"I need to end myself right now! I became a monster e I need to annihilate myself before I hurt someone else!" and I lowered the dagger toward the middle of my belly, I hoped with some luck it would hit the descending aorta artery, that would kill me in a matter of one minute… maybe two; I was so into doing this as fast as possible that I didn't even felt the piercing pain, what was even weirder was that the groans of pain weren't coming from my own mouth! Instinctively I opened my eyes and, shocked, I saw that Akira was in front of me and was holding the dagger's blade with both of her small palls! And I listened to her mutter:
Dear wake up… for Saint Meow wake up… Saint Meow… don't allow my… dear to get hurt… - shaking in pain.
A… Akira-chan! – I came back to myself, completely astonished – what are you doing? let go of that right now!
No! Never! – she replied shaking her head vigorously – I won't let go of at all! not until I am completely sure… that my dear is.. ouch… well!
But why Akira-chan! Why for someone as useless as me! – I ordered also shaking my head as well – stop hurting yourself and let go of that right now so I can end this for once and all!
Never! I won't let go of it! No matter what happens! – shouted Akira, energetically – I prefer to lose my paws than to let go!
A… Akira-chan… - strength of my hands was slowly vanishing – why… would you go… so far… for me…?
S… Some months ago… Saint Meow… thought it was better… to take the most… important person of my life… my mommy… to the heavens… - se replied looking to the ceiling – I was very sad… on the day you bought me… I asked to Saint Meow… another person… to be the most important… in my life… and he gave me you… dear… that is why… I prefer dying… than let something… happen… to you"
At that exact moment, what Akira said plus the sensation of something warm falling on my feet brought me back to reality, blood was running from the paws of my nekomimi and was wetting near my ankles; that was when I came back to my good judgment and I let go of the dagger, as soon as I didn't have it in my possession anymore, the nekomimi also let go of it and kneed on the ground, weeping quietly and looking at her paws that were bleeding, immediately I ran to her and, grabbing the my bed sheets, I placed it around her paws and then I carried the little teary one to Enmie's room; as soon as we got there she was already waken, upon seeing me with my personal caretaker with bloodied cloths on her paws, ordered me:
To the infirmary, right now! – already running towards the place.
When we arrived at the place, she took the bed sheets that were covering Akira's paws. Then she let out a surprised shout and asked her:
Akira-chan! This is an extremely deep cut! What did this happen? – examining deeply the wound.
I… ouch… I was in the dark… tried to take something… that fell to the ground… - she replied looking away from Enmie – and accidently… I grabbed dear's dagger…
But how come… - Enmie was already replying when her face changed, then she got on another topic – really, this is a serious accident… Akira, do you trust me?
Y… Yes! – she nodded energetically.
Then I need you to open your paws – she then showed how Akira needed to do with hers – this way, will hurt quite a lot… but if we don't do it, you won't be able to use them normally again… if you need… I can help you do that…
Ok, leave it to me… I will do this… - replied Akira, ready to open her paws.
The shout Akira let out upon opening her paws made my heart hurt much more than anything else I had felt before, yes I felt remorse from what happened with Yumi, quite a lot by the way; but what I did with myself that ended up hurting the little nekomimi made my soul howl in pain, especially after her words "and he gave me you… dear… that is why… I prefer dying… than let something… happen… to you!";"what did she meant by that?" I thought "did she like me? Was she feeling something more for me? A monster like me?"; I left that aside at that moment, seeing she hurt herself because of me and bravely received the treatment Enmie applied her; after an hour and with the day already starting, she finished stitching and applied immobilizers so as she wouldn't move the wounds, reopening them, she then applied curative energy and instructed Akira afterwards:
You need to stay two weeks without doing any kinds of jobs or using your paws ok? – she then pointed at them and continued – I want to see you as soon as you stand up, after lunch and before sleeping to check how your healing is going and to apply the energetic treatment, agreed? No go rest a bit, you look very tired.
Yes Enmienee-chan! Thank you! – she stood up leaving the room in sequence, not without stopping in front of me before, kissing my cheek and saying – see you later dear, I am going to rest, I couldn't sleep at all this night!
Montecchio Richard… - said Enmie as soon as Akira left the room and we were all alone, closing the door in sequence – I hope you have a good explanations for what happened with Akira… I take care with all goodwill possible of anyone… but I cannot stand evil deeds…
Believe me! With Akira-chan was an accident! – I replied placing my hands over my face – I had no intention of harming her at all!
Oh seriously Richard? – Enmie commented in a very cold voice, making something cold touch my throat – do you really think I am so stupid no to notice the difference between an accidental wound and one made on purpose?
Enmie, forgive me, but in Akira's case I am actually telling the truth – I replied with a peace of mind that even scared me, seeing I had a scalpel on my throat – if you give me a chance, I can explain to you how in this case, I am innocent.
Alright, your pulsation didn't change a single bit when you said that – she then sat down in front of me and looked at me intently – I will give you a chance to explain yourself, however I ask you not to try to fool me, I deal with dishonest people like that since I was nothing but a kid, I know very well to identify them…
Alright Enmie, I shall explain you then motive then… - I inspired slowly preparing myself to reveal my biggest shame in life up to that point – Akira-chan hurt herself in that horrible way in the moment I tried to commit suicide…
Suicide Richard? – asked Enmie with a confused face – I understand that Kikuri's death made you really sad, but up to what I know you didn't love her to explain that attitude of yours… could you clarify me that?
Enmie… help me… - I began crying in the same instant I remembered what I did – I am a monster… kill me…
Kill you Richard? Ok that is something really out of the ordinary – pondered Enmie, looking at me intently – from what I seen from you, in the few weeks we have known each other and from what I could muster from your workers is that yes, you did commit serious mistakes in the past, but all you did was to drink, get really sad and depressed; but getting to the point of wanting to commit suicide… something extremely bad must have happened… please tell me what is going on.
Enmie… I just wanted to say I don't know how this all happened… but it is useless hiding anything from you, so that is why here it goes – I then began telling everything that happened before Akira hurt herself, including what was going on my head; Enmie listened to my "report" in silence, but it was visible she was, at the very least, shocked – … that is why I tried to commit suicide… I wanted to end this monster before he was born…
Richard… - began saying Enmie, visibly disturbed, moving herself on her chair – I cannot say that this didn't bother me; it was the other way around as a matter of fact, I am so shocked that normally I would just stand up and leave so never again I would have to look at your face…
I comprehend Enmie and I won't blame you if you do it – I replied looking at the floor, completely ashamed of myself.
However that would be wrong… – she then raised my face by placing her paw on my chin – seeing as there are certain details in what you told me that leads me to believe in something else… seeing an unbeliever wouldn't know them…
And what would be those Enmie? – I asked intrigued.
I will just tell you if you take that stupid suicide idea out of your head – she then looked at me with a serious expression.
If that helps me, I will take it out surely! – I replied while nodding.
Well, if you look for a doctor, especially when you consider him the best among all of them – said Enmie, with a completely changed face, sounding like an old lady talking – you seek treatment correct? I hope that you listen and think, even if the methods aren't as orthodox and common as you might have expected to… otherwise I will just go away, can you agree with that?
Yes… I swear by my noble name that I shall listen and will take out any prejudice I might have in me – I replied placing my right hand over my chest – I just ask you to forgive my ignorance and explain my as detailed and sincerely as possible.
Alright then, let's begin – began Enmie – it is possible that you might be under the subjugation of one obsessing spirit… - and added in sequence seeing my astonishment face – remind the day you punished Yumi on the punishment trunk?
Yes… - I replied with sadness on my voice.
I asked if you had a person that was your enemy when alive, as I felt them beside you at that time, trying to influence your decisions – she then pointed to my side – they are still here…
What do you mean? How can spirits influence so directly in our lives? – I asked, finding this logic weird – are you telling me all those murders and evil deeds that happen on the world aren't the criminal's fault, but rather some spirit's?
Negative Richard – replied Enmie – I was actually waiting that reply coming from you; when Mewsus said "Fear more the living than the dead", he was thinking exactly on cases like this one; those who live can still affect one to the point of even murdering one, whereas the dead cannot, as all he can do is influence.
But Enmie, you just said that I am obsessed, doesn't it mean that this spirit is controlling me? – I asked confused.
No, just influences… we have the free will the creator gave us; that is absolute, however as any other ill intended person, they can try by persuading and placing wrong ideas inside our brain, guide us to the bad path… that is why, anything we do is our own fault, as we could listen or not the bad company… - she then pondered a bit, continuing in sequence – however did you notice how people that are considered "good" or "saints" by others, almost never are victims of such problem?
Yes, I was about to ask that, what would that be Enmie? – I asked intrigued.
It is just that, in order to affect an incarnated person… - Enmie then pointed to my chest – they need something that attracts them.
As in magnetism? – I asked trying to make a comparison.
It is similar, however a little bit different – replied Enmie – opposing magnetism, here the equal ones are the ones that attract each other; which means that if there is one or more spirits that want to harm you, just if they found in you negative feelings they could do anything; hence why the "saints and good" ones almost never are affected, as the eliminate the bad feelings on their hearts.
If that is correct – I pondered, seeing I didn't understand one thing – why were capable of affecting me? As far as I know I haven't got any feeling that is so bad to the point they could use it to their advantage…
Maybe Richard, that is what we all think, but… - replied Enmie, looking at the celling – you told me you liked Yumi a whole lot, to the point you believed you loved her… however it wasn't rare the moments that the urge to "posses" her almost took the best of you, correct?
Yes… just that when I was about to act on those urges, that "love" that I know now isn't the true one, stopped me from doing something.
I understand… well as you already noticed you never loved her – she threw that fact on my face – but even though you cared about her because you grew up together; however with the sudden entering of a new person in your life that made sprout the true love, even if it is just in the first stages of developing, made the "good" feelings regarding Yumi diminish and taking into account the bad things you said she does, made the luxurious "bad" ones to raise.
Answer me something Enmie – I asked, sensing something is missing – but desiring something more luxurious or even imagining making sex with another person, is enough to make the spirits being able to influence as this much? Otherwise there should have much more molesters roaming around…
You are right on this point… - she then pointed to my chest again – but there might be something hidden in there that might be the "bridge" they need to get to you… you said that during the rape… you remembered something that you didn't before, correct?
Yes… but even though it was for just an instant and served just as fuel to raise my rage – I replied ashamed – however no matter how much I try now, nothing comes to my mind!
It must have been something really traumatic – pondered Enmie, that said after some moments – and something tells me that event might generate the negative feelings that are leaving you vulnerable…
But… why cannot I remember anything? – I asked intrigued.
Because probable you dissociated from the events – explained Enmie – so as the pain from the experiences caused on you wouldn't even further… you locked all those things that happened to you inside another passive and lifeless "Richard", used to these kinds of sensations…
But how will we know them if I have no access to them? Hypnoses? – I asked, feeling already hopeless.
No, as hypnoses aren't always trustworthy – she replied pointing to my head – we can, however, use remote vision.
But Enmie! – I exclaimed surprised – every time I remember that, I end up becoming violent, I am afraid I might lose control again! And I don't even control this power!
Don't you worry about losing control, I will go with you, just allow me to be touching you once we begin – she replied looking around – as regarding activating your powers, you need that the target be with its mental defenses down, as you are going to enter this other "Richard" that is now vulnerable; we have an excellent opportunity, we just need something with a great connection with that time, something that had a lot of presence on those days…
We have the nursery bed of this room Enmie, always when I came back to myself – I pointed to it – I was either very hurt or agitated, so Nina used to bring me here.
Great! – replied Enmie taking my hand with her paws, taking me to the place – just touch the bed; I shall sync my power in you and together we shall go there; just remember that, this is just a movie of your memories, it isn't happening, ok?
Alright, I trust you – I said and touched the bed, instantly everything began blurring and in instants I was at that fatidic place again, back twenty two years in the past…