AN: As you can see, I'm rushing to end this. It's almost over and I can't take it anymore Dx my brain cells are dying!
AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111.(Like she's gonna read it.) I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort (*facepalm*) koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111(Or if you actually read the other books you would know why Snape hates Harry you idiot.) nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111(O.o That actually sort of happened.) omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?(If JK did that, I'd kill her. I'm not a homophobic but I don't do slash. AT ALL.) If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111(…She just insulted the greatness that is J.K. Rowling. SHE IS THE QUEEN AND OUR SAVIOR! DON'T YOU INSULT HER OR DARE MAKE ANY ACCUSATION'S OR I WILL TAKE YOUR HAND AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!) fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111(...Someone was willing to help? And the name was Medusa? Oh lord, she's seeing things now.)
I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. (You could be screwing Draco (the REAL Draco, that is ) and you'd STILL be depressed. Though that will never happen. 'Cuz he's MINE!) Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly (Whoa, déja vou.). He looked more young den he did in da future. (O.O People age with time? I bet Draco's father didn't know that .!) He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.(…If it's shitty then why is on your iPod? And how the hell does he know how to work it?)
"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. (Never mind…) I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time. (It's so obvious that you are that words can't even BEGIN to describe it.)
"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said. (*adds Ibony to list of names that Tara writes instead of Ebony*)
"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly. (Stop making "Serious" say "Sirius"! "Sirius" should be saying "Sirius". I mean, SIRIUSLY? Whoa . now I'm confused.)
"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled.(Cockled. Heh. Heh. Heh.) "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban!(That isn't lucky for them!...But it sure as hell is lucky for us :D go for it!) That will teach u to copolate(Huh. If that word was spelled correctly it would work!) in da Great Hall." He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. (Ugh.) Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod.(Let's smash it and see how strong it is.) It was slowly chonging!(CHONG CHONG!)Dumblydore didn't notece.
"You fucking poser." I muttoned (Muttoned…not cool bro. Leave the lambs alone.)
"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said.(Because it hasn't come out yet!) Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11(-_-)
"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted. (O.o But he's on your side!)
"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily. (Okay, picture Alan Rickman saying that like a prep XD I just made you either laugh, smirk, or inwardly laugh. You're welcome.)
"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.(I'm so confused.)
"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.(Yea I've had enough of them too. Kill them and the flamers and I may let you live.)
Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him.(But it's a car now!) "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! I jumped in2 it.(It's an iPod Dx you CAN'T.) But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was… …(Gee, the suspense is killing me.) ..Satan.(No. Way.)
"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.(I wonder if Tara kidnaps children and interviews them for insults…)
I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing(I DON'T CARE! NO ONE CARES!) a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz,a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pinkpentagromson dem. My earrings(Someone shut her up.) were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.(Can I hit something?)
"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice. (He knows too much. KILL EACH OTHER.)
"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.(Tim/3 poor dude.)
"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.(If I guy ever whimpered I'd laugh. I'm sorry but I so would.)
"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.(Now you're bringing the yaks into this Dx)
"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?"(Are we doing a crossword puzzle now?) he esked in his sexah voice.
"Um I guezz sand?"(Sand is not dirt.) I laid confuesdly.
"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon."(This makes sense HOW?) He triumphently giggled.(…Two more chapters….so close to the end….)
Suddenly some of my friends walked in. (You have friends!)
"OMG you're fucking alive!"(Sadly, yes.) said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.(Because you dodged all my spells, bombs, bullets, cannonballs, and machine guns.)
"Konichiwa, bitch."(-_-) said Willow. She was wearing (I DONT CARE) a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it (Never…ending….) she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.
"Hey, motherfucker." Said Diabolo (Ron/3) with his red hair). He waz wearing (* le ignores until the end of the outfit description*) a black P?ATD (*le can't resist* its P!ATD!)t-shit and blak baggy pants.
"Hey whose that, Ibony(Ibony. Hehe.)?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing (WHEN WILL THIS END?) a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pantswith blak lace,and black stolettoes. (One more outfit description and I shall cry.)
"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.
Suddenly Satan started to cry. (Until Ebony gave him a bottle and his rainbow blankie.)
"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly. (Stupid thing to ask when he's CRYING!)
"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked. (What happened to your love for the OWL?)
"No I still like you." I said sexily to him. (Ebony can you say, "I'm a whore"?)
"Ok." He said ressuredly. (She has a boyfriend!...CORRECTION: She has MY boyfriend!) I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCRon my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz.(What things? I wanna know Dx) I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. (…Just like that? What did you put in the pot!) I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing (*flips a table* GAH! I CAN'T TAKE IT! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SCREAMING!) a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.
"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 (….*shi0fty eyes* Nowhere of consequence.) How did Snap get back here (Someone poured milk on him and he popped over here.)! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan."(You thought he was in Eurasia! Yup, Azerbaijan is a real place.) I asked sadly.
"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.(...I have never felt so sorry for the discrimination against preps before. They're getting blamed for EVERYTHING in this. When school starts again, I'm gonna hug a prep and apologize. Just kidding. I don't feel like getting arrested again—OH NO I'VE SAID TOO MUCH Dx)
"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily (Yup and now she's coming for YOU!). I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. (Whoa, I like did not know this!)
"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly. (So everyone is hiding from Snape now?)
"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"(Because you MADE HIM!)
"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." (ALMOST kill yourself. *sniffle*) she said.
"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. (Your FACE is terrible!)(Sorry, bad joke.) Satan was still asleep, (If we're lucky he won't wake up.) so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" (Bye *waves cheerfully* Please die!) wiv dat I ran out.
"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried. (Such a Mary Sue. I mean, sure I've written stories where I base a character after me and stuff for my girlish hopes and dreams but this is just RIDONKULOUS! Plus, I at least can admit to it! And I'm not as annoying as Tara.)(At least I hope I'm not…am I? O.O)
I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer.(DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUM!) On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram (For a "Satanist", she has no idea what a pentagram is.) of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.
"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.
"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed. (This sounds like how Ebony talks.)
"Crucious!1" (At least she didn't yell "Crookshanks".) I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand (And at least she's not using her wand just to trip someone xD) and she started screaming koz she was being tortured (Sucks.) and I laughed sodistically.
"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly. (You tried to kill off Ebony so if I could help, I would. But my hands are tied in the matter.)
I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. (Why does she have it?) I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. (O.o may I ask why? No, I don't want to know.) Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. (…Okay I kinda wanna know.) When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" (I knew Vampire was a girl! How many guys giggle?) I yielded.
We hugged each udder happily (Each udder? XD COWS.). He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were (Sooomeeeoneee shooooot meeee.) blak eyeliner and iShadow. (Looks like Steve Jobs created a line of cosmetics before he died.) His He wus wearing (This is the longest, most painful chapter.) a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (I thought he looked like Gerard Way! I'M SO FJUCKING CONFUZZLED!) (did u hear der song da river it rox!1) (I shall never listen to what you like…*is tempted to look up Good Charlotte, Green Day, and MCR just to see*.)"I wus so worried you died (I'm more worried that she DIDN'T.)!" moaned Vampire.
"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, (Still trying to figure out how that happened.) so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me." (Actually he followed you.)
"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously. (She asked falsely? That's what spuriously means.)
"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you (He betrayed us all -_-)?" Vampir snarkled (SNARKLED!) with anger in his sexy voice.
"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY. (Ebony, you're not smart!)
"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily. (That's the teen vampire spirit!)
"OK." I argreed. Suddenly… … … .all da lights in da room went out. (I thought you were in the hall?) And den….da Dork Mark appeared. (MY ARMY OF NERDS BROKE THROUGH THE GATES! GET HER!)
"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.
"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. (I thought you were hiding from Snap.) "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate." (*riding on unicorn* CHAAARGE!)
"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. (Has ANYONE read "Hogwarts, a History"?) Sadly I ran into the Great Hall. (You were already there!)