"What? Up north?"
"What's up there?"
"Why didn't he say anything?"
Deidara sat in silence, surrounded by the rest of his friends in his living room (the front door perfectly intact, since they had the courtesy to knock this time). Everyone was there except Itachi, who was somewhere else in the house hanging out with Hinata.
"I don't know." He shrugged half-heartedly and sighed, leaning back on the couch. It was kind of awkward telling everyone because Sasori's moving didn't impact them as greatly as it did himself. It had been a whole three days since he left, and even though he didn't see him much in the past three weeks, Sasori's absence was still felt. It was one thing to not see him all the time, but to know that he definitely wouldn't be around at all felt like a vital part of his life was missing.
In the silence between all of them, they had turned their attention to the TV. It seemed that Deidara was the only one who had cable amongst all of them, which would explain why they came over so much. He didn't feel like watching television, so he got up and absently made is way to the kitchen. Sitting at the table, he thought about Sasori, and all the great times they had and how stupid it was that they let a girl tear them apart, and how Sasori let a girl tear him apart, and tear him away from his friends.
As Deidara thought about it, why was that the only reason Sasori had for leaving? Wasn't he enough for him to stay? If Deidara was moving and had the chance to stay, he'd at least be conflicted about it. (Mostly because he loves his mom and wouldn't want her moving by herself). And why did Sasori say "Nobody really needs me," when the opposite was so clear?
With Sasori gone, he felt out of place everywhere.
-:-
Deidara decided to go up to his room, where Hinata was surprisingly sitting alone.
"Where's Itachi?" he asked. Hinata looked at him and shrugged.
"Dating Itachi feels like I'm dating my brother." She said. Deidara felt awkward hearing that, so he sat down on his bed, across from her. She continued, "I mean, with Sasori, we always had stuff to talk about, y'know? I was always comfortable and I was able to just… be. With Itachi… I don't have a lot to talk to him about because he knows everything about me, basically. And I feel like he feels the same way I do, but I don't want to break up with him."
Deidara stared at her silently, feeling himself get more and more irritated as she told him more about her love life, and how complicated it was, and how much better it was with Sasori there, and how she was the reason he left and how SHE was the reason that he was feeling supremely dissatisfied with how his life has been going so far.
"Now that my mom is gone, I'm so afraid of being alone."
His eyes softened a little bit as he watched her start to cry. She seemed to be able to do that only around him. Deidara patted the spot next to him on his bed, and she walked over to it and sat down. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Even without Itachi you wouldn't be alone." She looked up at him and he smiled. "I still have my mom, but I would be as devastated as you are now if I lost her," he continued. She nodded, tears still dripping down her face. "My mom and I are here for you, y'know. And I know that she's no replacement for Maylene, but my mom is so good at being a mom. She knows how to do everything and she'd definitely have no problem with helping you grow up in any way you can."
Deidara paused for a few moments, processing what he said. Hinata scooted closer to him and sighed, leaning on his shoulder. "You told me… that if I don't feel like I can be with Sasori anymore, I should tell him. Right? That's the same for Itachi, right?" she whispered. Deidara nodded. "Yeah. I mean, if I were dating someone, I'd want them to tell me honestly." She nodded in agreement, and the two of them stayed like that for a while.
-:-
A few days later, Hinata broke it off with Itachi. He was a little sad, but he knew that they were better than to completely leave each other's lives. They had far too much history behind them as family friends to let this awkward event break them. Itachi was actually incredibly okay with it because he felt the same way. He told her that he'd still be around for her, because that's what friends do.
But now, Hinata was single. Even though Deidara told her that she'd never be alone, a sort of loneliness engulfed her that night. She crawled into bed and wrapped herself in blankets until she couldn't see the world and the world couldn't see her. She thought for a very long time about her life so far, and how much different it was a year ago. Both her parents were there, and they would have dinner or something and then go watch a play. Or even play some sport together, it didn't really matter their recreation as long as they were together.
She remembered all her caretakers, all her butlers and maids and all the relatives she saw around their mansion because they either lived there or visited very often. She was surrounded constantly by people who loved her.
But now, she had nothing. None of her relatives claimed her after her mother. They all forgot, maybe. She didn't know what her relatives were doing, but all she knew, all she felt right then was that nobody was around, nobody loved her, and that she was alone.
She began to cry, sobbing loudly and whole-heartedly. It was the biggest and most real cry she has ever had.
It was the kind of cry that makes you question who you are, the kind that beats you to your senses. It clouds your eyesight yet clears your mind. It emptied her mind until she was nothing, until she hit the bottom and she realized that there was no other direction than up. The thing about falling is that you don't really need to have your eyes open on the way down. But on the way back up, everything demands to be seen, the path back up is right there and you have no choice but to see it.
As her crying began to ebb away into silence, she felt an arm around her waist through the blankets. Then she heard a voice, softly whispering to her, "It's okay, it's okay, I'm here. I'm here."
-:-
Deidara walked into his shared room and saw that Hinata (probably) was under her blankets. He stared at her for a bit and continued to his bed when suddenly she started wailing and sobbing. He jumped and looked at her for a little bit before he rushed to her side. He didn't know what to do except hug her. It was a bit awkward, hugging the big blob of blankets that Hinata was under, but he didn't want to just leave her. He didn't want her to be alone; he didn't want her to ever be alone.
"Hinata…" he said softly. He didn't say anything else through the hardest part of her cry, because it didn't seem like she knew he was there. Hearing her cry so much and so hard was soul crushing. It was so difficult hearing her in so much pain. So he just stayed where he was until her crying began to slow down. He gently whispered to her, "It's okay, Hinata. It's okay. I'm here… I'm here." He found himself breathing almost as hard as she was, shaking just as she was.
When they both calmed down and were completely still, Deidara tugged at the blankets to reveal her face. She was still crying, her silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She stared blankly at him, and he found himself reaching for her face to wipe her tears away. She closed her eyes and held his hands there, crying a little more.
Deidara crawled beside her on the bed, laid down, and pulled her down to lay next to him. She rested her head on his chest, clutching his shirt tightly. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered, "You're not alone, I'm here." She sobbed softly until she ran out of tears to cry, and the two of them drifted off to sleep.
-:-
A few weeks passed, eventually turning into a couple of months. There was a certain harmony between Deidara and Hinata. She had become very accustomed to her way of life and Deidara had gotten used to not having Sasori around. In fact, Deidara had gotten very used to waiting for Sasori to "visit someday, he promised." He was used to waiting, and he was used to being let down all the time. Hinata and Deidara filled the holes in each other's hearts.
One night, late at night, Hinata crawled into bed next to Deidara, who pulled her into a tight embrace. She sighed and rested her head next to his, staring at his face until he turned to her. "Are you okay?" he asked her sleepily, rolling to his side to face her. She nodded, and he pulled her closer, slowly drifting between sleep and consciousness. She shifted so that she was mostly on top of him now, which snapped him back to being awake. He looked at her, expressionless, partly due to sleep and partly because he had become numb to life and her in the past few months.
"Deidara. Deidara, I… I'm going to kiss you." She said softly. He thought about it for a moment, thinking back to when he was still vaguely interested in her – interested in anything. He thought about how Sasori had kissed those lips, how he had kissed them first, and how Itachi had probably kissed them, too. He thought about how he had been waiting for this kiss the moment he became jealous of Sasori.
He thought about all those times where he'd found Hinata's underwear in random places around their room. He thought about those early mornings where she'd change into her day clothes while she thought he was asleep. He thought about those times where he'd thought about her soft skin and her small sighs and he found himself nodding to her.
She leaned down, hovering over his lips for a split second. Deidara quickly closed the gap between them and began to sit up, pulling her body close to him. Hinata felt a warmness inside of her that she didn't feel with Sasori nor Itachi. There was a lot of heavy breathing, open mouthed kisses and the sighs that Deidara dreamed about when he was alone.
But he stopped.
He pulled away and looked down. Hinata looked at him, confused. Deidara shook his head and sat back, his head bumping against the wall in defeat. Hinata moved to sit next to him. His head slumped forward into his hands and heaved a heavy sigh. Hinata put a hand on his knee.
"I'm… I'm sorry if it was bad…" she began, but Deidara shook his head at her. "It was amazing, that was amazing and I didn't want to stop." He paused and took a deep breath.
"I just. I'm not ready, I guess. We're not ready." Hinata looked at him. "But how do you know-" Deidara cut her off gently by saying, "I'm going through some stuff. And I know that we're inevitably going to start this whole dating thing and believe me, I want to. I want you so bad. I've wanted you since the first time I met you." Deidara's unknowingly clenched fists relaxed and he slumped back against the wall again.
"But… But I don't…" He struggled to find the words. "I don't want to go into it feeling like I need to fill a hole in my heart with you. I don't want to date you for all the wrong reasons. I don't want to be another Sasori, another Itachi. I don't want to be another one of your boy experiences." Hinata looked down.
"I don't want to be one of your confused, 'I don't know what I want' boyfriends, Hinata." He paused to look at her. "And I don't want you to be my 'I don't know what I want,' either." He saw that she was beginning to cry. Quickly, he wiped her tears away.
"I know that we've been relying on each other lately. Sasori leaving has taken a big toll on me. I miss him so much, he's my best friend… Well, he was. I don't know what we are anymore, and I'm dealing with that. I'm adjusting to being my own person again, and I know that you're going through the same thing. I don't want to confuse you anymore than you already are."
He paused. She still had tears flowing from her eyes, but she looked like she understood what he was saying. She nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
"You're completely right, Deidara," she whispered.
They said nothing else and decided to fall asleep together again, wrapped up in each other.
-:-
Hi, TWA here.
It's seriously been a long, long time, huh?
I'm not saying I'm making a comeback. But I've been reading some of my old fanfictions (GOD it was torture) but I was reading this and I found myself wondering what would happen next. So I decided to continue. I don't know for how long, but I'll still consider finishing a couple more of my stories still.
If you're one of my fans from years ago, welcome back and I'm sorry I took so long.
If you're a newer fan of mine, welcome and I'm sorry I took so long.
See you in the next chapter, yeah?