Wow, my CronaXPatty fic was finally updated, and then this comes barreling down the pike.
Hooray for faster updates! Well, not really… I wasn't able to update this for exactly two weeks, as I was on vacation, and then had to deal with various obligations.
But I digress. Now, what will happen to Blair as she wakes up to a brutal hangover?
Disclaimer: Since I've been forgetting to do this, let me say now that I do NOT own Soul Eater. And for this chapter only, I also do not own Vitamin Water, Everclear, and/or Pop-Tarts. Also, this fic does NOT condone the use of alcohol in minors, and does not condone incest and/or the use of controlled substances for academic reasons.
Kids, follow your area's drinking laws to the letter, mmkay? And, if you are prescribed a stimulant, don't share it and take it as directed. Drugs are not bad, but they can corrupt people in the blink of an eye.
Onward!
/ / /
According to Vitamin Water Zero: Rise: only six percent of the general population falls into the "morning person" category. Blair certainly wasn't a morning person/cat hybrid, as most people and cats are. She'd usually go to sleep around one in the morning and wake up exactly twelve hours later. Today was different, however, as our favorite kitty woke up with the hangover from hell. Also, she was stuck in a giant Pop-Tart.
"Nya…" she rasped, agonized by how loud and bright everything seemed. "Damn… What happened last night?"
-f/b-
To commemorate Maka's victory over Asura, Blair decided to throw the pigtailed meister a surprise party. She had invited everybody from her resonance team and Crona to come. The latter was thrown in, as Blair suspected the two were crushing on each other. Since Maka wouldn't be showing up for another two hours (Death-Scythe was in on the plans, and had dragged his daughter out of town for the day), Blair tried to direct everybody. Liz and Tsubaki rearranged the living room, Crona and Patty were put in charge of cleaning, Kid was told to wrap the presents, and, oddly enough, Soul and Black*Star volunteered to cook. Blair herself monitored their progress.
Alas, not everything ran smoothly. Kid was having mental breakdowns from how asymmetrical some of the gifts were, Patty was rolling on the floor laughing at her meister's angst, Crona was being harassed by Ragnarok, Liz was panicking due to a broken nail, and Tsubaki was paralyzed, unable to decide which matter took prescience. Blair groaned, feeling a headache starting to take root. "Ugh… This is a disaster… Blair needs a drink…"
Blair dejectedly made her way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door and grabbing the bottle of Everclear. Before she could take a drink, Soul spoke up from behind her. "Oi, Blair. What's going on with everybody else?"
She jumped, startled out of her depressive stupor by the scythe's voice. "Nothing good…"
Black*Star's loud, obnoxious voice cut off the cat's despairing rambling. "Ha, ha, ha! Never fear, citizen! The great Black*Star is here to help, unlike these other slackers! Behold, the fruits of our labor!" He then grabbed the cat roughly, causing her to yowl, and held her above the "fruits of our labor."
Freshly-cut greens, boiling pots of soup, and white mounds of flour littered the kitchen. Blair instantly perked up at this, before swiveling her head around to look at her captor. "Nya? Smells good…" She then peered into the oven, curious at what was baking within. "What's that?"
"Giant strawberry Pop-Tarts."
Blair blinked. "… why?"
"Why not?" the two boys responded simultaneously.
Slowly, the cat broke into a grin. "Well, if you have the time, would you two mix up a bowl of punch or something? Hopefully refreshments will motivate everybody else…" Blair then sighed, before loping out of the kitchen. The two teens stared after the cat, before looking at each other.
"Well," Soul started. "Better hurry up on that punch, I guess."
Black*Star broke into an evil grin. "Hey, Soul! Blair left the Everclear behind!"
Soul moaned at this, slamming his head against a cupboard. "Black*Star… I know that its utterly useless to try to dissuade you from doing this, but-"
"Too late!" The ninja sang, dumping the bottles entire content into the punch bowl.
/ / /
As soon as Maka entered her apartment, she instantly regretted leaving the building unattended. For, as soon as she opened the door, a raucous mess greeted her.
Everything that wasn't bolted to the floor was tipped over, along with a fair few of the occupants. The Thompson sisters were making out with each other, while a disheveled Tsubaki cheered them on. Ragnarok and Crona were perched on a coffee table, singing the Canadian National Anthem. For some odd, unknown reason, the latter was playing a harmonica. Kid was passed out in his own excrement, twitching feebly on occasion. Blair, in cat form, was in the midst of eating through a giant Strawberry Pop-Tart, with a terrified Soul and Black*Star watching.
Maka blinked, before glaring at the only two sober partygoers. "I will kill both of you tomorrow in the most violent, painful manner possible. I'm going to bed!" The pissed-off bookworm stomped toward her room and slammed the door, locking it afterward.
Soul gulped, before looking at the mess surrounding him. "Well, who here can still write? I need to get my will dictated."
A purring Liz then tackled the scythe, forcing him to the ground. "Mmmm, I want to be dictated…"
-f/b-
Blair shuddered inside her Pop-Tart, dreading the fate that befell Soul. "Ugh… I really should apologize to Maka…" Her stomach then rumbled unpleasantly, causing her to wince. "Nya… I'd better hurry…"
And so Blair's treacherous journey began. Slowly, she walked past Crona (who was shivering in the fireplace), leaped over the Thompson sisters and Tsubaki (who were lying in a puddle of something unspeakably vile), clucked at Soul's continuing nosebleed, before walking into Maka's door. She cursed, grabbing her bruised nose, before magicking the door open.
"Nya? Hello? Maka?" she rasped, wincing again as her intestines jerked around. "I wanted to apolo-"
Blair was cut off by Maka's gentle snoring. The cat blinked, before leaping up and gently poking the girl's skull with her paw. "Nya? Maka? Are you awake?" Blair's only response was a small grunt, before the snoring resumed. Blair gazed at her, before looking at the desk, which was littered with textbooks, complex equations, and various essays. "Poor girl… She must've exhausted herself from all this studying… Hmm?"
Blair then noticed an amber bottle lying by the desk lamp. Curious, Blair walked over to it, picking it up in her paws to get a better look. "Adderall?" She mused, listening to the pills rattle against each other. "What's this? Is Maka taking sleeping pills? What does this do?"
Alas, Blair never heard the adage about what happened to curious cats. "Well, it might help with this hangover and Blair's nasty tummy ache, so…" She used her magic to pop the bottles lid, before dry-swallowing the amphetamine complex. She paused, waiting for her hangover to clear up. Sadly, the only thing she felt were her bowels going into violent spasms. "Oh shit!" she yowled, knowing that she wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time.
It was here, however, that the Adderall took effect. Blair's eyes gleamed with an unhallowed light and she started to say "nya" over and over again in a most irritating manner. Suddenly, with a loud rumbling echoed in the small bedroom, before Blair had an explosion of rainbow-like diarrhea, which punched through part of her Pop-Tart and propelled her through the roof, streaking to the heavens.
Maka's eyes snapped open, whipping her head up to look at the hole in the ceiling. She then noticed that a large portion of the room and her was covered in smelly rainbows. Maka blinked, before opening her Adderall bottle and counting the pills. For a few moments, the only movement in the meister's room was bits and pieces of plaster floating down from the ruined ceiling. Maka then glared, tilting her head back and roaring her anger.
"BLAIR!"
/ / /
Okay, and we're done with this rainbow-shit pile.
Wow, this chapter was pretty long… I didn't think that any of these stories would exceed one thousand words, but I guess I was wrong.
As always, meme ideas and reviews are greatly appreciated, alongside constructive criticism.
Also… Please do NOT attempt to recreate any of the stunts in this chapter. Well, the giant Pop-Tart is okay, but don't try anything else.
Blair: Review, and I won't crap on you! (Continues Nyan through space).
Next Time: Camping in the Great Outdoors! Spirit encounters a Double-Rainbow?