The Miracle of Love

Chapter 33

Days quickly turned into weeks and before he knew it, he was two weeks from his due date. Two weeks from letting everything go, before letting Thorin go. Two weeks before his life would get back to normal. The funny thing was, it didn't feel normal, not anymore. Sitting next to Thorin, kissing him, holding his hand, that felt normal.

"So, what's the plan," asked Belladonna one evening. Thorin came over and they had dinner together. And then Frodo went to the living room to watch some TV, leaving the adults alone in the kitchen.

"We had the last scan today," informed her Bilbo. How easy it had become to use we instead of I. "And that's about it," sighed Bilbo. "Everything looks as it supposed to."

"Do you know the sex of the baby?"

"The baby was in the right position," explained Thorin, "but Bilbo refuses to know, so we'll have to wait two more weeks to find out."

"Or more," added Bilbo and his mother sent him a questioning look.

"The doctor said that the baby will be overdue. She said it might be a week, or not," said Thorin and squeezed Bilbo's hand reassuringly. "It might come on time. We'll see."

"I'm a little disappointed that you refuse to know the sex of the baby," Belladonna told her son. "It would be nice to know if I'm going to be a grandma to a boy or a girl."

"It doesn't really matter now does it," snapped Bilbo angrily.

"We could at least buy some-"

"No, nothing," interrupted Bilbo rudely.

"But-"

"I said no! I agreed for them to take the baby immediately," Bilbo explained and tried very hard to keep his tears at bay.

"I don't understand," said Bungo, confused with everything that was said.

It was once again Thorin's turn to explain, since Bilbo refused to utter another word. "After the check up we had a meeting with a social worker where she explained everything to us. As this is a closed adoption my parents will be called the minute Bilbo comes into the hospital. And when the baby comes my parents have all the rights to the baby."

"I understand that," confirmed Belladonna, "but after you give birth you'll be able to hold your baby, isn't that standard procedure?"

"I was advised not to," mumbled Bilbo and then allowed Thorin to continue.

"The social worker said that she had dealt with many closed adoptions before, especially with teenagers and her opinion is that the baby is immediately taken away after the birth. She said that people get attached to a baby really quickly and that they have trouble letting go, leading in all sorts of legal disputes trying to annul the papers that were already signed."

"So-"

"She said I look emotionally unstable and it would be best if I don't get to hold the baby because then I would be able to let go. She said it will be easier for me to deal with everything that way," finished Bilbo.

"So once you give birth, we'll never know anything about this baby," questioned Bungo.

"That's right," tried to laugh Bilbo, but didn't really succeed. "Once the baby is out of me it has other parents and everything that concerns that baby has to be discussed with them. And that's it."

"Why did you agree on something like that," asked Belladonna with disbelief.

"Because I'm emotionally unstable and won't be able to handle it! I already earned myself eight sessions with a therapist to help me deal with the pain. What more can I ask for?!" And with that Bilbo stormed out of the kitchen and up to his room.

"Thank you," said Belladonna to Thorin after a few minutes of silence. "Thank you for being there for him. Without you here I believe things would be even more difficult."

Thorin nodded. "I want to be there for him. I need him as much as he needs me. This isn't easy on either of us, it just took me a little longer to admit that. I guess I was just angry."

"At him?" Asked Bungo.

"At myself," clarified Thorin. "I did some things I'm not really proud of."

"You're standing by his side when he most needs you to, and I can't thank you enough for it," told him Bilbo's mother. "Will you be with him when he gives birth?"

"Actually… He wants you in there with him. But I'll be waiting outside if he changes his mind. But knowing your son I doubt that will be the case. I'll better go check on him," said Thorin and stood up.

"There's one more thing I would like to ask you. One of our cousins has a birthday next week and we've all been invited, but I don't think we should drag Bilbo with us, since we'll be staying there for three days and it takes five hours with train to get there, I wanted to ask you if you'll be willing to come and check on him, just so that he won't be alone, that if you don't have other plans."

"My parents and my brothers are going skiing somewhere since winter vacation start next week, but I wasn't planning on going anyway, so he can stay at my place, if you agree."

"Just don't do anything stupid," warned him Bungo and Thorin offered him a smile before going upstairs.

:::

As expected, he found Bilbo in his bed, under the covers, as if trying to hide away from the rest of the world. Without saying a word Bilbo moved a little making just enough space for Thorin to join him.

"This is not nearly as big as my bed," complained Thorin as the two of them lay on the bed.

"You have a king size bed," mumble Bilbo in his shoulder as Thorin pressed a kiss to hi curls.

"I have to go back home. It's late and you need some sleep. It will get better tomorrow, I promise," he assured him. "And next week you are staying with me while your parents are gone. We'll have the whole house just to ourselves."

Bilbo nodded absent-mindedly while drawing circles on Thorin's chest. "We are going to break up," he said quietly and Thorin wasn't sure if he was supposed to be happy that this wasn't a question or if he should be terrified because they both knew it will happen.

"Not yet."

"We can't keep secrets from each other. We can't live a lie."

"Don't think about that right now. We still have a few weeks left."

"And then?"

"Don't think about it," shushed him Thorin and allowed him to snuggle closer.

He left once he was sure that Bilbo was asleep.

:::

"Thank you for driving us here today, Thorin. You really didn't have to."

"No need to thank me," answered Thorin as he help Bungo get the last bag out of the car. "It's the least I could do."

The rest of the family was already making their way to the train when Bungo pulled Thorin back for a second. "I meant what I said. Don't do anything crazy these three days while we are gone. Bilbo hasn't been feeling well. He refuses to say anything but I can see it in his eyes that he's not okay."

"I promise to take care of him."

"You have my number, don't you? Just in case something happens and we need to come back."

"I do, Sir. You don't have to worry about anything."

"If-"

"If something happens, you'll be the first one I'll call," finished Thorin before the followed the others.

"Can I come visit," asked Frodo the moment Thorin wrapped his arm around Bilbo to keep him steady.

"Sure. Once you get back you can come."

Bilbo couldn't help but to roll his eyes.

"I want Fíli and Kíli to be there!"

"Well, they'll be back Saturday evening so you can come Sunday morning and spend the day with us."

"Okay!" Chipped Frodo, excited with the idea of spending the whole day with Fíli and Kíli playing video games. "Bye Bilbo, bye Thorin, see you in a few days!"

What followed were some obligatory kisses from his mother and a promise to call every evening and immediately if something happens before the announcement came that the train was about to leave.

Bilbo watched the train disappear before Thorin lead him back to the car.

:::

"You are unusually quiet today," he noted as he help Bilbo upstairs. The pregnant teen was quickly out of breath and with his protruding belly was becoming quite unstable on his feet, so Thorin's hand on his back was more than welcome. "Something wrong?"

Bilbo sighed. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired, and sore, and my back really hurts."

"How about we put a movie on, I make some popcorn for you to eat and give you a foot massage. How does that sound?"

"Heavenly," admitted Bilbo. "But only if you include the extra pillows."

"I can do that," smiled Thorin before placing a kiss on his lips.

Twenty minutes later Bilbo was enjoying the movie and popcorn while Thorin massaged his feet.

"How does that feel?"

Bilbo rolled his eyes backward in enjoyment. All the extra weight was finally taking its toll and Thorin's fingers worked magic to relive some of that pressure. "I just think that it's really unfair that I gained so much weight. I mean, the baby weights around 6 to 9 pounds, and the rest? Why do I need to keep the rest?" He fumed.

"You look beautiful."

"Easy for you to say," Bilbo muttered. "You should see my stretch marks, they are gross."

"I've seen them."

"Even the ones on my-"

"Arse," finished Thorin and smiled at the thought. "Yup, even those. And they are not that gross. They are a part of you."

"Easy for you to say. You have no idea how hard is to get rid of them."

"They'll fade."

"W-what?" Bilbo couldn't believe what he just heard. "Where did you learn that?" He asked with amusement.

"I must have read it somewhere online."

Bilbo couldn't help but laugh. "I can't believe that you, of all people would search on the internet for something like that." He offered him a warm smile. "It's nice to know that you care, even if it means that you did it because it bothers you."

"It doesn't bother me – you know what, forget I said anything."

They were quiet for a couple of minutes before Bilbo spoke. "Boy or a girl?"

"Girl," came an immediate answer from Thorin, who didn't even look up. "The thought that it would in any way resembled Fíli or Kíli terrifies me. They are enough trouble as it is. You?" He asked and looked up.

Bilbo just shrugged. "I don't really care. I just hope that it's healthy and that it has all the fingers, and toes, maybe your eyes," he added with a smile on his face as he rubbed his belly.

"Are you terrified about giving birth? I know I would be."

"No, I'm fine with it. Though I have to admit that in the last few days I was thinking about having an epidural – you know, drug me and don't allow me to feel anything."

"But you are not changing your mind, are you," asked Thorin.

"No," sighed Bilbo. "We'll be okay, right, once this is all over," he asked. "We'll still see each other at school and I don't want things to become awkward between us."

Why would they become awkward, thought Thorin. It's not like we dated for the last few months and that you are about to give birth to our child – yeah, no need to get awkward between us. "Only for a few months," reminded him Thorin.

"Right, university, how could I forgot. Have you decided what you want to study?"

"I'm still thinking about it. I have a few months left." Thorin climbed up the bed and sat next to Bilbo before wrapping an arm around his waist. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."

"I won't," promised Bilbo. "I love you, too."

:::

They spent the rest of the day watching movies, cuddling on the bed and sleeping. Neither of them wanting to do anything more. The second day spent in almost the same way. It was the third day that everything went wrong.

Bilbo has been difficult since the moment he woke up, snapping constantly at Thorin and yelling at him to leave him alone. Thorin almost lost it by the time it was time for lunch, but he did his best not to show that his patience was running thin. He could understand that Bilbo was feeling uncomfortable, that his back ached, what he didn't understand was the reason why Bilbo felt he could release his frustrations on him.

Maybe it was the weather that was affecting him. It was raining since they woke up and it was getting worse by the hour. A heavy storm was forecasted for the later in the afternoon and it was advised that everyone should stay at home.

It was Thorin's idea for Bilbo to take an afternoon nap, because the younger teen didn't stop tossing on the bed, clearly being uncomfortable. It took some persuading, but Bilbo did fall asleep and so did Thorin, even if that wasn't his intention.

He woke up almost three hours later due to a very loud thunder. He let out a groan. He hadn't meant to sleep for so long. He turned around, only to find Bilbo's side of the bed empty. "Great," he muttered. Mahal knows what was his boyfriend doing right now. He checked the clock. 17:56 it read. That was strange. Bilbo's parents were supposed to return today and they were supposed to call him to come and pick them up from the station. Maybe they just had a delay because of this horrible weather.

Thorin shivered a little as he got out of bed, grabbed one of his hoodies before he went looking for his boyfriend.

What immediately caught his attention was a muffled cry from Bilbo's old room.

"Bilbo, are you okay?" No answer. "Bilbo?" No answer came after that and different scenarios of what could be wrong raced through Thorin's mind. Without even realizing he found himself running to his room.

"Are you okay," he asked again as he found Bilbo holding onto the closet for support with one hand, and holding his belly with the other.

"It hurts," quietly cried out Bilbo.

And that was all it took for Thorin to understand what was happening. In a moment he was there next to him helping him stand. "Why didn't you say anything? This didn't happen in the last three hours. When did it-"

"This morning," admitted Bilbo.

"And why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I'm scared, and because it hurts."

"Of course it hurts," snapped Thorin, "what else did you expect?" Bilbo's hold on Thorin's hand became stronger and Thorin realized he might have been a little too harsh. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Can you move."

Bilbo nodded. "It passed."

"Alright, let's get you back to my room. I need to call your parents."

"Already did that," informed him Bilbo. "They are stuck there because of the weather. They won't be able to come."

"I'll call them again if anything changed, ok?" Bilbo nodded in agreement as Thorin helped him on the bed. "I'll be right back."

It took a minute before someone answered the phone. "Hello, this is Thorin calling."

"Thorin, finally, I was worried sick." It was Bilbo's mother who answered. "What's going on? Bilbo called an hour ago asking when are we coming back. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," assured her Thorin, "Bilbo is in labor-"

"What? He didn't say anything."

"Even I didn't know, until a few minutes ago when I found him trying to breathe through a contraction."

"Are you sure they are not just practice contractions."

"He told me he's been having them since this morning so I'm guessing this happening. When are you coming back, he's scared and he needs you, and to be honest, I don't really know what to do. I'm this close to start panicking myself."

"A tree fell onto the rails so we're not getting home, at least not yet. The weather is really bad out here."

"Here isn't any better," told her Thorin.

"What you need to do right now is remain calm. Call the doctor and tell her what's happening and she'll tell what to do. And please, call me if anything changes."

Thorin promised to do so before ending the call and calling the doctor.

:::

Bilbo waited for Thorin to return. He could hear him talking on the phone, but that was it. He had no idea who he was talking to.

A few minutes later Thorin finally returned.

"I spoke with the doctor," he started as he sat down next to him. "She said that we should go to the hospital. She promised to be there soon."

Bilbo nodded, his hand still resting on his belly.

"I spoke with your parents… They won't be able to come in time."

"Did you call yours?"

"I'll call them once we get to the hospital. The weather is horrible, so all flights are most likely cancelled. It's going to be just you and me, alright?"

"It's not like I have much of a choice," mumbled Bilbo and accepted Thorin's hand to pull himself up. "Can you pack my stuff? Everything is my backpack except one shirt which I left in the bathroom and pajamas which are on the bed."

Thorin did as he was asked and a few minutes later he was already helping Bilbo into the car. The storm was getting worse by the minute and Thorin was grateful for a distraction from the uncomfortable silence between him and Bilbo.

"Is there anyone else who would you like to call," he finally asked and looked for a second over to his boyfriend who was clutching tight to the seat belt.

Bilbo remained still for the next few seconds before loosening his grip and exhaling deeply. "No, I don't need anyone there, I can do it myself."

Thorin tried not to show it, but Bilbo's words hurt. He knew that now Bilbo will do everything to push him away to prevent from getting hurt, but Thorin was determined to not allow him to do that. He will stay with him until the baby is born and Bilbo's parents get back. That was the plan for now, he will think about everything else later.

:::

The moment they entered the hospital one of the nurses showed Bilbo where to change before he was taken to one of the rooms. Thorin was forced to wait outside when Arwen arrived and checked the progress.

"This will monitor the baby's heartbeat," she explained as she turned the last machine on. "So that we'll know how the little one is doing. You still have a lot of time, so I would advise you to get some sleep if you can, you can also watch TV or listen to the music, whatever you want as long you're feeling fine. You can expect stronger contractions in a few hours, but you can still change your mind about epidural, once you enter the last part of labor that won't be possible, so think about it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Would you like me to call Thorin in? He's waiting outside."

"You can tell him to come in," agreed Bilbo and the doctor smiled and left.

Thorin quietly entered the room, not really knowing what to do. The room was quiet with the exception of the heart monitor which was beeping in constant rhythm.

He pulled a chair next to the bed and took Bilbo's hand in his. "Do you want to talk or-"

Bilbo just shook his head and made some space on the bed. "Can you just hold me," he asked in a broken whisper.

"I don't think that's allowed. The doctor will be back in an hour and-"

"Please…"

Thorin swallowed before he nodded. He kicked off his shoes and climbed in the bed with Bilbo making sure no to pull at any wire that was connected to him. "I love you," he whispered as Bilbo placed his hand on his belly and snuggled into his chest. A part of him still hoped that everything is going to be okay.

Things progressed painfully slowly and Thorin was grateful for the nap he took in the afternoon otherwise he had no idea how would he be able to stay up so late. It was 2:30 in the morning, he already talked to his parents, called Bilbo's mom a couple of times and has his hand squeezed for the last hour.

Arwen was once again checking Bilbo how things were progressing.

"Good news, another hour or so and you'll be ready to push," she told them.

"That's good news," snapped at her Bilbo angrily, "tell me you're joking!"

"It's your first baby, you should be happy things are moving so fast," she told him as calmly as she could.

"This is not normal," cried Bilbo as the pain hit him again. "This can't be normal!"

"I can assure you that they very normal. You are progressing as you should be so I'm not expecting any complications."

"But it hurts!"

"Breathe it through," calmly reminded him Arwen and guided him through a contraction. "See, you can do it. Another hour, I promise. You were able to last this long so I'm sure you can survive another hour. You have Thorin here to help you."

"He's not helping anything!"

"Don't be like that," scolded Arwen and wiped the tears away from Bilbo's face. "He's been here the whole time, supporting you, making you comfortable, has he not." Bilbo squeezed his eyes and nodded. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

The moment she left, her hand was replaced with Thorin's.

"I'm sorry," apologized Bilbo.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You're in pain and uncomfortable, it's understandable."

"We'll get to see our baby soon," smiled Bilbo and held Thorin's hand.

"Very soon," smiled Thorin and pressed a kiss to Bilbo's sweaty forehead.

:::

Never in his life he could imagine that giving birth would be so painful. He heard stories yes, but he never really believed them. Up until now that it was his time to do it. A promised hour turned into an hour and a half, and what was promised as a quick birth has been going on for almost an hour. With every push there was encouragement for just one more because he was close – but to that one more followed another one and another one…

He was sweaty, tired and on the verge of giving up. It was Thorin's encouragement that kept him going and a promise of seeing his baby. Just one more, there was always just one more.

But he did it.

His eyes were blurry from all the sweat that was dripping from his forehead when he realized he has finally done it. He let out a breath as he leaned back into the pillows for a moment of rest, just a moment, but it was already too late.

"There you go," he heard Arwen say, and for a moment the only thing that was important was that Thorin didn't leave his side, that he stayed with him until the end.

He abruptly sat up, but he was too late.

"Take him," said Arwen and gave the nurse his baby, wrapped in a blanket.

"No!" Bilbo immediately reached for the baby, but Thorin held him back. He was too late, the nurse was already out of the room. "Please," he cried, the pain he was feeling not a minute ago completely forgotten, "I just want to look at him, please." Tears were streaming down the cheeks as Thorin and another nurse helped him to lay back down and Arwen explained what will happen next. He didn't hear her, he didn't hear Thorin trying to calm him down, he didn't even know he was fighting their hold on him until they pressed him down harder. He didn't know what was happening around him and to tell the truth, he didn't even want to know.

:::

He woke up in a different room. The lights were dimmed and that annoying machine was still beeping. He tried to move, but it hurt too much. The pain was there, but the baby wasn't. It felt strange not the feel anything moving inside of him, it felt wrong, that's the only way he could describe it.

"I'll go tell the doctor that you're awake," he heard Thorin say from the other side of the bed, but before he could turn around and say something to him Thorin was already out of the room.

He returned a couple of minutes later with Arwen, who surprisingly didn't offer him a smile, but instead went straight to business.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore," he answered. His voice completely broken. He didn't remember shouting or anything, but his throat hurt.

"We can increase the medication if it gets too painful."

"It's not that bad," told her Bilbo. "I can handle it."

"The good news is that everything was okay during the delivery so you'll be fine in a couple of days. Your parents should be here shortly and if nothing changes you could be going home this afternoon." Bilbo nodded. "Any questions?"

Bilbo knew he shouldn't ask, but he couldn't help himself. "Can you tell me how is he, it's a boy, am I-"

"I'm not allowed to talk about-"

"Please," pleaded Bilbo. "I just want to know. It's not like I'm going to see him again…"

Arwen looked at Thorin for a second before letting out a breath and taking a step closer. "He's 7.5 pounds, his APGAR score was 10, breathing normally, nice skin color…"

"So he is healthy," asked Bilbo as tears fell down his cheeks.

"As healthy as he could be," assured him Arwen.

"Thank you. Thank you for telling me," said Bilbo before wiping the tears away. Arwen nodded before she left, leaving Thorin and Bilbo alone in uncomfortable silence.

"Did you call your parents," asked Bilbo once he managed to wipe all the tears away.

"They are coming here on the evening flight," told him Thorin calmly.

"Did you see him?" Continued Bilbo his interrogation as he reached for Thorin's hand, but his boyfriend flinched away.

"No."

"Why not?"

Thorin didn't say a word. He walked to the window and stared at the world outside.

"Answer me! Why didn't you go and see him?!" Demanded Bilbo, angry at the fact that Thorin was ignoring him.

"Why would I do that?" Thorin asked calmly, annoying Bilbo even more.

"I don't know!" Yelled Bilbo in frustration. "Because it's something you should do!"

"Something I should do?!"

"Yes!"

"Or something that you would do? Because let me tell you something: I'm not you!" Hissed Thorin trough his teeth. "I'm not the one who got attached, you did! You and your problem of letting go! You had more than half a year to accept the fact that you will give him away, but you just couldn't, could you?!"

"You got attached as much as I do," accused Bilbo.

"No, no I didn't." Thorin was trying to remain calm, but he didn't really succeed. "I don't care! Do you know why?! Because every time I get attached to something you found a way to ruin everything!"

"This is not my fault! You got me pregnant in the first place!"

"Of course! I'm always to blame! Like you did a few hours ago!"

"I wanted to see my child and you held me back! Am never going to see him again and the only chance I had you ruined it and I'll never forgive you for that! Did you hear me? Never!"

"And you sold my child! I'll never forgive you for that!"

"I can't have someone filled with so much hatred in my life," angrily told him Bilbo.

"Neither can I."

"So it's settled?"

They were both breathing heavily from all the shouting, staring at each other, not knowing what to do next until a nurse entered the room.

"What's going on in here? I could hear you shouting from the other side of the hospital."

"Leave," hissed Bilbo at Thorin. "Isn't that what you wanted to do from the beginning? Leave, I don't want to see you ever again."

Thorin stared at him for a second before Bilbo raised his voice again. "Leave."

And so Thorin did. He grabbed his coat and left the room without saying another word.

"Thorin?" When exiting he accidentally bumped into Bilbo's mother.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say before he disappeared down the hall.

"What was that all about," asked Bungo when he joined his wife with Frodo.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling nothing good."

Together they entered the room where their son was.

"Mum," called Bilbo the moment he saw her, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Belladonna didn't know what else to do except pull him into a strong hug, that held a promise of things getting better.

Author's notes:

All mistakes are mine.

Hate me, it's a boy! (In my defense, there were more votes for a boy. Okay, only one more, but it made the difference.) But, the baby was never really important (for a sequel, yes, for this no). The main focus is their relationship. Forget about the baby.

Believe it or not this was my plan from the moment I wrote the first chapter. Happy ending is not something I wasn't going for. The next chapter will make everything more clear.

We're almost there. I can already see the finish line. Almost. There…