The Miracle of Love

Chapter 32

Belladonna's heart clenched at her son's words. She knew this was coming, and the way her husband was looking at them he was expecting it too. đThey knew it was a mistake letting Bilbo decide on his own, but their son was stubborn and when he set his mind on something it was hard to convince him otherwise. And now, here they were. Bilbo's wall that protected him from the truth came crumbling down and they were all faced with reality.

"I mean, people can still change their mind," said Bilbo after he wiped his tears on his sleeve. "I can change my mind, nothing is set in stone." No matter how hard he tried tears were still running down his cheeks.

Belladonna placed a kiss on his forehead. "We'll get through this together," she promised, "like a family."

"But we'll be able to keep the baby, right?"

Bilbo knew the answer, but he wanted someone to tell him differently. He wanted to hear that this was his baby, and that he won't have to give it away.

"Son," started Bungo, "we signed the papers…"

"I know, but we can change our mind," insisted Bilbo and Bungo's heart broke. He embraced his wife and their son, silently praying that at the end everything will work out.

For the first time, in what felt like forever, they were able to talk about everything. About what really happened, about Thorin, about school, about their family, and Bilbo felt much better afterwards. He was used to talking with his parents and not hiding anything from them.

Belladonna realized for the first time how much Bilbo cared about Thorin, and how much this whole ordeal was affecting him. He wasn't just giving up his baby, but also Thorin. It surprised her that with everything those two went through they still found a way to be together.

Bilbo got to spend some time with his parents before Frodo joined them for breakfast and he put his brave face back on, pretending that nothing happened.

"Thorin's here," said Bilbo after reading the text message.

"Can I come?" Frodo put his best puppy eyes on, hoping that Bilbo would say yes.

"Sure."

Before he could say anything else, Frodo was already out of the house, leaving Bilbo once again alone with their parents.

"Will you be okay?" Asked Belladonna.

"I'll have to be," Bilbo tried to assure her with a smile. He promised to be home after school and then left.

:::

Thorin was waiting him by the car. Fíli, Kíli and Frodo were already inside talking with each other and ignoring them.

"Hi," greeted Thorin a little unsure where they were standing at the moment.

This was all that it took for Bilbo to stop holding back and hug Thorin as close as possible. Thorin wrapped his arms around smaller teen and held him close, allowing Bilbo a few minutes to calm down. He kissed the top of his head before Bilbo pulled away and met his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not now," admitted Bilbo and Thorin nodded and leaned down to kiss him.

"When you want to talk find me, okay?"

Bilbo nodded and allowed Thorin to open the doors for him.

:::

For the next two weeks things were a little awkwardbetween them. Bilbo was unusually quiet and Thorin didn't want to pressure him into talking with him. He had an idea what Bilbo's silence was all about, but there was nothing he could do about it. He tried talking with his father, but without and success. And then there was his mother… Acting as if nothing was wrong.

Thorin felt that things were getting better since Bilbo once again agreed to sleeping over at his place. Sex was off the table that much was clear, but still, Thorin had a feeling that Bilbo will open up to him, and that they will be able to talk. He also wanted to know what Bilbo's plans were, and what will happen after, and Thorin wanted to assure him he will always be there for him, no matter what.

And then it happened.

Bilbo was smiling, really smiling. It wasn't the fake smile Thorin has been seeing for the past two weeks. No, it was a genuine smile, and Bilbo looked happy as they entered the house that evening. Suddenly Valla appeared in front of them, all happy and excited about something, and Thorin had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

"Bilbo, how nice to see you!"

"Hi," greeted Bilbo and allowed Thorin to wrap his arm around his waist.

"You know I wanted to ask Thorin when you'll come, because I wanted to show you something," she announced all happy and Thorin realized what it was.

"Really?" Asked Bilbo, happy that someone wanted to share something with him.

"I don't think now is the right time," interrupted Thorin and tried to lead Bilbo away, but he knew that Bilbo was interested in that something that his mother wanted to show him.

"Nonsense," she turned him down. "I think Bilbo will love it." She took his hand and led him upstairs, "I just want you to know that if you don't like something we can still change it," she explained and Bilbo became even more excited about what she had prepared for him. He smiled and followed her without saying anything, Thorin following close behind, dreading what will happen.

The doors opened and it took a few moments for Bilbo to realize what he was seeing, the only thing keeping him steady was Thorin's hand on his back.

"So," asked Valla after a few moments of silence, "do you like it?"

There were no words to describe it. Light yellow walls – of course, white furniture, toys – all new, changing table, crib fit for a king, a rocking chair,… It had everything his baby would need. Bilbo quickly corrected himself: not his baby anymore. It was still hard to admit that Durin's already took his baby for their own. A part of him thought it was funny, remembering Thorin's words about being a living incubator, but the last few weeks have proved them so very true that it hurt. They were ready to take the baby away from him when he was not nearly ready to let go. Not now, not ever.

Seeing how Bilbo lost his words Valla was sure Bilbo loved it. "If you don't like something we can still change it. After all, you still have a few weeks left."

Bilbo's eyes finally snapped up and met hers. What she thought was happiness turned out to be resignation, defeat, anger. The truth was that Bilbo Baggins wasn't excited about giving his baby to them, he wasn't happy about giving it away at all. He hated them for doing this to him, he hated her even though he knew she had nothing to do with it and she could do nothing to help him.

She nodded at him, before excusing herself and leaving the room, leaving Bilbo and her son alone.

Bilbo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, trying to keep himself from crying. This wasn't the right time. He should be happy. He should thank her for doing this for his baby, because it was simply perfect.

He took a step forward and brushed his fingers against the fine wood of the crib. Fit for a king, he thought as he looked around. This is what he would be missing out. His child's life. He wouldn't see any of it. But he agreed to that, didn't he? He agreed to give away the thing he loved most with a promise for a better future, one he could not give.

It was Thorin's hand that brought him back from his thoughts. Apparently his boyfriend called his name several times. Funny, he didn't even hear him.

"Let's go," said Thorin softly and tried to lead him out of the room.

How considerate of him. Not a single question asked. Not even Thorin's favorite 'are you okay?'. And he followed without saying a word, only stopping for a second to turn off the lights and close the door.

:::

This wasn't easy thought Thorin as he once again woke up in the middle of the night. This wasn't easy for him, or for Bilbo or for their relationship that suffered the most. Bilbo was drifting away from him and every time Thorin tried to reach him it felt like they were even further apart. He tried to understand what Bilbo was feeling, but it was hard since he himself wasn't sure how he felt. If they could just talk about it, it would make things ten times easier.

But when he turned around the other side of his bed was empty. Bilbo was not here and Thorin sighed as he rolled on his back. Apparently he wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping, he thought as pushed the covers away and got up. He had a very good idea where to look for his pregnant boyfriend.

The house was completely dark, except for one room. A bedside lamp provided just enough light so that Thorin knew where he was going.

"…love it here, you'll see." Heard Thorin. Bilbo was talking with someone very quietly. "It's beautiful. Even I like being here. Especially with you."

Thorin stopped at the doors. Bilbo was sitting in the rocking chair, rubbing his belly and talking to his baby. It was the first time Thorin has seen him like that and it made him realize even more how much this baby meant for Bilbo. He just stood there without making a sound.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" Continued Bilbo, without noticing that he wasn't alone anymore. "I'm sorry I never asked, I wanted it to be a surprise. I wonder how you're going to look sometimes. Will you be like me or…" He swallowed down a sob. "I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss you so much. You have no idea how much I love you. How much I'll always love you. You'll never know me, but that's okay, it's better this way. No need to worry over something that is not important. I just wanted you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I love you. I will always love you, my little miracle."

Thorin closed his eyes for a moment to gather his courage before he walked over to Bilbo and crouched in front of him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, but Thorin didn't nothing to remove them. He took Bilbo's hand and squeezed it reassuringly without saying anything.

Bilbo tried to hold down another sob, but he just couldn't do it anymore. "I don't want to give away my baby."

And there it was.

Bilbo finally said it. He was waiting weeks to hear those words.

"I blame myself, I'm angry at you, I hate your father, I hate everything that is happening to me! Why did this have to happen to me? Why? What did I do to deserve this?! What? Tell me what I did wrong! Why was I so stupid?"

During his outburst Thorin managed to pull Bilbo in his lap, without him even noticing. He pulled him as close as he could and held him while he cried.

It took some time for Bilbo to calm down. Thorin didn't want to push him, he held him close and allowed him to cry without saying anything. But eventually Bilbo did calm down, and the tears on his cheeks dried, and then they just sat there, neither of them wanting to break the silence while at the same time they both knew they should talk.

"Aren't you going to tell me everything is going to be okay," asked Bilbo quietly.

Thorin continued to rub his belly for a minute, feeling the baby move under his hand before he spoke. "It's not going to be okay. You and I both know it. We'll just have to get through this. One day at the time." He pressed a kiss to Bilbo's curls. "I hate it too. I want you to be happy, I want to see you smile every day…"

"No more tears?"

"No, tears are okay, it means that you care. I'm not going to try to pretend to know how you feel right now, because I don't. I just want you to know I'm here for you. We are together in this, remember? This is ours," he added as Bilbo covered his hand on the belly.

"Then why does it feel like I'm the only one who is losing? You'll get to see our baby, every day, you'll see our baby grow, you'll be there for him, or her," he added.

"I'll be lying about for the rest of my life. I'd rather be far away than watch my child be raised by someone else. It's not easy for me, because I know what I'll be taking away from you."

"There is no other way, is it?" Asked Bilbo. "This is happening and there is nothing we could do."

Thorin let out a sigh. "I tried talking to my father… You can guess that didn't go well."

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me that you will always be here. That you will always protect our baby and that you'll make sure she or he feels loved and…"

"I promise," said Thorin and pulled Bilbo closer.

"We should go back to bed," said Bilbo after a few minutes, Thorin only nodded and helped him up.

He watched Bilbo pick something up from the floor and then holding it close to himself, looking around the room deciding where should he put it.

"It's the plush bunny I gave you when we went to see the doctor together."

Bilbo nodded and held the toy close to himself. "I know you gave this to me, but it's the only thing I have right now, and I just want to… You know." Leave something of mine was left unsaid.

Thorin glanced around the room trying to find a perfect spot for Bilbo's toy. "Here," he said and pulled the teddy bear out of the crib and tossed it on the chair. "You can put it here."

Bilbo placed a kiss on it before placing it in the crib, knowing that his child will have at least something from him, before walking out of the room without looking back. Thorin turned off the lights and followed without saying a word.

:::

"Kíli!" Barked Thorin, "Move away from the TV!"

"Sorry," his younger brother muttered before joining his brother on the couch.

"Was that really necessary," asked Bilbo as he was running his fingers through Thorin's hair, something he knew will help him relax. They were watching a film together and Bilbo had a throne made from pillows to keep him sitting comfortable, Thorin's head resting in his lap.

"He was blocking my view!"

"There was no need to yell at him," scolded Bilbo, "you could have just told him to move away."

"I'm not going to apologize, if that's what you're expecting from me." Bilbo's hand stilled and Thorin had the nerve to look at his boyfriend who was looking disapprovingly at him. He knew that Bilbo will wait for however long it takes for him to apologize so he let out a sigh and muttered 'I'm sorry' to his brother.

"See, it wasn't that hard, was it," said Bilbo as he continued running his fingers through Thorin's hair.

Both Fíli and Kíli couldn't help but snigger, at the way Bilbo was controlling their brother. But before they knew it Thorin reached for one of the pillows and threw it in their direction.

"Hey," warned Bilbo before Thorin could throw another one. "How old are you?"

"Stop telling me what to do," protested Thorin.

"Then stop acting like a child!"

Thorin wanted to say something back, but then decided to bite his tongue and stay quiet.

Half an hour later Ori and Dwalin joined them, both smiling and being happy because they were together. The moment they entered Ori's eyes fixed on Bilbo's stomach.

"You are so big!"

"Thanks," muttered Bilbo.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that when I see you at school you are always wearing one of your jumpers, and now you look like you are about to give birth," Ori explained as he sat down next to him. "You are absolutely glowing."

"Hormonal response to an orgasm, nothing more," explained Thorin very full of himself. "Ouch!" He protested when Bilbo pulled his hair. Apparently his boyfriend didn't think this was funny like everyone else. "You do make a nice face when you are about to – ouch! Alright, alright, point taken," Thorin said to Bilbo, who was glaring at him. "I'm going to get us something to drink," he said and stood up.

"I'll help you," said Dwalin and followed after him.

"Finally," sighed Bilbo happily as Thorin and Dwalin disappeared into the kitchen. "I thought he was never going to leave."

Ori sent him a questioning look as Bilbo searched through his pockets until he found what he was looking for. "Thorin never allows me to eat this," he explained as he took a bite from the chocolate bar he was hiding. "Not ever since he read somewhere about having a healthy diet while you are pregnant." He scoffed at the thought. "He has no idea what cravings do to you."

"Can I feel," hesitantly asked Ori while Bilbo was eating his chocolate.

"Yeah, sure. But I have to warn you that it's been unusually calm for the last two hours so I don't think you'll feel anything."

"This kid is definitely my brother's," added Fíli. "This morning I waited for more than half an hour and it didn't move. Then Thorin came and it started kicking and moving, and everything."

"So I should just wait for Thorin," asked Ori.

"No need," quickly said Bilbo and hid his chocolate as his boyfriend and his best friend returned.

Thorin gave him one of those smiles that Bilbo immediately knew he was up to something. "You need me?"

"Ori just wants to feel the baby move."

"Mhmm, I sure he does," said Thorin and leaned down to kiss him. Bilbo felt the baby move and Ori jump at the sudden movement. But he also noticed how Thorin smiled into the kiss. "You do taste good," told him Thorin as they broke apart. "Was that chocolate I was tasting," he asked and held his hand out for Bilbo to hand over his secret stash.

"It was just one bite," the pregnant teen complained as he handed over his chocolate.

"And the rest of it. Please," added Thorin and waited patiently for Bilbo to hand everything over.

"I hate you right now," he muttered as he searched through his pockets. In the end, Thorin had his hands full of sweets that he later threw into the trash.

"I brought you 8 slices of apple. Something sweet as you wanted, and healthy at the same time."

Bilbo frowned, but still accepted the plate. "I don't really care about healthy right now. We wanted chocolate."

"You two can't have chocolate," countered Thorin and sat down. His hand immediately went to Bilbo's stomach, where the baby was kicking the most.

"Then I want pizza!"

"Yeah, that would be great for dinner," agreed Kíli.

"You're not getting pizza," told him Thorin.

"I want the same one we ate last time. All greasy with extra cheese."

"You're not getting it."

"Then you're not getting any!"

"That was low," laughed Dwalin when Thorin suddenly became more acceptable to Bilbo's ideas.

Thorin turned to face his boyfriend. "You're not getting pizza and you are not threatening me with sex, because that would mean you wouldn't be getting any either."

"I did not need to know that," complained Fíli.

"Fine, then I'll go home."

He was about to stand up, but Thorin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his lap.

"You are going to finish this apple," Thorin whispered in his ear, "then I'm going to get your pizza. You'll call your parents and tell them you'll be staying here for the night and that I'll bring you back tomorrow morning. And then when Dwalin and Ori leave, which will hopefully be soon, we will go to my room and we are going to spend the night together. Agreed?"

Bilbo swallowed the lump that has formed in his throat before nodding.

"I love you," he said and kissed him.

"Love you, too." Thorin allowed Bilbo to stay in his lap as they continued to watch the movie.

Author's notes:

All mistakes are mine.

Tumblr doesn't work on any of my computers, or tablet, or phone today. It's like detox!

I'm not going to drag this forever, so expect a few more chapters and then we are done.