The Miracle of Love
Chapter 26
Bilbo didn't even try to hold back his tears. He was crying softly as a stranger drove him home. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to climb into his own bed and forget about the rest of the world. It hurt. It really hurt. It didn't matter that he and Thorin weren't even together for a day. It hurt because he believed that Thorin actually cared for him, that he wasn't just his toy. But Thorin did play with him, and Bilbo had no one but himself to blame. He should have listened when people warned him about Thorin. He'd decided to ignore them and follow his heart, and now look how it ended.
"Are you alright?" the stranger asked.
"No…"
"Do you want to talk about it? You really look like you need someone who'll listen."
"There is nothing to talk about. I was stupid enough to believe a certain person… and now… It's my fault, there's nothing to do about this."
The car stopped in front of Bilbo's house as requested, and before the stranger could say something else Bilbo thanked him for the ride and disappeared.
Belladonna knew something was wrong the second she heard the front door open. They weren't expecting anyone and there was no one that would enter their house uninvited. She stood up to see what was happening, only to be greeted by her crying son halfway.
"Mum…" cried Bilbo and before he knew it he was pulled into his mother's welcoming embrace.
"It's alright sweetheart. Everything is going to be alright," she soothed. Bilbo was far from a small child, but never before she had seen him like this. So vulnerable, so heartbroken.
"What's going on?" asked Bungo when he saw them. "Is everything alright? Bilbo?"
Bilbo just shook his head and continued to cry on his mother's shoulder.
"Sweetheart, maybe we should sit down," she suggested. "I'll make you a cup of tea to calm down, and then we'll talk." Bilbo reluctantly let go of his mother. She cupped his cheeks and forced him to look her in the eyes. They were red, and the tears never seemed to stop. "Come, you'll feel better."
Bilbo allowed her to lead him to the living room, where he sat down and waited for the tea. His dad remained silent, but Bilbo knew that he was angry. Not at him, but at the person who caused him pain. It looked like both of his parents had a pretty good idea about what had happened.
"Bilbo!" Frodo exclaimed as he came running down the stairs, happy to see his brother again. "I didn't know you were coming…" Frodo trailed off when he saw his brother. He knew something bad had happened.
"Here's your tea, sweetheart. Be careful, it's still hot," said his mother as he handed him the tea and sat down next to him. "Are you feeling better?" she asked as she wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close.
"Not really," answered Bilbo. "Can I stay here for tonight?"
"Of course, sweetheart."
Bilbo remained silent and kept staring at the cup of tea he was holding. He didn't want to talk about it, but at the same time he knew that he would feel better. "Everyone knows," he told them just above a whisper. "They all know I'm… pregnant."
"It's alright," Belladonna soothed. "We'll get through this together. Don't worry."
"If you want we can call the school," Bungo offered.
"No, I don't want you calling anyone. I just want to stay here. I really don't want to go back to the mansion."
Bilbo knew his parents didn't believe him. They knew there was something more. "Sweetheart, are you sure that's all? You seemed very stressed when you came home. Does it have something to do with that boy?" his mother asked carefully.
Bilbo remained silent for a moment before nodding. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," Belladonna smiled reassuringly. "When you're ready you know where you can find us. Would you like something to eat?"
"No, I'm fine. I just want to go to bed."
"Alright. We'll see you in the morning." She pressed a kiss to his forehead before Bilbo disappeared upstairs, Frodo following close behind.
"Should we be worried?" Belladonna asked her husband.
"I'm not sure. But I know that I won't be allowing any of my sons go near that house ever again. They have caused us enough trouble as it is."
"We signed the papers," Belladonna reminded him. "Whether we like it or not we will have to deal with that family in the future."
"The biggest mistake of my life, giving my grandchild to those people. Not people – monsters."
"There's nothing we can do about that anymore," she sighed and took hold of his husband's hand to calm him down. "What's done, is done."
"When the time comes they'll get the child, but until then I would appreciate if they would stay as far away from my family as possible."
:::
Bofur yelped as Thorin grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him back into the wall. "You!" he growled. "What have you done?!"
"I didn't do anything," Bofur defended as he tried to push Thorin away from him. "I just told him the truth. You had no right to lie to him!"
"What happens between me and Bilbo is none of your business!"
"It is my business. Because unlike you I love him!"
"You have no idea what I feel for him!"
"No, I don't, but I know you!" Bofur spat back. "I know you. You're incapable of loving anyone. You're emotionally constipated. All you do is hurt people around you, including your friends. You are not a King, Thorin. Never were, never will be!"
Dwalin caught Thorin's fist in the last moment before it would make a connection with Bofur's face. "Let go of me," demanded Thorin.
"Let him go, Thorin," said Dwalin as calmly as he could. "This is my house and the last thing I want Is trouble. You need to cool down. I think it would be best if you leave."
Thorin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Dwalin wasn't on his side. He wanted him to leave. So Thorin did as he was told. He let go of Bofur, and disappeared. Nobody knew where he was and nobody cared. When he came back home few days later everyone acted like nothing had happened.
:::
When Belladonna came to check on her son the next morning, he was still under the covers and it was more than obvious he wasn't planning to go anywhere.
"How are you feeling, Bilbo?" she asked as she sat down on his bed.
"I feel fine. I was feeling fine yesterday," he answered and his mother sent him a look.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She knew she was pushing this too far, but she was worried that Bilbo would shut everyone out completely. "Does it have something to do with Thorin?" Bilbo looked at her with surprise. He never said anything. "Frodo," she clarified. "He believes that something happened between you two."
Bilbo rolled on his back, trying to avoid answering the question, but then his mother placed a hand on his belly for the first time and Bilbo had to look at her. "Do you want to feel?" She nodded, unsure if that's what she really wanted. Bilbo pushed the covers away and lifted his shirt so that his belly was exposed before he took his mother's hand and placed it on his stomach. "You might have to wait a while. The only one who can get it to move whenever he wants to, is Thorin. I don't know why…"
"It?" questioned Belladonna. "You didn't want to find out if it is a boy or a girl?"
Bilbo shook his head. "It doesn't matter because it won't change anything. The only person who would be happy to know is Mrs. Durin. She wants to know if it's a boy or a girl so she can decorate the nursery properly."
Belladonna sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if we made the right decision, letting you decide about the fate of this baby," she confessed. "I feel like you are too young to be making decisions like that, and I fear that this burden will be too much for you to bear. No parent should be ever parted from their child and I can already see how much this baby means to you."
"I know what I agreed to," said Bilbo silently. "I know what will happen."
"I know you do. But do you fully understand? Will you be able to let go when the time comes?"
Bilbo didn't answer immediately. "I don't really have much of a choice." He moved his mother's hand on his stomach.
Belladonna smiled when she felt a strong kick against her palm. "Will you be staying home today?"
"I don't really want to go to school today."
"Alright. I left you some breakfast in the kitchen in case you get hungry. I have to go now. I'll see you later."
"Bye," said Bilbo before his mother left the room, leaving him alone to his thoughts once again.
And his thoughts immediately wandered to Thorin. He'd told Thorin, in a way, that he loved him. And now this… He was stupid enough to think even for a minute that Thorin cared for him, that this wasn't just a game. But he was never more wrong in his life. Thorin slept with him because of that stupid bet and nothing more. His hopes that he would have Thorin by his side, even if only for a few months, disappeared into thin air. There was no happy ending for this story.
:::
A few days passed and Bilbo still refused to leave the house. He spent most of the time in his room, coming out only to eat and use the bathroom. He didn't want to go back to school, at least not yet. The fear of facing reality was too big.
But he couldn't escape reality, even if he wanted to, because that night it literally knocked on the front door. He didn't leave his room, but the walls weren't thick and he was able to hear every word that was said between his parents and Mr. Durin.
"Good evening," Thráin smiled. "I believe you have something that belongs to me."
Bungo, who already disliked the family and hated the man, couldn't hold back. "There is nothing of yours here!"
"I beg to differ. The child-"
"The child," interrupted Bungo loudly, "Is still inside my son. My son. And my son does not belong to you! It was his decision to come live with you, nothing of this sort was in the contract, and believe me when I tell you that I forbid my son to come near any of you ever again! He will stay with us, his family, until the child is born. And then you can come to collect what belongs to you. Until then I would appreciate if you would stay as far away as possible from my son and my family!" Bungo felt better after giving Thráin a piece of his mind.
"They would be both safer in our house," reasoned Thráin as calmly as he could.
"Safe?" questioned Bungo, "Safe from who? I know how to take care of my family. Nothing will happen to anyone. Now if you would please…" he opened the door and waited for Thráin to leave. "And please don't come back," was the last thing he said before closing the door. Indeed, it did feel good to do this. He was just hoping that he won't have to do this again.
Slowly Bilbo came downstairs. "Thank you, dad," he said quietly. "Thank you for standing up for me."
"It's alright son," he said and pulled Bilbo into a hug, which the teen happily returned.
"I know you were disappointed in me when I told you I was pregnant." Bungo wanted to speak. "Please let me finish," quickly said Bilbo. "I know that I let you down, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this. I never planned for this to happen."
Bungo cupped his cheeks and forced him to look him in the eyes. "You could never disappoint me. I was angry, I admit that, but never disappointed in you. You are my son, my greatest treasure, and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you." He hugged him again before he asked: "Will you tell me what happened between you and that boy?"
Bilbo nodded and followed his father to the living room where they sat down. He told him everything that happened, he left nothing out. He started with the party where Thorin and he slept together, and ended with what Bofur told him. Bungo stayed quiet for most of the time, only asking questions now and then when something wasn't clear to him. Bilbo felt exposed after everything that he told his father, but at the same time he felt better about it. And the best part was, that his father seemed to understand what he was going through. He didn't offer his advice, because Bilbo didn't ask for any, but he promised to support him no matter what.
:::
Bilbo knew that he couldn't stay at home forever and that sooner or later he would have to face reality. His parents allowed him to stay at home for a week, but then told him that it was time for him to return to school.
He didn't know what to expect. He knew that everyone will be staring and whispering about him, but other than that he had no idea what would happen. The bus ride to school was awful enough. Frodo was sitting right next to him the whole time, trying to distract him with anything that came to mind, but it wasn't really working. He could hear them whisper about him. He saw them glancing back and looking at his belly, which was hidden under a large shirt. He wanted nothing more but to become invisible.
He walked to the school as fast as he could, head bowed low so that he didn't have to look anyone in the eye. If a week ago no one knew he existed, now everyone knew who he was and that he was pregnant. There was no way around it.
"Hello, Baggins," sneered a boy Bilbo had never seen before, and was now hovering over him as he was going through the books in his locker. "Freak," he added and Bilbo swallowed hard. There was no way he could fight him off. "I heard that you were Durin's whore, and that you two managed to produce a bastard. How does it feel to know that you were his whore and nothing more." The boy's hand reached toward his belly and that's when Bilbo pushed him away as hard as he could.
The boy growled before launching himself at Bilbo. He was smart enough to know that hurting a pregnant teen would get him in a lot of trouble since there were too many eyes watching him. He left Bilbo alone, but the contents of Bilbo's locker suffered the consequences as they ended scattered all over the hallway. The students laughed before moving on.
Bilbo held back a sob as he got on fours and started picking up his things. Some papers were destroyed beyond recognition and some of his books he found in the trash where the other students put them just to make him more humiliated than he was before.
"Here," said someone and when Bilbo looked up, he saw Fíli and Kíli standing in front of him, offering him his missing pages.
"Thanks," said Bilbo quietly as he accepted the papers and stood up.
"We are really sorry this happened, Bilbo," Fíli apologized.
"It was expected," Bilbo said dryly as he put his things back into his locker. He would arrange his things later.
"Father told us you won't be living with us anymore," said Fíli. "Is it true?"
"I'm going to stay with my parents. It's for the best."
"That's okay," said Kíli. "We can come visit when you have time."
"I don't think this is such a good idea, Kíli. I have my things to do-"
"What things?" interrupted Kíli.
The bell rang. "I have to go. I'm already late for my class…"
He disappeared before Fíli and Kíli could say another word.
:::
"Oh, you're back. Finally!" Valla cried in exasperation when she finally saw her son come back home. "I was so worried about you."
"Yes, I know by the amount of calls and texts you sent me."
"Don't speak to me like that, young man," Valla warned, and Thorin rolled his eyes. For the first time in ages his mother looked really worried about him. "Now wait!" she ordered as Thorin wanted to go upstairs. "We're going to talk first."
"Really?" questioned Thorin. "Now you want to talk? Can't you just leave me alone like you normally do?"
"You're being very ungrateful right now," she warned.
"And do tell what I have to be grateful for? The fact that I have everything or the fact that for the first time in years you actually care about me?!" Valla was taken aback by Thorin's words. "Father is sick! He's not been in his right mind for years. For every stupid decision he makes that I have to deal with the consequences of, you just stand by his side and support him. When was the last time you supported me? Let's remove the masks and end this charade once and for all!"
Valla's expression changed. "You have no right to speak to me like that, young man! I raised-"
"Grandma raised me! She was the only one in this family with a clear mind. Grandfather wasn't in his right mind in the last few years, but she was the one who controlled him. I don't see you control our father. You allow him to do whatever he wants. You're afraid to open your mouth in front of him."
"I'm doing my best-"
"No," interrupted Thorin once again. "I am doing my best. I'm trying to save what can be saved. A few weeks ago when he gambled our house, mother, our house, I was the one who had to deal with those idiots to get it back. And I paid a heavy price for it. We still have enough money, more than enough, but if this continues, if father doesn't pull himself together, we'll soon be completely broke." Thorin made a few stairs up before he turned back to his mother. "I mean, we bought this house three times this year, and somehow father always manages to gamble it. So don't tell me I'm ungrateful, because you have no idea what I've been through."
:::
Thorin returned to school a few days later. No one paid a lot of attention to his return. Now or then he heard some whispers about him, but it was expected. After all, the whole school knew that he slept with Bilbo and that the younger teen was now pregnant.
Speaking of Bilbo. He knew that Bilbo was very angry at him, that's why he didn't even try calling. He was hoping to talk to him and explain everything, and maybe, maybe even get a second chance. There was nothing he wouldn't do to get Bilbo to forgive him. But he knew his chances were slim. How do you even apologize for something like that, and how would he convince Bilbo his apology was sincere? It felt strange not having Bilbo around him. In the last few weeks he spent a lot of time with him, and Thorin felt empty now that he wasn't around anymore. He missed kissing him, he missed his smile, his laugh, he missed having him close. If there was a way to describe this, one would say that Thorin was falling in love.
His best chances to talk to Bilbo was during lunch break. He assumed that Bilbo would be in the cafeteria with everyone else, but he was nowhere to be found.
"Have you seen Bilbo?" he asked as he sat down at the table his brothers, Ori and Dwalin were sharing.
"I saw him today when I got to school," answered Ori, "but I haven't seen him since."
"Well, I need to find him," said Thorin and stood up. "If anyone sees him, let me know."
"Just leave him alone," sighed Fíli. Thorin stopped and looked at his brother. "I think you've done enough. Allow him to be alone. If he wanted company he would have joined us. And he hasn't. He hasn't eaten here in days. If he doesn't want to see us, I really doubt he would want to talk to you."
"What's between me and Bilbo is none of your business," Thorin answered back.
"Was," muttered Kíli.
"What did you say?"
"I said: was," clarified Kíli. "What was between you two."
"We didn't break up," argued Thorin.
Kíli sent him a look. "I really doubt he thinks the same. After what happened, I don't know if anyone would want to be in a relationship with you. I give you points, though. You were together, even if only for a few hours, it still counts."
Thorin just shook his head before he walked away. He really wasn't in the mood to listen Kíli playing smart and he really wanted to find and talk to Bilbo.
Luckily it didn't take him long to find him. Bilbo was sitting on the bench, outside the school, eating his lunch. Thorin gathered his courage before he stepped outside and approached him. Bilbo didn't lift his gaze when Thorin sat down in front of him, instead he continued eating the sandwich his mother made for him this morning.
"A little cold, isn't it," Thorin finally spoke, hoping to get a conversation going. It was a middle of December so it was normal to be this cold outside. Bilbo was wearing his winter jacket, but his nose and cheeks were red, and he probably had his hands icy cold. "Wouldn't it be warmer and more comfortable to eat inside?" Thorin tried again.
Bilbo swallowed his food before he spoke. "I've been bullied enough times this week to know that eating here means that no one will insult me or throw away my lunch."
Guilt settled deep into Thorin's stomach. But at least Bilbo was talking to him. "You're not going to yell at me?" he carefully asked.
Bilbo finally looked up from his lunch. "Why would I yell at you? It's not like it would change anything. It would only give people more reason to laugh at me, because of how stupid I am."
"You're not stupid," Thorin said quickly. "And I'm really sorry-"
"Don't be," Bilbo interrupted. "I'm not. Besides, it's not your fault. I was the one who believed you, so there's no one else to blame but myself. I think it was worth it," he admitted quietly. "I got to spend some time with you, even if now the whole school is laughing at me."
"I'll talk with some people," said Thorin, "and they will stop, I promise…"
"There's no point. Sooner or later they will stop. I'm not that interesting." Bilbo stood up and wanted to leave, but Thorin caught his hand and stopped him.
"Can we please talk? Not here... Somewhere private. I want to explain things to you, I want to apologize."
"You don't have to," said Bilbo and pulled his hand from Thorin's grip. No matter how much his heart wanted to hold it, his brain knew better than to trust Thorin again. "I told you before: I'm not angry at you. You wanted to have fun and I believed you-"
"Now you stop!" demanded Thorin. "Stop acting like you don't care! Because I know you, and I know how hard this is for you. Stop putting a wall between us! You want this as much as I do. Why don't you just allow me to show you that I made a stupid mistake when I made that bet with Bofur? I wanted to prove him wrong about you, I wanted to show him how wrong he was. But it turned out that I was never more wrong in my life." Thorin stepped closer to Bilbo and gently cupped his head in his hand. "Bilbo Baggins, you are the best thing that could have happened to me," he said, his voice just above a whisper.
Bilbo wanted to believe Thorin's sweet words, but he was too hurt to understand what he was trying to say. "Well, you're the worst that could have happened to me," he said before he pushed past Thorin and went back into school, leaving Thorin alone out in the cold.
Author's notes:
A big 'thank you' to Chamelaucium, who helped me with this chapter. Seriously, you are amazing, and work super fast :)
I want to thank all who left comments. You encourage me to write chapters faster.