Please note that the world of Harry Potter belongs to Rowling, therefore I take no credit in it or the characters I use for this fanfic.
Note from the Author: Please review and tell me what you think! Is there anything you don't like? Is Remus not smart enough? Well, the only way I'll be able to know is if you review, so please help a clueless author out here and review!
Thankyou!
On the day of full moon Remus started feeling sick and terribly, utterly depressed, so he went to the only place he could think of except Sirius' lap that could ever make him feel better; the Grimmauld Place library.
As he stood and gazed out of one of the enormous window in the quiet library, he watched the dust twinkle in the air. Suddenly, a voice spoke from the wall behind him.
"Full moon tonight, is it?" the deep, but elegant, voice of Frederick Black Sr. echoed.
Remus sighed and turned around to face Frederick, and as he did so, he saw that Frederick wore a pitiful expression on his aged and wrinkled face.
"Yes, unfortunately," Remus said with obvious sorrow in his voice, and then he sighed again.
"May I say it, you look dreadful. Are you quite sure you will be alright?", his voice was full of concern, which made Remus' heart leap at the thought that this man actually cared for him.
"Yes, at least I think I will. I've got Sirius here, after all. I think Moony will be really happy to see him again," Remus smiled at all the memories of the two canines together, and somewhere at the surface the wolf inside him stirred in confusion. The wolf might even have been a little hopeful, and the wolf managed to send Remus human mind a tiny, desperate thought. "Paddy?" the wolf asked, in an almost childlike voice.
Remus, who got totally thrown aback by the wolf's question, didn't hear Frederick when he first spoke.
"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that.."
"I said, but Sirius can't possibly be near you when you're in your wolf form, so I don't understand how he would help you at all? And who's Moony?" now Frederick was the one to be confused.
Remus slowly made his way to the royal looking armchair he had placed across from Frederick's painting. He winced a little at the pain in his lower back as he sat down. "Sirius is an animagus. A big, black dog, not very unlike the grim really," Remus smiled as he remembered how scared he had been the first time he had seen that big, black dog lying on his bed at Hogwarts, "And Moony, well he's my wolf side. Sirius claims he's kind of cute, but I don't think I believe him.. He probably just says that because he thinks he has to," but Remus' eyes showed something else than what he was saying, they were full of love, love for his Sirius who he knew loved him no matter what shape he was in.
Frederick chuckled, "Oh, young love," and there was a gleam in his eyes, "I sometimes miss it. But I'm glad you have it," a sad little smile played on Frederick's painted lips.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Remus' words were totally honest, he was very sorry that Frederick couldn't be together with his wife. Because he knew what it felt like, he really did. He had thought it had been the end of the world when he had seen Sirius slowly fall through the veil, a smile still etched in his face, even though his silver eyes were long gone, staring out into a space that no longer existed. "I.. I know what it feels like, to lose someone you love.."
"Oh, no harm done, Mr. Lupin. No harm done. But yes, it hurt at first to lose her. Now, as a painting, I'm not very competent of feeling very much. I feel the basic feelings, but I don't feel them as intensely as before," Frederick looked Remus in the eyes as if to assure him that he wasn't in very much pain anymore, and Remus couldn't help to notice that Frederick had almost the same shade of amber in his eyes that he had.
After Remus' talk with Frederick, he felt much better. In fact, he felt like cuddling up against Sirius' side somewhere. Because of Remus' hightened senses, finding Sirius in the gigantic house wasn't a problem at all.
Sirius was sitting in the living room sofa, filling in a crossword puzzle, biting the end of his pen in frustration.
"You know, not even dogs can digest wood, so you probably want to stop chewing that before you bite a piece off," Remus said with an amused smirk on his face as he blew a kiss across the room to Sirius instead of simply saying hello.
"Not funny, Rem. Do you know a six letter word for 'calm or quiet'?" Sirius looked frustrated and uneasy. He kept straightening his collar every other minute. His behaviour made Remus a little worried, Sirius only ever did that when he was either very upset or very scared of something.
"Placid. Sirius, what's wrong, love?" Remus frowned and seated himself on the edge of the sofa as he lovingly started to run his fingers through Sirius' by now very long locks.
Remus could smell the shampoo Sirius had used that morning, he could smell the slightest hint of the citrus fruits that Sirius liked to squeeze into his shampoo. His favourite was orange, which added orange to one of the smells that constantly surrounded Sirius, almost as if they were a part of his aura. Sirius had been doing that for as long as Remus could remember, he claimed it made the hair more luscious, even though it certainly hadn't worked on Remus' hair, it had only made it more tangled and messy. Remus also had made a couple of guesses about this on his own, he thought it had something to do with Sirius' childhood. His best guess came from a fact Sirius had told him back at Hogwarts, that they only ever had exotic and expensive fruits at home, and Remus thought it must be because of that that Sirius had developed an affection for common fruits, because he didn't want to be anything like his parents.
"Nothing, I'm just a tad nervous. But really, Remie, it's nothing you should worry about," Sirius tried to pull a confident smile, but failed.
Remus placed two fingers under Sirius' chin and pulled it upwards, and that way forcing his lover to look him in the eyes. For a brief moment grey eyes were locked with amber ones, and there seemed to be sparks flying between them, but then the grey eyes started to falter and try to look away.
"Nervous of what?" Remus demanded, once again locking his gaze in Sirius'.
"I.. I'm not sure if I'm able to change into a dog anymore.. I'm not sure if you can really be an animagus here, when you're dead, and I haven't had the guts to test it yet.. I'm so sorry Remus! I should have told you earlier.." Sirius looked deeply ashamed and upset about this, and his eyes became almost silver under the intense emotions.
Remus swayed a little, as if an invisible man had punched him in the stomach, but he seemed to gather himself up pretty quickly and said, "Sirius dear, I'm sure you're still able to turn into a dog. If I'm still a werewolf, you should still be able to turn into a dog," Remus said it with such a surety that Sirius seemed relax and leaned his head into his lover's hand.
"Thankyou.." he whispered, and Remus knew that this had to have been upsetting Sirius for quite a while already. So he drew Sirius' face up for a deep, longing kiss, before he threw himself onto the sofa aswell.
Remus was seated on the edge of their bed, because Sirius had insisted on letting him transform in their bedroom, he had told Remus that 'he shouldn't have to feel like a beast, transforming in a cellar' anymore. And to be honest, Remus was eternally grateful for the offer. It made him feel almost human. He could already feel the moon starting to rise, and he undressed so that he wouldn't have to rip apart the clothes later, when the transformation kicked in. Sirius wasn't there yet, but Remus knew he wasn't far away, because he could feel Sirius' smell hanging in the air quite near, the fall leaf smell that almost always seemed to surround him. The smell that had come to mean safety to Remus, safety, kindness and warmth. As long as that smell lingered in Remus' mind, he would be alright, no matter what. Because whenever Remus could feel the smell, it almost seemed to take over his entire being.
It wasn't long before Sirius finally stepped into the room, and by that point Remus' transformation had almost started already.
"Nervous?" Sirius asked as he embraced Remus from behind, placing his chin on Remus' shoulder before kissing Remus soundly on the cheek.
"Actually, yes.. And I suppose you would be too if you knew your bones were going to break and that you were going to be in very much pain soon," Remus huffed, maybe a little moodily.
Sirius moved to stand in front of Remus instead, took Remus' hands in his and gave them a little squeeze. Then he brushed some stray strands of Remus' hair out of the werewolf's eyes, so that he would be able to see the eyes properly.
"Hey, Remie dear, don't worry. I'll be here with you all the time, and even though it will hurt to transform, I'll make sure you at least won't hurt yourself. You have my promise at that," Sirius whispered gently, and a little tear even formed in the corner of his eye, as he thought about the pain his lover soon would have to go through. And Sirius would have done anything to change it, so that it would be him having to go through the pain instead of Remus.
And at that very moment, Remus' transformation began. Remus closed his eyes tightly and stepped a few steps away from Sirius, getting mentally ready for the pain. He could hear his bones cracking but then.. nothing. He could hear them breaking, he could see them changing, but he couldn't feel the pain. He also saw the fur grow out, which was extremely strange, because usually his human mind would have been long gone by now. He stretched his hand out in front of him and saw his bones grow, wiggled his fingers and watched curiously.
It dawned on Remus that this full moon wouldn't be like any before it, and he felt like he could cry of joy as he tiredly got to lie down on the bed beside the big, black dog that was Sirius, for Sirius was still able to become a dog. And when Padfoot had licked Moony on the nose, they both fell asleep, grateful for the happy surprise that they had gotten.
The next day when Remus woke up he expected to see Sirius lying beside him, but instead he found himself staring at a big, black dog that smelled of oranges. The dog was snoring quite loudly, and at every exhale it blew stinky air at Remus. It took Remus a while to remember that this dog was in fact his boyfriend, as a dog. He was an animagus. Right. An Animagus that became a dog to help him through his transformations. Which reminded him of the night before, and a weak smile played on his lips as he remembered the totally pain-free night. He couldn't wait to tell Frederick! He decided that that was exactly what he should go and do, so he ruffled the raven fur on the dog's head playfully before he started to slide out of bed. But the dog awoke and yawned very widely, and apparently it had no intentions on letting Remus escape the bedroom. Remus chuckled, that was so very like Sirius. The dog jumped out of the bed and ran around it, before it seated itself on the floor at Remus' feet where it stared up at Remus with puppy eyes, it's tail wagging and it's tongue hanging out of it's mouth. Remus laughed and started scratching the dog behind it's ears, and got a big, wet dog kiss as a reward.
Yes, this was exactly what Remus wanted to wake up to every night after his transformations. A dog by his side and no pain in his limbs whatsoever.
Remus had finally come to peace with his inner wolf.