Chapter 24
Nessie's point of view:
One month to go…
It was hard not having Jacob around. Especially when I was eight months pregnant. Jordan and Ethan were still having trouble adjusting. Ethan latched himself to Jacob while all Jordan did was cause trouble. He started it a lot more and so Jacob was forced to make him stay glued to an older wolf's side.
It stressed Jacob about even more. He saw me less than what we both hoped for and when he was able too it would be a miracle just to get him for ten minutes. It made him angrier, tenser, and to the point where I didn't want to be near him because he would get upset which caused me to get upset. We worried day and night where this would put the twins but I was forced to brush that to the back of my mind. It was causing too much for me. I had to make the mantra of they needed to be born first.
Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper, sometimes Esme and my parents, would fly back and forth from Washington to Connecticut to get our house ready. Now that I'm closer to my due date, Grandma, Momma, and Daddy stuck to my side. The others will be back way closer to my baby shower.
Last but not least, I hate being pregnant. The huge body, the achy feet, the feeling miserable all the time was getting old and I was so ready for Match twenty-second. It was weird at nights without Jacob. I'm lucky I get a glimpse of my wolf through the window. And my crazy mood swings weren't helping. I would be happy one minute, hating him the next, then crying because I was so upset because I said I hated him.
I knocked on Abby's door and she answered before I was ever finished. I decided to spend some time with her today. It seems like forever since we've been able to hang out.
"About flippin' time!" she mumbled in my ear as she hugged me.
"Blame my prison wardens." I laughed as I walked through the door.
Abby's brother, Hudson, came into the living room with Karli's brother Drew. It's been literally a forever since I've seen him. "You know, big sister, did mother say you can have guest?" Hudson asked, munching on a bag of chips.
"Shut up, you idiot. I'm an adult now." Abby snapped. I stifled a laugh when my stomach growled and my throat burned.
"Whoa! Ness, I didn't picture you as the whole pregnant type." Drew joked, winking at me.
"Yeah, I didn't either. Prom night kind of messed up that. How's New York?" I asked, leaning against the wall because my feet already hurt.
"Busy. How's the family preparing life?"
"Horrible." I moaned.
"Okay! She is only eight months pregnant! No need to bombard her with questions before she goes into labor." Abby exasperated.
"Aww, come one, Abbs. I'm just catching up with an old friend. One minutes she's kicking butt in volleyball and the next she's become some hot, pregnant chick." Drew said, winking at me again. I can see where this is going.
"Thank you very much, Andrew. You know? Jacob, my boyfriend, seems to think I'm very beautiful too. But to him I'm more than just some hot, pregnant chick." I smiled, ending anything before it could even start.
Abby grabbed my arm and dragged me to her room while we were both giggling. I heard Hudson mumble to Drew, "You just got told, man." It only made our giggles worse.
I took off my shoes and laid on Abby's bed with a sigh. She shut her door and sat next to me. "That bad, huh?"
I looked at her, rubbing my stomach. (Which was bulging huge I might add.) "You have no idea. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have one going at it at night and the other one during the day. Image what little sleep I get." I whined, knowing my friend would think it was funny.
"They say it gets easier the second time around."
I glared at her. "There will not be a second time around." I growled.
"What if Jake wants another in a few years? What if Sage and Grace wants a little brother or sister?"
"Well, they can keep dreaming because it will not happen."
Abby laid down with me and we settled on a television channel. My mind went to Jacob but then Abby snapped my attention back. "You know Megan planned her bachelorette party on your baby shower!"
"And she had the guts to invite me." I breathed.
"She knows you're having your baby shower on March twenty-second! She even had the guts to invite me!"
I laughed but then sighed. It may be Megan but I knew who was allowing it. " I know the real reason behind it."
I projected to Abby how it wasn't a coincidence. It was Kaleb.
"That makes no sense! He kissed you and then avoids you. That's not fair!"
"It doesn't matter, Abby. I love Jacob. Kaleb can do whatever he wants to do." Right now it was just an absent Jacob that I loved but all in the same.
My heart twisted, missing my Jake. Abby saw that and took my hand. She missed her Seth but she wasn't about to give birth. Jacob was missing those moments. I say that I understand but not when I'm sitting there alone when Grandpa runs test. Or when I wake up from Grace or a bad dream and he's not there. Or when I suggest him getting sleep he snaps at me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Jake's missed those moments when I projected to my family how I wanted the nursery and house designs. Abby should count herself lucky.
"It's okay." Abby said as tears went down my face.
"Sorry." I mumbled, wiping them away. I am so sick and tired of crying.
"Maybe you should have a chat with Emily. I mean, she was in the same position you're in now." she suggested as we laid back down.
Abby was right. Emily was in my shoes once. She was eight months pregnant when Sam finally stepped down as second Alpha. He helps Jake run the tribe so that has to still be a strain. Emily knows she can only have her husband half the time because he's needed else where too.
"So…how's the move?"
"Slow. How's the job hunt?"
"Horrible. I might just suck it up and just go to college."
"What do you want to go into?"
"Medicine. Like you."
I busted out laughing. I remembered when I wanted to become a doctor so bad. Now you hardly ever see me without my camera. I always wanted to go to college and med school. Now I just want to be a mom.
"What's so funny?"
I turned to my side, still in my laughing fit. "Nothing." I giggled. "I just think it's funny."
"What?"
"I was so bound to be a doctor. Everybody expected it to be! Now I'm eight months pregnant!" I laughed. I think Abby's starting to wonder if I was crazy.
I turned down college because then I never saw it in my future any time soon. Now I'm putting it off because of my angels. Having one parent in school would be hard. I didn't want two parents absent. I wanted to be with Sage and Grace. I barely see Jacob as it is and I know it'll only get worse once we move. I just don't want the twins to go through that. My parents were never absent in my life. My mother put off college to be with me. I'm going to do the same for my kids. I'll go to college someday.
My laughs turned back into sobs. I say I'm ready to be a mother but am I really? Is Jacob ready to be a father? It seems that he's avoiding me. It didn't seem long ago that we were in Spain and now we were so close to being parents.
I cheated on him and now I'm about to have his twins! There wasn't even a chance I could get pregnant and that one single time happen and look where I'm at. I never pictured myself as a mother but now I am in that position. Was I ready? Was Jacob?
A sharp pain rippled through my stomach and I sucked in a breath while the tears kept coming. I curled into a ball and shivered. I think Abby went from skepticism to worry.
"Nessie!" she shouted, turning me onto my back. Talk about doctor mode.
"I'm fine." I panted and cried at the same time. "They moved was all; and don't worry about my breakdown either."
"I'm not. You projected to me all your worries by accident What I'm worried about is what just happen." she said. I stupidly blushed.
"I'm fine." I insisted again. "The three of us just miss Jacob."
"I think it's more than just that."
"Abby!" I yelled. "Just drop it!"
Honestly, this scared me. The pain, the premature contractions, the shivering. I didn't want anything to happen to us.
Abby knew I was scared so she wrapped me up in a hug. We both missed our wolves but it was what had to be done. I just wish my Jake was here with me while I'm planning his children's coming.
"You know in a few weeks I'll be over at your house holding whatever kid that anybody doesn't already have." she laughed.
"I know. I have a feeling my wardens, though, won't let me out after this. They'll lock me up and throw away the key."
"Well…"
I'm glad I have Abby as a friend. Right now I needed her even when I needed Jake the most. I knew he needed to be out there but did he have to put me as the one that needed to be put on the back burner?
"I don't see how you walk without tripping?" Abby said, sizing up my stomach.
"Barely." I breathed. "I'm miserable."
"I bet you are." she mused.
I pinched her. "Ow!" she exclaimed, slapping me. It didn't do nothing but feel light as a feather and that even made me laugh.
"You try being pregnant with twins!" I grumbled, sitting up because my back hurt from lying on it.
"That's all for you and Rachel."
"Haha. Yeah, watch what you say because one day it'll slap you in the face. Just watch out. Karma sucks."
Abby's phone went off and she rushed to it. She looked down at the caller I.D and that made her face light up. She held her finger up and stepped out of the room. I laughed slightly to myself. My crazy, human friend. I can still her hear and she knows it.
"Hey." Seth said and Abby greeted back. They went through the whole love you sappy stuff when the conversation got interesting.
"So Ness is at your house." Seth asked after he wanted to come visit.
"She was tired of being stuck at home so I invited her here. She misses Jake like crazy. It's killing her."
"Same for him. He's pushing himself thin. Ethan's latched on to Jake and Jordan's making our lives miserable. Jake had to pry Ethan off of him just to phase back."
Phase back? Jacob's human and he hadn't bothered to come visit me? Or he just could have phased back.
"For how long has he been human?" THANK YOU, ABBY!
"I just switched so it has to be about twenty minutes now."
Anger flashed through me. I know Jacob was needed else where but if he's not doing anything else then he's mine. Unless he has tribal matters, or family problems, to take care of. Maybe that could be it.
"Tribal stuff?"
"No."
I gasped but kept reminding myself it was stupid. I was overreacting. This was so stupid to act like this.
I scooted down back into the sheets. What if he was avoiding me? If he was going to do that then I would too. I'm so stupid.
"Hey, Ness. Do you want to spend the night? I mean, I know who to call if you go into labor." Abby joked after hanging up the phase with Seth.
"I don't think my prison wardens are going to let that fly." I said, rubbing my stomach.
"How about something else?"
"Like what?"
"We'll figure it out on the way."
Beach? City? Off somewhere Jake's going to kill me for going? Doing something Jacob will kill me over? Sounds good to me. "Stop by Emily's?"
"Going to finally listen to me, huh?"
"Of course."
We put on our shoes and walked down to the main room. Hudson and Drew were in the living room playing Xbox. "We're going to Port Angeles. Tell mom I won't be back until late." Abby told Hudson who simply nodded without hearing a word Abby said.
We walked outside and I handed Abby my keys. She took them with a worried glance. I just ignored it. I really didn't feel like driving.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire." I showed my human friend with a smile.
"Very mature." she mused, speeding off.
"Well I am four."
As we drove, we blared my radio with Fast Car by Taio Cruz. The babies were moving energetically so they either loved the song or hated my singing The speakers blared but I didn't mind. Sage and Grace didn't either. This song brought up the night at prom, thus why we are all here.
I felt Sage and Grace move again and thought of an idea. I grabbed Abby's hand and laid it on my stomach. "Feel them?"
She laughed and nodded. "I'm so excited!" she squealed. "But can I ask why you're making me drive?"
I gave her an are you kidding me look and pointed to my stomach. There was a small flash of pain but this time I was able to hide it. The twisting pain in my heart was far worse.
I closed my eyes while Abby drove. So was Jake really avoiding me? Was I that bad? Or was I just being immature? Jacob wouldn't do that, would he? Not when it was so close to my due date. He would want to be with me. To drive me crazy because he thought I was porcelain. I would tell him to phase because he was so tense. He was just dealing with other business. This was no big deal.
I didn't realize we were pulling up to Sam and Emily's house until we were actually there. I have no clue on how Abby guilt tripped me into doing this.
"I hate you." I hissed at her.
"But you still love me." she sang. I playfully growled at her.
As I walked to the porch, Abby walked off to the woods. I playfully growled at her.
As I walked to the porch Abby walked to the woods. I projected to her why was she going over there and not in the house with me. She just flashed me a sly smile. That's when I saw a sandy wolf head peak out from the trees. Abby's came out more since high school.
"Call me." she thought.
"Don't do anything I would do."
"Like that could happen." she scoffed and went into the woods.
I knocked on the door with a huff. Since I was out I might as well be here. My parents, nor Jake, wouldn't like me not being here but I didn't care. I was so done with trying to make others happy.
"One second!" I heard Emily call. "Really, Channing Louise? Sam, take her."
I heard Channing whine and start fighting Emily with something. "No! Mine!" she shouted. I couldn't help but laugh.
"SAMUEL ULEY!"
Turns out ladies and gentlemen that paradise ends once you become parents. Heads up for us.
I heard Sam shuffle to open the door. Once he did, I finally saw what parenthood looked like with a toddler. Toys all over the place, Sam looking exhausted, Emily looked like she was about to cry any second from stress and exhaustion. The funny thing is Channing hasn't even hit the terrible twos yet.
"Hey, Ness." Sam mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"Late night?" I asked, stepping inside.
"Understatement." he mumbled again, picking up Channing when she toddled over to hum.
"Hey, you. Long time no see. Wardens let you off this time?" Emily asked as she did her best to try and hug me.
"Neh-see. Neh-see." Channing whined, wiggling out of Sam's arms. I held out my arms and she willingly come in. Sam and Emily hovered near me as if it was a bad idea.
"I'm fine." I said exactly when my stomach hurt again.
"Are you sure?" Sam asked.
"Yes! You have no clue how many people have asked that today!"
Both Sam and Emily didn't believe me but let it go anyway. Channing started playing with my locket. When Sam said he head to go, he tried to take his daughter to kiss her but all she did was wrap her arms around my neck and say no. After three tries he gave up and kissed Emily and squeezed my shoulder.
"You know. That's a first. She never says no to her daddy. It's usually just to me." Emily said.
"I can't help I'm irresistible." I joked. "Why did Sam have to leave so early? It's not his time to patrol is it?"
"Jordan duty." All I could do was nod when it reminded me of Jake.
Here goes nothing. I was so going to kill Abby. "How do you do it?" I blurted.
"Do what?"
I projected to her how I felt when I see Jacob for only a few minutes every other week or two; how it's getting so close for the twins to come and he's not even here; how I felt that Jacob was missing out; how I was scared; about Ethan and Jordan; how hard it was to be the Alpha's imprint. I wanted Jacob but I also understood that he needed to be with his brothers. It was in his blood and he was born to do this.
Emily huffed, smiling at Channing. "I…it happens. Sometimes we have our wolves one minute but the next we don't. We can't hide our feelings. It'll only make them feel worse that we're putting everything on hold for us. It put a strain on my marriage with Sam when I had to set up the nursery, pick out a name, and even go to doctors appointments without him.
"It is hard to be the Alpha's imprint. As hard as being a parent. But they both are amazing jobs-and kind have the same job description. Both are hard especially when you're needing him. I think you have to find balance as much as Jake does."
"What? A balance between wanting him or not?"
"Every relationship is different. Especially yours."
I looked down. Emily was right. I had to find balance and understanding. "But it's hard trying no to be selfish." I mumbled.
Emily took my hand and her scarred face smiled at me. "I know. Even now that Sam's not Alpha it's still hard to watch him go. Sometimes you just have to put on your brave face and move on. He'll just have to figure it out on his own the balance between family and duty."
I smiled and projected her a thank you. She was right. I had to suck it up while Jacob had to find the right balance of things. It was a team effort. We both had to work at it. If he's not working on avoiding me.
"Down!" Channing demanded. I bent down to help her when something popped and I gasped.
"Oh my God! Nessie, I am so sorry! I"ll-" Emily stated but I shook my head. In Channing's hand was my gold chain and locket.
"It's fine. I set myself up for it anyway." I shrugged it off. Even when it was only a few seconds since it was broken, my neck felt so bare.
"I'll buy you a new chain-"
"Emily. I said that it was okay. I set myself up for that. I mean, she's one. She can't help she likes shiny things. Just makes it hard for your bank account in the future. Besides, it was eventually going to break anyway knowing my two cage fighters." I laughed, rubbing my stomach.
I could see Emily was still upset about it. She knew how important that little necklace was to me. "I know-"
"I can always buy a new chain. It's not the end of the world." Even though I loved that simple locket my parents gave me as the first Christmas present for me, it wasn't going to kill me. My neck was just going to feel weird for a while.
I wiggled down to my knees in front of Channing. I reached out to grab it but Channing shook her head no. Emily scolded her but I just smiled.
"Hey, pretty girl," I cooed. "can aunt Nessie see that?"
"No."
I reached my hand to tickle her stomach and she giggled, letting go of the chain and locket. I snatched it up along with the locket before she even knew what was going on. I sat back down on the couch and huffed.
"Mission accomplished?"
"Very."
Emily scooted to get comfortable as we relaxed. Emily seemed so exhausted but she kept fighting through it anyway. For Channing. For Sam. It was something she made seem easy and that was for a human. I hoped I could be like that.
I leaned my head back and relaxed. My neck felt so bare. I hoped that this wasn't a sign of bad luck.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
Paul's point of view:
I have high respect for my younger brother-in-law. He was so much like my wife that it was scary. He was my Alpha. The leader of my tribe. He can be smart-witty and cunning even when he had to be. But right now he was a total idiot. This is payback, right?
I can understand Jake's reason of being away from Nessie. Ethan latched himself onto Jake since minute one. Jordan showed some feeling to me even when I was ready to kill him. I was shocked the kid even had a heart. I'm shocked he's still alive even after the many times Jacob has had to put the cocky teenager back in his place.
Alpha Almighty wanted to speak with Billy on how this changed things. It did. Could this mean my son phase when he was just going to be a toddler? Where would this put my nieces and nephew. Where would this put the next generation of wolves that were coming up?
"So when are you going to see Nessie?" my beautiful wife called from the kitchen. Her and my son were my world. If it wasn't for her or our son, I had no clue where I would be.
Jake rubbed his neck for the I lost count how many time. "Eventually." he just shrugged. That there threw up a red flag that something was up. With Nessie it was never just "eventually."
"Really?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
My son cooed in Jake's arms and he smiled. I knew Jake was scared of being a dad. That's why he was hiding. I hid from Rachel. Sam hid from Emily. Now Jake was hiding from Nessie. For the right reasons was the traditional excuse. He still hasn't figured out the balance of dad and leader. That's necessity that he needs to learn quick.
"Jacob," Rachel said sternly as she appeared in our living room, "Renesmee is eight months pregnant. And you are here!"
I could say something but I'm not. This was just too hilarious to watch him squirm under Rachel's interrogation.
"It's called being Alpha, Rach. I have other responsibilities." Jake restored back, glancing my way for help. Which only signaled my time to screw things up for him.
I leaned forward, "You know, she might go and find another baby daddy." I said.
Jake glared at me while Billy chuckled. Seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere with this argument, he tried to change the subject. "Back to the subject at hand-"
"The subject at hand is talking about why you're hiding away from Nessie." Rachel said, raising her voice a little. Jake sunk down lower into my couch and avoided my wife's gaze.
"I'm not avoiding her!"
"How often have you went to see her?" I quizzed with a smirk.
Jacob looked down and shrugged. Instead of answering he went back to talking about how could we handle Jordan and if he should let Ethan continue to phase. I say we kill Jordan and let the kid still run with four legs but my opinion doesn't really matter when Jake's calling the shots. Not that I'm complaining. My applause goes to Jake for what he's went through and is still able to run everything.
"Paul, do you think you can run with Jordan? He might take to you more than the others." Jake asked as if he completely forgot that he actually was avoiding his eight months pregnant girlfriend.
"Sure." I answered, not really trying to hide my hesitation. I winced, already imagining how this was going to work out. I have temper issues so that's why Jake's putting Jordan on me. This wasn't going to be pretty. "But if he starts trouble then I'll have to kill him."
Before Jake could even speak about that comment, Rachel butted in. "Great. Now you can put Ethan with somebody else."
"I can't do that." Jacob said.
"Yes, you can. Why are you so scared to be around Nessie? I know pregnant women are moody, and with Nessie it's times two, but are we that bad?"
Jake, Billy, and I never answered. To be honest, Rachel's moods swings were so bad she scared all of us. Emily was the same way but you could catch her in a good mood more often than not. Sam, Jake, and I are the only ones in the pack who are fathers. We can relate. Jake was scared and four legs was sometimes better than two-especially when you're hiding away from your moody imprint.
Rachel took our silence as an answer and scoffed, walking back into the kitchen. I could hear her mumbling but paid no mind to it. "So what are you going to do about Ethan?" I asked Alpha Almighty.
He hesitated. "Dad?"
"All up to you, Jake. That's your decision."
My brother-in-law moved Will so he could rub his head. He was torn between stopping Ethan's phasing so he can grow or let him do what he was born to do. It was a tough decision to make. I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't decide on the fate of so many lives. I couldn't handle having over thirty wolves looking at me and wait for my order. Rachel and Will were enough and even then I'm still not head of the household.
I didn't understand how Jake was going to handle after his move. I didn't really agree with it but I had to respect it. Like I wondered why he still chose Renesmee. But looking back at my own experience, I understood. Nessie was made for Jake just as Rachel was made for me.
"It's normal to be scared, right?" Jacob admitted. So he was finally admitting he was scared. The next step was to admit that he was avoiding Nessie. Then after that we have to convince him to start taking off to be with her. You would think we wouldn't have to do and he would. We're not that lucky.
"It is normal, son." Billy answered.
Jacob cleared his throat as if something was stuck. His hand went up to his neck again to grasp something. He didn't notice it but others did. He must be feeling Nessie's emotions. Some would think that I would be jealous that Rach and I aren't as connected as Jake and the half vamp. But you've got to think about it. Feeling Rachel's emotions every living second? I'm good with what we got. Maybe the one exception would be when she got drunk at Kim and Jared's wedding. Now that I would do.
I knew Jake had more to talk about but wouldn't say anything. Like every damn good leader, he was prideful too. "So why am I avoiding her?"
Yes! He's finally admitting it!
"Jake, it's normal. You're scared, Nessie's scared. It happens. You're becoming a parent and that means more you have to protect. Sam avoided Emily for a while. We all know what I did. You're avoiding Nessie. It just happens. You just need to find balance."
I grabbed my son from Jacob as he stared off into space. He was thinking it over. Good. I needed him out of my house.
Jacob winced, gripping his chest as if he was having a heart attack. It kind of scared me. Even Rachel came in and stood close to her brother.
"I've got to go." he whispered in pain then got up and ran out the house. We watched him go, already worried. We knew he was terrified for Nessie's life. It was going to kill him if she dies. I've already seen it in his thoughts.
Rachel came and wrapped her arms around my waist, kissing our son and then me. "Do you think she's going to be okay?" she asked, looking between me and Billy.
I hoped Nessie wouldn't die. For Jake's sake, for my niece and nephew, for her friends, for my father-in-law, for her bloodsucker family, for my wife's sake, for Nessie's sake, and mine. I've grown attached to the little half leech. She was apart of our pack in a way. She was ours as much as she was Jacob's.
Billy wheeled over and took Rachel's hand. "You know Nessie. She's not going anywhere." he said. It sounded like he's trying to make not only us but also himself believe it.
Rachel looked back up at me. Normally we're fighting vampires and that's what make us on edge. Now it's the Alpha's imprint. Not because of the danger she might bring but it's more of worry how long Jake's going to be able to hold on if she dies.
"You know Jake's not going to let her go anywhere." I tried to tell myself that but even I couldn't believe. I'm starting to not believe a lot of things. One of them was everything was going to be safe.
"Now," Rachel said, taking William and raising an eyebrow at me. "You've been avoiding me?
I have a feeling I won't be sleeping in my bed tonight.
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
Jacob's point of view:
Go see Nessie. Go see Nessie. Go see Nessie. You have to see her. You avoided her for a while because you're scared. You're about to be a father in only the matter of a few weeks. You should be with her. She's scared too. The pack can wait for a few hours. You have to think about Nessie.
You can worry about Jordan and Ethan later. Jordan can learn from Paul while Ethan…
No. If you think about it now then you won't go.
Ladies and gentlemen, you have now heard my inner monologue. Trust me, if you heard what the real world was saying, you would be talking to yourself too.
"I'm not running with Paul! He's a cocky son of a-" Jordan snapped but I growled at him.
"I don't care what you think!" I snapped. "You're not going to reveal what we our! That's not our purpose and we really don't need it! I am you Alpha and if I want to put you with Paul I will. So shut up and suck it up! Act like you're sixteen instead of six!"
My patience was wearing thin with him. He's attacked Ethan, the rest of our brothers, attempted to hurt the Cullens, he's even tried to hurt the humans. I had to put my foot down with that. I know he's hurt over the death of his dad but breaking the rules won't help. It just makes me trust him less and less.
At least Ethan was easy. He latched onto me since he turned. He's ran by my side in patrols, he's stayed close by during my rare, short visits with Nessie. Neither of them have been able to calm down enough to see their mom and sister. I hear it's killing them. Christina (their mother) seemed to be getting worse and worse. And my worry for the next generations phasing young more and more.
I should go see Nessie but I know she's angry with me. I've ignored our connection for this long and now it feels like that steel cable is pulling me. But I knew I should also stay out here too. I needed to figure out what to do. To prepare things for when we move.
"Go see Nessie." Quil said.
"Is that an order?" I joked.
"Nope. You can only do that. I'm only telling you as your friend to stop acting like an idiot. And also that have you thought she could possibly be in labor." he mentally shrugged.
WHAT?!
"And Kaleb could be there…"
I sped up quicker just because of that, hearing Ethan right behind me. I have no clue why he took to me when I was far from the perfect he's thinking I am. I couldn't think about that right now. I can't think about whether or not I should let him be a kid or stay phasing. It was one of the many decisions I've got to make. Probably one of the hardest too.
I got to Nessie's house and stopped. The cable kept pulling painfully and I couldn't help but let out a whine. I could feel her emotions. I was excited to see her. I missed her and she deserved an apology.
I took a step forward. Ethan got right underneath me and I stopped, remembering the other times he's tripped me and I accidentally hurt him. I wanted to shout at him but he was young and scared. Ethan was a kid. Jordan's pushed my limits. That was the difference. I've tried helping both of them but it was never enough.
"No!" Ethan shouted, trying to push me back.
"I have to, buddy." I said, impatient. "Nessie can have her babies any day and I need to make sure she's okay."
The cable pulled again and I whined. I told him I would be back. I couldn't answer him when because I didn't really know and I didn't want to lie to him. Having Nessie mad at me for lying to her is bad enough.
I phased and threw my shorts on. Ethan whined and guilt settled me. How can I be with Nessie when I have two who can't control their emotions long enough to be human? To actually have a life. But then Nessie needed me too. She can have Sage and Grace practically any day now. I have to apologize for snapping at her, for lying to her, and for avoiding her. I was just as scared as she was. I needed to find the balance between my family and everything else. It was necessary if we were going to move.
I climbed up the house and went through a window that led to another room. I walked into the hallway and into Nessie's room. A bowl of ice cream sat on the bed and I laughed to myself. She was here.
I saw Nessie in the bathroom standing in front of a full length mirror. She hasn't noticed me-yet. She was surveying her frame, most definitely her stomach.
"You know. Mommy has never been this fat. You two really know how to throw me surprises. Just keep it to a minimum for right now until you're closer to being born." Nessie said to her stomach as she rubbed it.
She raised her shirt up and ran her hand over it again and rested it at the bottom, as if she was cradling it. She made a sound of discuss and shook her head. While Nessie thought she was ugly I thought she was the most beautiful, priceless jewel I've ever seen.
Nessie looked up and saw me, "So you're back." she said, not turning to look at me.
"Haven't I promised I always would?"
I walked up and wrapped my arms around her waist. Again, as if we were magnets, she stepped into my embrace. Opposites attacked. When we're mad at each other.
I kissed her on the cheek as she turned to look up at me. "So you're not going to snap at me like you've been doing every time I open up my mouth?"
I looked away, completely filled with guilt. "I'm sorry." I breathed. "You shouldn't have gotten the blunt of my bad mood."
"Are you sorry about not being there when I decided on our house designs-considering that we are still moving? Are you sorry about not being there when I told Aunt Alice how to put the nursery? Are you still calling these kids yours?"
She got out of my hold and looked at me now. I nodded yes to all of them, filled with more guilt Soon Nessie started throwing strong, angry projections at me of how she designed the nursery, the house, images of the babies, Kaleb being around but still keeping a good distance away, of how selfish she felt because she needed me, how she was hurt that I was avoiding her. Then her thoughts became calmer and she started projecting to me how she thinks the babies are starting to look a lot more like me than her, the colors of the nursery she picked, how worried she was about me, about Ethan and Jordan, and if we were going to move or not.
My vision came back and Renesmee's face was what I saw. I had to fight the instinct to kiss her. It was extremely tempting to refill on my addiction. She wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss her. Sometimes I hated us being connected because she's killing me and she knows it.
"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I…" I was making up excuses but I needed to just shut it. I needed to be-should have been-with my brothers but I should have also saw my brown eyed beauty every minute I was able to get away. Because it would be my luck and Nessie would have to introduce me to my own son and daughter because I wasn't there. It wasn't something I wanted to choose.
Nessie didn't say anything so I continued with my I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot speech. "I needed to be out there but I should have never avoided you. I'm so sorry."
She finally spoke. "Then why did you do it?"
"I…" I couldn't admit I was scared. She would get scared and then that would put us ruining what we're trying to rebuild. I was scared before and instead of telling her that I told her I regretted imprinting on her. Plus my pride got in the way.
Nessie grabbed my hand and led me back to the bedroom, pushing me down on a maroon love seat that sat in front of the glass wall. She got on top of me and curled into me, sighing. I tensed up but continued to push it down. I've got to get use to it and even when it gets the best of me to not snap.
I have to tell her. Now because I know she felt the same way. "I'm scared." I admitted it. There you go! I said it. I am scared of becoming a father!
"Me too; but I know we can do this. We just have to find balance."
Balance…I've tried to find that for a while and I'm still failing at it. How can I do it all and be there for Nessie, Sage, and Grace? Can it be something I can find in just a short amount of time? Or is it something that's going to slap me in my face like everything else has?
I'm going with the latter.
Nessie rested her chin on my chest, brushing her hand on my cheek. I noticed her locket was missing. That was strange. She never takes it off.
"I'm sorry." I apologized again.
"Don't worry about it, my love. You're here now and that's all that's mattering now. I can't help it that I fell in love with Superman." she smiled.
I sat up with Nessie facing me. For some reason my neck felt bare and I couldn't stand the unknowing any more. "Where's your locket?" I asked.
Nessie bit her lip, smiling innocently at me that made my heart race faster. "Channing Louise." she just simply said.
"They came over?"
"Um…not really. I sort of went to see them. I had Channing in my lap, and she wanted to be let down, so when I went to let her down she kind of broke my chain."
Okay. Screw broken chain. She has enough money to buy a new one. She could have gotten away with a lot of stuff if she didn't tell me that.
"You went to see them?! Renesmee, something could have happen-
"I know. I know. I had to enjoy my last bit of freedom because now Grandpa says I can't leave the house until the babies are born."
Another problem that needed to be brought up. The horrible smell. "The stench? How are they going to keep you looked up when you get sick?"
"That's what they're debating now."
I could tell there was something else and my look made her tell me. She put my hand on her stomach and looked up at me. She projected how the pain in her stomach was getting worse. At first she thought it was nothing but this late in he game it scared her enough to bring it up. She's even had spells to where she would get cold. She never gets cold. And I was oblivious to it all!
I looked at her, preparing to say at least something but I didn't. I crashed my lips to her, giving into my temptation. I had no clue if it would do harm or not but I couldn't resist. I was drunk on her. I needed to pull away but I couldn't move. The steel cable kept me glued to her. Or if you want to be technical it was more likely her lips.
"I'm not leaving you" I breathed between kisses. At least not any time soon.
"You've got too. What about Ethan and Jordan?"
I pulled away to kiss her stomach. I didn't want to think about that right now. Not when it'll consume my thinking while I had more important things to worry about. They had to
control their emotions before I can help them take their first step. I've given them tips to control it but that was their choice or not to use it. I can't make them phase back. They had to figure it out on their own like the rest of us.
I looked up at Nessie again, a mischievous grip spread across my face. "I've got other things to take care up. Like knowing what my son and daughter are thinking."
Nessie rolled her eyes and shook her head no. I begged but she still stuck to her guns. She said she was already tired and knew I had ever intention to make her stay awake. I was here. She was on my time now.
So I kissed her lightly again, already forgetting what Nessie said no to and why. I felt the twins move the exact time I kissed her again.
"I think their jealous." she mused.
I bent down and kissed her stomach all over and she laughed, making me laugh. I moved on to just talking with her. What we've always done since she could talk. We were happy by just sharing a conversation. I loved the presence she put off. No matter how bad my wolf instincts told me to fight the problem and screw things up worse, Nessie kept me calm.
I was talking to my son and daughter when I noticed Renesmee looking outside. I rose up, my hand cupping her cheek, and felt what was going on. Kaleb was on the edge of the woods, longing written all over his face as he watched us. He was there for a while and saw everything. I should have pulled the curtains to have a nice way of rubbing it in his face but I didn't. I turned Nessie's face back to mine and kissed for the who knows how many time. She wanted to go out there, her pleading eyes said it all, but I shook my head no. She was mine. End of story.
"I love you." I told her.
"And I love you, my superman."
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
As nightfall came, I became restless. The feeling Nessie, or the twins, were putting off was too much for me to handle now. The wolf inside me raged to be let out but I refused to leave. So I paced back and forth, barely able to stand. My vision was red and hazy and my nose bled. I snapped at anybody who came into the room, my protection over Nessie consuming me. The only light that was in the room was candles that we lit, illuminating a dim light over the room. It made a dark shadow over Nessie's sleeping figure. I hated the smell. Stupid leeches.
Phase. Phase. Phase. Go freaking phase!
I swore loudly, which made Nessie jump. She moaned and turned to face me, half asleep and rubbing her eyes. "Jake?" I heard her ask.
Great. She just go comfortable and asleep and now I've woken her up too. Just my freaking luck.
Nessie wiggled up to look at me. "Come here." she said.
I shook my head no quick. I wasn't going anywhere near her. Nessie didn't listen though, only patting a spot next to her. The chick can't see that I don't want to be anywhere near her?
"Please." she begged. "I can't sleep."
Why does she have to kick on the tears?!
"Then go back to sleep." I simply said. I needed to phase but I needed to phase. What if she went into labor and it was long? I have to get immune to it. I can't be acting like this. Not now. Not March twenty-second. Not when Sage and Grace are around. Not any more.
"But I need you." she showed me.
I didn't realize I was walking to her until I climbed up in bed, laid down, and had Nessie curl into my brace. I had my hand on her huge stomach when I wanted to run. My body shook all over as pain washed over me. I hated Renesmee had to feel this. She's in so much pain as it is because of me.
"Tell me to go." I begged. That was the only chance of me leaving.
"No." I stated. "I feel like being selfish-which isn't a surprise right? You're going to have to get immune to it sooner rather than later. When I go into labor, it'll be worse."
I'm screwed but in the end it'll be worth it. If I don't storm out and Nessie has the kids. I'm with her. She's with me. She's more important. All I need to do is just calm down.
I couldn't go to sleep even when Nessie was near me. It only made it worse. So instead I grabbed the nearest thing I could occupy myself with and grabbed Nessie closer to me. There was a choking sensation and I growled. No matter how bad I breathed it didn't calm me down. So she moved so that she was sitting close to me and ran her hands through my hair.
I looked down at what was in my hands. A letter addressed to me. It was my mother's handwriting. Oh boy.
I knew what the other letters already said. Mom wrote them from the day I was born. She wrote them on every birthday I had until she died. She did the same with my sisters. I've always wondered if Rachel's read hers. Or even Becca before she was killed.
I was calming down as Nessie kept running her hands through my hair-especially my back. Probably just doing it to get me to calm down and sleepy enough to open the letter. Woman knows my weaknesses. Oh well. Might as well open it to give her what she wants.
I opened the letter, already terrified. What was this last letter? Why did she write it?
My wonderful son,
I know that to you it may seem strange that I am writing this last letter. The day we brought your sisters home was the day your father and I decided to write these letters. We live in a strange world where we can be taken away at any time. I don't want to live this world without saying that I love you, your sisters, and your father very much. Whatever has happen, I wish that you know that I love you. I wish for you to have your life is all that you want it to be.
I hope that you have found happiness. I have hoped that you wouldn't fall into the Quileute wolf magic but I know that if you do, you will be a wonderful protector and leader. I hope that you will become a fine, honorable, young man with a successful life. I hope that you can find that one that makes you happy to be alive and that you can love her with all your heart and soul.
I hope that you won't have many troubles in life but I cannot guarantee that something will happen that will make you question your decisions. There will be secrets that will leave you to question and wonder a lot of things. The cold winds will blow, Jacob, no matter how bad I wish to promise they won't. Just remember that in all of this that you are never alone. Your father and I love you so much. Even when Rachel and Rebecca don't act like they do, they love you too.
I love you, my son. I cannot say it enough. Just always remember that. I know I will be proud of the man you will become. I hope that your life will be all that you want it to be. Remember if you ever feel that I am not there, wrap my love around you and you will always feel that I am there.
I love you with all my heart,
Mom.
I took a deep breath and struggled to swallow. Partly because I felt like somebody was choking me-or I wish I could say that. It was probably the tears I refused to shed due to bottled up feelings. This wasn't a suicide note. My mom understood that life wasn't guaranteed and her and dad were prepared. She was imagining what my life would be like as an adult while I was playing, or sleeping, or doing whatever else I barely remember doing.
I remembered Nessie was there and I put my hand on her stomach, surprisingly smiling. She was in pain but she kept it hid because of me. She did a lot just for me.
I felt my night owl kick and I huffed, knowing she was keeping Nessie awake. What crazy life have we gotten into?
"You think she's proud of me?" I asked Renesmee even though she never met my mother.
"I know she is. As I am proud of you." she answered, kissing my cheek.
It stung that I didn't have mom and Becca here. It was the type of pain that you push back but when another moment come up it brings back that type of pain and a new one. It kind of sucks. It wasn't fair.
Nessie grunted and shifted uncomfortably. I figured one of our twins was keeping her awake. "Go to sleep." she begged to her stomach.
I laughed. "They're just getting ready for when they're here." I yawned.
"Not when they're on your spine." she grimaced, arching her back.
Nessie turned to lay on her side and I rubbed her back. She sighed and I assumed they moved. I reached up and kissed her shoulder. "Better?"
"Tons." she answered. Nessie turned her face to look at me. "What have we gotten ourselves into, mutt?"
I laid down and closed my eyes, already drifting off to sleep. "A crazy life, bloodsucker." I restored back.
The thing was, it may be a crazy life that we were getting into but I loved it.