I've fought to be with her now. I'm not letting her go ever again. I'm not going to let death take her away. She was my Renesmee and nobody could change that.
"Oh! Nice of you to show up." I heard Alice growl. I figured the itch to use her gift was driving her crazy. Other than that I thought me and her got along pretty well. But that was under normal circumstances.
"Yeah, thought it might be time." I spat back, already knowing what she was going through, as I rush upstairs.
I ran to where she was laying, my mind still groggy from feeling her. I breathed a sigh of relief when I could hear her heartbeat. I was being ridiculous. I would know if she was dead or not.
The bedroom door was barely closed so I peaked in. I noticed Renesmee before she noticed me. She did look fragile and weak but Kaleb didn't see the Renesmee I see. Nobody did. At times I didn't even see her. Looking at her now behind all the fragile and weak I saw how strong she was. How strong, stubborn, prideful, unpredictable, loving, sexy she was. I may regret imprinting on her but I'll never regret falling in love with her. I needed her. We needed each other.
Nessie was looking at another direction. She either looked still out of it or a million miles away from earth. One hand was rubbing her big stomach while the other, I noticed, was pulling at her promise bracelet. She was biting her lip. From what I could pick up, she missed me. She wanted me.
"Nessie?" I thought.
Bella, Edward, and Carlisle turned to look at me. Bella glared at me but to my surprise Edward looked like he…understood? How…
Because when Bella was dying, he was mad at her too for putting herself in harms way. I'd never thought I would say this but I now highly respected Edward. He understood what I felt.
"Jake?" Renesmee said. Her voice was so beautiful.
I walked up to the four postured bed and sat down on the edge. I took her hand and held it tightly. To my surprise she squeezed back even tighter. She had tears in her eyes but smiled at me.
"What are you doing here?" she showed me.
"Always." I answered. Nessie looked at me confused. "I'll always come back to you. No matter what I say or do just remember always."
Nessie bit her lip and lost that gorgeous smile. She slipped her hand out of mine and scooted away from me. It felt like my heart dropped. "Liar." she called me.
"No. I'm not-"
"You said you regretted walking down those stairs."
"Jacob, can you come here for a second." Bella said from the door as if she knew what we were talking about.
Um…weird.
I got off of the bed and walked over to Bella. I looked at her but her face gave away no emotion. I didn't think anything would happen until I heard Renesmee shout something. I turned one glance back at her before I realized what was happening.
I felt Bella's fist connect with my jaw two real good times. I didn't notice the severe damage, only paying attention to Nessie's gasp while I hit the floor. Part of me wanted to laugh. One, back when Bella was human she threw a jab at me. Due to me being a wolf, I was stronger, and well…Bella broke her hand. Now she threw a punch at me-at lot stronger this time-I'm the one in pain. Like bone shattering pain that my healing won't heal for a few hours. What? Is this abuse Jacob day?
"Jacob!" I heard Nessie rush up to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck but I didn't pay no mind to her. The urge to phase was so hard to resist right now. It's all I wanted to do. I wanted to phase and rip the bloodsucking leech that looked like my friend. And a hurt jaw and somehow feeling Nessie's emotions didn't help.
I shook all over. It left like somebody was joking me. My face hurt. A lot. Nessie's arms got tighter around me neck. She really shouldn't be near me right now.
I heard several footsteps come up the stairs. Embry, Quil, Seth, and Kaleb crammed into the door. Great. Just what I needed.
"We heard the crash." Embry said.
"Why's Jake's jaw at a weird angle?" Seth asked.
"Because of my stupid mother!" I heard Nessie shout, seeming like it was right in my ear. Thank God Carlisle was already checking my jaw.
"Why?"
I tried to talk but only a sound of pain came out. This sucks.
Bella stormed out so Nessie answered. "She was angry at him for leaving me-and something about payback when she was human."
Quil and Embry busted out laughing while Kaleb only stared at my Renesmee. What! Was he trying to take her away from me?!
I tried to push Nessie away when the guys started to get uncomfortable and mine got worse. Nessie's face showed hurt but she quickly moved away. Instead of getting near Edward, (because of the smell) or the guys, (they probably wouldn't have wanted her near) she backed into a corner. Her hand was on her stomach as she bit her lip. She was afraid. Afraid of me.
I took several deep breaths, eventually calming down. This is for her. I have to prove to her that I really did love her. I just…needed to get my jaw fixed first.
I didn't hear what Carlisle exactly said was wrong with my face nor did I catch anything understood. I only noticed Nessie's gasp as she ran for the bathroom. Edward trailed behind her and I got up to go after her. Carlisle stopped me. She needed me! I had to be with her!
I could tell Carlisle was torn so I nodded for him to go after Nessie. When I heard Nessie coughing, I tried to go after her again but Embry held me back. "You'll only upset her more." he said. I could see Kaleb walk into the bathroom which only made me angrier. He could be there while I couldn't.
I tried to speak but it hurt too much to try. So instead of storming out, I shoved Embry off and walked into the bathroom. Nessie just coughed and gagged and I could do nothing about it. All I could do was rub her back and bring her closer to me and away from Kaleb. If she didn't just push me away.
Nessie brought the toilet seat down and just laid her head on it. She nodded for some reason-probably a private conversation just so she could avoid me. I picked her up before anybody else could touch her and went back into the bedroom, laying her down.
I was about to stay with her until Carlisle and Quil dragged me away to Carlisle's office. I sat down, anxious to get back to Nessie. The quicker he gets it done, the better.
To hold off on the pain, Carlisle gave me some medicine. Personally, I think he gave me too much but I wasn't the doctor. I started feeling even more out of this world than what I felt with Nessie.
He finished and said I wouldn't be able to talk for a few hours, just to let it heal. Good. How I felt now, you would be surprised what would come out of my mouth.
Everything was so foggy and my brain felt like mush. My tongue and limbs felt heavy as I slumped against the small sofa Carlisle had in his study. I blurredly saw Quil, Seth, and Embry laughing. I tried to get up and walk but could only plop back down. They guys laughed again but at who? What was so funny?
"I wish the rest of them were here to see this." Embry laughed. Who was the rest of them? Who was he laughing at? I really want to know!
"Who are you laughing at?" I asked, my head swaying. That only made my brothers laugh even more.
"Forget you." I slurred, completely forgetting what the weird, white skinned dude told me the one exact thing I wasn't suppose to do.
I settled back on the sofa, shrugging them off. They weren't going to tell me. So instead, I put my hands behind my head. I wondered when it was going to rain. I wondered how weird it was that I was speaking in my mind.
My heart beat faster but I didn't know the reason why. Whoa! My heart was extremely quick! Did people already know?
When I turned back to tell my brothers what I just found out somebody extremely beautiful leaned against the door. Direct sunlight hit her and I saw that her skin glowed like the aura around her did. Oh. My. God. I've hit the jackpot.
"You're missing a good show, Ness." I heard Seth say. I loved the sound of her name. Ness…Ness…Ness…Nessie!
"It won't be the first time." the beautiful angel laughed. She put her hand on her stomach and smiled at me. She does that a lot. "But at least you're not the one who's hearing his thoughts."
I sat up to get a better look at her. Renesmee. Her name sounded funny but I loved it anyway. I…God! I was in love.
Something changed and my angel's face slipped. I wanted to ask what was wrong but all I could muster up was falling to the floor. Hey…it doesn't smell so bad down here.
"Nessie?" I heard Kaleb ask. I looked to see her extremely close to him. I didn't like it.
"I'm fine." she whispered. "I was going to try and talk to him but I see he's useless."
I did my best to give her a loopy smile and she laughed. It made me want to laugh too. "It must be nice to hear him not back orders, huh?" This time I did laugh despite the pain my face brought me. She said bark. Because I'm a wolf!
Then I heard Nessie laugh too and wondered why. Maybe she thought what she said was funny too. I saw her grip her stomach as Kaleb held Nessie to keep her standing. Eventually Nessie sobered up while I tried too.
Quil, Seth, and Embry left but Kaleb stayed. Nessie pushed him off of her and walked over to where I was still lying on the floor. I looked up at her, smiling. She never smiled back.
"I'm fine, Kaleb. It's Jake. He's not going to hurt me." Nessie said to Kaleb with a small smile.
"He's not in his right state of mind-"
"Look at him. He's not going to do me any harm with his loopy self." Nessie joked.
I had to say something, despite the pain. Screw the white skinned vampire telling me to keep my mouth shut. "How come you ssssmile a-at him butnot at me." I said, my mouth feeling thick and making my words go together.
Kaleb walked out and Nessie just looked at me. "You know, you have the attention span of an idiot." she commented, still looking at the door. I tried to get up but the room swayed and I plopped back down. The most I could accomplish was me propping my arms on her lap to hold me up.
"You're extremely beautiful." I thought.
"I'm guessing we can't talk without you telling me how beautiful I am, or me worrying whether you're going to make me fall right when you plop down."
"Nope."
I love thinking her name. Even when it sounded weird. I like thinking it over and over and over again.
Nessie leaned back against the sofa with a huff. "Are you going to keep giving me that loopy grin?" she asked. How is she speaking in my mind?
I looked at my beauty even more. She was hot. She was a good kisser. She was mine. She had beautiful eyes, beautiful hair. I wonder if she knows how white her skin is?
All of a sudden Renesmee busted out laughing, snorting every once in a while. She reminds me of a pig or something. Or that geeky girl in high school who laughs at her own jokes. I shivered, picturing Nessie as both.
"Oh God! Please stop, Jacob! I think Grandpa gave you way too much." she laughed. Renesmee got up which made my heavy body fall back to the ground. She nudged me with her foot and said, "I would bend down but I won't be able to get back up."
"You know, beautiful, that-"
"Do not compliment me. I'm ugly and fat. That's what happens when you're pregnant." Dang. Chick has some mood swings. She was moodier than some pregnant lady. Oh yeah! She was pregnant. And I was the baby daddy!
"I love you, my Jacob." Renesmee stated. "I just wish I can make you love me back"
She walked out the room and I bent my head back as far as it will go to watch her leave. What does she mean she can't make me love her back? What was that suppose to mean?
A few short minutes later, everything cleared. But there was one thing that stayed with me: the last thing that Nessie told me before she walked out the room. She thinks I don't love her! God! I'm an idiot!
After that Carlisle came to take the crap that held my jaw together out of me. He apologized for the overdose but I shrugged it off. To be honest, it felt nice to feel relaxed. Yeah, I set myself up for some embarrassing moments but it was nice to act like I had no worries in the world. The only bad thing was that it set me back with making amends with my girl.
"Carlisle…" I trialed, finally able to talk with out stuttering and slurring since Bella punched me. "Are the twins really killing her?"
He took a deep breath. "I really don't know. She could possibly be weak due to the lack of hunting."
"But she can live off of human food!" I pressed. "Why can't she just do that?" My jaw was sore but I ignored it. Nessie came first.
"If she could keep it down then it would work. But when her family smells of something that makes her sick then what can you do? We can't stay away from her and we can't risk taking her to a mortal doctor. With the injuries she has now, it makes things tougher."
I thought about when Nessie almost wanted to abort my son and daughter. I didn't want that to happen. "So if she went into labor now then I loose everything." I stated, starring off into space. I pictured loosing my small, new family and it was just me left on this hard, cruel planet.
Carlisle nodded. "We have to find ways to make it easier. Right now rest is what she needs." And rest was what she was going to get.
Okay. First fact, Nessie needs to get stronger. Fact two, how was Sage and Gracie?
"The twins?"
Carlisle pressed his lips into a firm line. "I did an examination today to see how they were."
"And…"
"Other than what happen they seem to be okay. For now anyway. I want to start ultrasounds and tests twice a day to see if anything changes."
I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I actually breathed. The love of my life and my kids were in danger. I couldn't loose them. If I lost Nessie then what good would it be to Sage and Grace. If I stayed alive then I would be lifeless. A dead man walking. Who would want a father like that? That was basically like having both parents dead. I wouldn't be able to do anything with them without it sending painful memories of my Renesmee.
I walked out and went straight to Nessie. Her door was shut but I walked in anyway. She sat in her bed, reading a book of poetry. She had on hand on her stomach and her face was deep in concentration. I figured she was trying to project the words to the twins.
I slowly walked closer. The noise of my footsteps made Nessie's head snap up in my direction. "Can we talk?" I asked.
"Doesn't matter." she said, snapping the book shut with a thud. She already knew what I was wanting to talk about. "You said it. You can't take it back."
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. That was when Nessie took another opportunity to speak. "Do not say it's was because you wanted to keep me safe. I would rather have danger looming over my head for the rest of my life than have you say that to me! Is this payback for what I did? If this is some cruel joke then I'm sorry I missed the punch line!"
I put my hand on her stomach, rubbing my thumb back and forth. Both twins kicked at the spot exactly where my hand was hard. I wonder if they were excited or mad at me. I wouldn't blame them for the latter. Nessie even tried to push my hand away but I kept bringing it back so she gave up.
"Is that why you wanted to give them up?" I asked.
She looked away from me. "You gave up everything for me. I just thought it was my turn. I just…I can't do it, Jake. I can't kill them because I want you. I'm not saying that I don't want you, it just that…I have to put them first." she mumbled the last part.
"And I wouldn't want anything else from you. But you need to listen to Carlisle when he says you need to take it easy. I can't loose you, Ness."
"It amazes me how much of a liar you are!"
"How am I a liar?"
"First you say you love me. Then you go as far as saying you love my babies! All of a sudden you then change your mind!"
"I said I regret imprinting on you. Big difference." I argued, trying to take her hand but she pushed away from the bed and walked away from me.
"I don't see the difference. I love you, Jacob, but I wish I can-"
"RENESMEE! I. LOVE. YOU!" my thoughts blared. Nessie rubbed her head as if it hurt. So much for rest and making amends.
"Like avoiding me for forty-eight hours when I needed you the most?! Yeah. That shows how much you really do love me!" her voice blared in my mind. Feeling her anger only made it worse.
"I was upset. I didn't realize what I said until it was out there. You don't know how bad I want to take it back."
"It's too late now. The damage is done." I saw the tears slip down her cheek. She didn't believe me like I never believe her. It takes all kinds of kinds doesn't it?
"What about the damage you did?" I asked, backing her up against the wall. "You say you love me but then you let that all go to Kaleb. How about when you said you would never leave me but then you do? It would not surprise me if those two you're carrying aren't mine."
Again, I let the anger cloud my vision. You think I could get Carlisle to stone me out again so this will be easier? I wanted thing to be calmer than this. I want a filter on my mouth.
Nessie flashed me a hurt look but then looked down. I put my hand on her cheek, wiping away the tears. "We can't do this." she showed me.
She was right. How could we raise two babies when all we do is argue. I didn't want to give up but it was so hard to just keep fighting.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, laying my head against hers.
"Get out." she choked. I didn't budge. "Get out!" she shouted even more and pushed me out of the room and slammed the door in my face.
I should leave but I couldn't. I was numb. I was speechless. So instead of walking away or opening the door to check on her, I slid down to the ground and put my head in my hands. Our emotions were killing me. Hearing her cry was killing me. Having her parents glare at me when their daughter shouts at them to leave made things worse. We've messed things up big time.
I could hear Nessie plop down on the other side of the door. That single piece of wood felt like it was a big stone wall. It was killing me but I refused to leave. All I could ever want was right now on the other side of that stone wall.
It was funny how love can give you something but then take it away. It was ironic how it can make you happy but then slap you in the face and say it was all just a game. It's true that it can give you everything you've always wanted. You sign on the dotted line but pay the consequences when you least expect it. It can give you everything but it can also take everything away.
They say if you don't have love then you don't have anything. Why does it feel like love's trying to take away everything I have? Its like a thief who's stealing my expensive items and I'm watching them do it. I just let them come in, take all that I have, and then I have nothing left.
It was hours until I had the courage to speak again. Even then between Nessie crying, me holding back my own tears, and the heart twisting pain we both shared, I had no clue what to say. I just knew I had to say something.
"Remember our first argument?" was all I could come up with.
I smiled at the memory and imagined Nessie doing the same. "We weren't together for even a week and we were already arguing about marriage."
"And then you pulled the crazy stunt in front of Claire."
I heard Nessie give a slight laugh. "You know I barely slept that night you asked me out on our first date." she said out loud this time. "I had volleyball practice the day after and you pulled that on me. No wonder why everybody made me quit."
"I'm glad you did. I got to spend more time with you." I mumbled. "But I think Rachel thought I took something after I came home."
"I loved that night you kissed me." I did too. Even though I was so scared of what the whole Cullens were going to do to me, I still loved it.
I went through another memory. "How about the time you made me run into a tree? I didn't think you could pull that off."
"You doubt me so much." I heard Nessie giggle but I never joined in.
I did doubt her. She doubted me. I would say that since we got back together we couldn't trust each other but I wouldn't. We've did this since the beginning. Argue, bicker, kiss and then make up. It was like putting a band-aid on a blood gushing wound. It just covers things up.
I got serious. "My dad says we act a lot like him and mom did when they were together." I said, trying to make it sound light.
"We have to be like somebody. My family is out of the question."
"But I don't want us to be just a reminder."
I heard Nessie breathe deep. "You know after I went to see Kaleb he told me he was going to travel cross country. He asked me to come with him."
"Why didn't you? You love to travel."
"Because you made me-"
"I didn't make you do anything!"
"You never let me finish. After I said no, I asked myself questions. And most of the answers were you. I was just stupid enough not to listen to them."
Why was she telling me this now? I try to forget the time I died. Nessie tries to keep me alive, she kisses Kaleb, I loose it on her. It was events that I wanted to forget.
"It never occurred to me that one question I never asked was who made me feel happy to be alive. It's you, my Jacob." Nessie said.
I asked myself the same question. Did Nessie make me happy to be alive? I couldn't help but smile at the thought. She was the center of my world. She was my life line. I fell in love with her hard. I was an idiot when I said I regretted her. She's made me come out of my comfort zone and do things and see places I'd never believe to experience. She made me realize that there's a life out there than just turning into a wolf, protecting a tribe, falling in love, having kids, stop phasing, then grow old and die.
"I'm sorry. I don't even remember what made me say it or why." I thought. I hoped she could see the desperation in my thoughts.
"Me too." she said. "My Jacob?"
"Yeah?"
"I know about you wanting to go to college, and I think you should go."
I stopped short. I should have known she would find out. But college seemed risky. I took my ACT and got an extremely high score. I had some schools already picked out. It was just when I made my decision on wanting to go, I didn't think about the responsibilities I was leaving behind. My pack, my tribe, my family. If I went to college I would leave Nessie at home with the twins, and juggle the Alpha and Chief job. Thinking about this made me want to reconsider.
"You need to go. This is something you've wanted to do for so long. Your ACT score is amazing. Don't let this opportunity pass by. But may I ask why you choose to go now?"
Why did I want to go? I had several reasons why. I wanted to be a role model for my kids. I wanted my family to have a good life. And I wanted change. I wanted to go out of my comfort zone and try new things. I wanted something different than just the normal werewolf life.
I guessed Renemsee was tired of speaking because she had grown quite. I started to drift off when Nessie's door flew open and several stepped over as I slammed into the floor. What a way to wake me up.
"Renesmee!" I heard Bella shout as I tried to get all the sleepiness out of my limbs.
I shot up quickly and ran in her room where everybody was crowded around the bathroom. What if something bad was happening? What I prepared to see and what I saw were the total opposite. What I saw was a girl who looked like my Renesmee. She had the same popping brown eyes. Was wearing the same t-shirt and yoga pants. Had the same huge, baby bump. Had the same bronze, ringlet curly hair that was now half of it on the floor. The girl's hair was cropped right above her shoulders, her ringlets bouncing everywhere. Somehow it made everything about her face sharper. Her features were shaper, clearer. Her chocolate, brown eyes pooped. Did I die? Was she my angel that was taking me to Heaven.
"Why are all of you starring at me like I've just killed somebody?" Renesmee asked, laying a hand on her stomach and the other brushing her hair back.
"Your hair…"Rosalie trailed.
"You like it? I was going to have it shorter than this but it takes the load off. Makes my curls bouncier." she smiled, moving her hair from side to side to maker her ringlets bounce. If this is my punishment for saying I regretted imprinting on her then go ahead and sentence me to a life time of this!
"You don't like it?" her face fell. I would have said something but all my mouth could do was drop.
Nessie's beautiful eyes glazed over. She thought we didn't like it. I loved it. I've always seen her with a long mane of hair that it was just a shock. A beautiful shock.
"No…it looks nice. It's just we've always seen you with long hair." Bella soothed when Nessie sat on the toilet seat and put her head in her hands. I could hear her sniffling. "Why?"
Nessie shrugged. "I just wanted something different." she mumbled. Her teary eyed face turned to look up at me for my approval. "Do you like it?"
I was too stunned to say anything and too stupid to think of anything so Nessie's eyes prickled some more. She put her head on Bella's shoulder and cried while I was rewarded with a bunch of glares. I can't win for loosing.
"It's beautiful, baby." Bella reassured, rubbing Renesmee's back.
I couldn't take it anymore. I walked over to Nessie and kneeled in front of her. She sniffled but raised her head up anyway. I cupped her cheek in my hand and rubbed my thumb underneath her eyes to wipe away the tears. "Beautiful." was all I could say.
"No…"
I took one of her now bouncy, wild ringlets and twirled it around my finger. She was beautiful before but now it seems her beauty stood out the most. This was my punishment. Life was showing me a picture of something I wanted to give up. She was my imprint. I was her mate. She was my Renesmee. I was her Jacob. Nothing was ever going to change that.
Renesmee must have heard something from Bella's mind that she didn't like because she let out a menacing hiss that made me and the Cullens jump. I haven't heard her growl or hiss much since she came home. I guess she was getting some of that fire back in her. Maybe I was just stupid enough to forget that she was half vampire.
"Give me and Jacob some time." she said in her beautiful voice.
Bella squeezed Nessie's knee and got up, walking out. "Mother, don't you have something to say." my Renesmee said in a tone that sounded like she was still mad at Bella.
"I'm sorry, Jacob, for breaking your jaw." Bella said, turning to me.
I shrugged. "I thought it was kind of funny. Remember when you were just some weak human that took a swing at me and you broke your hand." I smirked. "I deserved it then and I deserve it now."
I could see the corners of Bella's mouth go up, probably trying to remember the hazy memory. "Do not do something like that again." she threatened.
"On which account? Hurting your daughter or kissing you?"
"Both." And with that she walked out the room.
I turned back to Nessie who had her arms wrapped around her stomach. She didn't look at me, only at the floor. "So you like it?"
I started at the top of her head and ran my hands through her short hair. I pushed it back so that I could see her eyes and lifted her head up. "I can see your eyes better. That's always a plus. Because those eyes are the first thing I fell in love with." I said. "If you like it then I love it."
Nessie smiled slightly. "I don't see what beauty there is. I'm fat. I'm crabby. I'm moody. I'm tired all the time. I eat everything in sight! I'm-"
"Pregnant." I finished. "There's nothing wrong with that."
"Not when you're a single mother." she showed me, looking away. She still doesn't believe me.
I took her locket in my hand. "Nayeli. More than my own life." I whispered. "You're not going to be a single mother. Not with me here." I reassured.
"What if something happens to you like you said? I mean, it has happen before and it has happen now! I can't raise these two by myself!"
"Do you honestly I'm going to let somebody else raise my son and daughter?" I brought my head close to hers. "Let alone have another man kiss my Renesmee? Because I think I am perfectly capable of raising my twins than anybody else. And let's not start on the kissing."
Renesmee smiled at me and got down on her knees, wrapping her arms around my neck. She got as close to me as her stomach allowed her and said, "Remind me." she flirted.
I brought my mouth to hers and kissed it. "Marry me." I thought, pulling away.
"No." she smiled lightly, shaking her head.
I kissed her again but this time longer. I pulled away. "Marry me." she shook her head no with a smile. "Marry me." I said this time against her lips.
"In a few months."
I kissed her. "Marry me."
"After a the babies are born."
"Marry me."
"After you graduate college." she kissed me this time, only deeper. "I will marry you after you graduate."
"Then I'll go enroll right now at a JC on the rez."
I was about to get up but she dragged me back down.
"Since I've been asking you the same question we'll make a deal. When you graduate from whatever college you want, then we'll marry each other. You're right. We're far from ready."
"I'm ready. You're ready." I said.
"I just want to know that you'll marry me someday."
"Right now. I love you. You love me. Let's go find a preacher."
"No." Nessie stated. "Why are you changing your mind?"
I didn't know why at first but now I did. "I don't want to loose you." I admitted, hanging my head down like a child.
Nessie kissed my cheek. "Come back to me."
"Forever." I answered, kissing her again. "Now say you love me."
Nessie leaned back and crossed her arms. "No." she showed me with a smirk. Oh, she wants to play that game.
"I love you, Jacob. Come on. It's not that hard to say."
"Easy for you." she mumbled.
"Say it."
"Nope."
"I-"
"Nada-"
"Love-"
"No can do-"
"You-"
"No."
"Jacob."
"Not going to happen and you can't make me." Nessie stated determinedly
I raised any eyebrow at her. "Oh, really? We'll just see about that. I'm sure I can change that quick." I said. I swooped her up and ran out the bathroom, both of us laughing. I took the stairs two at a time to be careful with her.
"We'll be back in a few hours." I told her family as I headed to the door.
"I really don't think Renesmee is able to travel this moment. Her condition right now can easily change." Carlisle said. He had a point.
"I'll be careful. I promise. Maybe if I get away for a little, I'll feel better." Nessie tried to plead. I could see Nessie focus on Carlisle so I assumed this was another private conversation.
"Wait. You're going out in that?" Alice said as if what Nessie was wearing is the ugliest thing in the world.
"I think she looks pretty hot in it." I shrugged, making Nessie blush.
"Of course you think that." Rosalie commented, making a joke at my previous behavior.
"This is not a date." Renemsee said, rolling her eyes. "And I don't feel like changing."
"It's the same thing. I'm sure you can wait a few more minutes more." Alice pushed.
"There is nothing wrong with yoga pants and a t-shirt." Nessie stated while I considered my options. Do I leave or try to make Nessie feel beautiful.
"Don't even think about it, Black. Now go." she ordered.
I laughed. "I'll be careful with her." I promised and walked out the house to my car. I opened the back door and sat Nessie in it.
"One, why are you putting me in the backseat? Two, why are we taking your car?"
"So you can stretch out, and you should know where we're going…if I can find my keys." I patted my pockets. They weren't there. I opened the car door up front to see if I forgot them there. Nothing. I couldn't remember the last time I used a car and I had no clue where the keys were. Maybe Nessie's pregnancy dinginess was rubbing off on me.
An image of them on the dark, mahogany, wood dresser in our bedroom became what I saw. Once everything became normal I saw Nessie look away too nonchalantly. I reached back and kissed her on the cheek. "Where would I be without you?" I asked.
"Beats me?" I shrugged. "Now lets hope you don't get stuck."
I gave her a mysterious smile. "Wanna bet?"
I backed out, and was doing good until I hit the back of my head. I heard Nessie giggle as she watched me. "Ha, ha. Very funny." I grumbled as I got out. "I'll be back before you miss me."
I ran to the cottage to grab my keys. I had to get Renesmee to say she loved me. Not because it was dire, but my competitive side got the best of me. Nessie made this a game and I had to win. Isn't that was love is? A game you have to beat?
I ran back to the car to see Renesmee leaning against the door. She changed into something that made my mouth drop. How did she change that fast?
"Alice." Nessie said, reading my mind. Her dress was short, which surprised me with her gigantic stomach. She was doing this on purpose.
Nessie threw a shirt in my direction. It hit me in the chest and fell to the ground. I was too stunned to say anything. She looked like a drop dead goddess.
Nessie walked closer to me and put a hand on my bare chest right above my heart. The sunset made her skin and dress glow. "She said that I needed to show you what you were going to miss if you walked out again. So, you're going to take me out to dinner, with that shirt on I might add, we're going to get an idea on what we want to get the babies, and then we are going to go the meadow. Everybody else hated the idea expect me for and aunt Alice." she commanded. "But I think some time alone just the two of us will be good."
I nodded, simply standing there like an idiot. She's got me running out of air.
She reached up and kissed me. I didn't bother to move because I was too dumbstruck. I was still stunned whenever I slipped on the shirt and helped her in the car. I fumbled with the keys then eventually was able to crank the car.
"You promise that you won't overdue it?" I asked.
"Cross my heart."
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
Right now, love was winning the game. My plan backfired. The whole night I acted stupid and useless to be around. My punishment was making me act like an idiot. I enjoyed it.
We went to some expensive restaurant that had crappy service. So Nessie and I left and found some old run down, hole in the wall, pizza shack where the seats stuck to our legs. Nessie wanted to go there so I gave in. We ordered two large pizzas and stayed there a lot longer than we planned.
We talked about my choice of college. Nessie said that if we were going to move that it would be no use to set up an extravagant nursery here. She said it would be best to go ahead and enlist in some schools now and ask for an early acceptance. Other than that, we had no clue where we were going to live after Sage and Grace were born. We needed to figure it out quick.
We never were able to shop for our twins because we lost time at the pizza shack. The lady was way too nice to kick us out. She said we reminded her of how her and her husband were when they were expecting. I've got to admit it felt good to laugh at anything such as Nessie's cute, gorgeous smile or when she got cheese stuck on her face.
I was now driving her to the meadow, taking the long way back. I wanted us to live in this carefree moment for a little while longer. I even made wrong turns and went slower just to make the whole trip longer. Nessie noticed but never said anything about it. It got hard for her to ride up front so she laid down in the back seat.
"Apartment or house-assuming you want to go out of state." Nessie said as she lounged on the backseat. I could see her in the rearview mirror turning from one position to another.
I have thought about going out of state but I knew that was only a dream. But it still didn't hurt to have that dream. "Doesn't matter. I mean, what are we going to do when the twins get older? Between a half vampire, a seven foot tall werewolf, and two toddlers? Thing are going to get crowded." I shrugged.
"But then what if we want to move out? We'll have a house we need to sell-"
"And your family has connections that we could even dream of. They could have our house sold before we move out." I laughed. "But if you want an apartment then I guess we can look into it."
I realized I was talking like we were really actually moving. It didn't seem like a bad idea but how would it work? How could I handle what I'm doing out of state? I've only pictured of wanting to give them a life outside of here. I wanted to give the love of my life a life outside of danger. I wanted my life to be filled with opportunities. Where my son and daughter can look at me and see someone to be proud of.
"Now, if you decide to hold off for a few months, I think it would be best if we moved into your house for a little while." Renesmee said as she again. This time she put her bare feet on the window. I don't think she cared if it looked weird.
"What about your family? It'll be hard for them to come on the reservation a lot." I commented back.
"They'll eventually have to move back, Jacob! And God! This dress is so aggravating!: Renesmee moaned. "Okay. If we don't move before my family then we can stay with them for a little while longer. Believe me, they would be a huge help. If we decide to stay and they have to go, we'll set up the extra room in your house as a nursery until they get older."
I could tell Nessie was getting uncomfortable and aggravated so I dropped the subject. She eventually sat up and rubbed her stomach. "Whose idea was it to take a long trip, anyway?"
"Yours."
"Well it was stupid. Riding pregnant sucks."
"They're awake?"
"One's dancing on my ribs and the other feels like it's karate chopping my spine. I'm ready for these two even when we're not prepared! We need to get dippers, clothes, pacifiers, blankets, bibs! It's great their families have gotten some of that but don't you think we need to also? We don't even know if they'll drink blood or milk!" Nessie exasperated.
I reached back and took her hand. "Relax, okay? It'll be fine?"
"Why are you not worried about this?"
I wanted to say because I had far more worries than just that. I had to keep them alive first. If she died then all those things would be the last of my worries. I may even try to kill Sage and Grace and anybody who got in my way. But I had to think positive. She would see my doubt and give up again. I couldn't loose her. You can take away anything just don't take away my family.
"If you're so worried about it then we'll find time to look." I joked. "But I think a few people will take over so…"
"Over my dead body." she mumbled, trying to get comfortable while I tensed up. "Are we close yet?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Almost."
"Well, almost isn't good enough when your kids are acting like flipping cage fighter!"
"Do I see a tradition starting?"
"Shut up, mutt." Nessie hissed at me. Talk about mood swings.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
We walked through the front door soaking wet and laughing. We went to the meadow and stayed there for hours-or until the rain started to get bad enough. Even after we headed back to the car we didn't bother going home. We fell asleep in the Vanquish after I tried to get her to say that she loved me No luck on my part but I swore she would say it eventually. I even phased just to get her to say it. Nothing!
"You're late." was all Edward said.
I look at Nessie confused. She had a curfew? Nessie was a grown woman. She was about to be a mother. One night away from home could have harmed her but the smile on her face proved that she was happy. She's been locked up in prison for so long. We both have. Maybe we needed to do this more often.
Nessie raised her shoulders, biting her lips to hide her smile. "I forgot?" she said as if that lie was a suggestion.
"More like you didn't bother to tell me." I thought to her.
"Maybe."
"Nessie, you could have made your condition worse. You need rest-" Carlisle started but Nessie cut him off.
"I'm pregnant. Not dying from some disease. I had fun. Jake had fun. Sage and Gracie fought. I'm fine. Just because I passed my "curfew' doesn't mean it's the end of the world." Nessie laughed.
I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, laying my hand on her stomach and resting my head on her shoulder. I hoped to feel movement from my twins but they fell asleep right when Nessie was unable to. "At least I had her home by six." I said, feeling Nessie laugh. I realized I really didn't care what I did in front of her family.
"In the morning." Emmett coughed.
"At least it wasn't in the evening." Renesmee laughed as she tried to side step out of my hold when I tried to kiss her. That only made me bring her closer.
"But it was the next day."
Nessie groaned and rolled her eyes. "Fine." she huffed, dragging me upstairs and into the bathroom.
"What was that about?" I asked Renesmee as she went into the bathroom and I leaned against the door frame.
"Check up. Now I really need to get out of this death trap!" Nessie shouted then hit the bathroom counter. She tried to unzip it in a hurry but it got stuck. "Jake…" she trailed, blowing her short hair out of her face.
"Come here." I said, smiling. Nessie smiled back at me. She attempted to walk over to me but tripped. I caught her before she could hit face first into the floor.
When I caught her, she stayed in my arms. She plopped down her knees to the ground but gripped my biceps tights. Her head bent to the ground, her bronze mess covering her face. I reached and unzipped her dress to give her a little comfort.
"Ness?" I knelt down with her and brought her as close to me as I could get. I felt tears trail down her face and his my shoulder. "What's wrong?"
Nessie looked up at me and projected me how she felt afterwards when she backed out of getting rid of them. She was afraid to look at them when before she wanted to kill them.
I didn't know what to say. I could understand. How can you hate something that you've fallen in love with them? I tried to hate Sage and Grace but I couldn't. I tried to hate Nessie but that failed too. I tried to regret her and my kids but it didn't work. Nessie thought I would come back if she aborted my children. I didn't want that.
"I'm glad you're putting them first." I thought. "I'm sorry I said I regretted imprinting on you. I don't. I love you, Renesmee. You've changed me into the man I want to be. I don't regret our twins. I love them too. I can't loose you."
"I love you, my Jacob."
YES! She said she loved me! I…I'm sounding like an idiot right now.
"But how can I be a good mother when I wanted to get rid of them?"
I pulled back from Nessie and looked at her in the eye. "You're extremely moody. You did something drastic. You thought I hated you and I thought you were giving up. It was just words that we both regret."
Nessie hissed. "I wish I could go back in time and change those things!"
I stayed silent. I wished I could too. The beginning, the time I was bit, the time I let Nessie walk away, and now. "Then we wouldn't be where we are now."
"Two stupid people that have no clue how to raise a kid much less two?"
"Nah. I had more practice than you."
Nessie laughed while I rubbed her back. "It's amazing how we're arguing one minute then laughing with each-" Nessie paused to yawn, "other the next.
"Wouldn't change a thing." I whispered. Renesmee got up, obviously falling asleep.
I saw Nessie stumbled but I caught her. "Are you okay?" I asked, worried.
"Yeah. I didn't fall asleep like somebody." Nessie laughed as she slipped out of her dress and back into her yoga pants and t-shirt.
"Hey. I was stoned out, okay. Cut me some slack." I said in my defense.
Nessie projected me the moments where I thought she was the hottest thing ever, that she was a good kisser, how I thought she snorted like a mix between a pig and a geeky girl. She projected to me how I tried to walk but fell face first on the floor, the things I would say, the faces I made. It all resulted in me looking away in embracement. If Nessie hung that over my head then I imagined what the pack will do.
"Besides, you did hit that jackpot. A rich, pregnant chick with eternal beauty who is a good kisser." Nessie patted my chest and walked out of the room. I stared at her.
She was right. I did hit the jackpot.