CHAPTER 31 – A LIFE IN THE BALANCE

She didn't recall very much of the trip back to Atlantis. John wouldn't let her go. She did know that much. His touch was the only thing that kept her from going to pieces and while she had not been hurt, apart from minor injuries that would heal with time, she had managed to disasociate herself a little from what had happened, compartmentalise it into an area of her mind to deal with later. Much later.

He secured her into the second seat of the jumper before he took his own seat and felt her arms curl around his neck and he surrendered to her need for touch.

"I'm ok, John... I'm ok... just scared, a little... Really..." Her hand remained curled around his neck, and he felt a small bubble of laughter that had him sitting back on his heels beside her chair and letting her bury her face in his hair.

He took a deep breath, deciding to face this now rather than later. "Do you have any idea what it felt to see you on the ground, with him about to attack you. I thought I'd die myself..."

Her mouth moved around so that it rested against his cheek and it was only a tiny motion and his lips were on hers, hungry and needy and he took enough from her then to ease some of the residual horror that lurked in the back of his mind.

He had to get them home. Pulling away from her was like a physical pain, but once he took the controls he was able to centre his mind and fly the ship. Ronon had remained silent and Teyla was watching Nicole closely, and when she saw the tears form in the photographer's eyes, it was Teyla who left her seat and wrapped her arms around her and let her cry.

Rodney and the archaeologists had gone back with Lorne and John resolved to go easy on the Major. It had not been his fault, none of it had. A wraith attack on a planet that had been free of wraith cullings for many years – no one could have known that would happen, least of all Lorne. He knew the Major was upset at what had happened and resolved to talk to him when they returned. He was a good man, and had done his best to ensure the safety of the team he had taken.

There was a full jumper bay waiting for them when they returned. Sam, supportive as always. Carson with a gurney, not knowing who was injured and what sort of assitance would be required. It was Rodney who went to the gurney and collapsed on it, much to the amusement of everyone else. His imaginery illnesses and injuries were a source of contention in Atlantis and Carson knew better how to deal with him than anyone else.

"How about you leave the gurney for the real patients, Rodney. You've got no injuries that I can see, and I'm sure this can be put to better use."

"Look at me doc, I'm a mess. Fading away from lack of food, overadrenalin rush and not to mention a near heart attack from having to run after a wraith. Did I mention the lack of food...?"

"Yes, Rodney. Duly noted. Instead of taking up infirmary space, perhaps you would be better suited to staking out a place in the mess... I hear the chef is preparing salisbury steak this evening... hmmm?"

Sam hid a smile. This was a personal favourite of Rodney's and the speed with which he got off the gurney was not surprising. Food was a good motivator in Rodney's world.

"John, Nicole... Major Lorne? A word before you go and get cleaned up... please..."

Sam's voice was serious and they didn't argue. Nicole swayed lightly on her feet and John secured an arm around her. It was natural for her to lean in and he tucked her tightly against his side, urging her down the hallway towards Sam's office, briefly wondering what Sam had to tell them.

It didn't take her long. "I want to commend you Major Lorne, on your quick thinking in getting assistance as fast as you did. You're essentially taking on Nicole without all the facts, and I'm sorry about that. I want to fill you in on all the details, I think you have earned the right to know exactly what is going on, but you and I will do that tomorrow. I know you all need to get out of here and get some rest. And a shower..."

At that, Nicole grimaced. The ruins had been dirty and what had happened afterward... there was more grime on her body than she wanted to think about and it was more than just dirt.

"John, Nicole?" Sam wasn't finished yet, and Lorne wondered if he should leave, thinking perhaps this was a private conversation. She gestured for him to stay.

"We have a name in Washington. Someone who is willing to give us names. Places. A start. Jack has been in communication and he is amazed at how far reaching this is. We've got a month – the same time frame that Nicole was given. Evan? You'll get all the details tomorrow. If you're going to be included in Nicole's security detail, then it is only fair that you are up to play with all the information."

Lorne nodded. He had more or less worked out that there was a story flying under the radar. And yes, it was easier to protect someone when you had all the facts.

"Ok people. Go and get some rest... food... whatever you need. Evan? Tomorrow 0900 – here. You'll be privy to what we know and then we'll go from there. Dismissed, people."

John saw her safely to her quarters. Punching the door open he simply stood on the outside, waiting for her to go in so that he could ensure it was shut properly. He didn't go in, knowing she needed to sleep, and knowing that he needed the same thing. And there was the last 48 hours to consider.

But what he didn't consider was the look in her eyes when she turned to face him. The longing that made those chocolate eyes melt even the hardest heart. He closed his eyes, but he saw the same thing behind them and muttering an oath, he stepped inside and closed the door.

It was almost as though she didn't know what to do. Simply stood there and looked at him, arms hanging loosely at her side. He moved towards her and took her in his arms and when he felt her body push hard against his, his self control was lost. Right then.

Pulling the tshirt over her head he drew her back against him, feeling the warmth of her skin as he lightly skimmed his fingers over it. Heard her sigh as she pushed her hands under his tshirt to splay her hands across his warm back. Her hips ground relentlessly against his groin, urgent and needy and he was already there. Hard and needing her with a desire that had the blood surging through his veins.

"I want you Nicole. Tell me now if you don't feel the same... and I'll stop. But leave it much longer? I'm nearly there now... god, I want you so much." He murmured the words against her cheek and she moved so that his mouth took hers. Without mercy, without impunity. And she gave back as much as he took.

He managed to get the rest of her clothes off. There was so much heat that he thought that he would go up in flames then and there. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she stood in front of him and couldn't keep his hands from reaching and touching. There... and there... and when she sighed softly... he touched her again.

Her hands reached down and grasped him and he wondered vaguely how his pants had come to be in a puddle on the floor. But thought proved unnecessary and he simply stepped out of them and guided her over to the bed, gently pushing her so that she tumbled backwards onto the bed, laughing a little.

"You're sure?" He looked down into those warm chocolate eyes and her answer was physical not verbal. She wrapped those silken legs around his waist and tugged him close, her giggle a wonderful sound in that room.

When he entered her she cried out his name and he stilled. It was his name she had said, not Ben's, not the ghost of a man who had stood between them until now. At peace now, he began a rhythm that she easily picked up and as his hands moved restlessly over her body, her eyes remained locked on his so that he could be sure she knew exactly who she was taking to bed that night.

The moment of her orgasm brought clarity. She was ready to move on and it was with a small smile that she acknowledged the ghost that did hover in the corner of the room. Watching her with a slight smile and turning to leave at the moment that she let him go.

Tucked up against him he had raised himself slightly on one elbow to look down at her, but her eyelashes were already drooping and he dropped a light kiss onto her nose, causing a slight smile to find it's way across her face.

"Sleep, baby... it's been a long day."

"Don't leave me, John... stay, please."

"Not going anywhere sweetheart..." Feeling her breathing change, he knew the moment that she succumbed to sleep and pulled her just a little closer.