Edward got back to his house around 4:30 AM, and laid on his bed wide awake for another couple hours. Surprisingly, his racing mind had little to do with Jasper. Not directly anyway. He had over-thought everything, and had been unable to ignore the worst case scenario's that kept running through his imagination. What if Jasper had looked at his chest and saw his scars, or if he noticed that Edward didn't have an erection if they started grinding their hips together. He couldn't risk Jasper finding him out like that. He had to tell him though, but how?
He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep until he glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost two in the afternoon.
"Fuck" he thought, "I have too much to do today to have slept this late."
He pulled on a pair of flannel pants, and headed downstairs with his laptop. Nothing was going to be accomplished before breakfast and several cups of coffee though.
He found Emmet already working at the dining room table, a pile of papers and CD's spread out in front of him.
"He's Alive!" Emmet announced when he saw Edward coming into the room. "I heard you come in late. Good Night?"
"Most of it was, until it wasn't" Edward told him."You probably don't want to hear the details though."
"Probably not." Emmet admitted. "He didn't hurt you though, did he?"
It often surprised people how open minded Emmet was. He may look like the stereotypical jock type, but unlike the stereotype, he had no problems with people being gay, or trans, or anything, although he was definitely straight. It was hard for him to be surprised by anything after seeing his sister change into a gay man, but Edward was right. He definitely did not need to hear details about his brothers sex life.
"No, he didn't hurt me at all." Edward admitted. "He was actually really sweet. We just drank beer and talked all night. It was kind of like how things used to be, before..." he trailed off in thought, staring at the floor.
"I know." Emmet told him "we don't need to talk about it again. But what did happen? You said it was good until it wasn't?"
"It was really nothing. Things got a little intimate and I freaked. Nothing he did. I promise." Edward explained.
Emmet just nodded, trying to understand what had probably run through his brothers head. Edward had adjusted well to his new life as a man, and after 3 years of testosterone injections and having his breasts removed, no one ever doubted him or second guessed his gender anymore. He still had a mental wall to work through, and that was something he had to do on his own. He really wanted to be in a relationship, and be having sex like any other gay man, but physically it just didn't work the same.
Silently, Edward made a fresh pot of coffee, and began to fry an egg for an egg and cheese sandwich. Emmet just left him alone, turning his attention back to the pile of work in front of him. Edward would talk more when he was ready, most likely once he had some caffeine in his system.
Jasper woke up around 1pm, feeling like he hadn't slept at all. Once again, thoughts of Edward had kept him awake. He turned on his light and sat on his bed, running through the events from the night before again, trying to figure out what he had done wrong this time. Eventually, he heard the roar of a motorcycle coming into the space upstairs, and decided to go talk to Jake, hoping Embry wasn't with him. He had no problem with Embry, but preferred to talk to Jake alone.
"Hey man!" Jasper called as he came through the basement door. "Whats up?"
"Not much" Jake replied "Embry had to go into work for a few hours, so I figured I'd come hang here today."
Technically, Jake was a rent paying resident in the space, but ever since he and Embry had gotten together he never slept there, preferring to stay at Embry's instead. He really only came by to work on his bikes and for band practice anymore.
"So what happened last night?" Jake asked "I saw you leave with that Cullen hottie."
"I don't even know. We were hanging here and everything was cool. We ended up making out after he made the first move, and then all of a sudden he just freaked." Jasper told him.
"What? Why?" Jake asked, sounding confused. "Did he explain?"
"Not really. Just pulled away all of a sudden and said he couldn't do this." Jasper explained "I seriously have no fucking idea what happened. Dude's got some issues or something."
"Thats crazy. And he just left?"
"Pretty much. I tried to talk him into crashing on the couch, saying I would go down to my room and leave him alone, but he refused." Jasper told him. "He just left without saying much."
"Maybe he's not actually gay." Jake suggested. "Wouldn't be the first time you tried to get with a straight boy."
"Maybe." Jasper said, not sounding convinced. "It is the only idea so far that makes any sense."
Jasper and Jake were hanging out in the studio, messing around with some ideas for new songs when Bella showed up.
"Hey guys!" she called to them, as she came into the room and sat down. "I was hoping you would be here."
"Here we are" Jake told her, "Whats up?"
"Emmet called me about an hour ago, you know the guy with the back yard shows?" Bella started. "They had a band cancel for tomorrow night and want us to play again."
Jake looked over at Jasper without saying a word, checking his reaction before responding.
"I'm down for that" Jake told her "I can't decide for every one though."
"Me too." Jasper added "I heard they are looking to sign a new band, this could be our chance."
"You sure man?" Jake asked him "I mean there are other places to play..."
"I'm sure." Jasper said quickly "I'm not going to let one night ruin everything."
"Alright then" Bella said. "I texted Seth already and he's down too. You guys free to practice later? Seth gets off work at 4."
"Works for me" Jasper said "We should try to play that new song tomorrow"
"Good idea" Jake agreed. "I'll be here."
"Cool." Bella said. "I'm going to hang with Alice and Lauren, and I'll let Emmet know were in. See you later."
"Well, I guess this means I'm going to have to talk to Edward tomorrow." Jasper said, half to himself, as Bella dissapeared into Alice and Lauren's Apartment.
Edward closed his laptop and flopped backwards onto the couch. He had been working on designing a poster for a record release party, and needed a break from it. Staring at the screen had caused him to lose perspective, and he couldn't even decide if the changes he kept making were even working anymore. It didn't help that his mind had kept drifting.
"I need to tell him Em." he announced randomly.
Emmet looked up from his computer where he had been setting up tour dates for Disrobe.
"You sure thats really a good idea?" Emmet asked.
"Yeah. I really have this feeling that things will work out differently this time." Edward told him. "He didn't really give any details, but he mentioned that something happened in Seattle and he left the school and ditched all his friends after. I have a feeling he was talking about me."
"Huh." Emmet said, processing what Edward had told him. "Well, I guess that would change things if your right."
"I know it would." Edward said "I need to tell him everything, and find out for sure. He keeps mentioning that he feels like he already knows me, and I have a feeling he'll figure it out on his own if we keep hanging out."
Emmet just nodded, surprised to find himself agreeing with Edward. It showed how much Emmet had changed over the years too, considering he probably would have wanted to rip Jaspers head off if he had shown up a few years earlier.
"Do you want me to be there with you? We can talk to him tomorrow night at the show if you want." Emmet suggested, knowing Carlisle would take over for a while so they could talk.
"No, I need to do this on my own I think." Edward told him, "Thanks though."
After making his decision, Edward was able to concentrate on the poster he was designing, and quickly finished it and sent the PDF off to the print shop. After taking a shower, and flipping through the channels on the TV for a while, he found himself growing restless again. He found his shoes, and headed out the door, yelling to Emmet that he was going for a run.
He put on his headphones, and took off down the street without a route in mind. He just ran without thinking much, randomly zig zagging through the Pilsen neighborhood. He came around a corner, deciding to start heading back toward home, when he suddenly realized where he had ended up. He stopped abruptly, just staring at the red metal gate across the street. Jaspers place.
He started to turn around before changing his mind and heading across the street instead.
"Now or never" he told himself as he stopped at the gate and took out his headphones.
He knocked a few times, but realized no one would hear him over the band playing inside. Realizing he would be interrupting practice, he started to leave again when the door opened. He looked up surprised to find Alice standing in the doorway.
"Come on in Edward." She told him. "They will be done practicing in a few minutes."
"How did you..." Edward started to ask.
"Know you were there?" she finished. "I heard you knocking. I had a feeling you would show up eventually though."
Still shocked, Edward followed Alice into the studio, and sat at the empty bar stool she had pointed to. Edward, Alice and Lauren sat at the bar listening as Felon Love played their newest song two more times. It was too loud to attempt a conversation, and Edward was too preoccupied watching Jasper play his guitar anyway.
As soon as they were done, Jasper came over to the bar smiling.
"You came back." Jasper said, grinning at Edward.
"Yeah..." Edward said, getting nervous again. "Sorry about last night. Can we talk? Somewhere private?"
"Of course." Jasper told him. "Just give me a minute to put everything away. Don't run away on me again, okay?"
"Okay" Edward said. He stayed sitting on the stool, watching as Jasper put his guitar back in its case, and pushed his amp up against the wall. After talking to his band mates again, finalizing times and everything for the following night, he came back over to Edward.
"We can go down to my room, if thats okay with you." Jasper told him.
"That sounds fine" Edward told him.
Edward followed Jasper down the stairs, and to a low door in the corner.
"Watch your head" Jasper warned as he ducked through the door frame. "The ceiling is a little funky in here."
Edward followed him through, looking around the room. Jasper wasn't kidding about the ceiling. The room was a weird shape, with exposed beams in the ceiling and a large pipe running through the room diagonally. One corner had a tiny kitchen, and there was a small bathroom on the other side. Other than a futon and a dresser, there wasn't much else in there.
"Welcome to the Hobbit hole" Jasper announced. "It's not much, but I spend most of my time upstairs anyway so it works."
He led Edward over to the futon, and told Edward to sit down next to him.
"So..." Jasper started, "What did you want to talk about?"
A/N... Thats right. I'm leaving you with a cliff hanger. I'm anxious to write the next chapter, so I probably wont keep you waiting long. Maybe you could write a review while your waiting.