"I am a walking corpse. Her death should mean nothing to me. A pointless death amongst many others. These memories, just leftover fragments of this husk. And yet they bind me to it. Trap me in it. Before, I was a God-King above even the highest powers in the world. And for a moment, I was unleashed again. Immense. Then this ... infection again. Only this time, worse. Brought down by grief and loss ... and love. Love that I destroyed in my becoming. There should be no room in me for this. This sickness. It is endless, this regret. This emptiness where only I should remain."

-Illyria

Chapter 8-

The air was heavy with restrained rage, Buffy could almost taste it. Angel stood there, his eyes jumping between them as if hoping he had seen wrong but the blood and cuts on her lips plus a quietly smirking Spike assured the older vamp that he wasn't imagining things. She could see the wheels turning in his head, slowly at first and then racing ahead, pure Angel.

"You alright Buffy?" His voice broke through the silence, his anger showing in the Irish burr that tainted his voice. A piece of Liam, the man he had once been, breaking out through the demon and the soul. He didn't stop to hear her answer, she hadn't expected him to. Instead he turned to Spike and lunged. Spike dodged easily enough, laughing carelessly. She watched with mounting horror as the battle began to escalate. The men dodged, lunged, pummeled, and taunted. Angel keeping himself between her and Spike, trying to protect her. Two men, both of whom she had loved once upon a time.

She could understand, and even appreciate Angel's protectiveness. It was sweet but it also said that she was weak, that she could not protect herself. He had always made her feel that way and, though she'd forgiven him in her heart of hearts, it pissed her off. This vampire that loved her but couldn't believe in her, this man who insisted she was his but who had sullied his hands long before he was ever a vampire. Cursed with a soul for unspeakable acts, unable to come to terms with his demon, filled with guilt and anger. How could he ever know what was good for her?

Spike had been an annoyance, a distraction, beneath her. Why had that been she didn't know. Didn't understand that even back then, when he had been trying to kill her, she had allowed him in her home. She had trusted him to never come and hurt her mother and he never did. Even when he'd come back and tried to kill her again, he had never threatened those most important to her. She hadn't appreciated him, not even when things where better between them. Hadn't realized her love until it was too late.

But she wasn't the same Buffy anymore. She wasn't wearing rose colored glasses, she knew what she was doing. The memories of her other life had offered her perspective. She understood what these two men fighting in front of her were. Angel her past, Spike her future. Just like before except, this time, she only wanted Spike.

All this flashed through her mind seconds before she saw Angel push Spike into a tree, the blond laughing uproariously. He didn't see Angel reach behind him for the stake he had hidden in his back pocket. She couldn't stop the whimper that escaped her, her body moving involuntarily forward.

Finally!

He'd been waiting for this dance since the beginning. A chance to return the beatings, the humiliation and pain, to the one that had inflicted it. A chance to take vengeance for his Dru. The lunge hadn't caught him by surprise, in fact he had expected that lunge so completely that he burst out in laughter. Coming in closer he dodged a swipe aimed for his head and returned with a swift punch in the stomach. The blow knocked Angelus back a few steps, giving Spike the chance to move forward once again. Angelus must have expected this. He swung to the side, arm shooting out blindingly fast and knocked Spike right in the back of the head. Hmm the Poof must be getting soft. The blow hadn't even phased him. Swinging around Spike dropped, swinging one leg out towards the elder vamps knees. Angelus jumped up, dodging the blow. Immediately Spike rolled away, avoiding the kick Angelus had aimed his way.

Back on his feet Angelus charged him, Spike spun around him, moving faster than he had in a long time. The dance continued. Blow after blow. Angelus ramming forward, Spike dancing around. More and more brutal but Spike was winning. He was winning. Angelus pushed him backwards, he felt his back hit bark, the lack of pain ushering forth another laugh. A soft whimper broke through the bloodlust. Blue eyes locked on the blond Slayer, he was surprised to see her there. Expecting her to have run as soon as the first fist flew. Her eyes were wide, scared, green locking with blue in desperation and something else he couldn't name. Turning back to Angelus, stake now firmly in hand, Spike snarled. Tried to roll to the side but Angelus had a tight grip on his shirt, preventing him from moving in either direction. Glowering up at his grandsire he grinned, devil-may-care to the end.

"No." A whisper? A breath? Spike almost looked away but, instead, forced himself to watch Angelus as the stake descended. The poof wanted to kill him? Fine, but he'd look at him as he turned to dust. One more betrayal in a million. Suddenly a small, almost fragile hand, wrapped around the stake. Jerking it to the side. Blue and brown eyes widened in shock as the Slayer planted herself firmly, and protectively, in front of him. Angelus blinked, unbelieving, as Buffy ripped the stake from the older vamp's hands followed by a swift kick to the chest thus pushing him away from both blonds.

"Go Spike, go take care of her." The Slayer, Buffy, didn't turn. Her voice was frigid, her body shaking with anger. For a moment, just a moment mind you, he considered ignoring her. Standing beside her, aiding her. The thought disgusted him. Slayer wants to take on the Forehead, fine. The reminder of Dru made him, suddenly, yearn for her. Yearn for what he knew, twisted as it was, yearn for the one he had loved for his entire unlife. So what if the slayer made his body burn with need? So what if she saved him? Big mistake that had been, he'd kill her regardless. Might not make her suffer too much. But first he needed Drusilla, never mind that she was standing in front of him, neck tilted almost in offering, totally aware of the monster behind her. A monster still high from Slayer blood.

Wrenching away from the tree, and thus the girl, he turned to leave. Before he got too far away Buffy's voice stopped him again. "Sires blood Spike." He turned to her, looking back at her. Confusion broke under wonder. She stood, body shaking with fury, green eyes burning through the darkness. Her blond hair like silk gold in the night. The stake held before her as if daring Angelus to even think about going after him. Determination set on her face like a brand. He turned away from her, aching, refusing to even consider what that meant. Refused to think that the slayer, THE SLAYER, was protecting him. He didn't look back again, couldn't. If he did...

He raced away into the night. Buffy's last words echoing through him. Understanding hitting him hard and fast. Angelus, sires blood, his Dru. Get Dru, now, get back quicker. It made perfect sense, damn near flawless sense. The niggling feeling that said it wasn't healing Dru that made him want to get back as soon as possible but the paradox of a slayer protecting a vamp, protecting him. There was a certain William quality to the feeling, he pushed it away.

"Buffy, he's getting away!" Angel's voice was angry, hurt, confused. He looked like a lost puppy. Buffy tried, failingly, to reign in her anger. It wasn't Angels fault, not really. He didn't know what Spike meant to her, didn't understand why she wasn't helping him to kill the blond vamp. Then again he had never tried to understand her, ever. He had always tolerated the Slayer but he had wanted that girl he had seen. The innocent sucking on a lollipop, his chance for redemption. Whenever anyone or anything had threatened that ideal of her he had sought to destroy or manipulate it, never offering her the chance to voice her thoughts. Twisting her emotions and ultimately her life. He'd always been like that, even as a human Spike had told her, the demon had only enhanced what was already there.

"I let him go Angel, of course he's getting away." Buffy replied, as gently as she could manage at the moment. Admittedly it still came out harsher than she would have liked. Still holding the stake she moved closer to him. "And if you try to follow I swear to the Powers That Be I'll stake you here and now."

"Buffy." His voice bit out in the night, hurt and desperate. Oh she could see the good in him, the possibility of greatness. She wanted that for him more than she cared to admit. Despite his faults Angel had always tried to do the best he could for her, even if it meant lying and manipulating. Even if, in reality, he had always done what was best for him first. Shaking her head once, clearing the thoughts from her head, she allowed herself to stop moving.

"Angel." She replied calmly.

"Do you know who that was? He's relentless, he'll come back and the moment I'm not there he'll be after you again. He'll drain you dry just like he was trying to do before!"

Wait wha-? She could feel her eyes widen with incredulity. Her mouth hanging open a few moments before laughter burst out of her. Stake still held in front of her she nearly doubled over, tears of mirth escaping and rolling down her cheeks.

"You" she gasped out, "Think. He was-" Another bout of laughter escaped her, the sound both infuriating and confusing the man in front of her, "he was trying to drain me." A small chuckle and a gulping breath ended the laughter. Like flipping a switch mirth turned to serious resolve.

"Angel if he was trying to drain me he'd have gone for the neck. Explain this." She ordered him, a single finger pointing her torn lips. Angel glowered at her, she ignored it.

"Look Angel I told you that I loved you, in my dream. I told you it goes bad. As in I die bad and you go on to be a righteous prick using people like chess pieces bad. You're a good guy, somewhere in there, and I know you're trying but listen real close. If you ever" Her voice had gone deadly calm, "try to kill Spike again I'll dust you on the spot." Angel opened his mouth, probably to say something stupid or cryptic and stopped. A small smile began to stretch across his face. So she had a crush on the blond? That hurt his manly ego a bit but, ultimately, this was a good sign. Spike would try to kill her soon enough and when he, Angel, saved her she would love him like he knew she should. She was still a child, really, it was ok for her to have mixed feelings. It was expected and that she had a crush on a vampire? Even better, she wouldn't be afraid of him, wouldn't judge him.

Buffy, for her part, recognized that look. It was the Buffy's-doing-something-stupid-but-it's-ok-because -she'll-see-I-was-right-soon-enough look. She hated that look but she managed not to stake the self-righteous bastard when he put his hands up in the air and backed away, a patronizing smile on his face. Mercifully she let him walk away, confident he wouldn't go after Spike. No Angel would wait for the moment Spike tried to kill her and he would eventually try. Spike hadn't had seven years of memories dumped into his brain. He wasn't in love with her, so his very nature, his reputation would demand he try again. . She'd be disappointed in him if he didn't, not that she was happy about the idea. Poor Spike, he doesn't know what's gonna hit him.

The weeks passed steadily by. The euphoria of the Masters defeat joining with one victory after another. With the knowledge of the future Buffy found herself only altering her present in a few short incidents. Most of these changes had been minor and she desperately hoped that they would change the future for the better. A small few she allowed to happen just because, to be frank, life didn't usually offer you a rewind button. She was determined to enjoy it. One perfect example was Giles reaction to Amy's mother.

"Let me make sure I got this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader? In some misguided attempt to recapture her youth?" The incredulity on his face had damn near sent her crashing to the floor with laughter. Thankfully she and the gang had saved Amy long before Buffy had been poisoned, Buffy stealthily appropriating the trophy Amy's mother had been trapped in. Amy had eagerly joined the Scooby Gang. In part to thank them for saving her but Buffy suspected that the smile that Jesse had sent her way was the main reason for joining the gang.

Jesse had been a surprising and refreshing friend. Keeping Xander from obsessing, overmuch, about the blond slayer. Surprising Giles by stopping by the library during his breaks alongside Buffy to learn more about the world he had stepped into. Bringing Willow slowly, but surely, out of her shell with sweet words of encouragement and a steadying hand when others tried to mock her.

She wished she had been able to save him in the other life. He was sweet, sometimes embarrassingly stupid, brave, and surprisingly intelligent. He could never keep up with her, not really, but he was pushing himself in an effort to, at least, help her and pulling the others along in his wake. He had very nicely slid into the place as her second in command. His very existence proof to her that she really could change things. That this crazy thing that had happened really had a chance.

Alas all good things must come to an end. It started slow. Curious looks as she studied in the library, questions burning behind every word, a kind of wariness that desperately tried to understand. She'd been a little surprised when her Watcher asked her to meet him after school, alone. She'd gone expecting a firing squad but instead was met simple silence. Giles stood, surrounded by open books and simply stared. Coughing softly into a cupped hand she cleared her throat.

"So Giles what's the stitch?" She tried to sound as casual as possible and Giles had responded with a soft derisive huff. Turning he made a show of glancing at the books around him.

"Buffy." He started and she could feel her shoulders slump in defeat. No putting it off anymore it seemed.

"I have been researching Slayer dreams, forgive me but there is absolutely no evidence to explain the strength of your knowledge. Prophetic dreams are confusing at best. So, tell me, what is truly happening." He sounded so worried, she almost felt guilty. Sighing softly she proceeded to sit down, inviting him to do the same. Thankfully she had prepared for this, she just hated that it happened so soon.

"I'm not entirely sure Giles." She said, helplessly.

Leaning forwards in his seat the watcher placed a single, comforting hand on her shoulder. "When, exactly, did this event occur?"

"Right after I burnt my school down. I was sleeping, badly. I was so worried about what was happening, the cops wanted to talk to me, the rents were freaking out, I was freaking out. I'm not sure what woke me but I remember catching my reflection in the mirror. It was me but it wasn't. I looked older, wrong, my eyes were blue. Then there was a sharp pain and boom!" Her hands shot up in the air mimicking an explosion, bringing her hazel/green eyes up to meet his blue ones, she offered a weak smile.

"It hurt so bad, like I was being torn apart and then I heard a voice and all at once it stopped hurting. The memories hit me so quickly I passed out."

Giles stood, taking a few steps away from her and back, reflexively cleaning his glasses as he paced. He stopped, once, to stare at her. Mouth opening to form a question before it clamped shut, strong enough she could hear his teeth click painfully against each other.

"I dreamed of Sunnydale. Of you and Xander and Willow. I dreamed a whole lifetime and when mom first started talking about this place I almost wanted to run away. I couldn't though, I felt like this was the chance to stop as many of those bad things that happened the first time."

"Ff-first time? Buffy you are speaking of something impossible. Very few beings have the strength send someone to the past."

Buffy almost chuckled at that, "You'd be surprised. Besides I didn't get sent back to the past, it's just me in here. Fifteen year old Slayer Buffy Summers. There's no other me running around out there." She promised him.

"But then?"

"I think...I think the other me. The first one died. I think that somehow all her memories were given to me. I don't know how or even why but, so far, they've been right. They helped me save Jesse and stop Amy's mom before she had a chance to hurt anyone else. They were right about Ripper." She felt bad for that last part. Hating how Giles bowed his head in shame and guilt. Rising she moved to his side, one hand coming up to grip his arm tight. When he looked at her she offered him a soft smile.

"Hey it's ok Giles. Teenage angst, trust me we all get it. I can't even begin to tell you all the stupid things I did in that other life."

"Buffy" He responded patiently but grateful, "You realize you're speaking about another dimension?" Buffy chuckled softly, loosening her grip.

"Well duh. If it was my future, this future, the moment those memories hit me everything would've changed. So much that I might not have sent the memories the second time around and if I didn't do that how could I have changed anything in the first place?" Her analysis, while lengthy, was accurate. Giles found himself reaching for a chair. After settling himself he removed his glasses, wiping his hands over his face as he tried to understand the situation. Buffy gave him a few moments, settling herself across from him and waiting patiently before he finally removed the hand from his face. Replacing his glasses he studied her. Nodding, more to himself than her.

"Tell me everything." He implored. Buffy considered, for a moment, how much she should tell him. It occurred to her, briefly, that she shouldn't reveal too much of anything but she refused to keep this secret. She was sure, positive, that secrets would destroy them all in the end. Bring about the future the first Buffy had suffered through, the future that had destroyed them all. Instead she decided to start with what she thought would be the most distressing revelation for the watcher.

"Well first I'm...kindainlovewithWilliamthebloodyhe'savampirea ndhe'skilledtwoslayers." Buffy rushed out, trying to get this particular argument over as soon as possible. She'd been prepared for him to bellow, forbid, guilt, or even voice his disappointment in her. She had not expected him to suddenly lose all color, making him almost as pale as a vamp. Nor had she expected the half-gurgled nonsense that spilled from his lips a moment before he crashed to the floor. Buffy stared at her fallen Watcher.

"That went better than I expected."

KittenOfDoomage- Hehe I'm absolutely thrilled that you enjoy my story so much. Thank you for the compliment though I'm sorry I caught you at work ^_^

darkeyesgirl- Really? That would make an interesting read. I wish I had been allowed to write essays like that. My teachers weren't always that broad minded.

CailinRu- Well it would be boring if they got together too soon. That and, though I love Spuffy redo fics, there were few that showed how Spike would struggle through this. No chip, no reason not to kill, no soul. He's struggling with even the thought of loving Buffy. I'm a little evil, I admit it.

A special thanks to my beta ginar369 because I am a terrible speller (and, well, ginar's awesome)

And a huge thank you to all those who've reviewed. You guys are really making me wish I didn't have to work so much so I could post more often. Alas life is never that easy.