CHAPTER 15 – MORE THAN HER SHARE OF DEMONS

When she woke up, confusion clouded her mind and she fought to grasp for clarity, feeling the invasion of pain from many parts of her body. Groaning, she moved her head to the side, squinting slightly against the light as first one eye, then the other was prised open. Bright lights overhead. A hospital? A handsome, dark haired man lounging negligently on the chair beside her bed, hazel eyes regarding her closely.

"Nicole? Welcome back... how's the body feeling?"

Clarity burst through the fog and she groaned again. Wormholes, stargates, monsters in the mist. And Colonel John Sheppard. Ah crap. What had been a very real nightmare just minutes ago, was in fact a very real waking dream. She was here. In Atlantis. In another galaxy. And the man sitting in the chair beside her bed? Damn... Those feelings were not welcome about now...

"The body, Colonel Sheppard? I'm not so sure it's actually still connected to me – if it wasn't for the fact that I can intensely feel every tiny scrape and bruise that no doubt adorns most parts of it... Ah damn... I feel about as good as I did when Ronon shot me with that stun gun. I'm thinking that being here, is not so good for my health..."

That dry chuckle brought a small smile to her lips. "Glad you find this amusing John. Really! And I can remember that little stunt you pulled on my shoulder down in that hole... My memory is just fine... next time you want to manhandle any of my joints, please get me medicated first, huh? That hurt like a bitch..."

"The alternative was far worse, believe me Nicole. And by the way. You're welcome..."

"Ungrateful much, huh?"

"Oh yeah, babe. That about covers it. But I get it. This whole deal... it's getting a bit much. And I've just had a nice little chat with both Sam Carter and Rodney McKay and guess what? You're in for a few more surprises..."

He pushed himself up from the chair and went and sat carefully on the edge of her bed, not wanting to jar her too much. His hand reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, and he saw the instant flare in hers and smiled a little. So the lovely lady was not immune afterall... perserverance Sheppard. She's had a few pages full of crap written into her life story. Get past those chapters and maybe she's ready to do a little rewrite. Some fights are worth the possible scarring afterwards... and my senses? They're saying that she's a keeper... go figure?

He gave her a run through of what he had learnt that day from both Sam and Rodney and watched the dawning horror in her eyes. Saw the tense set of her muscles and the clenching of her jaw as her world as she knew it, was once again shattered. And hated himself for being the one to bring her the news.

"I'm sorry, Nicole. That had to be hard to hear and take in. Invasion of all sorts of privacy, and I'm guessing that you feel more than just a little diappointed in humanity in general. Welcome to our world sweetheart. Out here? We see the very best and the very worst of humanity and it still gets me every time. There is always someone worse, committing a crime that is somehow just a little more adhorrent than the last. We'll find out who's behind it all. We've got our eyes and ears in the right places and it's only a matter of time really. They'll make a mistake, they always do. And we'll get them. Trust me. But hey? There is something you can help us with once you're up and about... together. We'll go through your camera, the photos you have on your memory card. Or flashdrive. You might have something we can use, you may have inadvertently taken a photo of something we can use to track back to who is behind this. As soon as you're up to it?"

He paused, watching as a single tear tracked it's way down her face. "Hey..." Reaching out, he wiped the tear away and kept his hand at her face, gently resting on her cheek. When she leaned into his hand, he felt his heart clench slightly and he vowed then and there. He would protect her whatever the cost. And find a way to make her stay in Atlantis. With him.

The next morning Carson gave her the go ahead to leave the infirmary. Of course he was waiting for her. Just inside the infirmary door, waiting for Carson to give her one last check over before sending her on her way. She knew that he was there, felt his presence in such a way that almost had her reeling. That tangible feeling that he was close by. Protecting her. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she fixed her gaze on him as he pushed himself away from the wall against which he had been leaning and moved into the centre of the room to meet her.

"All clear to blow this joint?" The ever present humour in him had her smiling in return. Serious did not seem a constant factor in this man, and yet she took in the constant coiled state of his muscles, always ready to pounce, to attack, to protect. Should the need arise. Yeah, there was some serious there, but he kept it well hidden, pushed down where it played a constant battle with this man's need to keep things from getting too heavy. She had his measure, of that she was sure. But what she was not sure of... those feelings that constantly crept up and bit her on the proverbial ass whenever she got too close to him. Like now.

"Colonel Sheppard. My trusty escort I presume? You've drawn the short straw for security detail over the errant photographer who seems to have found her way by design, not by error, to this very top secret facility. Hmmm?"

"No short straw on this one Nicole. I held all the straws... you're mine to protect for the duration, and I won't trust anyone else with your life at this point in time. I don't think you're in danger if you do what they want you to do... but until we find out what their agenda is, and who they are? I'm not leaving your side while you wander our esteemed halls of Atlantis. Consider me your discreet shadow."

"Discreet, John? Not so much..." He glance slid sideways and travelled up his large frame, strongly muscled body, topped by oh so gorgeous face. Discretion.. not gonna work with this man.

She looked pale and the bruising on her skin stood out in stark relief. His protective senses now in full play, he took hold of her hand and guided her out of the infirmary, intent on taking her to the mess to get some food into her. Given everything that she had been through over the past few days since her arrival in Atlantis, he knew that food had not been high on her list of priorities and given her slight build, now somewhat slighter he noticed, since she had arrived - his first mission was to feed her.

The mess was awash in noise when they arrived. Mid morning, usually a quiet time in this part of the city as most personnel were already well into their shift. His team was there, seated at a table for six out on the balcony, and keeping a firm grip on her hand, he moved her through the mess and out into the welcome cooler air of the terraced area, nodding at Ronon and Teyla who were in the middle of a somewhat heated discussion. They both looked up as Nicole and John stopped at their table, and John noticed the angry lines on Teyla's face, and wondered if perhaps they shouldn't attempt to sit elsewhere so that whatever they were in the middle of, could be finished. Ronon's huge plate of food was still heaped and John knew from experience that the big Satedan went through an enormous amount of food at each meal, and usually in record time. This break from tradition was disconcerting, and John hesitated before sitting down.

"Sheppard. Nicole." Ronon's greeting was terse, but this in itself was not unusual. He was generally a man of few words.

"Hey Ronon, Teyla. What's up? I need your help later today and I need to brief you on what we have found out with regards Nicole and her arrival here. Some heavy stuff has been going down boys and girls, and guess what? Our new guest is right in the thick of it all... "

"Colonel Sheppard. Nicole. I am pleased to see that you are up and about. I heard about your mishap on the mission that you were on yesterday." Teyla's smile for Nicole was a genuine one however John noticed that it dimmed noticeably when she swung her gaze away from Nicole and back to Ronon.

"Hey you guys ok? You want us to leave you some space... to do... whatever..." John reached out to grab the back of a chair, pausing before pulling it out as he awaited Teyla's reply.

"Please join us John, Nicole. I am sorry if it appears you have interupted something. Ronon and I were simply having a ... discussion... that we have opposing views on." She smiled at him and indicated with her hand that he should sit down. Grinning now, he did so, but not before pulling out a seat for Nicole first and allowing her to sit. Ronon's raised eyebrows did not go unnoticed.

"What?" John's voice held a petulant note.

"Pulling out chairs for ladies? A little over the top Sheppard, even for you. What gives?"

"Shut it Ronon. Trying to make a good impression here, and you're tearing holes in my somewhat sketchy reputation as it is. Nicole? I'll go load up a plate. What can I get you?"

He noticed that her pale face had taken on a little colour with both the sea air and the spark of interest in her eyes as she followed the sparring match between the two friends. She smiled slightly as she glanced down at Ronon's plate, then back up into John's amused eyes.

"Ah... coffee would be good thanks... and a little of what he's having... the operative word being little..."

"Ronon's a tank Nic - really. The man is the proverbial eating machine. Not many of us here can keep up with his food intake... maybe with the exception of Rodney..."

"Did someone say my name?" John was jostled somewhat rudely as Rodney elbowed his way to a place at their table, laying dibs on the chair that John had secured for himself, smiling at Nicole as he began stuffing food into his mouth.

"Yeah, Rodney. Somehow Ronon makes it look cool... you? Not so much..."

Shaking his head, he turned and made his way into the mess, grabbing a couple of trays and began filling up some plates, unable to stop himself flicking glances out to the table on the balcony. Rodney continued his relentless pursuit of filling his forever empty stomach and he saw Nicole start up a conversation with Teyla. Smiling a little to himself, he headed back outside with full trays that included steaming cups of coffee and paused behind Nicole's chair, reaching over her shoulder to deposit her plate and cup in front of her. Pulling his hand back he lightly brushed her cheek, a seemingly casual gesture but he felt the heat of her cheek as he made contact and saw Ronon's eyes sharpen as he too registered both the action and the reaction. Just staking my claim thought John. Yeah, so what - male testosterone or not... this one's mine, or at least, she will be. Just gotta convince her that I'm not the same guy who put that look of pain on her face. Gotta show her that I'm more...much more.

Their impromptu meeting moved to the conference room after they had finished eating. John wanted to fully brief his team on what had happened and he let Rodney take his favoured place - in front of the group in lecture mode. Much to Ronon's disgust and Teyla's amusement. Ronon had no understanding of what Rodney attempted to explain about ley lines and vortices however Teyla, who had a much more open mind and had experienced a more fantastical and whimsical approach to life was fascinated with his explanation and it was up to John to explain to Ronon in more simple terms, exactly what Rodney was trying to say.

John kept a close eye on Nicole. She was quiet, no doubt about it. Her naturally fiesty nature was not in the office today and he could almost visualise the 'out of office' sign that must have been hanging in prominent display in her brain. It appeared she had simply shut down and he needed to find a way to refire her fuse. She had eaten little at lunch, that fact had not escaped his notice and he felt the need to simply gather her into his arms and take her away somewhere. Where there were no ulterior motives, no hidden agendas, no covert operations... and just hold her.

Reality check Sheppard. You are, for all intents and purposes, in the middle of a damn war zone. Hold her? And do what? Chase away her damn demons, give her some sort of false hope? Face it, you can't make her any sort of promises at the moment. Don't put out what you can't deliver. She needs a friend, support and she needs explanations... go for the easy and perhaps the hard? That'll come in time...

"So... these vortice things?" Ronon slumped slightly in his seat, his dark gaze locking onto John's. "They work like a stargate, right?"

"More or less Ronon, and our mission now? Find out who the hell is behind this whole game of thrones, so to speak. I need your help guys. Nicole has a flashdrive full of photos, and the one's I'm interested in? Those taken while she was at the Triangle and immediately prior. She had contact with one or more of them, of that I have no doubt and we may be able to get a lock on them by going through her photos. I thought we'd set up a projections screen and hook a computer up to it so that we can get the photos up onto a large screen."

"You want me to go get my cameras John?" Nicole shifted in her seat, turning slightly so that she could look at him.

He paused a moment, then looked at Rodney. "Rodney, can you set it up in here for me? I've got security detail over our guest, so I'll take her back to her quarters to get what she needs. Sam may come down as well - I know you guys are unlikely to recognise any of the earth humans that appear in the photos, but the more eyes and brains on board, the better. Ok?"

He had their support and felt better for knowing that and allowing Nicole to move away from the table and towards the conference room door, he gave one last lot of instructions. "Ronon, one of the people in those photos may be here in Atlantis. If we can verify that, then I want you to go after them. I want him or her alive. That's my only stipulation. Copy that?"

He received a terse nod from Ronon, and placing himself as close to Nicole as he was able without bringing any unwanted attention their way, they quickly made their way back to her quarters and it was only after she closed the door behind her and sat down heavily on the bed, that John was able to see exactly how much a toll this was beginning to take on her.

'Hey..." he sat down beside her and the slight dip of the mattress had her body leaning slightly towards him and it was a natural thing to wrap an arm around her waist, mindful of her injured shoulder and arm, and pull her gently against his side. And it was just as natural for her to drop her head so that it rested on his shoulder, tucked up easily and comfortably against his neck, fitting against his body as though it was simply meant to be. He turned his head so that he could rub his face softly against her hair and closed his eyes as some almost unidentifiable emotion shot through him with alarming speed and accuracy. He felt the softness of her body and she leaned against him and the tingle of something almost electric as his thigh carelessly rubbed against hers and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter, wincing at the almost physical pain of holding himself back, keeping himself from doing the one natural thing that seemed to figure in his mind right now. Wrap her tight in his arms and kiss her to within an inch of her life. And more. Much more. Oh yeah.

She must have sensed his inner turmoil. And acknowledged to herself that the same feelings were coursing through her own veins and it was on this note that she pulled herself abruptly out of his embrace and launched herself toward the balcony door, moving straight to the railing and looking out over the Lantian sea, feeling the calming motion of the breeze that cooled her heated face and allowed the emotions that were roiling inside her, to settle. She heaved a deep breath and let it out in a shuddering gulp that had her leaning heavily against the railing as though her legs would no longer support her. John gave her a moment, watching the play of emotions across her face and seeing the tense set of her one good shoulder as she attempted to battle whatever was waging it's personal war inside her. Resolutely he pushed himself up off the bed and went to stand behind her. Not touching her.

"Let it go for now Nic... I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to do. I"ll back off. I don't force myself on anyone..."

He reacted to the abject sadness on her face and couldn't help himself. Didn't even try. Just stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her and held her while she cried. Not sure why she cried exactly. Didn't really care but suspected it was more than what was happening here in Atlantis. A catalyst, the reason she sought solitary assignments and the reason she hurt so much inside. At that moment? She needed a friend. She needed him and nothing else mattered.

"I'm here baby, whatever you need me to be right now... nothing more. You'll tell me when it's time..." And he held her for a short while, saying nothing more, until the tears ran dry and she pushed at his comforting arm, distancing herself from the comfort she had not allowed herself to have for such a long time.