Kate
I don't do much sleeping that night. We're all up until after two, running the whole thing around and around, no one agreeing on much of anything. Lanie is at the local hospital, waiting for any remains that may come in. She's stating no opinions on the matter, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's of the same mind as the boys. They want to believe he's alive, but the evidence so far just doesn't support that. They can't believe it.
What does surprise me is Captain Gates. She strode into the house and right up to me, mouth set in a straight line. I was certain she was going to give me a no nonsense speech about how I was to stay away from the case, at best that she would blame it on taking care of myself. Instead, her voice dropped so only I could hear and she promised that she would work the case from whatever angle I felt was best. I looked at her in shock as she continued, telling me that if I so strongly believed he was alive, then there had to be something to that feeling and she wasn't going to label this a homicide until she was absolutely certain. If I had reason to believe that he wasn't in the car, then so did she. It didn't take long to fill her in on my suspicions and she nodded along, not giving anything away, just asking if there was anything else it could possibly be.
"Kate, I can't have you on this case," she said when I was done. "At least not officially."
I had nodded in understanding, feeling that I could do as she asked.
But now I was twitchy, wanting to leave this house, get back to the city, find Castle and get on with our lives. I don't have the patience for this, the needlessness of sleep, all the time it wastes. I could be looking right now. I could be back at the precinct, looking over the scant information we have on Jerry Tyson and either cement my suspicions or throw it out.
It occurs to me that Tyson is supposed to be dead too. The only reason he popped into my head is because that song had already been floating around in there for the last three days. What if I am wrong? What if this is different, what if this involves something much bigger? What if I'm wrong and Castle is…
The thought sends a hard tremor through my body and I breathe deeply to try and contain it. By the light of the moon outside I can see that my hands are shaking, the adrenaline and exhaustion of the day catching up with me. I need rest but I just can't do it.
I shift slightly and glance down at Alexis, who's been sleeping on and off for the last couple hours. Not long after she'd finally given in to sleep she'd had a nightmare, screaming for Castle, for Martha, even for me. It had taken a long time to get her breathing normally again and then she'd begged me not to leave her. I couldn't say that I had much desire to get up anyway, so I stayed where I was, keeping an eye on her while Martha dozed in a chair next to the bed.
The sun is barely coming up and I'm feeling a hard pull for caffeine, so as carefully as I can, I stand up from the bed and make my way out of the room. I can smell coffee already and I've so long associated that fragrance with Castle that for one fleeting moment I almost think I'll find him standing there, holding a warm mug and making some quip that makes me laugh inside but roll my eyes.
Instead I find my dad, standing against the counter and looking out over the backyard and the beach. I'm thrown back so many years, finding him in the kitchen after a sleepless night, a glass of something in his hand, his eyes bloodshot from the alcohol. I'm struck by how far he's come, how much better and younger he looks now. How he seems like the dad I used to run to when I'd scraped my knee, not the one who slurred his words and couldn't stand up half the time.
"Dad?"
"Hey Katie. I made coffee."
I nod and cross the room, pouring myself a cup, then joining him at the counter. Neither one of us say a word; I know he thinks that asking how I am would seem trite, and I can't formulate much in the way of conversation anyway. After a moment his arm slides around my shoulders and he pulls me in close, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
"Dad?"
"Hmm?"
"What if I never see him again?"
He doesn't answer and I know I shouldn't have asked. He hasn't even been able to answer the question for himself, how can I expect him to answer it for me?
I don't know how long we stand in silence, the uncertainty nearly swarming around us, but the sun is fully up when someone pads slowly into the kitchen behind us.
"Kate?"
"Hey Alexis."
She rubs at her eyes and walks over to us seemingly unsure of where she fits in or what she should do. I set my mug on the counter and motion for her to join us. I'm glad when she does, tucking in against me like a lost little girl. My heart breaks again; I know that feeling so well.
My dad leaves us after a moment, making some comment about how neither of us have eaten for a day and we're going to need breakfast. I don't argue, even though I know of his penchant to burn eggs and sorely undercook bacon. It doesn't seem to matter much right now.
"Did you get any rest?"
"I don't think so. Did you?"
"Not at all."
"Are we going back to the city today?"
"I don't know."
"We should. We're not going to find him here. And I want to know more about Jerry Tyson. Can we see his file or anything?"
"Sweetie, I don't know if I want you to know more."
"I think protecting my innocence is kind of secondary right now."
"Okay, you're right."
As steady as her voice is, I can tell that she's scared, that the nightmares have fueled her worries for the day and I wish that I could promise her that it will be okay. But I can't. I can't promise her any more than I can promise myself.
She moves away after a while, half-heartedly helping dad with breakfast. She's fine for the moment, so I head out the back door and across the lawn, down the aisle between the chairs that no one has thought to pack away. It isn't until I'm standing under the archway, looking out over the water that I realize where I am. Is this bad luck? Standing here alone at the exact spot we were supposed to be wed? Does it really matter? Nothing can be much worse than this.
"Katie."
I turn and find him standing a lot closer than I thought and it's not until I'm in his arms again that I allow myself to cry, to fear that everyone else is right, to think about what I'm going to do without him.
We stand there for a long time before I calm down enough to follow him wordlessly back into the house. Everyone is there now and I'm not sure that I want them to be. For the first time it feels like me against my team and I don't like it. Rather than join them in the kitchen, I head into the living room where Martha is sitting on the couch. She doesn't look like herself at all and that scares me more than I can even start to understand. Her face is drawn, there are bags under her eyes, and she's not wearing a stitch of makeup. I settle down on the couch next to her and she reaches over for my hand.
"Katherine, do you really think he's alive?"
"Yes, I do."
"And you'll bring him home?"
"I'll do everything I can."
She nods, unable to say anything else as she holds back tears and tries to remain composed.
"Gram, I made you some tea," Alexis whispers, handing her a mug. "Kate, they want you in the kitchen."
"For what?"
"They won't tell me."
She looks angry and I let half a smile slide across my face.
"Do you want to know?"
"Of course."
"Come on."
I give Martha a long hug before standing up from the couch and going with Alexis back into the kitchen. Computers are open on the counter and Ryan and Esposito are having a hushed argument while Lanie looks on, arms crossed over her chest. Captain Gates is there too, on the phone and looking agitated when she catches my eye. She gives me a slight nod as I sit down on the barstool and pull a stack of papers towards me.
"What's this?"
"Accident report," Esposito explains, glancing at Alexis. I know what he's thinking and though I know his intentions are in her best interest, there's no way I am letting anyone talk her out of being here. She needs the facts just as much as I do.
"So what do we know?"
"We have two witnesses that saw a black SUV driving aggressively about a mile from the scene. They both discounted it as normal rich teenagers playing around until they heard about the accident."
"License plate?" Alexis asks, taking the sheet of paper I hand to her.
"No, not yet. We're checking into businesses along the road that may have surveillance tapes. Hopefully we'll find something."
"Check traffic cameras too. I know that along that stretch of road there isn't much, but maybe closer into town there's a red light camera or something that might see the SUV."
"We'll do that," Ryan agrees slowly. "Alexis, listen. I don't think that you should really listen to all of this-"
"Well I don't care what you think," she snaps, her tone icy. I lay a hand on her knee, in support rather than in an attempt to calm her down. "You're under the impression that dad is dead, I don't really trust your instincts right now, Detective Ryan."
"Hey now-" Esposito starts, but cuts out when her glare slashes across him.
"Look, if dad is gone like you think then that makes me his next of kin, no? It also makes me in charge of his estate, not to mention anything else that entails. I think I have a right to know what's going on here. And Kate thinks so too. Now, what else have you found?"
She can command a room better than I can and I tuck that moment away, knowing Castle will balloon up with pride when I tell him about it.
"There were bone fragments discovered in the wreckage," Lanie starts, more to Alexis than to me. "Right now there's not enough for me to say anything definitively other than that they're human. They'll continue bringing more in as they clear the area and expand the search."
"Okay. Do they have any idea what caused the second explosion?"
When in the world did this girl learn to run point on an investigation?
"They're still looking but the fire chief thinks that there was a device in the car, set to explode after the wreck."
"And the fire didn't get to it first?"
"We just don't know yet."
Captain Gates strides over then, taking a deep breath.
"Actually, I just got off the phone with the fire chief. They've recovered enough to piece together that there was something in the car to cause the secondary explosion, probably meant to obliterate any evidence. It seems that it was housed in a lockbox under the driver's seat. The box kept it mostly safe from the flames, but wasn't meant to withstand the explosion from the inside."
"So this wasn't a hit and run," Alexis says, glancing through the last page of the report. "And dad didn't lose control of the car. There was someone else on that road. Someone wanted this to happen, someone planned it. It wasn't an accident, so let's stop calling it that. What about Jerry Tyson?"
A silence falls over the room; I can tell that the rest of the team is startled she's brought it up.
"That's not something we've had a chance to look into yet," Ryan starts carefully, not wanting another verbal slap from her.
She nods and turns to me, as if handing the rest over, and I can see the weariness in her eyes. She might seem full of fire right now, but it's quickly draining out.
"There's one thing I haven't told you guys about," I admit finally. "Castle and I… we were left a message. From Tyson."
"What kind of message?" Captain Gates asks, leaning onto the counter.
"When we went to Dr. Nieman's office, it wasn't totally empty. Look, I know you could have my badge for this but you have to understand, everything we had on him had been taken. It was all erased. We didn't want that to happen so we pocketed the evidence."
"You kept evidence from us?" Esposito explodes.
"Yes Javi, we did. And once we found out what it was, we decided it was safer to keep it to ourselves."
"Well what was it?"
"It was a note. "Better luck next time.""
"That's it?"
"There was a pen also, with Dr. Niemans name on it, the kind you'd find at the check-in desk. There was a USB drive inside."
"And what was on it?"
I sigh gently, knowing that this will not sound like evidence to any of the rest of them, but they weren't there. They don't know the icy terror that washed over me as the music played, they don't know the feeling of being watched, the fear that it will all come to a head when it's least expected.
"An audio file. "We'll meet again" by Vera Lynn."
They all stare at me, unblinking.
"We'll meet again," I say slowly. "Don't know where, don't know when, we'll meet again, some sunny day. Look, I know it doesn't mean much but it was from Tyson, I know it was. He plays games, he baits us. What better way to drive us mad than this? Promising he'll be back."
"Kate, you have to tell me what happened," Alexis starts, eyes round and pleading. "Dad never said a word so he must have thought me knowing would put me in danger, but that's really neither here nor there anymore, is it?"
I sigh and nod, beginning the entire story and letting everyone else fill in bits and pieces until the story is as complete as we can get it. She nods through the whole thing then bites her lip when we're done.
"So Jerry Tyson has made it personal for all of you."
"Not me," Captain Gates notes.
"But you weren't there at the beginning. Everyone else was. Kate, you're last on his list."
"I know."
"He's got dad," she continues. "Because he knows that's what's going to torture you the most right? Not knowing where he is, that will drive you mad, and that's what Tyson is banking on, right?"
"I suppose that could be part of it."
"Alexis, we don't know for sure it's him," Esposito reminds her. "From an evidentiary standpoint at least. There's nothing that points to him except happenstance and a feeling."
"Well then what do you have?" Alexis counters. "You don't have the SUV, you don't have a body, just bone fragments. You don't have any indication that it was Dad in the car. You don't have ransom demands, you have a secondary device that points to a premeditated and organized act. So tell me, if this were any other case, would you be crying accident, or would you be searching for something bigger? I get what you're saying and I respect that, but you have to admit, Jerry Tyson makes a lot more sense than a random bout of road rage."
Silence falls over the room and everyone seems to mull over what she's said. I understand where they're all coming from and I know it's hard for them to go on a feeling. I wish there was more concrete evidence pointing to Tyson. I wish there was something I could show them, something that would convince them. The fact of the matter is that the lack of evidence weighs into my beliefs that it's Tyson as well.
"You said all the files are gone?" Alexis begins, her voice a little softer. I can tell she feels guilty for snapping at the boys.
"Hard copies and electronic."
"Electronic files are never really gone, are they?"
"Lex, they couldn't be recovered," I tell her.
"Okay. Then what do we do?"
"I think all we can do right now is wait."
"For what?"
"I'm not sure."
I hate telling her this truth, that despite what I promised her, I don't know how to make that come true. How can I not give up if I have no idea where to start fighting?