CHAPTER 39 – BACK FROM THE BRINK OF WHAT?

He didn't sleep. Day gave way to night and the night wore on and on. He paced the coridoors of Atlantis and had to endure the sympathetic looks from those he passed. Most knew a little of what was going down. His team tried to give him what support they could, but as the hours ticked on and he waited for news, he had the sinking feeling that he had somehow lost her.

Communication from the SGC was ominously silent. It was midnight when he stormed into Sam's office and slumped down into a chair. Not even questioning why she was still awake and in her office at that hour.

"John... nice of you to visit... again..." Her voice held only mild sarcasm. She took in his tousled hair and crumpled clothes and the lines etched across his face. He had found himself in her office more than once during that evening and into the night, and she had tried to retain her patience with him, knowing what he must be going through. But patience was wearing just a little thin.

"What the hell is taking so long, Sam? I mean, over there? It's almost 2am Washington time. The meeting was supposed to start at 6pm. She should be back at the SGC by now."

"Maybe not, John. It's several hours by helo from Colorado to Washington, and we are assuming she'll be transported back to the SGC in the same way. The meeting could have gone on for several hours – it's unlikely she'll get back to the SGC before early morning. That's a realistic assumption. Go and get some rest John – please! You're making my office look damned untidy, and when she does come back, if you're in this same antsy frame of mind, you're likely to jump all over her and tempers will fly..."

"Rest? You have to be kidding me... the only way I'm gonna rest is if Carson knocks me out..."

"That may become an option... very soon..." Sam looked at him in amusement. "Go, John. Shut your eyes and try and get a little sleep. I'll be here, I'll keep the fire burning until she returns. Do I have to make that an order?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You can't order me to sleep..."

"Read your contract John... I can order you to do anything I damn well please. So...?"

"Crap..." He grumbled, but he did drag himself out of the chair and move slowly towards the door. "You'll call me...?"

"...As soon as I have any news, John. Of course."

He retired to his quarters and did lie down and try to sleep. At least he shut his eyes... But when he did, he saw her face. The expression when she had taken her into space for that first time, her laughter when she had managed to knock him to the ground with her self defence techniques. He knew that her job was really only just beginning. Taking the photos and writing the story... then the waiting game until she knew that General O'Neill and the team he had working earthside, could take them down.

He drifted then for a while and must have slept a little because when his radio activated he leapt out of bed suddenly, disorientated and confused and had to sit on the side of his bed with his head in his hands for a few precious moments, before remembering the events of earlier that night. Galvanised into action now, he raced to the control room and was met at the bottom of the stairs by Sam, who laid a hand on his arm.

"I need you to remain calm John, before I give you any news. Can you promise me that?"

"Damn it Sam! I'm not promising anything – for god's sake, tell me!" John's eyes were wild, and she increased the pressure on his arm and she motioned with her eyes to someone standing behind John. Ronon stepped up quickly and laid a hand on John's shoulder in case he needed to restrain him.

"It's not so bad John. She's back, at the SGC... just been delivered. She wasn't conscious when she arrived, it looked as though she may have been drugged. She arrived with clear instructions. No stopping, no passing go... she was to head straight back to Atlantis. Robert is bringing her back – they're at the mid way station now. She was conscious when she left the SGC, Jack says she doesn't look too good. Hopefully whatever it is will wear off while she's at the mid way station. They put her straight through the gate, as per instructions – but Jack did have time to grab some medication from the infirmary. Robert will give her something should she need it."

John sat down heavily on the steps. From relief or fear... he didn't know. "I'm gonna kill..."

Sam didn't let him finish. "Let's worry about taking them down first... we stick to the plan. Then I may find a way to get you into their cell... discreetly."

She said this last bit only partly in jest, then continued. "Robert had a little chat with Jack while he was waiting for her... he's been given some new orders... by the way, just so you know. He knew nothing about that solo trip to the meeting. His original instructions included accompanying her... it seems the group had a change of plans at the last minute. They wanted no witnesses - even one of their own. It seems that they are not so convinced of his loyalty to them. So they've exerted new pressure... Robert's got a sister who lives in Australia - he'd tried to keep her below the radar over the years, but they've tracked her down, and they've got her. Robert's got to stick to Nicole like glue, and if she shows any sign of cracking... he's been given several doses of a drug that Carson is going to run for us - likely the same drug that is in her system now. It will keep her... compliant. One of the reasons they want her kept here... to finish to story away from earth, keep her compliant and when the time is right, bring her back to earth and step gracefully into the limelight to take her place alongside the leaders of the group. To show her support for them, willingly... Robert thinks that long term exposure to this drug will leave her without any of her own will whatsoever. This group show no compunction whatsoever. If it appears that blackmail will not suffice, this drug is their backup plan - at least for those who are not willing players in their game."

John's face was like thunder. "Like a damn puppet. They'll hold the strings and she'll be useless without the puppet masters. They're worse than the wraith... at least they only do it to survive. Jesus, Sam... I need to...hit out at something. Damn it all to hell. How do I just sit here... knowing, waiting. Will she be the same person when she comes back? What the hell have they done to her... I need to..."

"...You need to take a deep breath and calm down. Because this anger of yours is on too short a fuse. Go blow it off a little... when she gets back, she'll need your support, not your anger."

He ran after that. It was the only thing left to do. And when he was done with that, he took an extremely long, extremely hot shower – as though he could wash the traces of corruption from his skin and somehow will away the atrocities that would surely come to light.

When the claxons sounded, signalling an offworld activation, John was in the gate room, along with Teyla, Ronon, Sam and Rodney. Gang's all here... he thought somewhat irreverently. Hope what comes through that gate is the same woman who left through it several hours ago... make that over a day ago... damn, an eternity.

She did step through, although not on her own. Held firmly in the grip of Robert, she stood a little uncertainly in bare feet and John's eyes widened in both alarm and consternation. He felt Ronon shift slightly beside him and heard Rodney's sharp intake of breath. She was attired in an extremely short, and extremely provocative dress, and while some thoughtful person had at least had the foresight to drape an olive green BDU jacket over her shoulders, there was more than enough flesh on display to tempt even the most celibate monk.

Her hair was in wild disarray around her face, and she looked... different. John peered closer and saw that she was wearing makeup – and a lot of it. Something he knew that she abhorred.

"John?" Her voice was small, and she stumbled a little as she tried to move away from Robert. Robert cast a hard look at John, and John read the message there - loud and clear. Robert had done his best. It had been out of his hands and he had his own demons to fight. John gave him a small nod before he took the last steps towards her and she was in his arms and there was so much flesh that he didn't quite know where to put his hands, in this very public forum at least.

"Hey... welcome back. You ok?" He kept his voice light, not really sure how to proceed and it was Sam who stepped up and her voice had Nicole pulling back a little from John's embrace and looking into her blue eyes. Sam saw immediately that some the of effect of whatever drug they had given her, was still in her system. Her eyes were not as sharp as usual and she clung to John as though she simply needed someone to hold her up. That was not the Nicole that they had come to know. That woman? She was fierce, a survivor and larger than life. They had taken a little something from her that night, and Sam's mouth tightened. If they had their way and their plan came to pass, then they would take a whole lot more. Her humanity. One look at John's face and she knew. That would never happen. He'd spend the rest of his life hunting them down and there would be no galaxy where they could hide. Sam kept her voice firm now as she looked at them.

"Nicole, priority right now? You need to go straight to the infirmary. Carson has been warned you'll be stopping in to pay him a little visit... until we know what is in your system, ok? If he gives you the all clear, then you're good to go, but Nicole? The final say is his... got that? Then rest. Lot's of rest I should imagine. Your story can wait for now."

A small hand reached out and opened, revealing a flashdrive in it's palm.

"I started making some notes... in the mid way station. Used their computer. Here... this will give you a heads up. Sorry if things get a little... blurred. Was an interesting... evening. Oh yeah...interesting."

She leaned back into John, sighing a little, feeling some lucidity come back to her, feeling a little of her humanity return as she felt the strong arms of her man wrap around her. She tipped her face up to his. "Any chance of a little food first? Kinda hungry... and can't really remember if I actually got to eat anything... interesting evening... did I mention that?"

"Yeah... kinda getting that, sweetheart. Um... I have to ask...what the hell are you wearing and why? Just had to get that out there..."

Rodney blushed, having been caught staring at her... assets... that were rather prominently on display and a bark of laughter erupted from Ronon. His voice was dry.

"Not that we're complaining about the view Nicole... unlike Sheppard here, we've only seen you in jeans and tshirt... this whole new side of you? I'm liking it a lot!"

His comment received a warning glare from both John and Teyla and a laugh from Sam. Nicole chuckled a little and John was relieved to see a little more colour coming into her cheeks. She had the strength to fight that damn crap they'd put in her system, and he mentally applauded her for having a strength that most men would not find inside them.

"They considered this appropriate attire for the formal dinner I was required to attend... all part of the long story I'll tell you all later...I knew there was a reason I was more comfortable in jeans... ughhh, that englishman's hands... yuck, I can still feel them..."

"Excuse me...?" John's eyebrows had risen and his face had darkened and Sam was rather relieved that earth was several million light years away. The Colonel had murder in his eyes. "He touched you...? That's it Sam... you told me to bank it down... not gonna happen. Bastard. He's mine...got that. At the end of all this...he's mine..."

"S'ok John! Yeah, he tried to put his disgusting hands on me... but I got him sorted... I think? Something was off, made me think things that weren't really there, so it's all a little hazy... but I can remember the feel of his hands. Disgusting, and John... FYI? At the end of all this... I'll be the one dishing out punishment to that creep. Anyway, I want to get back into something more comfortable, so can I get the visit to the infirmary moved up a notch... and you can quit ogling me in this dress Rodney! It's going into the rubbish..."

Blushing, Rodney muttered something that went unheard by the others, and turned to leave. Torn between anger and laughter now, and a lot of relief to boot, John pulled her back into his arms for a hard, tight hug, before swatting her on her almost exposed backside that was fortunately covered by part of the BDU jacket.

"Ok, doc it is and if he gives you the all clear?... then food. After that... you're mine. No more questions, no more stories. Bed."

And that it itself, curled delicious fingers of warmth into her stomach, and lower.