CHAPTER 27 – FIGHT OR FLIGHT

Run, just go... faster. The litany ran through her head and she did just that. Lost in the memories that always sat below the surface, and trying to grasp the new mire she now found herself sinking slowly into. Eyes wide and staring, she moved with little grace down the everpresent dark hallways, in areas of the city where lighting had not been accessed due to non use. No idea where she was or where she would end up she kept going until with a cry she finally stumbled and fell, landing awkwardly on her ankle and rolling onto to her bruised shoulder. She would not allow the tears to come, allowed instead, the numbing calm to settle over her and resolutely pushed away the face of the man who she had left in the 'then' and the one who waited for her in the 'now'.

She knew that it wasn't John who dropped down onto the floor beside her, heard his own gasping breath and knew that he had run hard to keep up with her.

"I don't know if I can do what you want me to do... I need to take control of my life again, and this? This, is making me feel as though everything is spiralling out of control I know you don't care... I know you only follow me around to protect yourself... but I don't have anything left to give..."

He didn't speak at first, and if she had turned around she would have seen a look of pain cross his face. Slanting her eyes sideways, she saw him in profile and saw that he kept his eyes down on the floor, his posture as weary as her own was.

"I don't have a choice... and soon? Neither will you. They're watching your family. Your brother? I understand he has a little boy... cute, blonde hair. Oh God..."

Her own fear spiralled at the mention of her nephew but she pushed it down a little when she heard the pain in his voice.

"Damn it, you have to fight them. Don't let them win. Whatever they have over you, fight them. I'll help you. Together... there must be others, others who don't want to do their bidding anymore. Why can't we simply refuse in one voice. What the hell can they do then?"

He dropped heavily onto the floor fully and she saw the same hopelessness on his face that she must have had on hers.

"If they expose me Nicole, it's not just me that is affected. I carry the secrets that affect many, and most of them are innocent people. I can't give you details... I won't give you details, for your own protection. But if I could stand up and simply say no – don't you think I would? Contrary to what I led you to believe... I'm no mercenary. I'm just a foolish man who made a foolish decision a long time ago. And now I pay the price."

She pushed herself onto her knees and rested her hands on his knees, trying to get her point across. "I suspect you've already paid more than your price."

As though making a decision she pushed herself to her feet and held out a hand to the man who still sat on the ground.

"I'm Nicole Harmon... pleased to meet you."

Surprised, he looked up at her and knew what she was trying to do. New beginnings. He sighed and wished he had the strength that she had, and decided that if he was going down, then it would be doing the right thing.

His own hand gripped hers tightly. "Pleased to meet you Nicole Harmon. I'm Robert Craig and perhaps you and I can become friends."

Her response was soft. "I'd like that Robert."

She let his hand go and backed up to the wall, suddenly exhausted. Sliding down the wall she brought her knees up and dropped her chin so that it rested atop them. Pausing for just a moment, he slid down beside her, not touching, but too weary himself to leave the dark hallway. He knew that they would have company soon and like Nicole, he was sick of running. Time to make the right choice.

She keyed her radio and said quietly into it once she was acknowledged. "John? Can you come and get me..." Her voice was soft and she didn't tell him where she was. She knew that he would find her and closing her eyes she rested her head back against the wall and waited.

Weapon drawn he found the hallway where she waited, his own senses had told him that she was not alone, and that he should proceed with caution. He wasn't prepared for what he found. Two people, weary beyond words, their exhaustion from more than just the fight or flight through the halls of Atlantis.

He spared a glance at the man who sat close, but not touching and knew immediately who he was. He saw the resolution in his eyes and admiration rose unwillingly for the fiesty, stubborn and out of control woman who lay her head back against the wall and watched him with wary eyes. Waiting for his reaction to the way she had just left.

He took a moment to gather his thoughts and knew that his anger was leaching out of him in an ever increasing stream. How could he be angry with someone who brought light into a dark room, without knowledge of how she did it?

"I'll give you what I can... it may not be much, but I'm done. I'll take whatever punishment you want to dish out, but in return for what I tell you, I need you to help me... there are some people who don't deserve what will go down, once they know I'm no longer on the payroll..."

John was a fair man and he nodded once at Robert. "You'll have your say and we'll listen and if you come up with something usable, then yeah... we'll help you in return. That's only fair. But you lay a hand on this woman again? I'll tear you from limb to limb. That's not a threat. That's my promise. Got that?"

"Loud and clear, Colonel."

"You understand I have to lock you up? And you'll be interogated, but not the way it would have gone down had you not turned yourself in."

He didn't wait for Robert's reply, but keyed his ear mike and requested an escort of two marines to take their prisoner to the cells.

She did not speak while they waited and neither did he. John simply stood and watched her from time to time, running his hand repeatedly through his tousled hair, a thousand beginnings to a thousand sentences running through his head, but ready to impart none. Finally the marines came and Robert was escorted away, but not before he spared Nicole a sympathetic glance and an even longer glance at the colonel. He saw the game that these two played and didn't envy either of them.

He finally spoke. "How can one woman make me feel so damn much in the space of a few short days... hmmm?" I've done the spectrum babe, from sheer delight to overwhelming anger, and a lot of other stuff in between. Good stuff, but bad stuff too. My head is being done in, I don't know whether I'm upside or down, most of the time when I'm around you. Do you get that? Do you get the way I'm feeling most of the time?"

His voice was harsh and she winced slightly, knowing that she deserved whatever he was about to throw her way.

"I don't think you're ready to have any sort of relationship..."

His voice had softened slightly and these words had a veil of red dropping down over her already overstimulated senses. She pushed herself up from the ground, wincing as weight was placed on a tender ankle and mentally questioning whether she would ever feel pain free again.

"Wasn't that exactly what I tried to tell you... the first day I met you? And did you listen? No... you kept coming at me, guns blazing, all rounds firing. I told you damn it... you knew the crap that had gone down in my life, and still... you wanted to have your shot. Well... hell... guess what? That shot hit it's mark... ok? I'm starting to feel something I haven't felt in a long time... since..."

She dragged a hand through her own hair and turned, not wanting him to see the tears that were threatening again. Tears that she thought were finished for now. She had done her crying a year ago, and when finally she had dragged herself out of that depression that had enveloped her after Ben's death she had told herself that life was there to live and she would live it for herself and Ben. The only way she knew how.

"... since the only man I ever loved died because I screwed up... ok! He told me it wasn't safe that day. Told me that there were insurgents in the area. He had a source who had been helping us to get the information we needed, and this intell? Was spot on. I told Ben not to be weak... take a chance. We'd have the story of a life time. Some big diamond smuggling case about to blow wide open... yeah, well, I blew it wide open all right. Wrote the story of my life. But at what cost? I lost the one good thing in my life... because I didn't listen..."

She wasn't finished. "I won't make that same mistake again Colonel. I won't get another killed because I can't follow orders or listen to advise. I am, what I am. I'm impulsive, and when I get a story I want to follow, I go... without impunity, without thought and with total disregard for rules and protocol. It's who I am...and I know it's not who you are."

It was so fast he almost missed the moment she was simply not there. He turned around, having needed a moment to simply drop his face into his hands and try to shut out the conflicting emotions and when he turned back, to tell her... to tell her what? He didn't know... But she was gone. Had run again, as she would always run, even though she had told herself that it was time to stop. The instincts of a wild animal and while a part of him craved to tame her, the sensible part, the part that made him a good soldier? Told himself to simply let her walk away.