Romance 101

"Hey Shepard," Tali approached the Commander, entering the Silver Strip apartment.

"Hey Tali, come on in," Shepard led her to the bar in the part of the living room they'd watched a movie in not too long ago. Reaching into a cabinet for her dextro stash behind the bar, Shepard called out "Anymore 'classics' I just have to see or can we go out tonight?"

"Ha ha," Tali retorted dryly from the other side of the bar, taking the dextro drink offered her when Shepard emerged. "I think you liked it, Commander Romantic. I've seen you with Liara."

"Heh," Shepard breathed out a single, nearly mute chuckle. "Maybe."

Tali leaned on the bar. "So?"

Shepard arched a brow at her expectant companion. "Soo….?"

Tali rested a hand on her hip. "So, when are you two going to make it official?"

"Uhhh…." Shepard stammered. She rubbed the back of her neck—an awkward tick she'd picked up from her mother that hadn't left even after dying and coming back.

"Listen," Tali continued. "Liara's a catch. You think she'll stick around forever?"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, Tali. Give a girl a break. We just ended a damn cycle of extinction for crying out loud."

"Exactly," Tali quipped sharply. She took a long sip of her drink and turned away from Shepard.

Shepard regarded her incredulously. "Are you…mad I haven't proposed a bonding ceremony to Liara yet?"

Tali turned her head to face her once more. "I don't know, Shepard," her voice still carried a razor-sharpness to it. "Should I be?"

Shepard shook her head and laughed. "I don't think so, but clearly I'm wrong."

Tali fixed a glare on her, the slight glimmer of her eyes more narrow than usual being Shepard's only clue. "You two have been paired for how long now? Am I going to rebuild Rannoch before I see a damn ceremony?"

"Holy crap, Tali, you're worse than Garrus. Look, I want to, but I'm not the most romantically inclined person in the galaxy despite enjoying a chick flick with a friend every decade or so," she rolled her eyes again in exasperation.

Tali nodded and replaced her drink on the bar with a solid thud. "Then I know what we're doing tonight."

Shepard groaned, knowing Tali's stubbornness. "Whaaaat?" she asked in a whine.

"Romance 101."

~.~.~

"Aw come on, that's romantic!" Shepard said loudly in her defense. Tali and she had knocked back quite a few drinks by now if her quarian friend's hiccup frequency could tell her anything. They had sunken down to the floor of the bar which had a number of empty bottles strewn about.

"hic Commander!" Tali laughed. "A new gun is hic NOT romantic! hic"

"Dirty, rotten lies," Shepard laughed back. "I'd squeal and faint like a Southern Belle and shout 'oh my stars' if Liara gave me a shiny new gun."

Tali tilted her head in confusion after another hiccup. "Whaaaat in the gaaaalaxy is a 'Southern Belle', Commander?"

"Never mind," Shepard laughed and poured Tali some more dextro brandy.

"They sound prissy," Tali gave Shepard a stern look. "Prissy and romantic are not the same Commander. You hic seem to hic have some preconceived misconcep-hic-tions."

Shepard nodded in drunken seriousness. "Maybe you're riiiight!"

"Right about what?" Liara asked, leaning against the bar with a smirk on her lips at her favorite girls in the galaxy.

Shepard stared dazedly up at her bondmate, blinking a few times and rubbing her eyes to make sure Liara really had suddenly appeared. She stood with difficulty to greet her with a kiss that nearly missed. "Tali says prissy isn't romantic."

"No no hic no, Commander!" Tali shook her head as she corrected her. "Not the same thing. Prissy can be hic romantic."

Shepard rolled her eyes and plopped next to Tali on the floor once again. "Not to me."

Liara's laugh distracted them both. "What on Thessia brought this up?"

Shepard scowled at Tali. "Miss vas Normandy here thinks I need romance lessons."

Liara hummed in thought.

Shepard gaped at her. "Not you toooo!"

The asari stuck out her tongue after grinning in a tease. "I'll not complain if you suddenly attempt to woo me, Commander Shepard."

"You both," Shepard huffed, "are so mean. I saved the freaking galaxy! Sorry I didn't stop at a local flower shop to buy a Thessian tulip or something. And!" Shepard pointed at Liara. "Technically I'm the actual girl in this relationship. Maybe yooooou should be wooing meeee!"

Liara arched a brow. "True, asari are mono-sexed, Shepard, but I believe I have done my fair share of wooing."

Shepard raised a lazy brow.

Tali nodded. "Yep. She's rescued you from the dead, wrote your name in the stars, arranged a quiet night in for you with Glyph playing the piano in the middle of a war, and is always the one to go to your cabin for captain and intel-specialist fun time."

Shepard whooped with laughter. "Whaaat? Captain and intel-specialis—bwahahaha!"

Tali nodded sternly, in all seriousness.

Shepard became defensive. "Hey, some of that was mutual wooing…and hey! How do you know all that anyway?" She looked back and forth from a guilty looking Liara to a smug Tali.

"Please, Shepard," Tali scoffed and finished her drink with a loud slurping sound coming from her 'emergency induction port'.

Shepard narrowed her eyes on her bondmate. "We can't share the same girly-girl-talk confidant, Liara. That's dangerous!"

Liara covered a smirk at her bondmate's inebriation with her fingers before answering. "Then find yourself another confidant, Shepard. Tali's mine."

"Not uh!" Shepard said indignantly. "We've…you know, been together through thick and thin! She's like my sister! Comrades in arms!"

"What about Ashley?" Liara suggested.

Shepard gaped at her. "Williams?! She's under my command and if I went to her about romance stuff she'd spout poetry and confuse me and let's face it, I'd just laugh my ass off." As if to prove her point, the Commander burst into a fit of drunken giggling.

Tali laughed amidst a fit of hiccups with her and Liara chuckled softly before she said "Then share, Commander." The asari sat down with them and seized Shepard's drink to emphasize the sentiment.

Shepard pouted before turning back to Tali. "Annnnnywaaay! I've totally done my own wooing! I rescued her on Therum—I was literally rescuing a damsel in distress and in shining armor—and I helped her defeat the Shadow Broker and romanced the crap out of her with a tour of the Normandy SR2,annnnnd I was the one to ask her to spend her life with me. So there."

"You—!" Tali looked from one of them to the other. She pushed them both none too gently. "You what?!" she shouted.

"Ow!" Shepard nursed her shoulder.

"She did, Tali. She asked me after Thessia. I accepted." Liara smiled and rubbed her shoulder.

"Rather sarcastically, if I remember correctly," Shepard smirked at her. "Nooow who needs a Romance 101 course?"

Tali shook her head. "How do I have the scoop on your relationship from BOTH of you and not know about this?"

Shepard smirked at her. "Guess Liara's ashamed of me."

Liara swatted her then turned back to Tali. "Forgive me for not sharing the most vague commitment promise in the history of the galaxy, Tali. She didn't ask me to marry her or bond with her, just to spend her life with me."

"Oh is that all?" Shepard asked, a bit miffed. "Just my life. It's more like a decade to you anyway," she grumbled.

Liara's expression fell and Shepard regretted her words immediately. She cringed her eyes shut and cursed the brandy in her hands for letting that slip out. "Li…"

"Shepard…" Liara whispered aghast. "You know I hate that I'll outlive you."

Shepard held her face in her palm, utterly repulsed with herself. "I'm sorry, Li. I'm so so sorry."

"Bosh'tet," Tali said from the rim of her glass.

Shepard scrubbed her face. She thought back on the evening and was surprised that Tali's Romance 101 course might actually be put to use so soon. She took Liara's downcast face between her palms reverently. "Liara, it is my absolute privilege and honor to spend all my days with you whether it's one or one million. I am the luckiest woman in the galaxy that you would share any part of your life with me and I will treasure every second. I love you."

"Shepard…" Liara whispered again. She leaned forward to capture her bondmate's lips in a bittersweet kiss.

Tali stood unsteadily and stepped over them toward the door.

The bondmates parted for Shepard to ask "Tali? Where ya goin'?"

"My work here is done," Tali called without turning back to them, a lilt of laughter in her voice.

Liara turned to face Shepard. "Care to spend the rest of the evening drinking to forget that I'm older than you but will die later?"

Shepard nodded. "And making up for it with more sex than you previously thought possible?"

"So romantic," Liara nodded. A sly grin spread across her lips as she leaned in to meet Shepard's matching grin. "Tali would be so proud."