A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and follows! I was going to just post one chapter a day because I wasn't sure how it would be received, but I'll go ahead and post slightly quicker than that.

Alexis

It's after lunch when Kate and I bring up the idea of going back to the city. Everyone seems a little more convinced that this is the work of Jerry Tyson, but apparently that makes them more hesitant to let anyone out of the house. An argument ensues between Kate and the rest of the team, and even Lanie is yelling. I would be right in the middle of the fray but I'm so tired, so emotionally spent that every holler prickles at my skin and I slip out of the kitchen into dad's study, curling up in the large chair behind his desk.

This room is so different from the one at home. It's bright and airy, the décor a little coastal, simplistic. It doesn't really scream Richard Castle, and I think that's why he likes it here. When his writing gets too routine, he can come here for a change of pace. I guess that's what the Hamptons have always been for us, a place to live another part of our lives.

I know that dad keeps a few story ideas and things in the filing cabinet here and I do a quick search through them, hoping that he would have made some notation about Jerry Tyson that might be helpful. But there's nothing. Everything is old. Most of it is stories that have never come to fruition. Frustrated, I sit back in the chair and watch the clock, wondering how long the dull yelling outside is going to go on. Nerves are frayed and I'm sure they're just arguing in circles now. No one thinks Kate should go back to the city, but she doesn't think they would know what they were looking for. I've never known her not to have faith in her team and it scares me a little that right now when she needs them most is the time she decides to be skeptical.

The door opens and I can hear the arguing loudly for just a moment before it closes again. I turn in the chair and find Jim standing there, almost meekly, as if he didn't really mean to disturb me.

"Hi."

"Escaping?" he asks with a lift of his eyebrows. I nod and he sits down on the couch, hands clasped in his lap. I wonder if he has something to say or if he's escaping too.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he says finally.

"I don't think so. I can't think of anything."

"You just want your dad."

I nod and feel a tear slip down my cheek. He doesn't move but to look down at the floor for a moment before he speaks.

"Alexis, I want you to know that wedding or no wedding, we're all family. And we don't leave family."

I find that he means it in two ways; a promise that they won't give up on finding dad alive, but also that no matter what happens, I won't be alone. Kate promised me that over and over last night as she tried to calm me from the nightmares, and I know she means it, she's always meant it. But it's something else entirely to hear her dad say it too. I choke back sudden tears and he stands up, crossing to me to rest his hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you," I manage to get out, looking up at him. He just nods, runs his hand gently over my hair, then quietly slips from the room. It's mere seconds later that I find myself crying, head resting on the desk, ugly-sobbing that I am loathe to let anyone see. I still believe dad is out there somewhere and that we'll see him again, but the worry that he's injured or that we'll be without him for months is pressing in on me. What will this do to all of us? Gram is already changing, she looks so old. There's something different about Kate too, though I can't put my finger on it. As for myself, I don't know if I can handle much more. Getting through the aftermath of Paris was bad enough, but everything that's happened since hasn't really made it much better.

The door creaks again and Kate steps through, shutting it behind her. She stands there for a moment, uncertain, while I try to calm down enough to say anything. She's patient, moving finally to the couch as I manage to catch my breath.

"Kate, I don't think I can do this."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can, Alexis. You have no choice. You have to do this. And you will."

I lift my head and it's not lost on me that her expression changes when she sees my face.

"Sweetheart, come over here."

I obey, mostly because it would be rude not to but partly because I really need someone to reassure me that it's okay. She's always been good for that, on the occasion that I've talked anything over with her. She listens, is patient while I find the words and doesn't give me advice as if she thinks I'm silly or don't know any better. She treats me like an equal which is always nice, but right now I just want to be taken care of. She's good for that too, I find, as she's stroking her hand through my hair and letting me cry on her shoulder, not making any platitudes. I can feel her tears wetting my hair and I move a little so I can wrap one arm around her, wanting her to know that she doesn't always have to be so brave.

"I know it's hard," she says finally, lifting my chin. "I don't feel like I can do this either. But neither one of us are doing this alone. We have each other. I know I may not be your first choice but I'm here."

"I want you here. I need you here."

"Okay then. No more thinking you can't do this. You can cry when you need to but don't you dare start thinking you won't make it through. You will."

"Tough love."

"Well, I tough love you," she remarks, which makes me smile.

"We need to go back to the city," I sigh, sitting up and wiping the tear tracks from my face. "Do you think we could sneak out of here?"

"I don't know. What is it that you want to do once we get there?"

"Look through dads files. You know he makes his own notes on interesting cases. Maybe there's something there, and maybe there will be some small detail in it that no one remembered. I don't know Kate, I can't just sit here."

"I know."

"Can we go?"

"I don't think there's anything we can do here."

"Kate, what if it's not Jerry Tyson?"

"We'll deal with that if it comes, okay?"

I feel empty inside and I close my eyes, imagining what it's going to feel like to have my dad's arms around me again, in one of those hugs that lifts me off the ground. I remember when I was small, how he used to toss me high into the air, always playfully catching me right before I hit the ground. The feeling of fright that accompanied it was nothing compared to the safety I felt when I was back in his arms. I don't think anything will ever feel that safe again.

"I'm scared too," she admits softly, sniffling. "I feel like I can't do this without him. He's been right beside me for so long, helping me through everything. I don't know what to do when he's not here."

"He's always been my everything," I add, wiping my eyes. "The one thing that would never let me down, even when I didn't hold up my end of the deal. No matter how much I screw up, he's still there and he's still proud of me. How can he love me that much?"

"That's what parents do. He taught me that. That's one of my favorite things about him, how much he loves you. It's hard to believe that there is anything in the world he wouldn't do for you."

I nod against her shoulder.

"Kate, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why haven't you cried?"

She takes a deep breath and I remain still, letting her work the words over in her mind.

"Because I'm afraid that if I cry, if I really let myself feel it, I won't ever stop. And I have to have a clear mind for this. I have to bring him home."

"Then let's get out of here, Kate. Let's go back home and see if we can find anything. See if we can find Jerry Tyson or this Dr. Nieman. Rule them out or rule them in. Let's at least do something."

"Okay, let's go."

We leave the study and both head upstairs, silently agreeing to pack up a few belongings before we go. I stuff Monkey Bunkey into the bottom of my bag, some clothes on top, making sure I have my phone and computer too. Getting out of here feels so good, almost relieving, and I slide my feet into my shoes with a bit more hope than I woke up with.

We meet in the hallway a few minutes later and I move for the stairs but she stops me, pulling me into another tight hug.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure, Kate."

"And you'll do what I say?"

"I promise."

"You trust me?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

She lets me go and we walk downstairs, our bags making the announcement of our departure before we say a word.

"Girl where do you think you're going?" Lanie asks as we head for the door.

"Home," Kate replies curtly, which probably makes Lanie mad.

"Yo Beckett," Esposito starts, walking quickly to stand in front of the door. "Listen if this is Jerry Tyson, don't you want some protective detail?"

"He got what he wanted, Espo. Now I have to find him."

"Kate, you really think it's a good idea to take Alexis with you?" Ryan butts in, giving a disapproving look to the whole thing.

"No, I don't but it's her decision. I don't tell her what to do."

"Alexis, listen to me," he starts, turning to me, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. "I know you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions. I respect that. But as a father I can tell you that your dad would not want you to do this."

"I know he wouldn't. But I'm not making Kate do it alone. Let's go."

We leave the house despite the protests and once we're in the car she looks over at me, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

"What?"

"Alexis Castle, you ultimate sass-master."

"I probably shouldn't have."

"You were honest. Of course you should have."

"Were you honest too? When you said that it's probably not a good idea to take me with you?"

"I was. I'm hoping we don't get in over our heads because if we do, if something happens to you…"

"I'll be careful, Kate. I promise. Just… I've never shot a real gun before. If it even comes to that."

"I know. And I hope it doesn't."

There's an edge in her voice that convinces me that she is worried that's exactly what will happen.