They weren't often physically affectionate. Even if they hadn't been withdrawn people to begin with, they wanted to keep things on the down low for now. Besides, Blake didn't like it unless it was talked out before hand. Relationships, even ones built on mutual trust and respect, had a way of burning out at their age. Wise enough to know it and young enough to plow ahead anyway, they danced around telling their team mates the whole truth, or even setting down firm labels on what their relationship might be. If there was any fallout, they wanted to keep the radius of destruction to an absolute minimum.
But as much as Weiss struggled against it, things seemed to be heading in that direction.
Learning how to talk to Blake had been her first challenge, one she rolled up her sleeves and tackled with grim, almost sisyphean determination. Every time she got too close, Blake threw up a thick, cold wall that sent her stumbling backwards back to square one. Angered, frustrated, and confused, she nevertheless kept at it out of spite, and pride, and something else. Something bright and frightening, close to her chest, that only bloomed on those rare days when Blake smiled at her.
But she was running out of steam. She didn't wake up anymore on the mornings after she and Blake made love, patting the space on the mattress next to her. She already knew it would be empty.
The first time it happened- the first time she'd fallen asleep with Blake's arms wrapped around her only to wake up abandoned- she'd been ready to burn down the school. Instead of scraping and groveling, Blake had cooly asked her to tone it down. She took her hand, and Weiss hated how much the simple contact mollified her. Sick of scraps as she was, her hunger for affection ran even deeper.
Though she tried not to be, she was wildly jealous of Blake's partnership with Yang. The fact that she and Ruby were room mates. The easy conversations they had about stories and weapons as Weiss listened, leaning against Ruby with her head resting on her partner's shoulder. She was being selfish, she knew, and possessive, but the more Blake pulled away, the more savagely she held on.
Blake had been talking to her less and less, creating emotional distance to stack on top of the lack of physical contact. She couldn't even remember the last fleeting, quick peck to the lips Blake had given her, the one that tasted like an obligation. They never held hands, not even in private, not anymore.
How much of her clinginess was her wanting to hold onto Blake, and how much was just her inability to accept a defeat with any amount of grace? Maybe it was time to end things. Quick and clean, a single cut to be bandaged later. But the weeks rolled by, and things didn't get any better, and the last of the leaves had fallen from the treetops by the time Blake came to do it herself.
Half her room was already packed up, the rest already stored in Ruby's room, since her partner wasn't going to be leaving during the winter break like Weiss. Yang had already swung by to give her a bone crushing hug, apologizing that she had cleanup duty in the Emerald Forest in the morning and wouldn't be around to see Weiss off. Pulling out the chair to her desk, he swung one leg over it and sat in it backwards, chin propped on the back rest. She rattled on about her duties as one of the few students staying behind for the break, about her plans to maybe visit a club tonight and would Weiss like to come? No? Oh well your loss.
Shooting the breeze for an hour as Weiss packed and fussed over her travel gear, her sudden silence made Weiss look up to see her staring at the open doorway. Following her line of sight, her heart dropped like a stone to see Blake. She knelt, her bag still half unpacked before her, Yang awkwardly hovering around in the background.
On some level, she knew.
Yang excused herself too quick to fool Weiss; Blake must have told her. Trying to keep herself busy with plots of revenge on her, Weiss didn't react when Blake quietly shut the door behind Yang. She stood with her back to the door, leaning against it slightly, and watched Weiss without a word.
"Come to say good bye?" Weiss said after a while, lightly. Too lightly.
"Yes. But I can't stay for long."
"You rarely do."
Blake's expression twitched at that, averting her gaze. "I know we're team mates, and friends, and I hope we stay that way," she began, very carefully, and that was really the part that drove Weiss to slam her luggage shut, startling Blake into jumping.
There was nothing she hated more than dancing around the point, and she'd been doing it far too often for Blake. But if she was right, then she didn't have to anymore. She didn't have to do anything except be an impeccable team mate. "Just spit it out," she snapped, shooting her a poisonous glare. "For once, Blake, please don't make me go digging for what you really mean. Talking to you is like pulling teeth, and there's not often a lot of reward for the effort."
Blake closed her eyes, looking like a saint seeking patience. It irked her terribly, worse than she could ever say. "Listen, if you're here to break up with me, say it." She stressed it. "Say it. Or is that too difficult for our most cryptic, mysterious Belladonna?"
"I'm not trying to be difficult-"
"Well, you're failing. Or not trying hard at all, I don't know which is worse." Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Weiss got up, dragging her luggage to the corner with the other packed bags. "Because lord knows you don't have the same problem with Yang."
"Yang is my partner," she pointed out, eyes tracking Weiss as she stalked the room, still not fully packed. "We're close by necessity."
"And Ruby?"
Blake had nothing to say to that, just narrowed her eyes. And Weiss knew this was it, all of her aggression and frustrated, lonely feelings getting channeled out where they didn't necessarily belong or would be best spent, but there it was. "You let her touch you," Weiss continued, nails digging into the fabric of the shirt she was folding.
Blake hadn't heard her. "...What?"
"You let her touch you," Weiss said again, louder, flinging the shirt at Blake, who caught it with a surprised look. "You let her hold you. I have to basically sign a waiver before I'm even allowed to kiss you. And why? Because it might hurt her feelings if you say no?"
She looked like she was about to agree before realizing what it implied- she'd said no to Weiss several times. Quite often. "It's complicated," she said, finally. "I'm not going to apologize for it. Yang doesn't want to have sex with me. It's different."
"How?" Weiss demanded, not letting this go. There was going to be fallout from this, for sure, and she was contributing to it. But at this point she didn't care if she brought down a nuclear winter; Blake might be breaking up with her, but at least they were talking again. Even if it hurt. So, so much.
Starting to raise her voice in reponse to Weiss's increasingly loud tone, Blake took a step forward, glaring. "It just is!"
She threw her hands up helplessly, not stating how incredibly stupid that answer was, but projecting it loud as day regardless. "So after I come back from the winter break and the dust is all settled, you'll let me hug you no strings attached because we won't be having sex anymore? Is that how this works?"
Blake grit her teeth. "No-"
"Because, you know, that actually makes a bit of sense! You were a hell of a lot more engaging before you saw me naked." She was pressing her luck and she knew it, but she kept on. Something here was ready to break, and it sure as hell wasn't her.
"It's because you- I've been trying to do this because I-"
Her temper flashed; this was it. She felt it like a hound on the scent, knowing the prey was finally within its jaws. "Because what? Because you're tired of me now? Or did you learn all you could from me, and you're ready to move on to another person with a family you hold a vendetta against? Or-"
Blake exploded.
"—Because it was easier when I didn't care!"
Weiss flinched, quickly backtracking. "What," she said, stiffly folding her arms, spine straight as a rod. "Is that supposed to mean?"
She raked her fingers through her hair, eyes full to the brim with tears that still hadn't started falling yet. Weiss wondered how long it would take. "I didn't used to feel this way," she said, "It never mattered to me what you thought about me, do you understand? Your opinion didn't matter. You were a thing." It jabbed into her, cold as a steel spike in her chest. "I was toying with you. I didn't care about you at all, or what you thought about me." She held her head with both hands now, expression completely broken. "What you might think. I'm so scared of you, Weiss. You have no idea how much you terrify me."
As her stomach slowly sank with every biting word, some small, cynical side of her didn't know why she even bothered feeling betrayed.
Was this really anything new?
People had been using her since as long as she could remember. But what did Blake stand to gain? She never wanted to be given expensive gifts, or shown off. Hell, she wasn't even sure anyone knew about their relationship except Yang, so it couldn't be bragging rights over managing to bed a Schnee. Blake's answer made no sense at all.
She was crying openly now, though she made no noise. Her shoulders shook with the force of her tears, face covered in shame, and Weiss was torn between wanting to boot her out and wanting to comfort her, even now. Before she realized it, she'd been reaching out to touch her, hold her, but the way Blake broke free of her own misery to bristle at her made it clear that it wouldn't be well received. "But if you're so scared," Weiss said, numbly holding herself instead. "Why stick around this long?"
"I didn't plan to fall in love with you," Blake said. "And Weiss, I do love you. So much. And that's why I can't stand-" she rubbed at her eyes with her forearm, trying to catch the tears on her sleeve. "I can't stand keeping it secret. I can't let you touch me because- because-"
What?
And in an instant, it hit her.
Decisively closing the space between them, she looked at Blake with brand new eyes, carefully combing over every detail she knew about her. The scars on her back, the not so subtle dips in the conversations they'd had over the year. "What are you scared I'll feel?" she asked, and the way Blake's eyes lit up with fear cemented it.
But Blake didn't back away.
So she touched her.
She ran her thumb down Blake's sides for the first time, mentally counting out each rib as they bumped past. Noting that there was one too many. Stepping closer, so that barely an inch of space rested between them, she slipped her fingers underneath the hem of her shirt, feeling her tremble underneath.
She felt her back, the scars criss crossing and rough. The largest one sat at the base of her spine, a gruesome star just over her buttocks. There was a lump there, invisible to the naked eye, but Blake took her hand and guided her there directly, instructing her to dig in just a bit with her fingertips.
Stupid. She had been so, so stupid.