CHAPTER 26 – MOMENTS IN THE DARK

The room emptied and Nicole suddenly found she didn't have either the desire nor the strength to move. It had been a disjointed day. Beginning with the return from the mainland in the early hours of the morning, to the fragile moments of solidarity as she shared a picnic with a handsome Colonel on the pier of a city in another galaxy. And in between? She had woken up more or less in the arms of that same man, wanting something that she had not wanted for a long time.

"Coming?" He stood at the doorway, looking back at her with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Not tired... yet. What's there to do around this place at night?"

"Depends... we have a tv/film room, games room... what do you feel like doing? I'd suggest a workout at the gym, but if Carson catches you, he'll make your life a living hell. And take my word for it... he will catch you. He always does..."

"Sounds like you speak from experience... movie sounds good. I don't suppose you get anything in the 'new release' category out here..."

John laughed, taking care to ensure the door shut securely behind them and keeping his eyes discreetly on the lookout for anyone that should not be down on these levels, especially at this time of night. He steered them toward the mess first, needing coffee and found Rodney had already stationed himself at one of the tables, several containers of blue jello lined up in front of him, a puzzled look in his eyes.

"Rodney... I'm not even going to ask. You gonna come and watch a movie. Or are you gonna stare at that jello all night...?"

Sipping the hot liquid, John raised his eyebrows at Nicole, who had helped herself to a cup of her own and was looking a little longingly at the containers of jello in front of Rodney. Rodney caught her look and shrugging his shoulders, indicated to her that she could take one.

"Blue jello Rodney? A personal favourite I take it..." She shook her head at him, but John quickly picked up one of the containers and waggled it in front of her.

"We'll take it to go... grab a spoon and maybe you'll share it with me. Unless there's popcorn... mmmm..."

The tv/movie room held an array of comfortable chairs and there was a small group already assembled, huddled around a group of dvd's that were stacked somewhat haphazardly along one shelf that lined a side of the room. The collection was a reasonably sized one, added to over the past two years by personnel who had taken earth leave and brought back some of the new releases when they returned. Inserting her small frame between bickering engineers, they had looked down at her first in surprise, then with interest and John had quickly made his way over to the small group, placing a somewhat proprietory hand at her waist and watched as the interest in the two men's eyes had quickly faded.

Take that gentlemen. Branded by my touch, so back off. Yeah.

Unaware of the male testosterone game that was being played out under her nose, Nicole picked up the top DVD and flipped it over, reading the synopsis and laughing out loud.

"I don't suppose anyone noticed that all these DVD's are rather... male... orientated." She indicated the title that she held up.

"Lethal Weapon 1. Lethal Weapon 2... oh, and just for a bit of variety... Lethal Weapon 3. Anyone see a thread of sameness running through these titles... hmmm?"

John's hand tightened slightly at her waist and she yelped slightly as he found her ticklish spot.

"Yeah well... that's the guys pile. And us guys? We like to... shoot … stuff."

Nicole rolled her eyes. "And the girls pile?"

A disgusted roll of his own eyes and he indicated the other shelf and she moved away from his hand and picked up a DVD from that shelf.

"Now that's more like it... mmmm... Channing Tatum. I could watch him all night... shall we?"

John's eyes narrowed and he plucked it quickly out of her hand and tossed it back on the shelf. She shrugged her shoulders, grinning a little cheekily up at him. "So... Lethal Weapon it is then..."

She eased down beside him on a chair, overstuffed and comfortable and curled up beside the man who held out the container of blue jello and a spoon. The movie drifted over her and she watched without watching, just enjoying the sound of something familiar and the laughter of the others in the room. She felt the warmth of John's body beside her own and smiled to herself when she felt his breathing change and the way his head rested heavily against her shoulder. One testosterone filled male had fallen alseep.

Her eyes flickered around the room, keeping her eyelashes lowered slightly so that she could see without being seen. She had felt eyes on her more than once since the movie had started, and not wanting to send John into overprotective mode, she had kept that information to herself, surreptitiously taking in the faces of all the men in that room, suddenly overwhelmed with the knowledge that the man who had kidnapped her, was in this room right now. Watching her.

Gotcha! At last she caught him – staring at her and not at the movie, and she kept her lashes lowered, watching him carefully through the veil of long hair that fell across her face. For all intents and purposes it looked as though she had fallen asleep also, resting lighting against the side of the chair, while John's head rested against her shoulder, unfortuntately her still bruised shoulder, which was now throbbing a little painfully from the weight of the Colonel. But she would put up with the discomfort rather than move him. He had to be exhausted, she knew that he had had even less sleep than her over the past few days.

Her thoughts tumbled through her mind. She had committed his features to memory, knew she could find him again if she needed to, but a part of her was coming up with a plan. One she knew that the man sleeping soundly beside her, would not approve of. She could corner him herself... without putting anyone else at risk. Set a little trap for him and hope he fell into it.

She thought on the fly – that was how she had always gone through life, and she didn't stop to think it through further. Action was more her style, and easing herself carefully from underneath the body of the Colonel, she rested his head back against the side of the chair, making sure that he remained asleep and pushed up off the chair, taking care not to look at the man in the chair on the other side of the room. Not looking back, she quickly left the tv room, looking for all intents and purposes, as though she was just going for a toilet break. She caught Ronon's eye just before she left and she gave her head a slight shake indicating that she was ok and to stay where he was. She saw the flare of suspicion and watched as he attempted to tamper it down and breathed a very small sigh of relief. She'd not have any problems with him, at least.

She had an exceptional memory and had taken note of the many rooms and utility areas on this and other levels during her tour of the city. She knew where the weapons were kept, and she pushed herself into a run as soon as she left the room, heading straight for the weapons room. There was a tiny burst of regret as she ran. She knew that John would be furious when he found out. The alternative? Wake him up and tell him who the man was and risk losing him again. Likely John would see it another way – his military mind would no doubt work differently to hers, but in the heat of the moment, she sought answers and demanded action. She'd deal with the fall out after all this went down.

Not even sure he had followed her, she ducked into the utility room that held the weapons and feeling more than just a little out of her depth, she glanced wildly around the room. She had fired weapons before... hell, a photojournalist in any hot zone knew how to handle at least one sort of weapon, but these ones? They did not look all that familiar until she spotted the Beretta, a weapon that she had fired before with a measure of success. She heard a noise outside the room and grabbed the first weapon that came to hand. The one she had seen John clip to his vest and remembered that he had called it a P90.

Hefting it experimentally in her hand, she had no idea whether it was loaded or not, and decided that the weapons stored here would be likely ready to grab in an emergency and quickly moved to the side of the door. It sprung open and she bit down the yelp that came to her lips and found herself facing the wall of muscle that was Ronon Dexx, who wore a less than amused look on his face.

"You going somewhere with that?" His glance flicked down to the weapon she held and she let it drop slightly.

Her voice was a whisper. "He was in the tv room, Ronon. Watching me. I wanted to try and corner him..."

Ronon's voice was incredulous. "On your own? With that? Sheppard's gonna kill you..."

"I may just wait until I have an explanation..." The dry tone was carefully controlled and she knew that he struggled to keep his anger in check. John stood in the doorway, hazel eyes now stormy with suppressed anger and she carefully placed the weapon back where she had found it. Clamping her lips together in annoyance she looked up at the two men who looked down at her with matching disapproving expressions and held her head up and decided to take the high road. The one that led straight out of that room.

She simply pushed past them and kept going. She was going to find him herself and if her two bodyguards wanted in on the action, then they could damn well keep up with her.

She moved swiftly down the hallway hearing the exasperated groan from the Colonel who was a little slow to push out of the room and ease himself into her jet stream.

"Damn it Nicole... would you wait. Who is he? You go off after him alone and you'll be feeling my hand on your backside. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She didn't reply and it wasn't until she felt the sudden tug on her arm as he caught up to her that she allowed herself to look up at him. She stopped suddenly in the hallway then, as memories flooded through her and she read something in his eyes. Tears flooded her own eyes.

"You think I killed him... that I was responsible for his death... you think that I did something stupid and rash... without thinking and that he would still be alive if it wasn't for me... I can see it in your eyes..."

Shock registered on his face and he gentled his touch.

"No... Nic... No... that's what you're thinking... don't put this back on me. I don't know your full story, and I won't until you tell me. You're reading your own guilt on my face... the guilt you carry that you're alive and he's not. And if you think you might have made a rash decision then? Even the scales... make the right one now. Let me help. Let Ronon help. You go off alone with a weapon that you have no idea how to fire, and you're done. We can't help you. It'll be too late and I couldn't live with that... the same way you have to live with the death of Ben. You getting that yet?"

His voice softened as he saw the sorrow on her face and knew that her 'then' had become superimposed on her 'now' and in her mind she wanted somehow to balance the scales for what had happened when Ben had died.

"You can't bring him back Nic, and you don't have to feel guilty that you're still alive. But you can make his death mean something. Do the right thing. Bring these guys down, but do it the right way. With us backing you up."

She backed up a little, that cornered animal look on her face again, and tried to fight the disappointment and the guilt and lost the battle. She shook her head, and turning, took flight as she had always done. Running away from responsibility and pain and everything else that had gone wrong in her life in the past two years. Not realising that she was running away from the one thing that had gone right.

He didn't think he had the strength to go after her.